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Money missing from my house (1 Viewer)

Arizona Ron

Footballguy
There’s been cash disappearing from my house.  A little back story, I’m living at home with my wife and kid again and things are good.  I still go out once a week or so but nowhere near as much as I use to go out before.  Anyway, when I go out I like to have cash instead of paying with a credit card in DC after hours clubs.  Why?  Well it’s not that I don’t trust the people working there but there’s been more than once occasion where I believed I closed a tab at X amount and other people I was with previously in the evening kept drinking on it (I think).  So now, when I leave here’s my bill + tip and that’s the end of it.

I usually carry 50 dollar bills.  100s seem to send off alarms for some reason but 50s don’t bother people.  When I get home, I usually strip down anything less than a 50 and throw it in a tin kept near the front door of the house; that money is historically for takeout, gratuity for the cleaning company and gratuity for deliveries, etc.  At any given time I’d estimate there’s only 100-200 dollars total in the tin.  That tin has had cash in it forever, even when I didn’t live at home I would stuff cash it in when I stopped by.

Anyway, one weekend on a rare occasion I went out on both Friday and Saturday.  Sunday afternoon my wife says to me she running to the ATM to get some cash for the cleaners (they come every other Sunday).  I said there should be money in the tin, nope empty.  I know I put at least 50 in there in change between the two nights I went out.  I shrugged and apologized as my wife went off to get cash (side note, the cleaning people we have a great; they work for a company we pay but we’re not 100% sure what they get paid so we always tip them nicely in cash).

This prompted me to go through my cameras and look at activity in that room.  It’s my daughter taking money out of the tin – she’s in 6th grade, there are not a lot of times where she needs cash.  Occasionally when she goes on school trips but we’ll typically plan for that in advance; for the most part, when she needs to buy something my wife are I are there to buy it.

My daughter was at a friend’s house at the time I backtracked the videos but my wife and I confronted her when she got home.  She’s a good kid and I hope I would be able to spot signs of drug use or something before seeing money missing.  Anyway, we talked and she told me in a “oh it’s just this” kind of manner – not hiding or feeling like she did something wrong.  The ‘when’ she took money aligned with the camera – first a few 20s, gives it to friend then the rest of the money hours later that day.  She told me her friend’s older brother was sick and needed money for medicine.  I know the girl’s family (well the parents at least); they live a block over and they aren’t hurting for money.  I asked more questions and tried to get her to rationalize why she felt the need to buy medicine for her friend’s brother – even to the details of well what medicine and where are you buying it.  She tells me she just gives the money to her friend and that’s all she knows.

My daughter isn’t stupid but is still only a 6th grader.  She really believes that she’s giving money to help her friend’s sick brother.  There’s always been money in the tin so that may have also been seen as no big deal.  I got the friend’s parents number from my wife to I asked if I could stop by to talk about our kid’s interactions.  I didn’t want to have the conversation over the phone as I wanted to see the parent’s reactions.  The wife agreed to meet, husband is on travel.  I stop by and we talked.  I know the mom on a hi/bye basis that’s about it. 

We spoke for a good hour or so, turns out the older brother has a pill problem.  The daughter doesn’t know he’s using drugs – the parents have been telling the daughter that he’s sick and the pills are very expensive so he can’t take them all the time (i.e. withdrawing).  They said they’ve done everything short of putting him in a long-term rehab because they don’t want that history to show up when trying to get into the gov agency the dad works in after college.   I held back saying that I think they’re horrible parents for not getting this kid real help now.  Weighing a kid’s job perspectives after college when there’s problem now seems pretty dumb to me.  I can’t raise their kid though. 

I told her to please remove my daughter from your son’s problems.  Don’t allow my daughter to give your daughter money or even ask for it.  She of course agreed but asked that I not tell my daughter the real reason for the money.  She says that kids talk and she didn’t want her son to be known as a drug user.  I agreed to it but later told my daughter anyway.  I can’t have my daughter thinking that we’re not helping her friend that needs help as previously in her mind, the few dollars in the tin was helping her friend’s older brother.  In reality it’s hurting him and I feel my daughter needed to understand that.  Now the hard part is my daughter can’t tell her friend what she knows.

