What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Christian counselor is trying to get fiancee to leave me because I'm a Non-believer (1 Viewer)

Captain Cranks

Footballguy
My fiancee and I have been having a difficult time 'hearing' each other at times and decided to go to an Emotionally Focused Therapy counselor to get us in touch with what might be causing the disconnect.  The therapist is Christian and, at the outset, asked whether it was ok that she use her faith perspective when she thought it applied.  Despite being an atheist, I was fine with this because my fiancee is Christian and I know how to ignore that type of stuff.  The first 3 sessions of the therapy started off fine and had me feeling like this was the correct method of counseling that we needed.  All 3 sessions were attended by the both of us.  However, the following two sessions were 'individual' as the counselor wanted to discuss our upbringing and past relationships alone. 

Yesterday, my fiancee has an individual session just before mine.  After my session, I drove over to her place so we could spend some time together.  We discussed our respective sessions to which she tells me the counselor had referred her to Bible verses last week that guide Christians on whether they should marry non-Christians.  The interpretation is pretty clear that the Bible teaches that they should not.  During this week's session, the counselor follows up and asks what she thought about the verses.  My fiancee told her what she thinks they meant but that she doesn't care and she is committed to a relationship with me.  The counselor then says, 'What do you think God would feel about that?' and then goes on to say she doesn't want to be a 'cafeteria Christian'.  My fiancee was pretty upset by the episode and didn't want to go back, at least for another individual session.  Despite this obvious misstep on her part, I still want to continue with the therapy with the caveat that she nix any further Christian elements and that it's only couples sessions going forward.  

So what do you do in this situation?  Cancel the next appt and never see her again?  If so, do you bother explaining why?  Do you ask for a refund?    

TL;DR version - A couples therapist with a Christian background is referring my fiancee to Bible verses which say Christians shouldn't marry non-Christians.  What do you do?

 
I am a Christian.  I would advise Christians to try to marry people who have the same perspective on faith.  

Having said that, if your fiancé has no issue with your atheism and has expressed that to the counselor and the counselor is not able to keep her opinions out of the counseling then you should absolutely never go back.

 The advice you are receiving from your counselor is normal for any Christian counselor.  So now you know that she is not going to be able to leave for perspectives at the door. 

 
If she's going to get advice from a "christian" counselor, and then ignore it, then what's the point of going to a christian counselor?  Just go to one without any faith-based connections.  

Would you call your fiancee devout?  Or does she just believe and go to church on occasion?

 
Shaming someone after they express that they are ok with marrying outside the faith seems to be beyond the scope of a counselor and I would be angry at this too.
Eh. They got what they knew they were going to get. A counselor with a clear perspective. 

 
Shaming someone after they express that they are ok with marrying outside the faith seems to be beyond the scope of a counselor and I would be angry at this too.
I don't think asking "what do you think God thinks about that" is shaming them.  If a person knows what a scripture says, then says they don't care they are doing the opposite anyway, then it seems a fair follow-up question.  I mean, if you're at a "christian" counselor to begin with, you probably wants things from that perspective.  Otherwise...what's the point of going?

 
Eh. They got what they knew they were going to get. A counselor with a clear perspective. 
Well they were asked at the onset about the religious aspect, but what happens of they remove the religious component from the counseling at this point, or is it too late?

 
I appreciate the counselor was up front about bringing her faith into things- but that would've been a deal-breaker for me as soon as it became judgemental/biased. she's supposed to be impartial and work on getting you both towards a better relationship based on who you both are... not impose her own beliefs on the situation.

but yeah- if teh fiance is devout and you're an atheist... might be an issue down the road, especially when it comes time for kids. have you guys discussed those kinds of things?

my wife and I are from different religious backgrounds, but both approach how religion affects our lives in essentially the same way... so it works for us. and we knew before kids that we were going to show them both sides but let them figure things out for themselves when they got older.

 
Agree with the notion of finding a new counselor. 

While this counselor did make intentions clear that they would be bringing a faith-based viewpoint into this, the way you describe this makes it seem this went from therapy/counseling with an intent to bring you both together and find a good resolution to the ends you want -- staying together in a more productive relationship) -- to one that seems very focused on just one side of the issue, with an agenda to ensure "christian values" are upheld at the expense of any other issue/opportunity.

It sounds like your wife is on-board with the fact that this approach isn't the right way. Cancel, and no need to explain why to the therapist.

