Do Difficult Things (1 Viewer)

This is about a year old but I hadn't seen till today. Thought it was excellent. How To Run 100 Miles    

Important note: I think this message is lost oftentimes because stuff like this so often is connected to athletic races. And that's not applicable for lots of people.

Same principles apply for all kinds of stuff. Find stuff that's possible but difficult. And go after it.

Thoughts on this?

Difficult things you've tackled and overcome? Or not overcome? Lessons?

OK.. so this might go a little deeper then what you were looking for, but what the heck..

Difficult things you've tackled and overcome? - Understanding that Love can be real and last without causing pain.

My Mom & Dad divorced when I was 5. I have vague recollections of lots of arguing and then he was gone...
After the divorce, my sister and I would spend one weekend a month at his house and a couple months during the summer.
Hardest part was the "switch off".. we'd cry having to leave our mom.. Then when it came time to switch back, we'd cry having to leave our dad.

Fast forward a few years and my Mom remarries..
Things seem to be fine for a few years then the Physiological and physical abuse started on my Mom, my sister and I.
Long story short, at 14 I had enough and stood up to him ( he being 6'6" and about 275, me being 5' 10" and 150 when wet) and he chocked me to almost unconsciousness which FINALLY triggered my Mom to move us out.

From then on I ran from relationship to relationship..
Normally would have 2 or more girlfriends around different parts of the Twin Cities. I convinced myself that I was just "playing the field".. When in reality I was afraid of being in a committed relationship, so it was much easier to have many side relationships just in case one failed.

Fast forward to 19, when I met my now wife for 27+ years..
We broke up 12+ times during the first 2+ years that we knew each other.
Got to a point where each week on Monday at College my friends would ask "So are you single this week?"

It took me those 2+ years to realize that I was running anytime things started getting serious, again in fear that things wouldn't work out and I'd be hurt yet again..
The last time we broke up was for 2+ months where we had no contact and I thought I had moved on...

Then early one night at a bar, I saw her on the other side of the dance floor but didn't think twice about it until...
I was leaving for the night and had to walk right past her on my way out. Something inside me gave me the guts to walk up to ask her if we could talk.
All the friends she was standing with answered in unison "NO!!!" .. yet she said agreed to sit down to to talk..

We closed the bar, then sat outside and talked until the Sun rose.
At that time I knew she was the one, and three weeks later I asked her to marry me.
As I said... 27+ Years now of a VERY happy life and marriage.

Following that one is going to be difficult. Anybody want to see what happens when a mic gets dropped and you have to pick it up? 

Okay, I'll go. Graduating from law school was probably the most difficult thing I ever did that worked out well in the end. It took three years, and I was heavily messed up the first year on some bad stuff, but I somehow convinced them to let me through, did all my papers, took all my exams and wound up with over a 3.0 actually, which was more like a miracle. I'm then proud of taking all of the "hidden requirements" that my school had instead of sticking with what we call a median "B" (all classes with over 18 students have to have half of them get a "B" to prevent grade inflation, so most students stick to seminars to pad their grades. I took full on lectures.) And that was really rewarding. I feel like I have a good name there, something I can't really say about undergraduate endeavors save for a few professors. But back when I was still in CT, I would audit classes and had a really good relationship with some professors, some of which have left this mortal coil.  

Also, working out with my brother after my freshman year and going back and trying out for a D-1 power in hockey after I'd just dominated the clubs and JV guys that we played as a substitute for our own JV. We were beating Prop 48 kids at the Upstate NY JC schools. That was fun. I didn't make the team (though the players approached me -- no lie -- and were confused. It was a financial aid thing at a Patriot League college.) and I ultimately took up smoking, drinking, and blew out my shoulder, but I was happy with myself for having at least tried and giving it my all.

eta* And maybe I just wasn't good enough. Who knows? We all inflate our own worth at times.  

I consider myself fortunate that I've lived a somewhat charmed life and not had big obstacles I've had to overcome (so far).  I would agree with snogger that if I had to pick one thing it would be my parents divorcing but I had/have a wonderful step-father who loved me as his own and always took care of me and my Mom.

