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Shtick You Use in Real Life (3 Viewers)

Gonna start some new shtick at home tonight. Grabbed some of those sticky note things, and I'm going to start posting "reminders" all around the house. Gonna start small and see how far I can get. 

Gonna start with some simple ones, like:

Turn Off Light (for the kids rooms)

Brush Your Teeth (kids bathroom)

Stuff like that. Gonna see how far I can take this before everyone gets pissed at me.

 
ChiefD said:
Gonna start some new shtick at home tonight. Grabbed some of those sticky note things, and I'm going to start posting "reminders" all around the house. Gonna start small and see how far I can get. 

Gonna start with some simple ones, like:

Turn Off Light (for the kids rooms)

Brush Your Teeth (kids bathroom)

Stuff like that. Gonna see how far I can take this before everyone gets pissed at me.
Click to expand...
Your wife is going to wonder what all the sticky notes with blue dots are doing all over the bedroom.

 
ChiefD said:
Gonna start some new shtick at home tonight. Grabbed some of those sticky note things, and I'm going to start posting "reminders" all around the house. Gonna start small and see how far I can get. 

Gonna start with some simple ones, like:

Turn Off Light (for the kids rooms)

Brush Your Teeth (kids bathroom)

Stuff like that. Gonna see how far I can take this before everyone gets pissed at me.
Click to expand...
It'll be hilarious when you find one in your bed that says: "Sleep on the couch"

 
ChiefD said:
Gonna start some new shtick at home tonight. Grabbed some of those sticky note things, and I'm going to start posting "reminders" all around the house. Gonna start small and see how far I can get. 

Gonna start with some simple ones, like:

Turn Off Light (for the kids rooms)

Brush Your Teeth (kids bathroom)

Stuff like that. Gonna see how far I can take this before everyone gets pissed at me.
Click to expand...
This is basically how I use snapchat with my kids. I snap them pictures of dishes in the sink, dirty cups left in the living room, clothes on the floor, etc. Only took about day for everyone to be pissed at me.  :thumbup:

 
Any time someone gets back from an extended absence (vacation, etc) :

Me : "Hey Bill! Good to see you're back, you know why?" 

Bill:  " Umm, no. Why?" 

Me: " 'Cause it's better than your front! Ha! Ha!" 

Bill: eyeroll

 
I sometimes speak loudly to my wife while walking by the courtesy counter (aka lottery central) at the grocery store to buy 5 more scratch offs since we won $10k on the ones we bought there last week .

 
I have pretended to be enraged at Britanny Murphy for years because of how hard her character does Eminem wrong in 8 mile. I would see her in other movies and express my hatred for that character as well, because "of how she did eminem wrong in 8 mile". My wife firmly believed I was unable to distinguish between Britanny Murphy, her character in 8 mile and any other character Britanny Murphy played. Once Britanny Murphy died I just couldn;t let the fun go and I then proceeded to pretend I hated Reese Witherspoon because of how hard she did Eminem in 8 mile. This drove my wife extra crazy beacuse she now thinks I can't distinguish between Britanny Murphy, Reese Witherspoon or any of thier characters. I stick to this schtick like my life depends on it. She tells people at partys what an idiot I am. It's worth it. 

Yes we are weird. But they all did Eminem dirty in 8 mile. 

I'm super into the long game schtick. 

 
Jackstraw said:
I have pretended to be enraged at Britanny Murphy for years because of how hard her character does Eminem wrong in 8 mile. I would see her in other movies and express my hatred for that character as well, because "of how she did eminem wrong in 8 mile". My wife firmly believed I was unable to distinguish between Britanny Murphy, her character in 8 mile and any other character Britanny Murphy played. Once Britanny Murphy died I just couldn;t let the fun go and I then proceeded to pretend I hated Reese Witherspoon because of how hard she did Eminem in 8 mile. This drove my wife extra crazy beacuse she now thinks I can't distinguish between Britanny Murphy, Reese Witherspoon or any of thier characters. I stick to this schtick like my life depends on it. She tells people at partys what an idiot I am. It's worth it. 

Yes we are weird. But they all did Eminem dirty in 8 mile. 

I'm super into the long game schtick. 
Click to expand...
I have also insisted to my best friend that Patrick Swayze is a far better actor than Tom Hanks. All these conversations inevitbaly end with "HE WAS BODI FROM POINT BREAK FOR GAWDS SAKE!!!" 

I have a framed picture of Patrick Swayze in my office. 