Find a new marriage counselor. If you feel that religious beliefs are part of the issue in your relationship (overt or not), find a therapist who is neither Christian nor atheist so at the very least you get an unbiased, agenda-free approach.

 
I don't think asking "what do you think God thinks about that" is shaming them.  If a person knows what a scripture says, then says they don't care they are doing the opposite anyway, then it seems a fair follow-up question.  I mean, if you're at a "christian" counselor to begin with, you probably wants things from that perspective.  Otherwise...what's the point of going?
is the counselor working in a christian-based counseling company? then whatever. if not- I mentioned above, it's not her place to impose her own bias into couple's counseling sessions- even if she asked to reference her own religion up front.

 
Leaving the religious aspect out of it, If you aren't even married yet and already in counseling, maybe it is time to rethink?
disagree completely.

counseling is about making things better, not necessarily fixing a bad/impossible relationship. 

the wife and I did something similar before getting married... was a great way of identifying and working on a couple of hot-button topics, then and into the future. we've been together more than 20 years. 

people have a weird stigma bugaboo about therapy and counseling- very strange to me that people can't imagine this stuff as a way of making a good life better, and think it's only about what's broken. 

 
My fiancee and I have been having a difficult time 'hearing' each other at times and decided to go to an Emotionally Focused Therapy counselor to get us in touch with what might be causing the disconnect.  The therapist is Christian and, at the outset, asked whether it was ok that she use her faith perspective when she thought it applied.  Despite being an atheist, I was fine with this because my fiancee is Christian and I know how to ignore that type of stuff.  The first 3 sessions of the therapy started off fine and had me feeling like this was the correct method of counseling that we needed.  All 3 sessions were attended by the both of us.  However, the following two sessions were 'individual' as the counselor wanted to discuss our upbringing and past relationships alone. 
Could this be related?

 
is the counselor working in a christian-based counseling company? then whatever. if not- I mentioned above, it's not her place to impose her own bias into couple's counseling sessions- even if she asked to reference her own religion up front.
I guess it's possible she's violating her counseling duties, but seems to me she raising issues they need to think about. Yeah, there's probably a right way and wrong way to do that. I don't think there's enough info in the OP to know which way it went though. I'll give her, as a professional, the benefit of the doubt that she's doing her counseling duties.

 
Find a new therapist.

When you say you two are having a difficult time "hearing" each other, what exactly does this mean?
When we have intense disagreements about something, we both feel as though the other person isn't listening to us.  Rather than calm down and try to understand the other person's point of view, we stubbornly dig in and get emotional.  It's only after we've calmed down that we take the time to see the other's point of view.  Ultimately we need to learn to communicate better during the heat of battle while at the same time understand why we're triggered by something the other person does (which gets into stuff that's happened in our past).  

but yeah- if teh fiance is devout and you're an atheist... might be an issue down the road, especially when it comes time for kids. have you guys discussed those kinds of things?
Yes, my atheism does not bother her just like her being Christian doesn't bother me.  I encourage her to build a relationship with God and would be happy to go to church with her if she wants.  She says I'm a better person than most 'Christians' she knows so the title doesn't concern her. 

To be clear, what was the misstep on her part?
Not taking no for an answer.  Pressing the issue and effectively trying to guilt her into another decision.  Then labeling her a 'cafeteria Christian', whatever the hell that means.   

 
disagree completely.

counseling is about making things better, not necessarily fixing a bad/impossible relationship. 

the wife and I did something similar before getting married... was a great way of identifying and working on a couple of hot-button topics, then and into the future. we've been together more than 20 years. 

people have a weird stigma bugaboo about therapy and counseling- very strange to me that people can't imagine this stuff as a way of making a good life better, and think it's only about what's broken. 
Ok - you and dgreen.  I hear you.

I just remember when my brother was on the path to marriage and there were some significant issues.  I had to ask him the same question, I didn't enjoy it, and he didn't care for it much.  Years and a great deal of pain and regret later, he wished he had gone another direction.  There are many fish in the sea, after all, but he had tunnel vision.

 
Agree with the notion of finding a new counselor. 

While this counselor did make intentions clear that they would be bringing a faith-based viewpoint into this, the way you describe this makes it seem this went from therapy/counseling with an intent to bring you both together and find a good resolution to the ends you want -- staying together in a more productive relationship) -- to one that seems very focused on just one side of the issue, with an agenda to ensure "christian values" are upheld at the expense of any other issue/opportunity.