From an athletic standpoint the only thing close would be the half Ironman I did many years ago.  I did it very slowly but finished.  In retrospect it really wasn't that great of an accomplishment - especially if you compare it to what some of those guys in the 10k thread do, but it's the best I got. 

Joe Bryant said:

This is about a year old but I hadn't seen till today. Thought it was excellent. How To Run 100 Miles    

Important note: I think this message is lost oftentimes because stuff like this so often is connected to athletic races. And that's not applicable for lots of people.

Same principles apply for all kinds of stuff. Find stuff that's possible but difficult. And go after it.

Thoughts on this?

Difficult things you've tackled and overcome? Or not overcome? Lessons?

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confidence comes from achieving difficult things in life.

athletically, an Ironman was difficult- but mostly on paper.

after a couple years of doing tris (including some 1/2s) it felt like a natural progression. the reality of it was that with diligence and consistent training, it stopped being a "wonder if I could do this" to "how fast can I do this". unfortunately, I didn't take good care of my body during training (9 months of dedicated training towards that race with a club/coaches) and broke my foot as a result. having to quash the "how fast" back to "can I finish" was the toughest part of the whole thing.. .including the race itself. I did have the carrot of proposing at the finish line to keep me going, even if I was 2 hours slower than I wanted to go.

going out on my own professionally is my future "difficult thing" and hangs over me like negative nabob monster. it's the only way to push forward my career and help myself and family do better... but it's also daunting as hell, with lots of uncertainties and risk for me and the family. just writing this out makes me realize the obvious similarities about needing to plan out the training (aka steps to launching the business) prior to actually racing (opening the business). I've lived my life too day to day and in the moment- to achieve that goal will definitely take a combination of planning and luck (finding the right clients to kick-start all of this). 

tommyboy said:

confidence comes from achieving difficult things in life.

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and overcoming adversity to know you can achieve those things- even if it doesn't always work at first.

El Floppo said:

going out on my own professionally is my future "difficult thing" and hangs over me like negative nabob monster. it's the only way to push forward my career and help myself and family do better... but it's also daunting as hell, with lots of uncertainties and risk for me and the family. just writing this out makes me realize the obvious similarities about needing to plan out the training (aka steps to launching the business) prior to actually racing (opening the business). I've lived my life too day to day and in the moment- to achieve that goal will definitely take a combination of planning and luck (finding the right clients to kick-start all of this). 




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I love this angle. 99.999% of people aren't going to run 100 miles. Most won't do an IM. That's my frustration with these kinds of videos as they're cool but there's too big a gap between them and most people. Meaning most people can't really see themselves in the story. I'd rather it be way more about real world stuff. 

And I think you're right in that the process is similar to an athletic thing. Plan. Train. Do the Work. Overcome obstacles. Tough it out. That kind of thing. 

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” -Nietzsche

Joe Bryant said:

I love this angle. 99.999% of people aren't going to run 100 miles. Most won't do an IM. That's my frustration with these kinds of videos as they're cool but there's too big a gap between them and most people. Meaning most people can't really see themselves in the story. I'd rather it be way more about real world stuff. 

And I think you're right in that the process is similar to an athletic thing. Plan. Train. Do the Work. Overcome obstacles. Tough it out. That kind of thing. 

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You have a few posters here that have run these ultras.  They are a different breed.

I'm finding life itself is difficult enough, without having to add some arbitrary unnecessary goal as an addition.  Successful marriage, kids and career is enough of an achievement, IMO.

F'ing mental health and stability can be a seemingly insurmountable mountain for some.  Imagine if we lived in a third world country?  We are truly in a charmed time and place.

I'll play Devil's Advocate here - I think doing difficult things just for the sake of doing them can be somewhat hubris or crazy.  For some, it's the basis of the proverbial "mid-life crisis".  I think doing something difficult needs to be balanced with the reason you are doing it.

