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Is it sexist to be more protective of your daughters than your sons? (1 Viewer)

is it?

  • Sure is

    Votes: 24 22.2%

  • Nope

    Votes: 84 77.8%
  • Total voters
    108
It would probably help to add the full quote from the other thread:

Can we stop with this? It's obviously sexist but maybe more importantly it's creepy that dudes (including ones who aren't even fathers) continue to be obsessed with the weird cultural thing we have where there's "joking" about controlling daughters' dating and sex lives. Even as adults. We're not in a mid-90's sitcom, it's 2019. It's gross to see yourself as the gatekeeper to sex with your daughter, even if you don't realize that's what you're doing. Think about how weird that is. Especially since you don't also do it on the topic of sons. 
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I voted yes, but I think it's wholly appropriate to talk about different things with sons/daughters and ready your sons and daughters for different experiences while dating and in interactions with the opposite sex. I don't think it's appropriate to let my sons stay overnight at the girlfriend's house if I'm not willing to let my daughter do the same (i'm not willing to let either happen at the moment, though my kids are 3, 1 and 3 weeks).

I don't think I'd deny my daughter any experience I'd be willing to let my sons have, though I hope I can give her a firm grasp of how cruel life can be and how best to protect herself from people who may want to hurt her...just like I'll teach my sons the same. It's just the people take different forms.

 
Walking Boot said:
If a 15-year old girl gets pregnant, which family is on the hook? Her's or the boyfriend's?
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This---both male and female children are equally capable of getting into trouble and getting hurt.  However--the ramifications of an error in judgment when it comes to sex are not equal.  Both can get diseases, both can get manipulated into doing things that they shouldn't be doing--but a male child cannot get pregnant.  If a male child gets a female child pregnant--the male child is still able to attend school relatively normally.  I'm not saying that his life might not have some added complications to it--but the course of his life is not going to be as negatively effected as the pregnant girls.   Look at Travis Barkers child Alabama Barker.   A 20 year old drummer from the band Echosmith started hitting her up on instagram DM's saying she was beautiful and inviting her to hang out with him at parties and BBQ's. She's 13.    A day or two ago--Travis Barker blasted him and exposed him for what he was doing.  Good for him for being overly protective.  It's not sexist for a parent to be aware of an added risk and to act accordingly.  

 
I'm a giant, tough & mean & crazee (in my prime, Yasiel Puig wouldnta pushed me off, ida kep walking thru him) and it was my great pleasure to walk into the most heated human sitches and bring peace. That was mostly done on women's behalf, but i'd have a real question about doing so now. I'm like George Costanza & the pigeons - "we hadda deal!". Almost no women defer to my size - men still do - and at least half the female strangers i encounter work behavior & mouthness in a way which takes pleasure in & advantage of the presumed lack of consequence. I have surprised a few of those, but the thrill is gone anymore. Now that it's become more & more likely that villagers w torches will come after me for anything, and i'm old enough to have a heart attack protecting or attacking anyone, y'all are on your own.

 
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jvdesigns2002 said:
This---both male and female children are equally capable of getting into trouble and getting hurt.  However--the ramifications of an error in judgment when it comes to sex are not equal.  Both can get diseases, both can get manipulated into doing things that they shouldn't be doing--but a male child cannot get pregnant.  If a male child gets a female child pregnant--the male child is still able to attend school relatively normally.  I'm not saying that his life might not have some added complications to it--but the course of his life is not going to be as negatively effected as the pregnant girls.   Look at Travis Barkers child Alabama Barker.   A 20 year old drummer from the band Echosmith started hitting her up on instagram DM's saying she was beautiful and inviting her to hang out with him at parties and BBQ's. She's 13.    A day or two ago--Travis Barker blasted him and exposed him for what he was doing.  Good for him for being overly protective.  It's not sexist for a parent to be aware of an added risk and to act accordingly.  
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Perhaps we should be more protective of our sons, not more lax with our daughters?