It sounds like your wife is on-board with the fact that this approach isn't the right way. Cancel, and no need to explain why to the therapist.

Find a new marriage counselor. If you feel that religious beliefs are part of the issue in your relationship (overt or not), find a therapist who is neither Christian nor atheist so at the very least you get an unbiased, agenda-free approach.
I'm far from an expert. But, I'd guess the goal of pre-marital counseling isn't to "bring you both together". I'd guess it's more "to find out if you both should be together".

Also, I'd suggest that counseling should make things a bit uncomfortable. Why go to a professional counselor and then dictate to them the right way for them to approach your counseling? Just counsel yourself.

 
Agree with the notion of finding a new counselor. 

While this counselor did make intentions clear that they would be bringing a faith-based viewpoint into this, the way you describe this makes it seem this went from therapy/counseling with an intent to bring you both together and find a good resolution to the ends you want -- staying together in a more productive relationship) -- to one that seems very focused on just one side of the issue, with an agenda to ensure "christian values" are upheld at the expense of any other issue/opportunity.

It sounds like your wife is on-board with the fact that this approach isn't the right way. Cancel, and no need to explain why to the therapist.

Find a new marriage counselor. If you feel that religious beliefs are part of the issue in your relationship (overt or not), find a therapist who is neither Christian nor atheist so at the very least you get an unbiased, agenda-free approach.
Well said.  We're there to bring us closer together.  That's what she's being paid to help with.  Instead, she's looking out for one party over the other because of her faith.  

 
Not taking no for an answer.  Pressing the issue and effectively trying to guilt her into another decision.  Then labeling her a 'cafeteria Christian', whatever the hell that means.   
Thanks for clarifying.   The sentence before, you were talking about your fiancé and then followed it right up with the "misstep" and wasn't sure who you were referring to.

 
I guess it's possible she's violating her counseling duties, but seems to me she raising issues they need to think about. Yeah, there's probably a right way and wrong way to do that. I don't think there's enough info in the OP to know which way it went though. I'll give her, as a professional, the benefit of the doubt that she's doing her counseling duties.
she took the fiance aside and had her reference bible verses that said she shouldn't be marrying out of faith. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt if she did that in front of both of them and offered them ways of working together on it. she didn't. pretty ####ed up, IMO.

 
I'm far from an expert. But, I'd guess the goal of pre-marital counseling isn't to "bring you both together". I'd guess it's more "to find out if you both should be together".

Also, I'd suggest that counseling should make things a bit uncomfortable. Why go to a professional counselor and then dictate to them the right way for them to approach your counseling? Just counsel yourself.
these people are trained . they're not there to push you in any direction, but to listen and to try to help in ways that somebody not entwined in your life (like yourself, or family/friends) can't. that's the impartial part, not to mention the years of training part (dealing with recurring issues from lots of different clients). 

but yeah- they shouldn't just be agreeing with everything. and yeah, things could/should get uncomortable in shining a light on things that aren't quite right individually or as a couple.

 
Well said.  We're there to bring us closer together.  That's what she's being paid to help with.  Instead, she's looking out for one party over the other because of her faith.  
Why do you think she's not also looking out for you by raising the issue of inter-faith marriage? Seems raising the issue could be helpful to both of you.

Imagine you're married for several years and your wife's faith has transformed some and she's starting to wonder whether she should have married a non-believer. Maybe the differences in faith are linked to some relationship problems. Maybe some of her church friends starting raising the issue with her. Maybe she then thinks, "Why didn't my supposed Christian counselor bring this up!?!?" Seem better to bring it up now, before marriage, than later.

 
Why do you think she's not also looking out for you by raising the issue of inter-faith marriage? Seems raising the issue could be helpful to both of you.

Imagine you're married for several years and your wife's faith has transformed some and she's starting to wonder whether she should have married a non-believer. Maybe the differences in faith are linked to some relationship problems. Maybe some of her church friends starting raising the issue with her. Maybe she then thinks, "Why didn't my supposed Christian counselor bring this up!?!?" Seem better to bring it up now, before marriage, than later.
That's a fair point, but as El Floppo said, why not bring that to the couple's attention if that's truly her angle?  Instead, she's isolating my fiancee behind my back, using Bible verses to state that Christians shouldn't be with non-believers.  She's certainly not telling me that non-believers shouldn't be with Christians.  

