Snorkelson
Footballguy
I have a young toddler, so my Schtick is wasted on him. Like yesterday I was leaving for work and he had a big spoon banging on some stuff and I said “see you ladle.” He didn’t even laugh. Effin kids.
I have a young toddler, so my Schtick is wasted on him. Like yesterday I was leaving for work and he had a big spoon banging on some stuff and I said “see you ladle.” He didn’t even laugh. Effin kids.
Or if you can somehow sneak a creepy photo of the person you are giving the gift toI think the best Secret Santa gift is a framed photo of yourself.
My wife and I are giving a signed photo of the two of us from right after we were married (30 years ago) in a glamour shot type pose.I think the best Secret Santa gift is a framed photo of yourself.
I did this a few years ago and autographed it "Thinking of you!"I think the best Secret Santa gift is a framed photo of yourself.
I did this about 6 years and signed it to "my biggest fan" for an office Christmas party. It's still hanging up in someone's office.I did this a few years ago and autographed it "Thinking of you!"
Still gets brought up all the time around the office.
Here it is.I did this about 6 years and signed it to "my biggest fan" for an office Christmas party. It's still hanging up in someone's office.
I thought you would look....richer?
And you thought that....why?I thought you would look....richer?
At first I thought the receiver would be pissed at receiving such a nonsensical gift, but then I noticed you said Tall Boys. All the difference in the world.
Looks like a pic of one our dads from the 70s. And by “one of our” I mean one of us mid to late 40s guys.
DM me
The stache puts it over the top.
You winOn occasion, when ordering food at Chick Fil-A, where they ask your name and then call it when your order is ready, I’ll give the name Bueller and then wait till the employee bringing the food says it 3-4 times before speaking up.
So fn dumb, but I can't stop laughing.shuke said:
My wife and i do this to each other all the time when we're pulling into a parking spot.shuke said:
See above.Coworker put up a Santa sleigh and reindeer decoration with about half of it on my cubicle. I feel that gives me permission to put whoever I want driving Santa's sleigh. So far I have had the grinch, Calvin and hobbs, beavis and butthead, and the Tardis(dr. Who).
Open to suggestions.
Did it this morning with a girl that works for me. We we were at the coffee machine, she was waiting for the machine to dispense her coffee. She had also just gotten a cup of water and was holding it.shuke said:
Are you trying to break them?I may start making my Desktop background and my phone lock and home screens pictures of my face.
I don't know why I was expecting this to say shuke (instead of your face) as I read this.I may start making my Desktop background and my phone lock and home screens pictures of my face.
I used to do a framed photo of pre-pubescent Justin Beiber that was signed "Never Say Never - JB"I think the best Secret Santa gift is a framed photo of yourself.
Good PointNed said:I don't know why I was expecting this to say shuke (instead of your face) as I read this.
My FIL has someone take a card from a deck, and then tries to guess it. 2% of the time it's pretty amazing.My father in law pulls this one every time without fail. We're in a restaurant, server comes to the table and lays down the check/bill. My FIL immediately picks it up and tries to hand it back, and says "Hey sorry, we didn't want to be signed up for the raffle"
Usually gets a laugh from any server who's never heard it, but it gets big laughs from all of us in the family when he does it to one that we know we've had before.
Every time the wife and I dine out I make one of two really stupid jokes.My father in law pulls this one every time without fail. We're in a restaurant, server comes to the table and lays down the check/bill. My FIL immediately picks it up and tries to hand it back, and says "Hey sorry, we didn't want to be signed up for the raffle"
Usually gets a laugh from any server who's never heard it, but it gets big laughs from all of us in the family when he does it to one that we know we've had before.
nothing like a triple-posting"Holy crap! What did you order?"
I do it just because it bugs my wife.
yeah, i do this to my wife but it's not shtick. it's because she ordered an appetizer, the most expensive entree, a $14 salad, two desserts and a bottle of wine when we go out."Holy crap! What did you order?"
I do it just because it bugs my wife.
had to write one to my buddies wife one time and went with CHILD SUPPORTFantasy football commissioner in my league had no problems cashing my dues check, despite me clearly and in capital letters spelling out "FOR ILLEGAL DRUGS" in the memo line.
I've used "GAY PORNOS" before too.
Next year we'll see if he can get it cashed with "SUPER GAY PORNOS"
My BIL, a cop in my town, would occasionally drive by my kids' elementary school when they were outside for recess, park somewhere on the periphery, and shout something over the cruiser's PA system to embarrass them. For example: "Lily Smith!" (100 kids stopped what they were doing and turned towards his cruiser parked nearby)..."ATTENTION LILY SMITH! I LOVE YOU LILY SMITH!!!" Or when my son was that age he'd watch him play hoops or football and wait for him to shoot an airball/drop a pass, then chide him over the PA for that, or publicly mock him for a bad haircut or hideous outfit.Lately, instead of saying "Hello" and "Goodbye" I've been rolling with "Cheerio" and "Toodaloo" ... exclusively with my 6th grade daughter. I make sure to really emphasize it when she is with her friends. I nearly forgot about it when I dropped her off at school this morning... so I rolled down the window and shouted "Too da-loooo" while she was waiting for a friend to catch up.
I am pretty sure she is going to kill me in my sleep before the new year.
Jokes on you when your bank receives the checks and they get posted to your account online#$@@$@Fantasy football commissioner in my league had no problems cashing my dues check, despite me clearly and in capital letters spelling out "FOR ILLEGAL DRUGS" in the memo line.
I've used "GAY PORNOS" before too.
Next year we'll see if he can get it cashed with "SUPER GAY PORNOS"