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Children -- A Talk about how to handle a police encounter (1 Viewer)

Have you or do you plan on talking to your kids about how to behave if/when stopped by the police?

  • Yes (I'm white)

    Votes: 74 58.7%

  • No (I'm white)

    Votes: 33 26.2%

  • Yes (I'm not white)

    Votes: 2 1.6%

  • No (I'm not white)

    Votes: 1 0.8%

  • No kids

    Votes: 16 12.7%
  • Total voters
    126
Probably not much to discuss in this thread but will bump a few times to get some responses to the pole.

 
I don’t remember any specific talk when i was a kid

my oldest is 10, haven’t had any talks with him yet but I’m sure once he’s a teen I’ll tell him if he is ever stopped to be respectful and say yes sir/ no sir (or ma’am if it’s one of those lady cops) and to comply  with the officers request and he shouldn’t have any issues

 
There's a difference between telling your kids "hey, be respectful if you're ever stopped by the police" and a much longer talk explaining why you need to be very careful about a police encounter because your life might be in danger just because of the color of your skin. 

Telling your kids in a couple sentences to be respectful if they are stopped by the police isn't "The Talk"

Any of you non-blacks going through this?

 
gianmarco said:
There's a difference between telling your kids "hey, be respectful if you're ever stopped by the police" and a much longer talk explaining why you need to be very careful about a police encounter because your life might be in danger just because of the color of your skin. 

Telling your kids in a couple sentences to be respectful if they are stopped by the police isn't "The Talk"

Any of you non-blacks going through this?
Click to expand...
No.  You got me.  I don’t have my 8-year old daughter practice daily on how to explain to police officers that she is unarmed and not out to hurt them.

 
gianmarco said:
That's great advice.  Except a large % of this population can't help it because they are darker skinned.  So that doesn't really help them.
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True. Being white, with graying hair, I am nearly invisible to the police. I can’t imagine having to deal with police side-eying you for just walking to work, picking up trash or performing any other every day activity.

 
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My greatest fear is my kid being naively overly-compliant.  I remember getting pulled over when I was young.  I knew that he would ask for my license and registration, so as the cop was walking up, I was rooting around in my glove box for a copy of my registration.  Obviously a really dumb move in hindsight, but I was just trying to be helpful.  That's the kind of stuff that can get you shot.  Thankfully the cop who had pulled me over simply and calmly asked me to stop what I was doing.

 
bigbottom said:
My greatest fear is my kid being naively overly-compliant.  I remember getting pulled over when I was young.  I knew that he would ask for my license and registration, so as the cop was walking up, I was rooting around in my glove box for a copy of my registration.  Obviously a really dumb move in hindsight, but I was just trying to be helpful.  That's the kind of stuff that can get you shot.  Thankfully the cop who had pulled me over simply and calmly asked me to stop what I was doing.
Click to expand...
First time I got pulled over (shortly after getting my license), I didn't know what to do so I unbuckled my seatbelt and started to get out of the car for some reason. The cop drew his weapon and screamed at me to get back in the car. After that, he could tell that I was visibly shaken by the experience (we both were) and he let me go with a warning.

 
I voted no in both cases.  This was, of course, assuming that it was a specific conversation about law enforcement.  I most certainly teach them to be respectful of adults and authority figures.  Obviously the police is part of that.  I am lucky enough to be born to circumstances where I don't really have to worry about this specific conversation.  If I've done my job overall, this works itself out.  I wouldn't be able to say the same thing if my skin color was different or if my neighborhood were different.  I'd absolutely have to have this as an additional conversation.

 
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[scooter] said:
First time I got pulled over (shortly after getting my license), I didn't know what to do so I unbuckled my seatbelt and started to get out of the car for some reason. The cop drew his weapon and screamed at me to get back in the car. After that, he could tell that I was visibly shaken by the experience (we both were) and he let me go with a warning.
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I’ve had mixed encounters.  A female black officer pulled me over when I was 18 after I spun out in a rainstorm.  Was going to give me a reckless driving ticket, but ended up making me promise to replace my tires.  She was very nice.

In college a pair of white officers male/female pulled me over headed home from work because my Jeep matched the description for a stolen vehicle.  It took me about 30 seconds to pull over because the shoulder was so narrow on the street.  The officers were irate.  Guns drawn, handcuffs, the whole nine yards.  #######s.

 
Yes..my father told me if I ever get pulled over to be very respectful and just answer "yes sir, no sir" when asked a question and to keep my hands in plain view.

