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Gary Coal Man

Does a man cheating on his woman change your opinion of him?

If you find out a man cheated on his wife or girlfriend (and that’s all the information you have) does that change your opinion of him?  

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Posted (edited)

Please read all the choices before voting because there is some overlap.  For the sake of this argument pretend the couple has no children.

Edited by Gary Coal Man

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How can anyone pick the first option without knowing what the vows were?

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Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, Rodrigo Duterte said:

Good job leaving his children out of the equation.  Minor details.

I edited the OP to specifically exclude children to make this more straight cut about the couple. 

Edited by Gary Coal Man

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1 minute ago, EYLive said:

How can anyone pick the first option without knowing what the vows were?

Standard wedding vows.

Standard expectation in a serious, monogamous relationship of no side dalliances.

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Not my business.

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It's easy to say that someone who cheats is a scumbag and in a lot of cases that might be the reality but I've come to just take the stance that I'm not judging anyone's relationship being I haven't walked a mile in their married shoes I don't know what their dynamic is and I don't know the baggage each individual may be dealing with or has to tolerate.

 I'm not even gonna say it's easy to just get a divorce if you're looking to cheat because that in itself can be a life changing drastic impossibility for some couples.

Tldr;  I'm not judging 

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Do I know this couple? 

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2 minutes ago, Eephus said:

Do I know this couple? 

Good question.

Would your answer change depending on how well you know the man?  Does him being a close friend vs. a coworker or neighbor you kind of know vs. a celebrity you don’t personally know change your answer?

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1 hour ago, Gary Coal Man said:

Please read all the choices before voting because there is some overlap.  For the sake of this argument pretend the couple has no children.

 

Please add an option for "Yes, makes me respect him more". TIA

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1 hour ago, Gary Coal Man said:

Please read all the choices before voting because there is some overlap.  For the sake of this argument pretend the couple has no children.

I wouldn't judge the guy unless I knew the details

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44 minutes ago, Gary Coal Man said:

Good question.

Would your answer change depending on how well you know the man?  Does him being a close friend vs. a coworker or neighbor you kind of know vs. a celebrity you don’t personally know change your answer?

 

If it's some random stranger, I honestly don't care.  But I've had friends who've gone through similar situations and they're a lot more complex than can be covered in an online poll.  Ultimately, of course it's their business but it's also not something that can be totally compartmentalized.

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It depends.

I think the key is if I know the woman. If it's my sister, daughter, friend I'd think much less of him. 

I still cheer for Tiger to win despite he cheated on his wife.

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1) Only men? Really?

2)  My opinion about that person absolutely changes for the worse. But not for the reasons you stated so I didn't vote.

3) "Not my business" is a CYA answer. No one is asking you to tell on the cheater so take a stance. Not taking one feels like you would prefer someone not judge you for cheating.  It's PoS behavior, if you're going to do it you might as well own it.

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I know cheaters. Some of the people closest to me have cheated and they are still among my closest friends.  But I absolutely let them know that cheating was ###### up and cowardly.

Make it work or break up.  Anything else is a coward's play.

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11 minutes ago, Chaka said:

1) Only men? Really?

Yes, really.

The question was inspired by the David Ortiz thread.

Plus, let’s be honest, when a man cheats the prevailing societal view is that it was all his fault.  When a woman cheats you have plenty of people suggesting that maybe she wasn’t being treated right at home so she sought an escape.

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13 minutes ago, pecorino said:

Yes, but not so clearly your options 1 or 2. 

Yeah, I should have created  “Yes: other” and “No: other” options.

So why would you vote Yes?

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17 minutes ago, Chaka said:

2)  My opinion about that person absolutely changes for the worse. But not for the reasons you stated so I didn't vote.

What are your reasons then?

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I’m pretty close to Chaka’s take.  I think less of people who cheat - if you don’t want to be with the person then breakup/divorce.  But it can also not be my business - I would have no intention on inserting myself in their issues.  But if you ask my opinion then I think less of them.