If a 20 year old woman was hitting on a 13 year old boy, that woman should expect and receive the same public outcry.

 
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Gawain said:
Perhaps we should be more protective of our sons, not more lax with our daughters?

If a 20 year old woman was hitting on a 13 year old boy, that woman should expect and receive the same public outcry.
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I have a 13 year old boy and a 9 year old girl, so this is rapidly becoming a very real discussion for me.

This biggest difference in the bolded above is rates of occurrence.  Of course, neither is OK, but how many women openly hit on early teenage boys?  Now we all have probably witnessed and/or heard multiple stories of adult men hitting on young teen girls.  I will definitely be more aware and more protective of when and where my daughter goes than my son simply due to the fact that she is at a higher risk of sexual advances and ultimately assault.  Also, once my son hits 15-17, he will be big and strong enough to defend himself against the majority of society.  Not saying I won't be protective of his mental and psychological risks, but the physical risks to a male greatly diminish compared to a female in the mid to late teens.

 
Jayrod said:
I have a 13 year old boy and a 9 year old girl, so this is rapidly becoming a very real discussion for me.

This biggest difference in the bolded above is rates of occurrence.  Of course, neither is OK, but how many women openly hit on early teenage boys?  
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I don't now about openly hitting on them, but I feel like every week there's a new story about a female teacher engaging in sex acts with students. 

To name just a few.....

 
Jayrod said:
I have a 13 year old boy and a 9 year old girl, so this is rapidly becoming a very real discussion for me.

This biggest difference in the bolded above is rates of occurrence.  Of course, neither is OK, but how many women openly hit on early teenage boys?  Now we all have probably witnessed and/or heard multiple stories of adult men hitting on young teen girls.  I will definitely be more aware and more protective of when and where my daughter goes than my son simply due to the fact that she is at a higher risk of sexual advances and ultimately assault.  Also, once my son hits 15-17, he will be big and strong enough to defend himself against the majority of society.  Not saying I won't be protective of his mental and psychological risks, but the physical risks to a male greatly diminish compared to a female in the mid to late teens.
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Good luck, man. I'm thankful that my daughter's older than my sons, if only because she'll be repulsed by their mouth-breathing friends, instead of intrigued. 

I think there are more women than we know that are predatory (though not as many as guys) and as society, we kinda overlook it because (as south park put it), NICE.
We probably shouldn't give women a pass. We probably should do a better job teaching our sons. And we should make sure that our daughters know what kind of folks are out there that will try to hurt them. To me, the best way to do that is through explanation and examples, not by throwing a chastity belt on her. My daughter's 3 though, I'm speaking without any experience myself.

 
General Malaise said:
I don't now about openly hitting on them, but I feel like every week there's a new story about a female teacher engaging in sex acts with students. 

To name just a few.....
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We used to have a thread dedicated to this topic and it was eye opening.

While I think the likelihood is still higher of older men hitting on young girls rather than the reverse, I think the women stories of hitting on the boys gets found out so often because the boys almost always brag to a friend and then it gets out.

 
Gawain said:
Perhaps we should be more protective of our sons, not more lax with our daughters?

If a 20 year old woman was hitting on a 13 year old boy, that woman should expect and receive the same public outcry.
Click to expand...
Parents should be protective of all children--but just look at the statistics.  A female child is far more likely to be targeted for sexual encounters by adult males versus a male child being targeted by an adult female.   If two consenting children have sex--the female child is the one that carries the greater ramifications of a potential pregnancy.    While boys and girls should absolutely be loved equally by parents---that doesn't mean that they have to be supervised in the exact same manner.   There are some biological differences that cannot and should not be ignored.  

 
Well, as men, we know what we were looking for when we were young. 