Where I grew up in Detroit I saw some good police beatdowns on people..of course that was before Iphones. I remember we were hanging out drinking one night and a cruiser pulled up..a friend of mine was drinking and being a smart ### to the Detroit police..next thing you know they tuned him up good right in front of us.  No arrest or ticket..just threw him down and punched him a few times.  Funny thing was when he got up he was just glad he was not arrested.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Parents should teach their kids to respect authority.

Police departments should teach their cadets how to not use excessive force, racially profile, and not shoot first ask questions later.

 
TheIronSheik said:
Don't all parents teach their kids to respect people of authority and follow their directions?  Like teachers, police, firemen, etc.

Or are we saying that white parents don't have to do this because their kids know better since they are white?  :confused:
Click to expand...
Yeah this is where I'm at.  Taught our kids to respect all authority not specific to police.  Though respect doesn't equate to automatically doing whatever they say nor does it involve dropping curse words when you disagree with their tactics.

 
gianmarco said:
Not sure what's so funny.  Would you prefer white people not care how bad minorities have it?
Click to expand...
No.  I prefer you don't act like you know what minorities go through.  We get it.  You feel bad about slavery and all that other stuff.  But you're coming off like you're trying too hard.  Like that 40 year old chick with pink streaks in her hair. 

Whenever I see white people getting upset about how white people treat minorities, I find that a little humorous.  

 
TheIronSheik said:
No.  I prefer you don't act like you know what minorities go through.  We get it.  You feel bad about slavery and all that other stuff.  But you're coming off like you're trying too hard.  Like that 40 year old chick with pink streaks in her hair. 

Whenever I see white people getting upset about how white people treat minorities, I find that a little humorous.  
Click to expand...
Entitled to your opinion.  And one of the ####tiest replies I've read on this site (and that's saying a lot).  Have a good day.

 
gianmarco said:
Entitled to your opinion.  And one of the ####tiest replies I've read on this site (and that's saying a lot).  Have a good day.
Click to expand...
You asked him for his opinion, based on his response I'd assume he is a minority. His opinion doesn't line up with yours, so your response is to insult him. 

Maybe apply some of that open mindedness you preach to your own actions :shrug:

 
fantasycurse42 said:
You asked him for his opinion, based on his response I'd assume he is a minority. His opinion doesn't line up with yours, so your response is to insult him. 

Maybe apply some of that open mindedness you preach to your own actions :shrug:
Click to expand...
What bothers me most is that I was trying to be funny about my response back to him.  And he called it ####ty.  It would be one thing to talk bad about my religion, my family or my heritage.  But to crap on my jokes?!?  That cuts deep.  He definitely crossed a line, there. 

 
TheIronSheik said:
What bothers me most is that I was trying to be funny about my response back to him.  And he called it ####ty.  It would be one thing to talk bad about my religion, my family or my heritage.  But to crap on my jokes?!?  That cuts deep.  He definitely crossed a line, there. 
Click to expand...
I took it for what it was - a light friendly reply with an opinion layered in. 

 
bigbottom said:
My greatest fear is my kid being naively overly-compliant.  I remember getting pulled over when I was young.  I knew that he would ask for my license and registration, so as the cop was walking up, I was rooting around in my glove box for a copy of my registration.  Obviously a really dumb move in hindsight, but I was just trying to be helpful.  That's the kind of stuff that can get you shot.  Thankfully the cop who had pulled me over simply and calmly asked me to stop what I was doing.
Click to expand...
I got pulled over when I was not so young. (40ish?) I knew as soon as he pulled out behind me that it was because- due to an unfortunate encounter between ice and the air dam mounted plate the past winter- my front plate was under my passenger seat. I pulled over , got my license and regi handy...aaaand ...reached around the back of the passenger seat for the plate...

"FREEZE! SHOW YOUR HANDS- NOW!"

:o

Fortunately it was a nice spring day, because my windows were partially down and the officer could hear me apologizing loudly and sincerely- hands in the open!- as he approached the passenger side window- hand on his hip. He looked almost as scared and rattled as I felt as I blubbered about how sorry I was and how I was reaching for the plate under the seat. He read me the riot act for making such a move and how things could have gone south real fast. I'm pretty sure he could tell that I damn near crapped myself because after he gave my papers the once over and we had both caught our breathe he asked me if I was okay. After I answered in the affirmative, he told me to have a nice day- and asked me to remember what he had told me about sudden moves, my hands, etc should I ever get pulled over again...

When I got home I remember discussing with my wife how a helpful to all televised PSA about what to do and what not to do when getting pulled over by LEO's would be. I've never seen one. And there still is a need for such. 