Did I do the right thing?  Am I making this worse?  Parenting is hard man    :shrug:

 
Why do you have fifties in the tin with a sixth grader around? I know there's trust there, but money is even thicker than blood, as some people in my family like to say. 

Not judging, just asking seriously. 

Yeah, you did the right thing. I hope you used the opportunity to teach your daughter about drugs and their dangers, too.  

 
There’s been cash disappearing from my house.  A little back story, I’m living at home with my wife and kid again and things are good.  I still go out once a week or so but nowhere near as much as I use to go out before.  Anyway, when I go out I like to have cash instead of paying with a credit card in DC after hours clubs.  Why?  Well it’s not that I don’t trust the people working there but there’s been more than once occasion where I believed I closed a tab at X amount and other people I was with previously in the evening kept drinking on it (I think).  So now, when I leave here’s my bill + tip and that’s the end of it.

I usually carry 50 dollar bills.  100s seem to send off alarms for some reason but 50s don’t bother people.  When I get home, I usually strip down anything less than a 50 and throw it in a tin kept near the front door of the house; that money is historically for takeout, gratuity for the cleaning company and gratuity for deliveries, etc.  At any given time I’d estimate there’s only 100-200 dollars total in the tin.  That tin has had cash in it forever, even when I didn’t live at home I would stuff cash it in when I stopped by.

Anyway, one weekend on a rare occasion I went out on both Friday and Saturday.  Sunday afternoon my wife says to me she running to the ATM to get some cash for the cleaners (they come every other Sunday).  I said there should be money in the tin, nope empty.  I know I put at least 50 in there in change between the two nights I went out.  I shrugged and apologized as my wife went off to get cash (side note, the cleaning people we have a great; they work for a company we pay but we’re not 100% sure what they get paid so we always tip them nicely in cash).

This prompted me to go through my cameras and look at activity in that room.  It’s my daughter taking money out of the tin – she’s in 6th grade, there are not a lot of times where she needs cash.  Occasionally when she goes on school trips but we’ll typically plan for that in advance; for the most part, when she needs to buy something my wife are I are there to buy it.

My daughter was at a friend’s house at the time I backtracked the videos but my wife and I confronted her when she got home.  She’s a good kid and I hope I would be able to spot signs of drug use or something before seeing money missing.  Anyway, we talked and she told me in a “oh it’s just this” kind of manner – not hiding or feeling like she did something wrong.  The ‘when’ she took money aligned with the camera – first a few 20s, gives it to friend then the rest of the money hours later that day.  She told me her friend’s older brother was sick and needed money for medicine.  I know the girl’s family (well the parents at least); they live a block over and they aren’t hurting for money.  I asked more questions and tried to get her to rationalize why she felt the need to buy medicine for her friend’s brother – even to the details of well what medicine and where are you buying it.  She tells me she just gives the money to her friend and that’s all she knows.

My daughter isn’t stupid but is still only a 6th grader.  She really believes that she’s giving money to help her friend’s sick brother.  There’s always been money in the tin so that may have also been seen as no big deal.  I got the friend’s parents number from my wife to I asked if I could stop by to talk about our kid’s interactions.  I didn’t want to have the conversation over the phone as I wanted to see the parent’s reactions.  The wife agreed to meet, husband is on travel.  I stop by and we talked.  I know the mom on a hi/bye basis that’s about it. 

We spoke for a good hour or so, turns out the older brother has a pill problem.  The daughter doesn’t know he’s using drugs – the parents have been telling the daughter that he’s sick and the pills are very expensive so he can’t take them all the time (i.e. withdrawing).  They said they’ve done everything short of putting him in a long-term rehab because they don’t want that history to show up when trying to get into the gov agency the dad works in after college.   I held back saying that I think they’re horrible parents for not getting this kid real help now.  Weighing a kid’s job perspectives after college when there’s problem now seems pretty dumb to me.  I can’t raise their kid though. 

I told her to please remove my daughter from your son’s problems.  Don’t allow my daughter to give your daughter money or even ask for it.  She of course agreed but asked that I not tell my daughter the real reason for the money.  She says that kids talk and she didn’t want her son to be known as a drug user.  I agreed to it but later told my daughter anyway.  I can’t have my daughter thinking that we’re not helping her friend that needs help as previously in her mind, the few dollars in the tin was helping her friend’s older brother.  In reality it’s hurting him and I feel my daughter needed to understand that.  Now the hard part is my daughter can’t tell her friend what she knows.