So why WOULDN’T we be overprotective of our daughters...no matter what their age?

 
jvdesigns2002 said:
Parents should be protective of all children--but just look at the statistics.  A female child is far more likely to be targeted for sexual encounters by adult males versus a male child being targeted by an adult female.   If two consenting children have sex--the female child is the one that carries the greater ramifications of a potential pregnancy.    While boys and girls should absolutely be loved equally by parents---that doesn't mean that they have to be supervised raised in the exact same manner.   There are some biological differences that cannot and should not be ignored.  
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I don't disagree with most of this. However, I end up in the position that my role is to explain the likelihood she's targeted, the likelihood she's catcalled and how to react. My role is to walk her through what pregnancy before marriage tends to result in. My role is to teach her how to be safe and give her the necessary resources to ensure that she is safe. If I try to assume to role of sole protector, she won't know how to react when I'm not there and she'll likely chaff against restrictions that are placed on her, especially if she sees her brothers don't have to deal with the same rules.

There's a reason why we wanted to party with the Catholic School girls in High School.

 
If you are talking about letting a son run around and do anything he wants but then locking your daughter away in a castle tower, then yes, that would be pretty sexist.

 
Gawain said:
I don't disagree with most of this. However, I end up in the position that my role is to explain the likelihood she's targeted, the likelihood she's catcalled and how to react. My role is to walk her through what pregnancy before marriage tends to result in. My role is to teach her how to be safe and give her the necessary resources to ensure that she is safe. If I try to assume to role of sole protector, she won't know how to react when I'm not there and she'll likely chaff against restrictions that are placed on her, especially if she sees her brothers don't have to deal with the same rules.

There's a reason why we wanted to party with the Catholic School girls in High School.
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I don't disagree with you either.   I disclosed in the other thread that I wasn't a parent--and I have mad respect for parents. I think raising children is probalby one of the toughest challenges--especially in this day and age. Even though we might not fully agree with each other--I do like that we can and have communicated our individual points of view in a respectful and polite manner.  

This is unlike the poster who made a comment that started this thread.  The comment that another poster made that spawned this thread was in response to an obviously joking post that I made where I claimed that I'd have a hard time letting any child be by themselves 3 days a week that was below high school age--and that "if I had a daughter--I wouldn't let her be alone until she was 30".  Clearly it was a joke--and to many perhaps a bad one--but it was obviously made not to be taken seriously.   Another poster went on a rude rant--basically inferred that anybody that made jokes like that is gross and creepy..etc.  I personally took far more offense to the tone and nature of his response more than anything else.   You and I are able to have somewhat differing opinions--and we were able to do so without inferring that the other is  gross, creepy or morally bankrupt.   I appreciate your responses and the civil way that you made them.  

 
With that said, I only have daughters (17 and 20) and both my wife and I have had talks with each of them about the importance of protecting themselves as well as about the dangers the world present to them that it may not present to boys/men their age. I don't think that is sexists to warn them/prepare them to be extra vigilant in this crazy, messed up world we live in. 

 
jvdesigns2002 said:
If I had a daughter- I wouldn't l wouldn't leave her home alone until she was 30.
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DJackson10 said:
Screw leaving the house. If I had a daughter she'd only be dating when I was dead
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ConnSKINS26 said:
Can we stop with this? It's obviously sexist but maybe more importantly it's creepy that dudes (including ones who aren't even fathers) continue to be obsessed with the weird cultural thing we have where there's "joking" about controlling daughters' dating and sex lives. Even as adults. We're not in a mid-90's sitcom, it's 2019. It's gross to see yourself as the gatekeeper to sex with your daughter, even if you don't realize that's what you're doing. Think about how weird that is. Especially since you don't also do it on the topic of sons. 
Click to expand...


Kinda weird to see my quote, out of context, used to start a thread. What I'm saying and what the OP is saying are two different topics entirely. My quote (above) that apparently started this thread was directly in response to the other two shorter quotes above. 

