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Dentist

How do you avoid being a "glory days" guy

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10 hours ago, Dentist said:

 

I live near a a lake and invite friends and their families to come and boat with me.   They don't have to pay for anything.. just show up.    Still.. people are too busy with work, kids stuff, etc, etc, etc..   can't make it happen all the time

Invite some of us here.  Let's make it epic.

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5 hours ago, TripItUp said:

I get questions all the time “why aren’t you married”, “why don’t you have kids”.

I get asked those questions too, but I just respond that I have multiple girlfriends. No kids. Just a bunch of #### #### who want to #### my ####. And they always, always ask how many. How many girlfriends. And society is tough sometimes, but I just hold up my hand with however many fingers and say "this many" and they love it, they don't frown upon me at all.

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10 hours ago, wilked said:

Sounds like the core issue is no time away with the wife. What’s stopping you on that front? No one willing to watch the kids? 

Right. 

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12 hours ago, -OZ- said:

Same. College was awesome. HS, not so much. 

Your point about life being transitions hits home big time. This is the longest I've had (essentially) one workplace and one home, since high school. It's bittersweet staying in the same place, I can definitely see where if you haven't moved much you'd really miss the glory days. Life isn't exactly boring, but it's mundane.  

I went to high school in Michigan, college in Virginia, now I live in Florida. I didn't move a lot early on, but I never really felt comfortable with my schoolmates. Not totally sure why, but I left Michigan for college. Afterwards, I wanted to move to Florida, again, not sure why. My only regrets about leaving Michigan are that I miss fall and early winter(I do love a white Christmas), and that it's impossible to watch the Lions.

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12 hours ago, shuke said:

Invite some of us here.  Let's make it epic.

When are we doing this?

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1 hour ago, Kal El said:

I went to high school in Michigan, college in Virginia, now I live in Florida. I didn't move a lot early on, but I never really felt comfortable with my schoolmates. Not totally sure why, but I left Michigan for college. Afterwards, I wanted to move to Florida, again, not sure why. My only regrets about leaving Michigan are that I miss fall and early winter(I do love a white Christmas), and that it's impossible to watch the Lions.

You're not missing much.

I grew up near Detroit, stayed in Michigan for college but left upon graduation. No desire to return, although Western MI is nice, and a cabin in the UP has a certain attraction in the summer. 

I think you're romanticizing the snow a bit. At least in the city and burbs, we had more slush than nice snow. 

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12 hours ago, shuke said:

Invite some of us here.  Let's make it epic.

I could get on board for this. Make it one of my 6 weekends per year. 

Edited by wilked
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35 minutes ago, -OZ- said:

You're not missing much.

I grew up near Detroit, stayed in Michigan for college but left upon graduation. No desire to return, although Western MI is nice, and a cabin in the UP has a certain attraction in the summer. 

I think you're romanticizing the snow a bit. At least in the city and burbs, we had more slush than nice snow. 

I lived near Detroit as well, and the snow was nice when it first fell, and even then, I only liked it around Christmas. I remember several years where we got 6 inches of snow on the first day of spring. As far as I'm concerned, it could have warmed right back up on January 2nd and I'd be fine with it. The worst part was the 6 months of cloudiness. Gray days and purple nights, holy crap I'm glad I live in the Sunshine State now.

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4 hours ago, Kal El said:

I lived near Detroit as well, and the snow was nice when it first fell, and even then, I only liked it around Christmas. I remember several years where we got 6 inches of snow on the first day of spring. As far as I'm concerned, it could have warmed right back up on January 2nd and I'd be fine with it. The worst part was the 6 months of cloudiness. Gray days and purple nights

That area is great. As long as you can afford a vacation home for January thru March.

Edited by Leroy Hoard

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4 minutes ago, Leroy Hoard said:

That area is great. As long as you can afford a vacation home for January thru March.

The worst part is if it's just cold, but no snow, everything is brown and dead looking. Sure, we get the occasional hurricane here, but nobody ever froze to death after one. Also, when it's hot, we can always cool off. That cold feeling takes forever to go away when trying to get warm, and you can only put so many layers of clothing on.

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Assuming I'm getting an invite imo

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8 hours ago, Kal El said:

I lived near Detroit as well, and the snow was nice when it first fell, and even then, I only liked it around Christmas. I remember several years where we got 6 inches of snow on the first day of spring. As far as I'm concerned, it could have warmed right back up on January 2nd and I'd be fine with it. The worst part was the 6 months of cloudiness. Gray days and purple nights, holy crap I'm glad I live in the Sunshine State now.

I lived in Ann Arbor a couple years. Loved my job, but the climate was unbearable. Snow without mountains is the worst, and months of grayness suck, too.