Did I do the right thing?  Am I making this worse?  Parenting is hard man    :shrug:
Man thought I was finally getting to the good part :kicksrock:

i think you did the right thing though 

 
You did the right thing.  Sounds like you handled things with your daughter very well. 

 
This story is lacking the usual wardrobe details.  But glad your life is back to normal.   This situation was handled well.  Open and honest communication with all the parties and empathy for them.  

 
Yeah sounds fine to me. Also sounds like your daughter didn't do anything wrong other than being young and innocent. Just tell her to let you know when she wants to take money from the tin. 

 
Reason #173 why I'm not looking forward to my daughter being a teenager. I think you did the right thing but she's obviously going to tell her friend and the parents are going to be pissed. Hopefully the government agency the dad works in isn't law enforcement...

 
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Why do you have fifties in the tin with a sixth grader around? I know there's trust there, but money is even thicker than blood, as some people in my family like to say. 

Not judging, just asking seriously. 

Yeah, you did the right thing. I hope you used the opportunity to teach your daughter about drugs and their dangers, too.  
It's anything less then a  50 but I get your point.  Keep in mind, however, that it's been that way since she was a baby and until now I really never worried about it.  It's something to reconsider but for now I'll leave it there as it's convenient but wife and I will monitor it closer. 

 
Yeah sounds fine to me. Also sounds like your daughter didn't do anything wrong other than being young and innocent. Just tell her to let you know when she wants to take money from the tin. 
Yeah we had a nice talk about it.  I'm  still a little pissed that the woman expected me to play along with this lie she's telling her own daughter though

 
It's anything less then a  50 but I get your point.  Keep in mind, however, that it's been that way since she was a baby and until now I really never worried about it.  It's something to reconsider but for now I'll leave it there as it's convenient but wife and I will monitor it closer. 
Gotcha. Makes sense. But that baby girl is grown up a bit now and treats it like a halloween basket.

Regardless, your business. Just figured if you posted I'd chime in.   

 
Reason #173 why I'm not looking forward to my daughter being a teenager. I think you did the right thing but she's obviously going to tell her friend and the parents are going to be pissed. Hopefully the government agency the dad works in isn't law enforcement...
It might actually be the beginning of the end of their friendship.  We cut out sleepovers a year ago and now we're not going to let her stay over their house anymore for extended periods of time.  Since I know they have a high school kid with a drug problem, no telling what kind of traffic goes through that house.

 
You’ve been in tougher scrapes imo.  Please remind your daughter that you’re her dad, you love her, and to do what she’s told until she’s 18.

 
Gotcha. Makes sense. But that baby girl is grown up a bit now and treats it like a halloween basket.

Regardless, your business. Just figured if you posted I'd chime in.   
My wife and I realized that she doesn't understand the value of money and we need to figure out how to change that.  But you're 100% spot on.

 
You’ve been in tougher scrapes imo.  Please remind your daughter that you’re her dad, you love her, and to do what she’s told until she’s 18.
I don't want her to do what she's told, I want her to make good decisions.  If she doesn't have all the information, that's when she should come to us (mom and I).  If something doesn't seem right, come to us.  I want her to do that for her entire life.

 
In.....without even reading

ETA:  I still have hope....but not the start I wanted.  At least a slight cliffhanger with the wife and husband travel.  I sense a possibility...

 
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I have a daughter the same age and I think you were appropriate with how you handled it.  She needed to know that giving in this case is not only not helping the brother, but hurting him.

i definitely thought the conversation would occur after a shower with the mom.

 
I don't want her to do what she's told, I want her to make good decisions.  If she doesn't have all the information, that's when she should come to us (mom and I).  If something doesn't seem right, come to us.  I want her to do that for her entire life.
Maybe tell her to do the opposite of what you would do? 

 
Off topic, and every marriage has their own thing and it's no one else's business but you're own, but you may end up with more problems than missing money in a tin can if you're going out on the town without your wife a couple days a week, or even one.  I know my wife wouldn't put up with it, but kudos to you if yours doesn't mind.