Also, many difficult things in life are thrust upon - I find those to typically be the most challenging as they are not always something you choose (illness to yourself/loved one, financial crisis, job loss, etc.).  I admire the heck out of the guys in the video but they choose this path so it's somehow different in my mind.

AAABatteries said:

I'll play Devil's Advocate here - I think doing difficult things just for the sake of doing them can be somewhat hubris or crazy.  For some, it's the basis of the proverbial "mid-life crisis".  I think doing something difficult needs to be balanced with the reason you are doing it.

Also, many difficult things in life are thrust upon - I find those to typically be the most challenging as they are not always something you choose (illness to yourself/loved one, financial crisis, job loss, etc.).  I admire the heck out of the guys in the video but they choose this path so it's somehow different in my mind.

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There's definitely a balance.  This post drew me back to a conversation I had with my then girlfriend and now wife shortly after we began dating.  How I could draw back my life experiences directly to whether I was trying something new and/or difficult at that time.  If I were pursuing something new and/or challenging then I was generally in a good spot wrt all of my other responsibilities and goals at that time as well as my physical and mental health.  If I wasn't then I got complacent and it showed in everything I did - and how I looked/felt.  So starting sometime shortly before that conversation until now I've always been in pursuit of at least one new goal.  Also being difficult isn't a requirement, but it isn't a deterrent either.  But always being driven towards something at a particular time positively impacts everything else that I do.  But it's done while always keeping in mind the law of diminishing returns.  Because at some point you can just take on too much and if that happens then all of those positive impacts quickly turn negative.  It's a fine line.

gianmarco said:

Joe Bryant said:

I love this angle. 99.999% of people aren't going to run 100 miles. Most won't do an IM. That's my frustration with these kinds of videos as they're cool but there's too big a gap between them and most people. Meaning most people can't really see themselves in the story. I'd rather it be way more about real world stuff. 

And I think you're right in that the process is similar to an athletic thing. Plan. Train. Do the Work. Overcome obstacles. Tough it out. That kind of thing. 

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You have a few posters here that have run these ultras.  They are a different breed.

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true- BUT... I remember at least one (duck?) who started off doing next to nothing (comparatively) when the 10k thread first started. After my last long race in 07, I checked out of the thread for a long time. the next time I checked in a bunch fo years later, he was doing ultras. it felt to me like he had gone from 10ks to ultras overnight... but of course he had spent years getting to that point. so I guess I'm saying, he wasn't always that different breed.

set a goal. make a plan. follow the plan. don't break your foot. I think most of that is what Joe's getting at here. the yadayadayada voyage begins with a single step, etc.

whiskey7 said:

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” -Nietzsche

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"Pain is just weakness leaving the body" - every HS football camp shirt for the last 20 years

Hard is what makes it great.

(3,2,1... that's what she said.)

El Floppo said:

true- BUT... I remember at least one (duck?) who started off doing next to nothing (comparatively) when the 10k thread first started. After my last long race in 07, I checked out of the thread for a long time. the next time I checked in a bunch fo years later, he was doing ultras. it felt to me like he had gone from 10ks to ultras overnight... but of course he had spent years getting to that point. so I guess I'm saying, he wasn't always that different breed.

set a goal. make a plan. follow the plan. don't break your foot. I think most of that is what Joe's getting at here. the yadayadayada voyage begins with a single step, etc.

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Yup, I'm one of at least three here in the FFA (@SayWhat?, @BassNBrew) that have run 100 milers.  I started running 2-3 miles at a time in 2006-2007 to lose some weight.  I quickly found my way to trail races and in 2009 I ran my first ultra, a 36 mile race in the Sierras.  The next couple of years I didn't run much as I went through some difficult times including a divorce, and then I came back to it in 2012 as a way to replace some unhealthy habits with a healthier one, and to try and re-connect with something that was important to me - a combination of personal challenge and a love for the outdoors.  In 2014 I ran my first 100 miler so it was relatively quick, but most definitely a process that involved a lot of work.  I've successfully completed three more since - and failed at one as well.  