 
I make sure that my girls have gotten their middle aged white woman hair cuts and that they treat all police encounters like they would the return desk at Macy's. That should work well for them.

 
It's called respect.

Hopefully your parents have / had respect for authority.

and hopefully that was passed on to you.

I was taught that if I plead my case in a respectful manner without anger ... and you'll stand a better chance of them seeing your point.

 
No, but I knew several of the police officers.  Part of this is generational and geographic.  Black kids born before about 1980 in the South, if a parent didn't explain "the way things are" in a number of different areas of life, they were risking getting a phone call about a dead kid.  White boys had a pretty different experience.  White girls got a similar (though not the same) discussion about how to protect themselves.  

Nowadays, if you don't discuss this sort of thing with your kids with how militarized and hair-trigger the police are, no matter your race, sex, gender, whatever, you're risking a lot.

 
Henry Ford said:
No, but I knew several of the police officers.  Part of this is generational and geographic.  Black kids born before about 1980 in the South, if a parent didn't explain "the way things are" in a number of different areas of life, they were risking getting a phone call about a dead kid.  White boys had a pretty different experience.  White girls got a similar (though not the same) discussion about how to protect themselves.  

Nowadays, if you don't discuss this sort of thing with your kids with how militarized and hair-trigger the police are, no matter your race, sex, gender, whatever, you're risking a lot.
Click to expand...
One could argue the police might be hair triggered because people don't feel the need to comply anymore.  And with an officer being shot and killed every 5th day on average, it can make a police officer a little worried when he asks someone to take their hands out of their pockets and the person refuses.

 
TheIronSheik said:
One could argue the police might be hair triggered because people don't feel the need to comply anymore.  And with an officer being shot and killed every 5th day on average, it can make a police officer a little worried when he asks someone to take their hands out of their pockets and the person refuses.
Click to expand...
I love it when civilians try to tell us how bad police have it. :lol: :lol: :lol:  

 
TheIronSheik said:
One could argue the police might be hair triggered because people don't feel the need to comply anymore.  And with an officer being shot and killed every 5th day on average, it can make a police officer a little worried when he asks someone to take their hands out of their pockets and the person refuses.
Click to expand...
Regardless of the reason, it's an existing condition about which one should caution children.

 
Never had the talk (I'm white), but my dad shared his observation that every person he knew personally who went into local law enforcement was thin skinned and on a power trip. I remembered that conversation years later when thinking who I knew in LE (it held true, but just a small sample size i'm sure.)

I've never talked to my 20 year old son about LE. I'm acutely aware my friends who are p.o.c. have nightly fears for their own kids in that same cohort. My son is half-Asian; his Tiger mom instilled enough fear of authority and "you must always be respectful" that anything from me would just be overkill. Guess I'm the good cop in the family.

I cannot imagine having the Talk with my daughter. She'll always get the benefit of the doubt if she has interactions with LE 5-10 years from now.

 
Cowboysfan8 said:
Seems like common sense to me to have this discussion 
Click to expand...
Also seems like common sense to just do what the police ask you to do.  🤷‍♂️

Seems like sometimes the ugly encounters are the result of people just being unreasonable or putting up a fight/not complying.  Not to say there aren't crappy cops out there, and not to say lots of them aren't bullies, but when the man with the badge and gun rolls up, I ain't about to play tough guy.  Happy to let him be the big tough guy and just be polite back to him.

 
EYLive said:
And guess what... even when black men comply with officers... SOME STILL GET SHOT. 
THERE ARE VIDEOS OF CALM BLACK MEN GETTING SHOT TO DEATH BY POLICE.
Click to expand...


Henry Ford said:
Didn't a group of officers recently wake up a sleeping guy in a car to put 24 bullets in him or something?
Click to expand...


Henry Ford said:
Did you read the post?  I had a vague recollection of hearing that some police unloaded into a car that a guy was sleeping in.  Then I looked into it because he said he'd found it was taco bell.  And someone else said he was in the drive through.  Then someone posted he had a gun in his lap.

I looked it up.  I didn't include it in the first post because I didn't have that information off the top of my head.
Click to expand...
You quoted eylive and posted about the dude getting shot 24 times. If you weren't implying that he was complying with the police but got shot anyway....24 times....why did you post that while quoting him?

🤷‍♂️

 
Cowboysfan8 said:
You quoted eylive and posted about the dude getting shot 24 times. If you weren't implying that he was complying with the police but got shot anyway....24 times....why did you post that while quoting him?

🤷‍♂️
Click to expand...
Just for future reference, is there a particular number of question marks I need to use to indicate that I’m asking another poster a question?

 
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