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Got a troublesome email. [s]Help me figure out if i should reply[/s] meh, i over reacted (1 Viewer)

AcerFC

AcerFC

Footballguy
Got an email from my daughters (11yo, 6th grade) assistant soccer coach today. It has bothered me all day. I know it shouldn't but I cant seem to let it go. The whole email was odd, but this is the part that upsets me

"Should anyone have any questions about anything above, please reach out to me for additional conversation.  We look forward to a productive and WINNING 2018-2019 season!!"

Do i respond with my feelings that measuring a season on winning is the stupidest thing in 6th grade flight D soccer. 

I coach a varsity soccer team. We start Thursday morning. At our first meeting of the year after practice, my emphasis to them is stressing wins and losses do not matter. I want them to be respectful, hard working and dedicated to the team. Once you put the emphasis on winning, anything short of that is a let down. It is not the way i coach. 

My daughter has already lost the love she had for the game with these two jokers last season. I was hoping this year it would settle down a bit. 

I know a response will do absolutely zero. But do i just do nothing and deal with the stupidity?

 
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And i know there are people who think winning the d flight is the most important thing ever. I know not everyone agrees with me

 
3 questions: 1- what has been the varsity teams record you have coached, 2 - what is this coach's historic record, 3 - what is d flight for us newbs (I coach my daughters 7u team).

 
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I guess question 4 is when does winning matter? I know growing up I always wanted to win starting at the first level of sports.  Now, I admittedly am hypercompetitive but at some point the score matters. 

 
xulf said:
3 questions: 1- what has been the varsity teams record you have coached, 2 - what is this coach's historic record, 3 - what is d flight for us newbs (I coach my daughters 7u team).
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My record for my teams have always been good. Won 2 county championships and lost another two times. 

This coaching staff is about to start their second year. I dont remember how they did last year bc i couldnt be bothered to care if they won or lost

A flight is the highest, E flight is the lowest. My daughters team is in the D flight 

 
xulf said:
I guess question 4 is when does winning matter? I know growing up I always wanted to win starting at the first level of sports.  Now, I admittedly am hypercompetitive but at some point the score matters. 
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Winning is great. Judging a season by a winning record is not imo. 

Last year was the most rewarding coaching year of my life. Started out 0-6. Fought back to a 5-7-1 record. I will not say that was a failure of a season. 

 
AcerFC said:
Yes, because she says the coaches yell at them and make them run when they lose. 
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I'm back and forth on this..(love your reply to my first question). I've had to run until someone(any team member) puked for HS basketball...both for a terrible team game and also for football players going to offseasons conditioning before practice. 

Neither of the reasons for the running happened again.  And the ##### who went to conditioning got "regulated" by the team.  

 
Is your daughter learning and improving?

Running extra because of losing is pointless. Running extra because the team collectively failed at some given or practiced task ...less pointless.

Can she switch to a team she enjoys more, to get her mojo back? If not, life doesn't always provide competent or useful superiors- teachers, coaches, bosses... It's a sad, but worthwhile life lesson. Have her find some fun or personal reward in it.

 
El Floppo said:
Is your daughter learning and improving?

Running extra because of losing is pointless. Running extra because the team collectively failed at some given or practiced task ...less pointless.

Can she switch to a team she enjoys more, to get her mojo back? If not, life doesn't always provide competent or useful superiors- teachers, coaches, bosses... It's a sad, but worthwhile life lesson. Have her find some fun or personal reward in it.
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There is nothing in the training sessions to help develop the girls to become better. They do the same thing every session amd the girls are not learning anything. 

No other team. she got cut from the other one she tried out for. 

She has started to play lacrosse. I hope she quits soccer because it is pointless. 

 
Cjw_55106 said:
 Are these “jokers“ volunteers or are they being paid? 
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Volunteers. And before you say, then you should do it, i have. I was in charge of the team from u7-u9

The relationship with my daughter became toxic as a result of being dad/coach so i chose to just be dad. 

The two coaches now both came in during the u10 season

 
My opinion is you have the choice of moving her to a different club or accepting the volunteer coaches you have. Trying to change them, educate them, or bring them around to your way of thinking (however wrong they might be and right you might be) is a fool's errand, and makes you "that dad."  When kids get to that 11/12 age, its very important she's having fun playing the sport. If that is gone, you need to move her or find something else. Trying to fix things with her current coach has very little likelihood of helping, and creates a good possibility of making things worse.

 
AcerFC said:
That is what is bothering me. Go undefeated or lose every game, you get the same thing. Nothing
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I guess I dont get this.  I knowingly have addictive/obsessive personality, but what is wrong with trying harder and working harder to try and be the best?