The video @Joe Bryant linked ends with, "When you're a kid, they tell you you can do anything.  Most people stop believing that at some point." Now of course you can't do anything - my childhood dream of becoming an NBA player was never going to happen, no matter what I believed or did.  And while I can complete a 100 mile race, I'll never be competitive in one. But what is true is that we are capable of more than we, and others, think we are.  And for me personally the more difficult achieving that goal is, the more rewarding it is when you get to that figurative or literal finish line. 

El Floppo said:

L

going out on my own professionally is my future "difficult thing" and hangs over me like negative nabob monster. it's the only way to push forward my career and help myself and family do better... but it's also daunting as hell, with lots of uncertainties and risk for me and the family. just writing this out makes me realize the obvious similarities about needing to plan out the training (aka steps to launching the business) prior to actually racing (opening the business). I've lived my life too day to day and in the moment- to achieve that goal will definitely take a combination of planning and luck (finding the right clients to kick-start all of this). 

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I did this, albeit in the least scary way possible, two weeks ago.  

Nothing has ever felt better.  Even if I crash and burn and end up homeless, really glad I got to find out what this feels like. Took a little over two years of solid work from decision to fruition. You got this. 

Mad Cow said:

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body" - every HS football camp shirt for the last 20 years

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I guess that means i will live forever.

SFBayDuck said:

Yup, I'm one of at least three here in the FFA (@SayWhat?, @BassNBrew) that have run 100 milers.  I started running 2-3 miles at a time in 2006-2007 to lose some weight.  I quickly found my way to trail races and in 2009 I ran my first ultra, a 36 mile race in the Sierras.  The next couple of years I didn't run much as I went through some difficult times including a divorce, and then I came back to it in 2012 as a way to replace some unhealthy habits with a healthier one, and to try and re-connect with something that was important to me - a combination of personal challenge and a love for the outdoors.  In 2014 I ran my first 100 miler so it was relatively quick, but most definitely a process that involved a lot of work.  I've successfully completed three more since - and failed at one as well.  

The video @Joe Bryant linked ends with, "When you're a kid, they tell you you can do anything.  Most people stop believing that at some point." Now of course you can't do anything - my childhood dream of becoming an NBA player was never going to happen, no matter what I believed or did.  And while I can complete a 100 mile race, I'll never be competitive in one. But what is true is that we are capable of more than we, and others, think we are.  And for me personally the more difficult achieving that goal is, the more rewarding it is when you get to that figurative or literal finish line. 

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To be serious for one moment (just one), it's easy to fall into the all or nothing way of thinking. If its too hard to be the very best, then it's not worth trying. Which is of course total bunk. 

Jayrod said:

I'm finding life itself is difficult enough, without having to add some arbitrary unnecessary goal as an addition.  Successful marriage, kids and career is enough of an achievement, IMO.

F'ing mental health and stability can be a seemingly insurmountable mountain for some.  Imagine if we lived in a third world country?  We are truly in a charmed time and place.

Click to expand...

AAABatteries said:

I'll play Devil's Advocate here - I think doing difficult things just for the sake of doing them can be somewhat hubris or crazy.  For some, it's the basis of the proverbial "mid-life crisis".  I think doing something difficult needs to be balanced with the reason you are doing it.

Also, many difficult things in life are thrust upon - I find those to typically be the most challenging as they are not always something you choose (illness to yourself/loved one, financial crisis, job loss, etc.).  I admire the heck out of the guys in the video but they choose this path so it's somehow different in my mind.

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I totally get this angle.  Life is pretty comfortable, most of the time, for a lot of us in this country. Particularly relative to much of the rest of the world.  And work, parenting, and relationships can bring plenty of challenges, and can be plenty rewarding.  I can't fully explain why I choose to do something that can range from uncomfortable and hard to dangerous and idiotic.  During my last race I found myself in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere Virginia climbing up a mountain on a narrow trail of loose rocks, 80 miles in with 20 miles to go.  It seemed crazy, I was probably going a little crazy, and I actually yelled out loud "What am I doing out here?  I have a kid!" But then I think back to my daughter being at the finish of my previous 100 miler, after seeing me put in the 5 years of hard work it took to get there.  And her yelling, "yeah dad!" with a kind of excitement I've never heard from her as I neared the finish.  She knows so much is possible if she wants it bad enough, because she's seen me do it.