 
Last edited by a moderator:
but yeah- if teh fiance is devout and you're an atheist... might be an issue down the road, especially when it comes time for kids. have you guys discussed those kinds of things?
Yes, my atheism does not bother her just like her being Christian doesn't bother me.  I encourage her to build a relationship with God and would be happy to go to church with her if she wants.  She says I'm a better person than most 'Christians' she knows so the title doesn't concern her. 
are you happy with your kids being christians? does she want them to be? from what age (going to church from birth, baptized, sunday school, etc...)? would she be happy with the kids being atheists? 

I don't really need answers- just hoping you've had those kind of conversations and have answers for yourselves.

 
That's a fair point, but as El Floppo said, why not bring that to the couple's attention if that's truly her angle?  Instead, she's isolating my fiancee behind my back, using Bible verses to state that Christians shouldn't be with non-believers.  She's certainly not telling me that non-believers shouldn't be with Christians.  
Good points. Again, I'd personally give her the benefit of the doubt for now and assume she has both your interests at heart. If I were you, I'd have a combined session where you discuss these things with her. Ask her why she did it that way. I don't think the events so far have to be an immediate disqualifier to continue counseling with her.

 
I'm far from an expert. But, I'd guess the goal of pre-marital counseling isn't to "bring you both together". I'd guess it's more "to find out if you both should be together".

Also, I'd suggest that counseling should make things a bit uncomfortable. Why go to a professional counselor and then dictate to them the right way for them to approach your counseling? Just counsel yourself.
My notion of what pre-marital counseling should be is not a simple litmus test of whether two parties should be together. They are engaged, and willing to commit to a life together. That's the goal.

Working from that premise, counselling should examine existing and potential issues or friction that arise, get awareness and and focus and lend tools and strategies to work together to understand and prevent issues escalating, and for helping a couple through difficulties that arise.

Marriage counseling shouldn't be a Solomonic, thumbs up/thumbs down vote on whether a single person thinks two people should wed. It's to help and support two people willing to make this commitment explore, handle, and move past issues. 

 
are you happy with your kids being christians? does she want them to be? from what age (going to church from birth, baptized, sunday school, etc...)? would she be happy with the kids being atheists? 

I don't really need answers- just hoping you've had those kind of conversations and have answers for yourselves.
Yes.  I've told her on many occasions I'm willing to support her Christianity in any way (sans me actually being saved).  As far as kids, they're open to believe what they want to believe.  If she wants to take them down the Christian road, I'm fine with that.  I was raised in a Christian home and see the positives of that upbringing.  I just don't buy the dogma.  

 
My notion of what pre-marital counseling should be is not a simple litmus test of whether two parties should be together. They are engaged, and willing to commit to a life together. That's the goal.

Working from that premise, counselling should examine existing and potential issues or friction that arise, get awareness and and focus and lend tools and strategies to work together to understand and prevent issues escalating, and for helping a couple through difficulties that arise.

Marriage counseling shouldn't be a Solomonic, thumbs up/thumbs down vote on whether a single person thinks two people should wed. It's to help and support two people willing to make this commitment explore, handle, and move past issues. 
:goodposting:

perfectly said.

if I had the money and time to continue counseling, I'd absolutely continue it- especially now that we're a family of four. I'm always finding myself reacting to hot-button issues (of my own, or in the family dynamic) in ways that I'd love to improve. 

 
Not gonna lie. Total red flag here. If your fiancee didn't immediately brush this off, it's going to be an issue down the road.

My wife's good friend dated a dude for 5 years. About 2 1/2 years in he went total Christian and she wasn't. He made her go to couples therapy like this. He claimed he'd be okay with her not being of faith, but it sounds eerily similar to this. It was never okay....

Good luck.
But she did.  She said it was never a doubt in her mind and attempted to blow the counselor off during the first pass last week.  Now she's really upset at the counselor for pressing the issue.  She wants me in her life.  Her Mom who is Christian wants me in her life.  Her daughter who is Christian wants me in her life.  The only person who has a problem with this is the counselor (and apparently God).  😂

 
Good points. Again, I'd personally give her the benefit of the doubt for now and assume she has both your interests at heart. If I were you, I'd have a combined session where you discuss these things with her. Ask her why she did it that way. I don't think the events so far have to be an immediate disqualifier to continue counseling with her.
I like the approach of bringing the issue up directly with the counselor in a combined session, asking why she seems to just want to focus on isolating just your fiancee in the dialogue and making judgment on her as a Christian instead of working together, etc.