On an athletic/genetic scale I was a 3.  Neither parent ever participated in a sport.  For me, my effort in practicing on my own , perseverance, and want made me a 7.  Nothing special but the best I could be (and I was proud).

 
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-fish- said:
Personal pride.  Seems weird to object to winning as a goal.
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It is not the winning. It is the judging the success of the season by only winning

Which means if we win every game but the girls do not develop, then it was a successful season. 

I see it as I would rather them lose and the girls learn and get better every game

 
CletiusMaximus said:
My opinion is you have the choice of moving her to a different club or accepting the volunteer coaches you have. Trying to change them, educate them, or bring them around to your way of thinking (however wrong they might be and right you might be) is a fool's errand, and makes you "that dad."  When kids get to that 11/12 age, its very important she's having fun playing the sport. If that is gone, you need to move her or find something else. Trying to fix things with her current coach has very little likelihood of helping, and creates a good possibility of making things worse.
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Thank you for this reply. 

 
AcerFC said:
That is what is bothering me. Go undefeated or lose every game, you get the same thing. Nothing
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Perhaps you get the same thing in terms of hardware. I don’t believe for one second that kids on an undefeated team feel the same as kids that lose every game. I hesitate to say this because it’s going to sound like a personal attack, But if you are a varsity coach and your own daughter plays at a D level, how do you expect two “Jokers” to make her a better player?

I’m not trying to be a jerk here, but on the surface it doesn’t look like these guys are so bad. Your biggest complaint is they put more emphasis on winning then you’d like. Of course, if kids are getting shorted on playing time or in other ways being cheated in an effort to win you might have a valid point, but you never mentioned that. 

 
I don't think the email is the issue.

What they do during practices and games matter far more. If/when you see an issue then, that's when you should have a word with them if you think it's necessary.

I'm curious if you said anything last year about their actions. If you didn't, this isn't the time to start. If you did, then maybe you can speak with them to see if things will be different. But this email is not the reason to do so.

 
If you're not trying to win, why be on a team? If you're not trying to win, why coach a team?

If you want to have fun, go play at the park. If you don't set out to go UNDEFEATED. If you don't set out to WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP. You'll never do either.

If any of the players or their parents don't want a winning season, I don't want them on my team or the field.

 
AcerFC said:
There is nothing in the training sessions to help develop the girls to become better. They do the same thing every session amd the girls are not learning anything. 

No other team. she got cut from the other one she tried out for. 

She has started to play lacrosse. I hope she quits soccer because it is pointless. 
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Idk

You seem abit whiney on this man.

My daughter doesn't have a great coach. I hope she quits.

Not every kid gets a great Tony Robins coaching experience.  Not every coach is going to have the same style as you. 

If she is ready to quit over these things maybe she never had a deep love for the sport to begin with?

The long term play is to let her know that to be successful in anything in life you have to fight through the parts that are not fun that are boring that make you hate it. 

 
AcerFC said:
It is not the winning. It is the judging the success of the season by only winning

Which means if we win every game but the girls do not develop, then it was a successful season. 

I see it as I would rather them lose and the girls learn and get better every game
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you are reacting to one sentence that hopes for a productive and winning season.   so clearly they do not believe that "productive" and "winning" are the same, although they may not be mutually exclusive.   seems like a pretty big overreaction to a positive message.

 
xulf said:
I guess I dont get this.  I knowingly have addictive/obsessive personality, but what is wrong with trying harder and working harder to try and be the best?

On an athletic/genetic scale I was a 3.  Neither parent ever participated in a sport.  For me, my effort in practicing on my own , perseverance, and want made me a 7.  Nothing special but the best I could be.
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Because they are missing the part where they work hard to be the best. All they want to do is win without showing the girls how to do it.

I dont want to get into a tactic discussion, but my daughter didnt know where she was supposed to be last year because she had never played center midfield. I wrote to the coaches. They didnt even agree on what position my daughter was supposed to be playing. But ok, whatever. She went the entire season getting different things yelled at her. There was never one thing done in practice to help her or any of the other girls. 

The instead sent boring youtube videos that the girls were supposed to watch and absorb

 
AcerFC said:
Because they are missing the part where they work hard to be the best. All they want to do is win without showing the girls how to do it.

I dont want to get into a tactic discussion, but my daughter didnt know where she was supposed to be last year because she had never played center midfield. I wrote to the coaches. They didnt even agree on what position my daughter was supposed to be playing. But ok, whatever. She went the entire season getting different things yelled at her. There was never one thing done in practice to help her or any of the other girls. 

The instead sent boring youtube videos that the girls were supposed to watch and absorb
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watching instructional videos seems pretty appropriate for a kid who doesn't know where she is supposed to be.