 
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Gawain said:
I voted yes, but I think it's wholly appropriate to talk about different things with sons/daughters and ready your sons and daughters for different experiences while dating and in interactions with the opposite sex. I don't think it's appropriate to let my sons stay overnight at the girlfriend's house if I'm not willing to let my daughter do the same (i'm not willing to let either happen at the moment, though my kids are 3, 1 and 3 weeks).

I don't think I'd deny my daughter any experience I'd be willing to let my sons have, though I hope I can give her a firm grasp of how cruel life can be and how best to protect herself from people who may want to hurt her...just like I'll teach my sons the same. It's just the people take different forms.
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This is kinda where I am.  I get the other poster's point about there being a different level of responsibility if there is an accident, but I think it's a bit silly to treat them completely differently and have different rules about dating/being alone, etc..  

 
C’mon. I have a son and 2 daughters. Young adults in their twenties. About to have our first grandchild. Been through this. 

I had my daughter get catfished and almost go meet a guy coming from out of state. He was married with children. Picture copied/pasted and looked like he fronted a band in a different circle of friends.  This after we already educated all of our kids about the risks online. Could that have happened to my son? Yeah. Outcome range likely much different.

Best friend had daughter in middle school who’s friends were being posted in a thread of “who gives the best bj”. They had no idea the damage done. Same with sending pics. More risk with daughters than sons.  PC or not it’s fact  

What’s the count of boys vs girls being found chained up in a shed somewhere? That’s what I thought.

Girls are just more at risk. Physically and emotionally. You have to pay more attention and get them through some challenging times. Not saying you ignore sons or let them run wild. Still a ton of parenting to do   But it’s differeht with daughters.

Get real people. 

 
Judge Smails said:
C’mon. I have a son and 2 daughters. Young adults in their twenties. About to have our first grandchild. Been through this. 

I had my daughter get catfished and almost go meet a guy coming from out of state. He was married with children. Picture copied/pasted and looked like he fronted a band in a different circle of friends.  This after we already educated all of our kids about the risks online. Could that have happened to my son? Yeah. Outcome range likely much different.

Best friend had daughter in middle school who’s friends were being posted in a thread of “who gives the best bj”. They had no idea the damage done. Same with sending pics. More risk with daughters than sons.  PC or not it’s fact  

What’s the count of boys vs girls being found chained up in a shed somewhere? That’s what I thought.

Girls are just more at risk. Physically and emotionally. You have to pay more attention and get them through some challenging times. Not saying you ignore sons or let them run wild. Still a ton of parenting to do   But it’s differeht with daughters.

Get real people. 
Click to expand...
It's a shame you wouldn't be equally as protective with your son.

 
Judge Smails said:
C’mon. I have a son and 2 daughters. Young adults in their twenties. About to have our first grandchild. Been through this. 

I had my daughter get catfished and almost go meet a guy coming from out of state. He was married with children. Picture copied/pasted and looked like he fronted a band in a different circle of friends.  This after we already educated all of our kids about the risks online. Could that have happened to my son? Yeah. Outcome range likely much different.

Best friend had daughter in middle school who’s friends were being posted in a thread of “who gives the best bj”. They had no idea the damage done. Same with sending pics. More risk with daughters than sons.  PC or not it’s fact  

What’s the count of boys vs girls being found chained up in a shed somewhere? That’s what I thought.

Girls are just more at risk. Physically and emotionally. You have to pay more attention and get them through some challenging times. Not saying you ignore sons or let them run wild. Still a ton of parenting to do   But it’s differeht with daughters.

Get real people. 
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Different risks and situations.  For sure it requires different discussions, etc.   I just dont get the comments like I quoted above about controlling their dating and sex lives or having different rules for the sexes.  