 
Jackstraw said:
I have pretended to be enraged at Britanny Murphy for years because of how hard her character does Eminem wrong in 8 mile. I would see her in other movies and express my hatred for that character as well, because "of how she did eminem wrong in 8 mile". My wife firmly believed I was unable to distinguish between Britanny Murphy, her character in 8 mile and any other character Britanny Murphy played. Once Britanny Murphy died I just couldn;t let the fun go and I then proceeded to pretend I hated Reese Witherspoon because of how hard she did Eminem in 8 mile. This drove my wife extra crazy beacuse she now thinks I can't distinguish between Britanny Murphy, Reese Witherspoon or any of thier characters. I stick to this schtick like my life depends on it. She tells people at partys what an idiot I am. It's worth it. 

Yes we are weird. But they all did Eminem dirty in 8 mile. 

I'm super into the long game schtick. 
Click to expand...
####in' A.

 
I want to teach Alexa to play “bye bye bye” from N’sync when I leave and Hello by Lionel Ritchie when I arrive.

I also would like to change my ring tone to Whoop there it is by the 69 boyz.

 
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Jackstraw said:
I have also insisted to my best friend that Patrick Swayze is a far better actor than Tom Hanks. All these conversations inevitbaly end with "HE WAS BODI FROM POINT BREAK FOR GAWDS SAKE!!!" 

I have a framed picture of Patrick Swayze in my office. 
Click to expand...
Be....nice.

 
Jackstraw said:
I have also insisted to my best friend that Patrick Swayze is a far better actor than Tom Hanks. All these conversations inevitbaly end with "HE WAS BODI FROM POINT BREAK FOR GAWDS SAKE!!!" 

I have a framed picture of Patrick Swayze in my office. 
Click to expand...
Well, he is

 
gianmarco said:
Got my wife pretty good last night.

She's in the kitchen trying to chop some stuff on the cutting board and not fully paying attention around her.

So, when we are both in the kitchen and one of us is in front of a drawer where the other needs something, we just kind of reach toward the drawer and maybe nudge a little and then the other person will move over enough to open the drawer.

Well, while she was chopping, I went to get something from the drawer where she was (our silverware drawer). So she scooted over some. A few seconds later, I went for the new drawer she was standing in front of, so she went back to where she was. Then I went for that drawer again. By the fourth drawer, she turned to me and was about to erupt when I burst into laughter.

I needed nothing from any of the drawers.
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Ive tried working this in on a few occasions, pretty sure I will get stabbed soon

 
Jackstraw said:
I have pretended to be enraged at Britanny Murphy for years because of how hard her character does Eminem wrong in 8 mile. I would see her in other movies and express my hatred for that character as well, because "of how she did eminem wrong in 8 mile". My wife firmly believed I was unable to distinguish between Britanny Murphy, her character in 8 mile and any other character Britanny Murphy played. Once Britanny Murphy died I just couldn;t let the fun go and I then proceeded to pretend I hated Reese Witherspoon because of how hard she did Eminem in 8 mile. This drove my wife extra crazy beacuse she now thinks I can't distinguish between Britanny Murphy, Reese Witherspoon or any of thier characters. I stick to this schtick like my life depends on it. She tells people at partys what an idiot I am. It's worth it. 

Yes we are weird. But they all did Eminem dirty in 8 mile. 

I'm super into the long game schtick. 
Click to expand...
Similar style schtick in our house.  Constantly 'confusing' Forest Whitaker with Tone Loc.  As in, "Gotta give Tone Loc credit, he may not be Will Smith but he was really good in Black Panther."

 
wlwiles said:
Just realized another one last night.  My wife is constantly looking for her phone. She sets it down somewhere, then can't remember where.  Usually she'll find it but about twice a week she'll come up to me and say "hey call my phone" so she can find it.  

And I always throw my head back and bellow "RACHEL'S PHOOOOOOOOOONE, WHEEEEEEEEERE AAAAAAAAARE YOUUUUUUUUU?"

Gets an eyeroll everytime :pickle:
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Had the chance to do this last night. My wife looked at me like I'm an idiot and told me to shut up. 

Victory!

 
I have my middle son starting down a fun path....His older sister got an Amazon Echo for her bday.  Middle-Peak has been going into her room while she's at work and setting an alarm via Alexa.  This alarm is set to go off at odd hours throughout the night with Alexa saying "Middle-Peak is your master" at full volume.  He sets the alarm throughout the day when Older-Peak is not home and just waits.  It went off last night at 10:48pm and scared his older sister out of bed.  She started yelling at him and I could hear him playing dumb from his room.  "What?  What happened?  Alexa said what?"   :lmao:

Older-Peak was overly confused and tired.  She went to go tell Mrs Peak what happened.  Older-Peak passed me in the hall and I asked that she turn Alexa's volume down or she'll wake up her younger brother.  This got me a dirty look as she rushed by saying "I did!  I don't know how Alexa got so loud!"

