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Teenage daughter advice (1 Viewer)

STEADYMOBBIN 22

STEADYMOBBIN 22

Footballguy
TL/DR

- 13 y/o wore smallish shirt last week w/o a tank top under. 

-Mother told her to wear tank top under said shirt. 

-Daughter worse same shirt today with tank top under but removed tank top while at school.

-daughter tried to lie me when I called her out on it.

-daughter doesn’t want me to tell her mother

 -my punishment was for her to wash my truck and I wouldn’t say anything to her mother.

-daughter complained about washing my truck.

-back to square one.

what to do? 

Long version:

13 year old was told by her mother not to wear a  particular shirt without a tank top underneath. (The shirt is a little short and reveals her waistline). She left the house this morning with a tank top under and arrived home without it. 

What pisses me off more is when I questioned her she tried to lie about it. I only have 1 rule, no lying. I don’t care what you’ve done, how bad it is, if you’re honest with me I will not punish you. 

I explained the whole thing about how guys think attractive women who dress conservatively are far hotter than women who are scantly clad. I explained what guys think when they see both examples.

She also doesn’t want me to tell her mother. Now this is a little trickier. I’ve already given her crap about it and her mother yelling at her will just be unnecessary as I already talked to her about it. Part of me doesn’t want to tell her because it will be at least a step closer to my daughter feeling like she can come to me with problems, on the flip side it doesn’t make much sense that it will build trust by being semi-deceitful. I dunno man.  

So my punishment was for her to wash my truck however she scoffed at the idea and now I’m back at stage one. 

What would you guys do? 

Im thinking that I should make her tell her mother on herself. 

 
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You should definitely tell your wife or have her tell your wife (probably a good idea to tell your wife ahead of time even if daughter is going to tell her). In general I think it is a bad idea for your kids to think they can work one parent to keep things from the other. It is lying by ommision.

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
So my punishment was for her to wash my truck however she scoffed at the idea and now I’m back at stage one. 

What would you guys do? 

Im thinking that I should make her tell her mother on herself. 
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She didn't listen to you when you told her to wash the truck.  What makes you think she'll listen to you and tell mom?

 
I caught my daughter in her first real lie couple weeks ago but it was about school work and nothing too crazy I told her that's her one free pass I'm more upset that you lied then not doing the actual homework so we shall see

 
kupcho1 said:
She didn't listen to you when you told her to wash the truck.  What makes you think she'll listen to you and tell mom?
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Oh she would have washed my truck but I had the dumb thought that she would be grateful to wash my truck given her transgression. When she didn’t jump at the idea I took it off the table and here we are. 

I have no idea what women/girls think. 

 
Your wife needs to know one way or another - you two are partners in this, don't let your teen pit you against each other. And, if it were me, that particular clothing item would be getting removed from her possession until such time as she understands and commits to your guidelines for what appropriate attire is.

 
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My kid is not a teenager yet (so, no real advice), but I'd probably get in more trouble for not telling my wife (because it will come out eventually) than the amount of trouble my kid would get from my wife.

 
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You sort of lied to her mother via a lie of omission...

If telling a lie is worse to you than the thing lied about, then the punishment for the lie needs to be more severe so she doesn't lie the next time.

 
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Hey GB. You should have never offered to not tell your wife. It's pretty important that you guys are a united front in discipline when it comes to teenagers.

Own up to that mistake to your daughter, talk to the wife, and work out a new applicable punishment.

 
Worm said:
Hey GB. You should have never offered to not tell your wife. It's pretty important that you guys are a united front in discipline when it comes to teenagers.

Own up to that mistake to your daughter, talk to the wife, and work out a new applicable punishment.
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:goodposting:

Parenting Rule #1 is "Don't let a child, but ESPECIALLY a teenager, think they'll get more/less from one parent versus the other."

 
Gr00vus said:
Your wife needs to know one way or another - you two are partners in this, don't let your teen pit you against each other. And, if it were me, that particular clothing item would be getting removed from her possession until such time as she understands and commits to your guidelines for what appropriate attire is.
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This :goodposting:  

 
i agree with the others that you need to tell the wife.  and i say that as someone whose personal instincts are 100% counter to that, as i always want to just keep things calm and hidden for as long as possible until i can get more information and insight into a way to resolve the issue in as calm and drama-free of a way as possible.

but i guess that i have learned over time that one's wife should always be his partner and eroding that trust will not be worth it in the long run, especially because kids are gonna run all kinds of game and try to chisel wherever and whenever they can, and if they can see those cracks, they are just not going to get the right message.

 
Yeah, she needs to tell your wife.  Any chance the shirt violates a school dress code?  

 
yes, tl;dr & dont care anyway. however, it's never too early nor too late to invest one's children with an appreciation for how important a factor their parents' cooperation in their diversions & delusions is in having any diversions or delusions at all. boycott your kids, keep that line in the sand drawn str8, raise your children more easily & happily.  nufced

 
wikkidpissah said:
yes, tl;dr & dont care anyway. however, it's never too early nor too late to invest one's children with an appreciation for how important a factor their parents' cooperation in their diversions & delusions is in having any diversions or delusions at all. boycott your kids, keep that line in the sand drawn str8, raise your children more easily & happily.  nufced
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Well damn. :kicksrock:

 
she disobeyed something the mother directed....the mother needs to know and it needs to come from the child....you can say you wanted to give her the opportunity to tell her before you did, so you guys have been processing it....you and your wife are a united front, there can't be cracks, even though it will still happen on occasion maybe with girl type stuff, meaning they may not tell you some things....(probably stuff  you don't want to know about anyway).....I think the washing the truck thing was a huge misplay on your part....her washing your truck has nothing to really do with what happened and to a kid can look like "a way to get out of stuff"....oh I made a mistake, but if I just wash a truck or something it will be like it never happened....thats not a good lesson to kids.....they need to be held responsible for their mistakes....I agree hitting them where it hurts (phone) is more appropriate because you can spin it that "if we can't trust you to be respectable with our wishes/rules/ then what else can't we trust you with?....like your use of social media, etc"....

one of the best things my wife and I used on both of our kids was using their phones as a consequence....but what we did is just log onto the account and prevent them from being able to do ANYTHING but call or text us or their grandparents (basically anybody involved in their transportation or "in case of emergency situations")....

you don't know how bad it sucks for a kid to still be able to have their phone, but not be able to use it for anything other than contact you to say "practice is over, please come pick me up"...to them, .letting them have the phone but only able to contact you is almost worse than just taking the phone away period....they hated it....the parental control features on the phone are one of the greatest disciplinary tools of all time....

 
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STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
So update is she told her mother and is currently crying in her arms and I’m the bad guy.

So pretty much par for the course. 
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Yep. Never expected any differently. Ahhh...(sighs).

You did right by her, man. We had dress issues in the family as teenagers do, too. I wore obscene stuff; the girls wanted skimpy stuff, etc. It all worked out okay. Keep your head up.  

Peace.   

 
gianmarco said:
Next time she does it, take the top and wear it yourself when you go pick her up in front of her friends. 

You can decide if you want to wear it with a tank top or not, I honestly don't care which you choose.
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This actually might work and I ain’t scared 

 
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