 
ConnSKINS26 said:
Kinda weird to see my quote, out of context, used to start a thread. What I'm saying and what the OP is saying are two different topics entirely. My quote (above) that apparently started this thread was directly in response to the other two shorter quotes above. 
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Your quote was rude, snarky and came across as holier than thou.  You chose to infer that me and another poster were sexist and creepy because of obvious jokes we made.   Lots of good parents choose to supervise daughters differently than sons because of the risks involved.  Let me guess--you feel comfortable labeling all of them creeps and sexists too?  You enjoy giving people that you don't know horrid labels without having a constructive discussion with them first?  I also love how you copied and pasted your entire quote above ---but went out of your way to leave a massive part of my quote out? That's very convenient.  If somebody read my entire quote it would  clearly come across that the only part that you are posting was an obvious joke not intended to be taken seriously or literally.   You purposely left out my entire quote to make yours look less egregious.   

I went back and forth with a poster earlier in this thread and while both of us had differing views--we were able to discuss our views--and managed to respect each other's opinions without thinking or concluding that the opposite was a creep, weirdo or sexist.  While I am able to understand and respect your position--I have zero respect for how you represented and presented it.   

 
Uruk-Hai said:
Spike said:
Well, as men, we know what we were looking for when we were young. 

So why WOULDN’T we be overprotective of our daughters...no matter what their age?
Click to expand...
Because we failed as fathers raising our sons?
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Exactly.  Do the same job in this area for both sons and daughters.  Saying that it happens more frequently to the girls is a bit naive.  Are you really all that certain that boys report inappropriate behavior in a consistent fashion?  If you are teaching them to somehow know how to protect themselves when they are minors, then you may also be discouraging them from telling someone when that isn't working.

It's sexist for both genders, and not in any good way.

 
jvdesigns2002 said:
Your quote was rude, snarky and came across as holier than thou.  You chose to infer that me and another poster were sexist and creepy because of obvious jokes we made.   Lots of good parents choose to supervise daughters differently than sons because of the risks involved.  Let me guess--you feel comfortable labeling all of them creeps and sexists too?  You enjoy giving people that you don't know horrid labels without having a constructive discussion with them first?  I also love how you copied and pasted your entire quote above ---but went out of your way to leave a massive part of my quote out? That's very convenient.  If somebody read my entire quote it would  clearly come across that the only part that you are posting was an obvious joke not intended to be taken seriously or literally.   You purposely left out my entire quote to make yours look less egregious.   

I went back and forth with a poster earlier in this thread and while both of us had differing views--we were able to discuss our views--and managed to respect each other's opinions without thinking or concluding that the opposite was a creep, weirdo or sexist.  While I am able to understand and respect your position--I have zero respect for how you represented and presented it.   
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Huh? I get that you were joking. It's obvious you were joking. My entire comment is about how normal those jokes are and how creepy that is when you think about it, in my opinion. Two of you made similar jokes within a half page of each other and I used them as a jumping off point for my post. 

I already apologized to you in the other thread for how strongly I came on. I'm providing the original conversation again here only because someone started a thread about it, without showing what I was responding to. 

I even asked you, after admitting I came on strong, to explain your thought process on why the jokes were funny, since that's what I had an issue with. You didn't respond. 

There was never any confusion over whether you were joking or not. It's not my point. 

 
ConnSKINS26 said:
Huh? I get that you were joking. It's obvious you were joking. My entire comment is about how normal those jokes are and how creepy that is when you think about it, in my opinion. Two of you made similar jokes within a half page of each other and I used them as a jumping off point for my post. 

I already apologized to you in the other thread for how strongly I came on. I'm providing the original conversation again here only because someone started a thread about it, without showing what I was responding to. 

I even asked you, after admitting I came on strong, to explain your thought process on why the jokes were funny, since that's what I had an issue with. You didn't respond. 

There was never any confusion over whether you were joking or not. It's not my point. 
Click to expand...
If you want to start a constructive discussion with somebody--perhaps try to not call them creeps or sexists before you even say "hello". Anyhow--my thoughts are clearly presented in this thread for you to read. If you still choose to believe that I'm some creep--so be it.   Enjoy your day.  

 
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