When Older-Peak was in a different room, I watched Middle-Peak run out of his room and into Older-Peak's room. He tells Alexa to go to full volume and reset the Master Alarm for 2:12am.  He then ran back into his room before Older-Peak got back.  She was none the wiser.

I sat back pleased that I have taught him well and look forward to chaos this new, fun interaction between siblings will bring.

 
Peak said:
I have my middle son starting down a fun path....His older sister got an Amazon Echo for her bday.  Middle-Peak has been going into her room while she's at work and setting an alarm via Alexa.  This alarm is set to go off at odd hours throughout the night with Alexa saying "Middle-Peak is your master" at full volume.  He sets the alarm throughout the day when Older-Peak is not home and just waits.  It went off last night at 10:48pm and scared his older sister out of bed.  She started yelling at him and I could hear him playing dumb from his room.  "What?  What happened?  Alexa said what?"   :lmao:

Older-Peak was overly confused and tired.  She went to go tell Mrs Peak what happened.  Older-Peak passed me in the hall and I asked that she turn Alexa's volume down or she'll wake up her younger brother.  This got me a dirty look as she rushed by saying "I did!  I don't know how Alexa got so loud!"

When Older-Peak was in a different room, I watched Middle-Peak run out of his room and into Older-Peak's room. He tells Alexa to go to full volume and reset the Master Alarm for 2:12am.  He then ran back into his room before Older-Peak got back.  She was none the wiser.

I sat back pleased that I have taught him well and look forward to chaos this new, fun interaction between siblings will bring.
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This will require weekly updates at a minimum! 

 
Just thought of National Day Shtick....

I just saw a promotion for a "Halfway to St. Patrick's Day on Sept 17th". I'm thinking who comes up with this stuff.

--The answer? You can, now.

Just start taking everyday things and pass it off as a National Day celebration.

At work and they are serving baked chicken? Lean over to your colleague and say "Did you know today is National Roast Chicken and Potatoes Day?" 

Someone asks to borrow a stapler? "Hey, funny you should ask that on National Office Stapler Day".

You should mix in some actual real ones using this so you look brilliant.  So Happy National Blueberry Popsicle Day!!

 
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Not my shtick, but lately at the grocery store or the occasional Wal-Mart trip, I've been noticing items placed in random locations where they don't belong.  For example, a bottle of hot sauce in the frozen pizza case.  Who does this?

 
arrow1 said:
Not my shtick, but lately at the grocery store or the occasional Wal-Mart trip, I've been noticing items placed in random locations where they don't belong.  For example, a bottle of hot sauce in the frozen pizza case.  Who does this?
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Most likely it was one of the guys that posted above you .

 
arrow1 said:
Not my shtick, but lately at the grocery store or the occasional Wal-Mart trip, I've been noticing items placed in random locations where they don't belong.  For example, a bottle of hot sauce in the frozen pizza case.  Who does this?
Click to expand...
I like to drop one of these in the meat departmemt.

https://www.amazon.com/Poop-Emoji-Farting-Plush-Toy/dp/B07G7D6CWV/ref=asc_df_B07G7D6CWV/?tag=bingshoppinga-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid={creative}&hvpos={adposition}&hvnetw=o&hvrand={random}&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=e&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl={devicemodel}&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=&hvtargid=pla-4584207577304306&psc=1

 
Wrigley said:
Not sure if it was shtick or not, but a guy at my draft last night showed up with a 12 pack of white claw 
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Sorry, man, I thought it would be a nice change of pace. It's always "Rosé every day" at these drafts with you and guys...

 
nirad3 said:
Using awesome names like "Jasper" when putting your name in at those self-serve ordering stations like at Taco Bell.

That way it's up on the "we're working on your order" screen AND the little Latina worker lady gets to call it out when your food's done.
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Great idea. Next time I'm signing in as JuJu Smith-Schuster.

 
A lot of mine lately have been with texting. Who knows why

1. Text a random person something random. When they respond, go "wait wrong person." Most people are left wondering "who the hell is close to my name in his phone that he confused me with?" This one's especially good with girls. 

2. This one's just straight up stupid: Late at night, again text a random person a drunk text. Do this every night for a week before moving on to another person. The next person has to be someone the first person knows. 

 
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