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16 hours ago, Otis said:

Assuming I'm getting an invite imo

Isn't travel without family a bit weird? 😉

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On 10/14/2019 at 7:06 PM, xulf said:

I know this probably all sounds cliche, but at the end of the day, what is this all for if we aren't doing things we feel proud of and/or helping others in some way.

I’m here for the likes.

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No offense intended Dentist but you strike me as the type that if magically you swapped places with TripItUp you would start a thread tomorrow about being bored and looking for something to occupy your time. 

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On 10/14/2019 at 7:00 PM, TripItUp said:

I get questions all the time “why aren’t you married”, “why don’t you have kids”.  

I come off as a pretty normal, successful guy so it surprises people that I don’t lead the traditional life and I think there is even a notion that “not sure I can trust a guy that isn’t a family man” sometimes.   People don’t say it but I sense it.   Moreso here in conservative SoCal than when I lived in SF.

 

My income has doubled since I had my first child 5 years ago and it didn't suck before then.  Some of that is time and increased skills.. most is trust I get from people who know I'm a "family man"

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33 minutes ago, AAABatteries said:

No offense intended Dentist but you strike me as the type that if magically you swapped places with TripItUp you would start a thread tomorrow about being bored and looking for something to occupy your time. 

Maybe I would.

I know my single friends aren't exactly having the time of their lives anymore either.

What I really want is something that's unrealistic.   I want to have my family, then magically once a week all of my friends are available for happy hour and we can have a great night out and then I can return to my family. 

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On 10/14/2019 at 1:40 PM, Dentist said:

Ha!  i forgot what part of town you live in again.  

Overland Park. But originally from KCK so I'm not one of the uppity ones over here.

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2 hours ago, Dentist said:

My income has doubled since I had my first child 5 years ago and it didn't suck before then.  Some of that is time and increased skills.. most is trust I get from people who know I'm a "family man"

makes sense as a dentist....as a corporate consultant nobody really cares and it almost fits the profile to a degree.   Most of the awkwardness for me comes during social occasions.

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10 hours ago, Dentist said:

Maybe I would.

I know my single friends aren't exactly having the time of their lives anymore either.

What I really want is something that's unrealistic.   I want to have my family, then magically once a week all of my friends are available for happy hour and we can have a great night out and then I can return to my family. 

Replace “friends” with “boozy marketing blondos” and I am right there with you.

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On 10/14/2019 at 7:45 PM, shuke said:

Invite some of us here.  Let's make it epic.

How close is his place to the greater Bakersfield-Atascadero metro area?

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On 10/14/2019 at 9:29 AM, eoMMan said:

That's life.  Nothing much you can do about.  I think it's important to think about how good life it in the moment and focus on how awesome life will be in the future (early retirement, kids growing up, no bad beats when you win the Main event, etc.).

Nothing you can do about it pretty much sums it up.  I'll also be 42 next month.  Maybe 2-3 times a year I see the old group of friends and the glory days always come up.  What's worse for me is I pretty much have zero time to do anything.  I work a 12 hour night shift(6pm-6am).  I only work half the days in a month, but the other days I have my kids and there's always some sport/girl scouts etc... I'm always taking them too.  So I might have them, but they're busy too or playing with friends.  They're 12 and 9.

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On ‎10‎/‎14‎/‎2019 at 9:50 AM, Ditkaless Wonders said:

The best is yet to come.

No offense, but unless I hear this from 150 year old @Eephus, I'm not going to believe it.

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Challenge yourself and create new memories. 

I'm semi-retired and still don't have enough hours in the day to do all the things I'm trying to do. My wife and I have been together for 30 years, no kids (by choice!) so we lived through our 20's together. We rarely talk about the past because we always have things planned for the future. We're both somewhat introverted so group settings can be draining, especially when, like with so many old friends, get togethers devolve into talk about "glory days" It gets boring when it's the same stories over and over.  But we both push ourselves, my wife with her gym/running friends and me in voiceovers. Both have a lot of younger people that push us to keep up and do better. Our usual 4 or 5 vacations a year has been replaced by a condo we just bought in Boise, that will be a second home for a year or two until we move there full time.  Neither of us has lived anywhere other than Queens in our lives. That has opened up so many exciting opportunities.

You avoid being a "glory days" guy by looking ahead. I know it's easy to say for me with no kids but find something that will make you look forward to the future for yourself. 

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4 minutes ago, jamny said:

Challenge yourself and create new memories. 