 
AcerFC said:
There is nothing in the training sessions to help develop the girls to become better. They do the same thing every session amd the girls are not learning anything. 
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This is what would bother me, especially at her age where skills can still be picked up quickly. I was a volunteer coach for rec and was usually looking for something different for the kids to do. Some rec organizations have a skills practice weekly done by the travel club that are for rec players. See if you can sub out one of Coach Lombardi's practice for this.

Since you have the background, see if you can find online lists of youtube  drills and respond with "Hey, check these out and see if any of these drills interest you. I think the girls might benefit from a couple of them ." Some rec programs also put together such coaching aids.

 
And if you’re a high school varsity coach, we should be asking you for advice, not the other way around!

 
  • Smile
Reactions: Ned
Stuart Ullman said:
If you're not trying to win, why be on a team? If you're not trying to win, why coach a team?

If you want to have fun, go play at the park. If you don't set out to go UNDEFEATED. If you don't set out to WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP. You'll never do either.

If any of the players or their parents don't want a winning season, I don't want them on my team or the field.
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I could be wrong. Just my personal feelings

 
gianmarco said:
I don't think the email is the issue.

What they do during practices and games matter far more. If/when you see an issue then, that's when you should have a word with them if you think it's necessary.

I'm curious if you said anything last year about their actions. If you didn't, this isn't the time to start. If you did, then maybe you can speak with them to see if things will be different. But this email is not the reason to do so.
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I did not say anything as my daughter and wife preferred me not to

 
bigbottom said:
And if you’re a high school varsity coach, we should be asking you for advice, not the other way around!
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I know responding is wrong and I was looking for confirmation

This was not supposed to be about my personal philosophy on winning vs losing as a defining point of success. I just wanted to know if it was worth a response and it seems like it is not

 
comfortably numb said:
Idk

You seem abit whiney on this man.

My daughter doesn't have a great coach. I hope she quits.

Not every kid gets a great Tony Robins coaching experience.  Not every coach is going to have the same style as you. 

If she is ready to quit over these things maybe she never had a deep love for the sport to begin with?

The long term play is to let her know that to be successful in anything in life you have to fight through the parts that are not fun that are boring that make you hate it. 
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There are probably some other things to it, but you are right. I sound bad here. Thanks for the reply

 
bigbottom said:
If her current situation sucks, why not?
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Lets just say that my daughter is not the easiest person to deal with. She is stubborn to a fault and refuses to have an open mind. I think a lot of it is social as well and i can understand that

 
AcerFC said:
I did not say anything as my daughter and wife preferred me not to
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Then this isn't the time to start.

If you see practices getting repetitive and not helping the girls, that's when you can consider speaking up even though it's unlikely to be very productive.

In the end, you might just need to sit down with your daughter and see what she's hoping for out of the season and then do your best to try and make that happen within reason. Her goals may not align with yours and that's ok. This is not going to make or break her life. Making it uncomfortable could make things worse, though.

 
JaxBill said:
This is what would bother me, especially at her age where skills can still be picked up quickly. I was a volunteer coach for rec and was usually looking for something different for the kids to do. Some rec organizations have a skills practice weekly done by the travel club that are for rec players. See if you can sub out one of Coach Lombardi's practice for this.

Since you have the background, see if you can find online lists of youtube  drills and respond with "Hey, check these out and see if any of these drills interest you. I think the girls might benefit from a couple of them ." Some rec programs also put together such coaching aids.
Click to expand...
She asked me to train her this summer. I brought a bunch of stuff home. We got through one session great. We didnt make it thru the first 5 minutes of the second one and she was done with it. We just do not mix. She thinks everything is a personal attack. 

 
As I said earlier I'm coaching my 7u girls team.  I am a volunteer.   I have never coached soccer before last spring and have no idea what I'm doing...just reading books.  Stop being a #### to volunteers.   I found myself pissed when a team killed us (no scoring) where it was like 35-1 and stoked when my lesser players killed it in a win (we dont actually keep score but you know).  You want to keep the kids and parents to be happy.  So maybe WINNING is being competitive, but we a know that not keeping score is stupid after a certain age.

 
AcerFC said:
Lets just say that my daughter is not the easiest person to deal with. She is stubborn to a fault and refuses to have an open mind. I think a lot of it is social as well and i can understand that
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Well, maybe the better question to ask is not what will make your daughter a better soccer player or a better athlete, and not what will make your daughter happy necessarily, but what situation will help her grow as a person. Perhaps that’s sticking it out on this team. Perhaps it’s moving to another soccer organization. Perhaps it’s switching to lacrosse. I know that’s not the topic of your initial post, but this seems to me to be the bigger question, and one which you are more equipped to answer than any of us. 

 
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