But to my bolded part, how the events that unflolded have been explained, seems clear to me that she only has the interest of ensuring Christian values are upheld, and not the true interest of either party, individually or a couple.

 
My notion of what pre-marital counseling should be is not a simple litmus test of whether two parties should be together. They are engaged, and willing to commit to a life together. That's the goal.

Working from that premise, counselling should examine existing and potential issues or friction that arise, get awareness and and focus and lend tools and strategies to work together to understand and prevent issues escalating, and for helping a couple through difficulties that arise.

Marriage counseling shouldn't be a Solomonic, thumbs up/thumbs down vote on whether a single person thinks two people should wed. It's to help and support two people willing to make this commitment explore, handle, and move past issues. 
Yeah, sorry, I didn't communicate well. I didn't intend to say that it's so the counselor can tell you whether you belong together. I meant that I see it as their job to help the two people determine whether they should be together, or maybe what "being together" will mean. I just think "bring them together" has a goal that maybe shouldn't be reached in some cases. Some people start down this road who shouldn't be brought together, so I was concerned with the goal of "bring something together"..."even if they shouldn't be together"! Which I know you weren't necessarily saying.

 
Yes.  I've told her on many occasions I'm willing to support her Christianity in any way (sans me actually being saved).  As far as kids, they're open to believe what they want to believe.  If she wants to take them down the Christian road, I'm fine with that.  I was raised in a Christian home and see the positives of that upbringing.  I just don't buy the dogma.  
awesome. 

kids brains don't fully develop until they're into their 20s. so for me- I've always felt like I wanted to expose my kids to as much as possible so they're aware, but keep the immersion into something as profound as faith and belief until they're old enough to make those kind of decisions and immerse themselves (with an awareness and grounding in as much as possible that we've been trying to provide). if the wife had told me- we're going to church every sunday or this isn't going to work... well- that wasn't going to work. but that wasn't who she was/is either.

 
You were just looking for a third party opinion, right? Just because you got it doesn't mean you have to take it. 

Now that you've got one you need to discuss that opinion with your fiance, with whom it sounds like you have a good relationship. Decide for yourselves what you think of the opinion.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
You were just looking for a third party opinion, right? Just because you got it doesn't mean you have to take it. 

Now that you've got one you need to discuss that opinion with your fiance, with whom it sounds like you have a good relationship. Decide for yourselves what you think of the opinion.
We were looking for a 3rd party opinion on why we're not communicating effectively during tense moments.  It has nothing to do with our different religious views, so this is all just a waste of time and money, in both our opinions.  

 
That's a fair point, but as El Floppo said, why not bring that to the couple's attention if that's truly her angle?  Instead, she's isolating my fiancee behind my back, using Bible verses to state that Christians shouldn't be with non-believers.  She's certainly not telling me that non-believers shouldn't be with Christians.  
Maybe she wanted to bring it up just to her to get her honest opinion.  With you there she might hide some things to protect you.  The counselor has only met you guys a couple times and doesn't have any clue how you feel individually since all sessions were meeting with both of you.  Sometimes being one on one allows someone to be more open and the counselor was pushing to see how important faith was to your fiancé.  It's a way of getting to the bottom line of whether or not your fiancé really doesn't care about having an atheist spouse.   I think her pushing was to try and get your fiancé to really look at what was important to her.  I don't think it was necessarily trying to tell her not to marry you. 

After all the point of doing this is to bring up hard decisions to make sure you are both comfortable with the path your are beginning.  Be clear with the counselor and have your fiancé tell her that she felt she was being bullied into the faith aspect more than she was comfortable.  Counseling is about being honest and communicating.  Running away from the counselor because you didn't like what she was saying seems like it could be a symptom of your issues of digging in and not listening as you described.  You need to figure out how to communicate.  Use this as a chance to communicate with the counselor about your (both of you) feelings on the subject.

 
We were looking for a 3rd party opinion on why we're not communicating effectively during tense moments.  It has nothing to do with our different religious views, so this is all just a waste of time and money, in both our opinions.  
Then the decision seems even easier. That person isn't the counselor you need. Find a new one.

To me, it sounds like you two are mostly good. Sounds like you need to learn some good negotiation and deescalation techniques.

