A little background story, my ex had an affair with my son's soccer coach 3 years ago so she moved out. The guy has nothing to his name and my ex and I (mostly me) made a lot of good financial decisions over the years so we're both well off, I've made several attempts over the years to get her to put money into a trust for the kids where I would match her dollar for dollar with no success. I found out this weekend from my kids who live with me full time that she is getting married on Saturday and that the beat guy was pushing to get married. I called her to offer congrats then asked if she has made any financial arrangements for the kids future. She said that a pre-nuptial was signed but I'm still concerned dead beat will siphon $$. I haven't done any research into pre-nups so interested if anyone has any experiences???
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Ex-wife marrying a dead beat this weekend (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter stlrams
- Start date
Kids are 23 and 21. I realize there's a limit to my involvement but want to advise ex now rather then 20 years from now when potentially all the money is gone.
Juxtatarot
Footballguy
Are you referring to an inheritance for your kids or saving money for something else? They are adults now so I'm confused.
Da Guru
Fair & Balanced
Well the kids are not kids anymore and your ex can do whatever she wants. Not sure her age but if she is 50 or less and she stays married that could be 30 years. Hopefully she puts something in writing in case something happens to her though. Good luck.
Gotcha. Yeah, with your kids that old, I'd say just save money on your own for them (via trust or whatever is advised by your attorney).
For her, I'd say just give your opinion on being careful with this guy. That's on her. You guys are divorced. If she gets her money taken or doesn't save anything, oh well. That's on her.
Yes - looking to ensure my kids financial future vs dead beat spending it all or giving it to his kids.
That may be the best route to convince her to set-up trusts for the kids with each of us contributing equal amounts.
Long Ball Larry
Footballguy
if the money is hers as part of the divorce settlement, it seems unlikely that there's much you could really do. i guess you could try to give her suggestions and nudge her as best you can, but I'm not sure how you can ultimately force her to do anything.
#notalawyer
#notalawyer
Nipsey
Footballguy
Forget about convincing her, just have a lawyer set everything up. Small investment now for the kid's future and for your peace of mind.
Anarchy99
Footballguy
I believe my ex-wife moved 5,000 miles away and married a stoner / surfer dude in Hawaii almost half her age (and the age of of children). Exes are going to do what they are going to do, so other than conveying an opinion to the ex-wife , there really isn't a whole lot you can do about it.
Mario Kart
Footballguy
If your fear is that she won't save any money for the kids, inform your kids to not expect anything from her when she passes.
If your fear is that he will siphon all the money for themselves, inform your kids to not expect anything from them when that time comes.
I've had a couple sets of aunt/uncles that haven't treated me the same as my brother. Some of it has played out while they are still alive but I don't expect anything from them when they pass. My brother and I are the only nephews in the family.
If your fear is that he will siphon all the money for themselves, inform your kids to not expect anything from them when that time comes.
I've had a couple sets of aunt/uncles that haven't treated me the same as my brother. Some of it has played out while they are still alive but I don't expect anything from them when they pass. My brother and I are the only nephews in the family.
Ilov80s
Footballguy
She can do whatever she wants with her money. I would try to invite her to make a contribution to a trust or fund for your kids and then walk away. She can do as she pleases with the money she has and there likely isn’t any good that’s going to come out of trying to pressure your ex-wife on how she spends her money.
Ned Ryerson
Footballguy
Agreed but I'm hoping some of it or most go our kids when everything is over vs. dead beat spending it down or his kids getting it.
Ilov80s
Footballguy
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
Gotta let it go. You have absolutely no control over any of this. Frankly, it’s none of your business.
UNRELATED
Yesterday, my ex-wife took drove four hours RT to visit my uncle in the hospital. He had gall bladder surgery last week, will be discharged tomorrow - but you just never know how these things will go for an 80 year old. He’s the last of his generation; the other 17 aunts & uncles I grew up with, as well as my parents, are all gone. I don’t think she has seen him in 20 years, but they got along great when we were married. But she did it mostly because 1) it was the right thing to do, and 2) it was an opportunity to teach our 20 y.o. a valuable life lesson. My son will be a senior at Michigan Tech this fall and I’m thrilled he was able to spend some time with him. Uncle Fred is a retired doctor, great storyteller, very opinionated - he’s a piece of work, a real character, and I mean that in the most loving way.