But I'm not going to pretend I solely do this to inspire my daughter or anyone else.  It is a selfish hobby, no doubt.  But I do believe that is balanced somewhat because I feel it has made me a better father, partner, and man.

whiskey7 said:

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” -Nietzsche

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Hate that saying.  I get the intent but the saying itself is patently false.

I gain confidence by watching others try really difficult things and then judging them when they fail.

Jayrod said:

I'm finding life itself is difficult enough, without having to add some arbitrary unnecessary goal as an addition.  Successful marriage, kids and career is enough of an achievement, IMO.

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AAABatteries said:

I'll play Devil's Advocate here - I think doing difficult things just for the sake of doing them can be somewhat hubris or crazy.  For some, it's the basis of the proverbial "mid-life crisis".  I think doing something difficult needs to be balanced with the reason you are doing it.

Click to expand...

SFBayDuck said:

Yup, I'm one of at least three here in the FFA (@SayWhat?, @BassNBrew) that have run 100 milers.  I started running 2-3 miles at a time in 2006-2007 to lose some weight.  I quickly found my way to trail races and in 2009 I ran my first ultra, a 36 mile race in the Sierras.  The next couple of years I didn't run much as I went through some difficult times including a divorce, and then I came back to it in 2012 as a way to replace some unhealthy habits with a healthier one, and to try and re-connect with something that was important to me - a combination of personal challenge and a love for the outdoors.  In 2014 I ran my first 100 miler so it was relatively quick, but most definitely a process that involved a lot of work.  I've successfully completed three more since - and failed at one as well.  

The video @Joe Bryant linked ends with, "When you're a kid, they tell you you can do anything.  Most people stop believing that at some point." Now of course you can't do anything - my childhood dream of becoming an NBA player was never going to happen, no matter what I believed or did.  And while I can complete a 100 mile race, I'll never be competitive in one. But what is true is that we are capable of more than we, and others, think we are.  And for me personally the more difficult achieving that goal is, the more rewarding it is when you get to that figurative or literal finish line. 

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I totally get the responses by @Jayrod and @AAABatteries, especially in regards to running ultras.  It's a ridiculous enough activity that it's tough to have an initial reaction other than that of what they've state above...an "arbitrary unnecessary goal" and "hubris or crazy."  Both descriptions are likely accurate, no matter the rationale or reasoning behind the decision. But what you'll find is that for a lot of people participating, it's a replacement, and a (relatively) healthy one at that, for unhealthy things such as alcoholism, drug addiction, anxiety, depression, etc.  I think rather than ultras being the result of a "mid-life crisis" where someone is participating because they feel a lack of identity or shortcoming in life to date, that rather it's an addiction-replacement, or a way to purge some mental demons so to speak.  

I didn't grow up a "runner," and still don't consider myself one.  Like @SFBayDuck, I'll never be competitive with elites in an ultra.  But being on the trails, in nature, getting exercise, has provided me with the mental cleansing which is now critical for my day-to-day well being.  For me personally, that's been the most important consideration.  I think as a result of training and running that I am a better husband, father, and colleague than I would be without.  There's an added benefit for me in that an ultra (or any race for that matter) provides a competitive goal/environment through which I can tangibly compete, mostly against my own self and own goals, without competing against others and/or with the reliance on others (as is necessary when playing team sports).  As someone who grew up playing sports competitively though the collegiate level (albeit in mediocre fashion), this competition void is also filled. 