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My friend was cheating on his wife they are in the process of getting a divorce.  My opinion would never change of him because he is my friend and I know what it would take for him too cheat.   There is always two sides to the story.  If a man is cheating it is almost always the womans fault.    Imo.

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Just now, bucksoh said:

My friend was cheating on his wife they are in the process of getting a divorce.  My opinion would never change of him because he is my friend and I know what it would take for him too cheat.   There is always two sides to the story.  If a man is cheating it is almost always the womans fault.    Imo.

No and even in instances when a wife isn’t being a good wife the person could get a divorce and then started sleeping around.  

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9 minutes ago, bucksoh said:

My friend was cheating on his wife they are in the process of getting a divorce.  My opinion would never change of him because he is my friend and I know what it would take for him too cheat.   There is always two sides to the story.  If a man is cheating it is almost always the womans fault.    Imo.

Attention shoppers, 

We got hot takes in aisle 4.

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Anytime I get any additional information about people I’m sure my opinion changes somewhat. 

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16 minutes ago, AAABatteries said:

No and even in instances when a wife isn’t being a good wife the person could get a divorce and then started sleeping around.  

Do you have to wait for the divorce to be finalized or you can you start sleeping around after filing for divorce?

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I probably think all of your options, when I learn of somebody's infidelities: man or woman.

I lose respect for anyone who doesn't have the internal grit to be honest with their partner that things need to change. To me, the whole point of a relationship is that you pledge to build communication and trust with that person for mutual benefit. You take honesty out of the equation and you're crippling your own relationship, and setting yourself up for pain/drama.

On the other hand, I also don't really feel a need to judge people too harshly. Walk a mile in their shoes, etc.

I think a lot of things, though. And probably care less about my thoughts than most people on this board.

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1 minute ago, Gary Coal Man said:

Do you have to wait for the divorce to be finalized or you can you start sleeping around after filing for divorce?

Once the couple agrees to split/breakup then no issues - also no issues if the couple have an open marriage.  But if you committed to a monogamous relationship then keep your commitment or bail.

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1 hour ago, Gary Coal Man said:

The question was inspired by the David Ortiz thread.

I love it.  Inspired by Ortiz, so conveniently leaving his children out of the equation makes perfect sense -- they shouldn't matter in all this.  And in order to get your poll results more to your liking, they would only screw that up.  Damn kids.  

Nice work.  Inspired by Ortiz is right.

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24 minutes ago, comfortably numb said:

Attention shoppers, 

We got hot takes in aisle 4.

Haha, this one made me LOL for real. 

The post you quoted was that awful. 

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3 minutes ago, Rodrigo Duterte said:

I love it.  Inspired by Ortiz, so conveniently leaving his children out of the equation makes perfect sense -- they shouldn't matter in all this.  And in order to get your poll results more to your liking, they would only screw that up.  Damn kids.  

Nice work.  Inspired by Ortiz is right.

There’s nothing stopping you from starting a poll adding kids into the equation.

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1 minute ago, AAABatteries said:

Once the couple agrees to split/breakup then no issues - also no issues if the couple have an open marriage.  But if you committed to a monogamous relationship then keep your commitment or bail.

  I agree with you on relationships but in the ideal world guys wouldn't have to lose half their crap and losing their children just by getting a divorce.   Why would a guy want that.  That is why alot of men cheat it is the wifes failure to be a good wife.

 

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16 minutes ago, ProstheticRGK said:

I probably think all of your options, when I learn of somebody's infidelities: man or woman.

I lose respect for anyone who doesn't have the internal grit to be honest with their partner that things need to change. To me, the whole point of a relationship is that you pledge to build communication and trust with that person for mutual benefit. You take honesty out of the equation and you're crippling your own relationship, and setting yourself up for pain/drama.

On the other hand, I also don't really feel a need to judge people too harshly. Walk a mile in their shoes, etc.

I think a lot of things, though. And probably care less about my thoughts than most people on this board.

What he said.