 
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You're putting your daughter in a tough spot with her friend by revealing the backstory. I think you should have at least discussed it with the boy's mother before going that route. You could have simply told her if he needs medicine he has to go to his parents. If the story gets out the kids will quickly figure out where it started which could ruin the relationship with her friend.

 
You're putting your daughter in a tough spot with her friend by revealing the backstory. I think you should have at least discussed it with the boy's mother before going that route. You could have simply told her if he needs medicine he has to go to his parents. If the story gets out the kids will quickly figure out where it started which could ruin the relationship with her friend.
No, he couldn't.  He has to have a reason for not allowing her to spend large amounts of time over there.  He also has to teach her how to be an adult in the real world.  This is, unfortunately, one of those lessons.

He is also not resposible for their bad parenting.  Their high school teen is using his kid sister to scam money for his drug habit, and they aren't really doing anything?  WTF?  And how is she supposed to feel when she finds out what she did in all innocence?

 
No, he couldn't.  He has to have a reason for not allowing her to spend large amounts of time over there.  He also has to teach her how to be an adult in the real world.  This is, unfortunately, one of those lessons.

He is also not resposible for their bad parenting.  Their high school teen is using his kid sister to scam money for his drug habit, and they aren't really doing anything?  WTF?  And how is she supposed to feel when she finds out what she did in all innocence?
There are other ways they could have prevented her from giving money to fuel his drug habit. This has been mishandled by every adult involved. If you're going to tell this to a young girl every parent involved should have discussed it beforehand. This seems like a lot to reveal to her while also asking that she not talk with her friend about it. The parents are now not on the same page as not everyone is aware of who knows what.

 
Off topic, and every marriage has their on thing and it's no one else's business but you're own, but you may end up with more problems than missing money in a tin can if you're going out on the town without your wife a couple days a week, or even one.  I know my wife wouldn't put up with it, but kudos to you if yours doesn't mind.
For real lol 

 
You should ask your cleaning crew if they want to clean your house on their own. Then cancel the service with the company. You and the crew will win.

 
bradyfan said:
What?!  It is never okay to steal money from one’s family.  When I was younger than her, I got disciplined when I stole snacks  from my dad’s junk food stash.
She didn't steal money. Sounds like it was thought of as family funds.

 
You definitely did the right thing, and as has been mentioned, I have a 12 year old too, and I'm not looking forward to female teenagerism. My older boys are just nerds that are fairly quiet, so they haven't been that hard...yet!!

One thought to keep it from happening is something like this, that you could mount in a wall; this would also prevent the neighbor-boy from getting access to it.

 
sports_fan said:
You're putting your daughter in a tough spot with her friend by revealing the backstory. 
The friend probably knows the truth.  I assume she's around the same age as Ron's daughter so around a 6th grader.  Not a toddler.  The friend's parents are clueless.

 
I didn't readthe whole thing.

Was it Michael?

I did read the whole thing and agree that you handled it well. I've got a 6th grader too and not looking forward to this stuff.
 
There are other ways they could have prevented her from giving money to fuel his drug habit. This has been mishandled by every adult involved. If you're going to tell this to a young girl every parent involved should have discussed it beforehand. This seems like a lot to reveal to her while also asking that she not talk with her friend about it. The parents are now not on the same page as not everyone is aware of who knows what.
Why do you feel he owes the other parent anything? He's not responsible for their kids, only his own.

 
There are other ways they could have prevented her from giving money to fuel his drug habit. This has been mishandled by every adult involved. If you're going to tell this to a young girl every parent involved should have discussed it beforehand. This seems like a lot to reveal to her while also asking that she not talk with her friend about it. The parents are now not on the same page as not everyone is aware of who knows what.
Why do you feel he owes the other parent anything? He's not responsible for their kids, only his own.
Yep.  The only parents who need to be on the same page here are the OP and his wife.  It would be spectacular if the other parents weren't doofi, but I don't think he can fix that.

 
sports_fan said:
You're putting your daughter in a tough spot with her friend by revealing the backstory. I think you should have at least discussed it with the boy's mother before going that route. You could have simply told her if he needs medicine he has to go to his parents. If the story gets out the kids will quickly figure out where it started which could ruin the relationship with her friend.
No. He doesn't owe the mom anything.

Ron's priority and sole consideration here is his daughter.  I'm not lying to my kids to cover another parent's lie to their kids.

 
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