SFBayDuck said:

I totally get this angle.  Life is pretty comfortable, most of the time, for a lot of us in this country. Particularly relative to much of the rest of the world.  And work, parenting, and relationships can bring plenty of challenges, and can be plenty rewarding.  I can't fully explain why I choose to do something that can range from uncomfortable and hard to dangerous and idiotic.  During my last race I found myself in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere Virginia climbing up a mountain on a narrow trail of loose rocks, 80 miles in with 20 miles to go.  It seemed crazy, I was probably going a little crazy, and I actually yelled out loud "What am I doing out here?  I have a kid!" But then I think back to my daughter being at the finish of my previous 100 miler, after seeing me put in the 5 years of hard work it took to get there.  And her yelling, "yeah dad!" with a kind of excitement I've never heard from her as I neared the finish.  She knows so much is possible if she wants it bad enough, because she's seen me do it.

But I'm not going to pretend I solely do this to inspire my daughter or anyone else.  It is a selfish hobby, no doubt.  But I do believe that is balanced somewhat because I feel it has made me a better father, partner, and man.

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And also this.  So awesome. I've seen this video, and you can feel the sense of pride Duck's daughter had in him in this moment.  :goosebumps:  So while part of the reasoning to participate is proving something to yourself, more importantly it's showing your kids that you can set your goals high and accomplish those goals with some hard work. 

Chaka said:

I gain confidence by watching others try really difficult things and then judging them when they fail.

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I do believe we are happiest when challenged.

I hiked the Grand Canyon rim to rim on my 40th. That was a big one for me.

Chaka said:

I gain confidence by watching others try really difficult things and then judging them when they fail.

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This belongs in the shark pool.

Joe, I'm already reading the Politics Forum. I feel like I'm checking that box already. 

@SFBayDuck and @SayWhat? - just to be clear, I'm not suggesting what you guys do isn't awesome and/or worthy.  Long-distance running is just the example Joe started with.  Like I said, I spent a lot of hours training many years ago for a race that I ended up doing by myself.  I got a great sense of accomplishment out of it (and got really fit) so I completely get the desire.  I'm not even sure I made my point well but it really had to do with understanding why you are undertaking these difficult things.  For example, say I decided to learn Mandarin.  In a vacuum that seems like something extremely difficult and would challenge me mentally and take up a lot of time.  Should I do it - who knows.  Maybe somebody is considering adopting child from China who speak Mandarin.  Maybe somebody wants to work in China and that would help cement a position.  Everybody has there reasons for doing things but I do thing it's important to understand WHY we are doing difficult things.  We get one shot at this thing called life and I'd hate to spend months on something that ultimately didn't add value to my overall life in some way or worse, took value away.

I'm still not sure I'm explaining myself well here - I may just an old man shouting in to the wind at this point.

AAABatteries said:

@SFBayDuck and @SayWhat? - just to be clear, I'm not suggesting what you guys do isn't awesome and/or worthy.  Long-distance running is just the example Joe started with.  Like I said, I spent a lot of hours training many years ago for a race that I ended up doing by myself.  I got a great sense of accomplishment out of it (and got really fit) so I completely get the desire.  I'm not even sure I made my point well but it really had to do with understanding why you are undertaking these difficult things.  For example, say I decided to learn Mandarin.  In a vacuum that seems like something extremely difficult and would challenge me mentally and take up a lot of time.  Should I do it - who knows.  Maybe somebody is considering adopting child from China who speak Mandarin.  Maybe somebody wants to work in China and that would help cement a position.  Everybody has there reasons for doing things but I do thing it's important to understand WHY we are doing difficult things.  We get one shot at this thing called life and I'd hate to spend months on something that ultimately didn't add value to my overall life in some way or worse, took value away.

I'm still not sure I'm explaining myself well here - I may just an old man shouting in to the wind at this point.

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I didn't take your response in a negative way at all, but thanks for the follow up.  I totally get what you're saying, and agree with you 100%, especially in regards to the bolded.  And that's a great example regarding learning Mandarin.  Spending an excessive amount of time learning something that you're not interested in and/or wouldn't notably add any benefit/value to your life doesn't make a whole lot of sense, especially if it's a detriment elsewhere.  The WHY is most definitely critical.