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To each his own.  The person passing judgment has no idea what his situation is.  That's between the guy, his wife, and the mistress.

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I'm highly judgmental about this.  My FIL is on his third wife, has no relationship with his son, and a messed up relationship with his daughter because he can't keep his #### in his pants.

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49 minutes ago, AAABatteries said:

keep your commitment or bail.

This is interesting wording. 

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8 minutes ago, dgreen said:

This is interesting wording. 

Yep, it may be seen as inconsistent (and probably is) but I’m fine with folks divorcing if they want but not with infidelity.

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50 minutes ago, Gary Coal Man said:

There’s nothing stopping you from starting a poll adding kids into the equation.

I'll pass.  

But speaking of wording, I love yours in your poll question: "man cheating on his woman", instead of something actually accurate, like a husband cheating on his wife and children.

And your poll options you chose to try and make your point are even more :lmao: .

Forget about what his kids are going to have to go through as a result of his decisions, this is about BIG PAPI!

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It would make me think twice about putting a lot of trust in that person for other stuff - business, friendship, whatever - as deservedly or not, it sends me the signal that this person will absolutely leave me hanging out to dry in a tough situation.

Yeah, that is based on what “my” definition of marriage means,  and doesn’t make him a “bad” person, but it totally would impacting interaction I had with him.

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, AAABatteries said:

I’m pretty close to Chaka’s take.  I think less of people who cheat - if you don’t want to be with the person then breakup/divorce.  But it can also not be my business - I would have no intention on inserting myself in their issues.  But if you ask my opinion then I think less of them.

I could be on board with the get out if you wanna cheat thought but the cards are stacked against men on this.

People automatically jump to the thought that a guy just wants strange so he is a scumbag for cheating and if he is cheating he should have divorced his wife.

Many marriages are filled with 2 people happily married and working. Wife gives birth and stops working to stay at home....but spends 2x more money than before. Fast forward 5 years. Couple is burried in debt both are fairly unhappy. Man sees marriage is dead wants strange but he wants to have his integrity so he looks into divorce.

Sees it will cost him 10k + half his 401k, 35% of his monthly salary,  sees his kid every other weekend while moving back into hia parents basement. Suddenly he feels trapped. Taking a chance on an affair is worth the risk.

Meanwhile unhappy wife wants to bang neighbor Frank. She has a lot more to gain by telling husband its not you its me and filling for a divorce...or she can just bang Frank. 

So while i agree, just get a divorce if you want to cheat but i think for some men their relationship has deteriorated to the point where they would rather remain in a ho hum marriage and now look to cheat because divorce would would cripple their life.

If divorce laws weren't as 1 sided i like to think there would be less cheating (men would be more apt to leave without drastically altering their life) and not to mention probably less men murdering their spouses.

Edited by comfortably numb
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49 minutes ago, Summer Wheat said:

If you cheat on your wife or at golf you I have no respect for you.

How about on your taxes?

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Rodrigo Duterte said:

But speaking of wording, I love yours in your poll question: "man cheating on his woman", instead of something actually accurate, like a husband cheating on his wife and children.

Do you think that maybe... just maybe... “woman” was used in lieu of “wife or girlfriend” in the title because your word number is limited and the question applies to both marriages and serious, monogamous dating?  You tell me — would “wife” apply to the latter?

That wasn’t really difficult to understand, but I can see why you didn’t.

Edited by Gary Coal Man

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Rodrigo Duterte said:

And your poll options you chose to try and make your point are even more :lmao: .

Am I trying to make a point or did I provide a neutral question with equal options on both sides of the equation for potential answers?

You may want to look at the likes for the posts in this thread.  You’d be surprised to see that my likes aren’t distributed in the direction you’ve convinced yourself that I’ve supposedly rigged this entire thread toward.

Dude, just because you like to brow-beat people with your opinion doesn’t mean I do too.  I prefer to hear other people’s differing opinions.

Edited by Gary Coal Man

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No, other. If that's all I know I don't know enough to form an opinion.  

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