I find that most young couple don't even know that you CAN deescalate a confrontation! Lol

 
We were looking for a 3rd party opinion on why we're not communicating effectively during tense moments.  It has nothing to do with our different religious views, so this is all just a waste of time and money, in both our opinions.  
Maybe it is a symptom of how you communicate badly with each other.  Instead of being honest with the counselor and figuring out what her intent was and what she was really trying to do it sounds like you are giving up and running away because you didn't like what she was saying or the methods she was using.  Maybe this is part of your combined issue. 

It's just words from a certain perspective that is making you guys uncomfortable.  Take this is a chance to try and communicate better and work things out with the counselor.  If you still are running into issues after this problem has been brought up then part ways if you think it is detrimental.  Personally I think this is a symptom of you guys not being able to see a different perspective in your own arguments. 

 
 if the wife had told me- we're going to church every sunday or this isn't going to work... well- that wasn't going to work. but that wasn't who she was/is either.
And, depending on the person's faith, "going to church every Sunday" may not properly encapsulate what they want for the children. Maybe she breaks out something like Philippians 3:10 and says that she wants the kids "to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and share in his sufferings, becoming like him in death." Well, what does that mean?!?! She may want the kids to love God more than anything else, which means she might love God more than anything else, including you and the kids (while obviously still loving both you and the kids). That's a different conversation than, "I'd like to take them to church." "Ok."

 
Maybe it is a symptom of how you communicate badly with each other.  Instead of being honest with the counselor and figuring out what her intent was and what she was really trying to do it sounds like you are giving up and running away because you didn't like what she was saying or the methods she was using.  Maybe this is part of your combined issue. 

It's just words from a certain perspective that is making you guys uncomfortable.  Take this is a chance to try and communicate better and work things out with the counselor.  If you still are running into issues after this problem has been brought up then part ways if you think it is detrimental.  Personally I think this is a symptom of you guys not being able to see a different perspective in your own arguments. 
I think your general premise is sound but, even if her intent was to look out for the both of us, she is using poor tact.  It's pretty demeaning to label someone a 'cafeteria Christian' if they don't follow Biblical rules to the T.  I don't know of any Christian today that doesn't blow off a fair amount of Biblical rules as unnecessary or antiquated.  Are they all 'cafeteria Christians'? 

 
I think your general premise is sound but, even if her intent was to look out for the both of us, she is using poor tact.  It's pretty demeaning to label someone a 'cafeteria Christian' if they don't follow Biblical rules to the T.  I don't know of any Christian today that doesn't blow off a fair amount of Biblical rules as unnecessary or antiquated.  Are they all 'cafeteria Christians'? 
I wasn't there so I have no idea what was meant or what the tone was.  I could imagine (if she is a good counselor) that she is pushing your fiancé to really think about what she wants or what Christianity means to her.  Is it of top importance or not?  She may not have meant it as demeaning and just as a label to identify her level of commitment. 

Also, you weren't there when this was happening as you are hearing this second hand from your fiancé.  So you are hearing her spin on how it was presented.  Again, I think this is a great opportunity to calmly discuss this tact/method with the counselor.  If you aren't happy with her responses or reasons why she did what she did then maybe she isn't right for you guys and you can leave.  If it were me, I would want a chance to figure out the intent and get the second side to the story.  Again, a chance to work on communication skills. 

 
I wasn't there so I have no idea what was meant or what the tone was.  I could imagine (if she is a good counselor) that she is pushing your fiancé to really think about what she wants or what Christianity means to her.  Is it of top importance or not?  She may not have meant it as demeaning and just as a label to identify her level of commitment. 

Also, you weren't there when this was happening as you are hearing this second hand from your fiancé.  So you are hearing her spin on how it was presented.  Again, I think this is a great opportunity to calmly discuss this tact/method with the counselor.  If you aren't happy with her responses or reasons why she did what she did then maybe she isn't right for you guys and you can leave.  If it were me, I would want a chance to figure out the intent and get the second side to the story.  Again, a chance to work on communication skills. 
You kind of just blew off my point.  This is your chance to work on communication skills.  😉

 
I’d never recommend an atheist marry a religious person and vice versa and that’s mainly because I think there’s a fundamental respect issue that will always be there.  Can it work, sure but if venture more times than not that it will fail (or one of the two will change their position).  YMMV.

 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top