My hope for all divorced FBGs is your ex- has as much class and decency as mine. We stay completely out of each other’s lives and always have (except to make visitation arrangements.) Once the divorce is final, you have ceded the right to speak into their life, and vice versa.
GL GB
D-Day
Footballguy
See if she would be willing to buy a life insurance policy for the expected amount of the estate, with the kids or a trust as the beneficiaries. That way there would be an understanding that the deadbeat gets the house, cars, cash without a fight, and the kids get their expected inheritance.
5-ish Finkle
Footballguy
This whole post was just to throw in the bolded #humbleBrag, wasn't it? WASN'T IT?!
Anyway, the answer here is to sleep with your daughter's soccer coach....I think.
DocHolliday
Footballguy
Think I would spend more time teaching my adult children the value of hard work, spending money wisely, and saving money and worry less about my ex
toshiba
Footballguy
![[scooter]](/data/avatars/m/22/22287.jpg?1659477690){kind=avatar}
[scooter]
Footballguy
tommyboy
Footballguy
pantherclub
Footballguy
Your kids soccer coach. Godalmighty that is just wrong. Hopefully he is not coaching anymore.
The sad answer is yes. He was fired for the above plus verbal/physical abuse then got another HS varsity HC job since our system doesn't allow previous employers to say anything.
Punxsutawney Phil
Footballguy
Unbelievable. Hopefully the kid whos coach it was hasn't been mentally screwed up too much from this. They will realize he is a loser sooner than later and unfortunately their mother will likely become their burden one day.
Wu-banger
Footballguy
sooooooo your kids were adults even when she moved out initially ?
...... Stop worrying about what she is doing and just prepare the best you can for your kids future , by yourself.
If you were willing to match her "dollar for dollar" for a trust for your kids hopefully you were doing this on your own as well.
Grahamburn
Footballguy
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
r/whoosh
northern exposure
Footballguy
johnnycakes
Footballguy
I think you were on the right track with using a trust, but it sounds like you were asking her to part with some of her money now by using an irrevocable trust in favor of the kids. I would suggest trying to convince her to put ALL the targeted wealth into a revocable trust with her as the trustee. This way she does not "give up" any of her money now. There is no gift. But if she dies, the trust becomes irrevocable and the successor trustee would have to manage trust funds according to the trust instrument. That trust instrument would name your kids as beneficiary. I think this would accomplish what you want but would allow the ex-wife to feel secure that she still has all her money to use however she sees fit while she is still alive.
Of course, you could also use a revocable trust to protect your assets from probate if and when you die....
mozzy84
Footballguy
The kids were adults the whole time this was going on? Totally confused why the ex has to worry about leaving them a pile of money just because you want too? Hell she might figure screw it, you're going to leave them plenty anyways, I am spending mine and enjoying life. Plus she was smart enough to sign a prenup. Let it go and move on, nothing you can do....
avoiding injuries
Footballguy
How good was your son’s soccer team and was he a key piece?
Hot Diggity Dog
Footballguy
[scooter]
Footballguy
Yeah, OK. You're still angry at your ex and you're masking it under the guise of wanting to create a trust for your kids.
Hot Diggity Dog
Footballguy
Not really. I even offered to put 2x what she put in. We (ex and I) worked hard our entire lives and I think it belongs with our kids vs someone that doesn’t deserve any of it. Besides trusts help preserve financial assets for the next generation. Stay classy....
Da Guru
Fair & Balanced
How old are both of you?
Right now just take the 2X and put that in a trust for your kids if you want so you are covered on your end. Your ex can do whatever she wants with her money as it seems she worked had and saved as well.
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