I'm semi-retired and still don't have enough hours in the day to do all the things I'm trying to do. My wife and I have been together for 30 years, no kids (by choice!) so we lived through our 20's together. We rarely talk about the past because we always have things planned for the future. We're both somewhat introverted so group settings can be draining, especially when, like with so many old friends, get togethers devolve into talk about "glory days" It gets boring when it's the same stories over and over.  But we both push ourselves, my wife with her gym/running friends and me in voiceovers. Both have a lot of younger people that push us to keep up and do better. Our usual 4 or 5 vacations a year has been replaced by a condo we just bought in Boise, that will be a second home for a year or two until we move there full time.  Neither of us has lived anywhere other than Queens in our lives. That has opened up so many exciting opportunities.

You avoid being a "glory days" guy by looking ahead. I know it's easy to say for me with no kids but find something that will make you look forward to the future for yourself. 

I'm in a similar situation - no kids, work part time and travel quite a bit. Not really nostalgic by nature, but I think its important to keep looking forward regardless. And hanging out with younger, single people helps.

I imagine it's difficult to live vicariously through one's kids for a big chunk of adulthood, especially if you long for drunken revelry sans responsibility. 

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19 hours ago, Dentist said:

Maybe I would.

I know my single friends aren't exactly having the time of their lives anymore either.

What I really want is something that's unrealistic.   I want to have my family, then magically once a week all of my friends are available for happy hour and we can have a great night out and then I can return to my family. 

Not unrealistic at all.  Tuesday night I was out walking with the wife when a neighbor buddy stopped out and asked if I wanted to go to the bar for a few after the kids went to bed.  

Oh, and when's the boat party?

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Be an active Dad.  Especially as your kids get older and get into all kinds of activities.  It would never have occurred to me to coach youth sports if my daughters hadn’t played, and it turns out that I love it.  I’m 48 and while I do miss certain aspects of my younger days, there is gobs of satisfaction to still be found.  You’ll be ok.  🙂

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21 hours ago, Dentist said:

Maybe I would.

I know my single friends aren't exactly having the time of their lives anymore either.

What I really want is something that's unrealistic.   I want to have my family, then magically once a week all of my friends are available for happy hour and we can have a great night out and then I can return to my family. 

if happy hour every week or two with buddies is unrealistic, I would say you must have some very small goals in life

 

At least for me, it's as simple as making sure the schedule is open and giving the wife a day or two notice.  I personally wouldn't want to do it every week (to be fair, she would have a problem with that likely) but 2 / month would be no big deal.  As it is I am more like 1/ month as is

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22 hours ago, Dentist said:

Maybe I would.

I know my single friends aren't exactly having the time of their lives anymore either.

What I really want is something that's unrealistic.   I want to have my family, then magically once a week all of my friends are available for happy hour and we can have a great night out and then I can return to my family. 

Nothing  unrealistic about it.

I do this with my friends every Thursday night - its called thirsty Thursday.. Then there's the camping trip, opening day baseball. golf outings, hockey games,  concerts here and there, etc.

I'm able to pull this off - my kids are not that young anymore which helps.

HUGE factor in this is that your wife needs to also have her time away - her own friends, her own hobbies, etc. BUT also still find time to have that quality family time together.

Edit to add: I'm 52 and will continue to do this until the day I die.  It keeps me sane.

Life's too short - I work too hard not to enjoy myself.

 

Perfect example of all of this - I've been on vacation the last 2 weeks. First 4-5 days we did a family trip with the kids to Niagara Falls - next 4 days my wife and I did a no kids couples trip to Nashville TN - and the last 4 days I went camping with just the guys. 

 

And woot - look at that - it's Thirsty Thursday today !!!!

 

Edited by =Smackdown=
change
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Some other “unrealistic” goals:

-watch the local NFL team’s football game on Sunday 

-Go golfing a handful of times in the warm months

-Go see a buddy’s band play a gig

-go fishing on a buddy’s boat for an afternoon 

 

all of these are 3-4 hr activities and should be within the realm of possibility

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2 hours ago, =Smackdown= said:

Nothing  unrealistic about it.

I do this with my friends every Thursday night - its called thirsty Thursday.. Then there's the camping trip, opening day baseball. golf outings, hockey games,  concerts here and there, etc.

I'm able to pull this off - my kids are not that young anymore which helps.

HUGE factor in this is that your wife needs to also have her time away - her own friends, her own hobbies, etc. BUT also still find time to have that quality family time together.

Edit to add: I'm 52 and will continue to do this until the day I die.  It keeps me sane.

Life's too short - I work too hard not to enjoy myself.

 

Perfect example of all of this - I've been on vacation the last 2 weeks. First 4-5 days we did a family trip with the kids to Niagara Falls - next 4 days my wife and I did a no kids couples trip to Nashville TN - and the last 4 days I went camping with just the guys. 

 

And woot - look at that - it's Thirsty Thursday today !!!!

 

So true about the wife having her "girl time". I'm very thankful that my wife has hers.

Mine goes out with co-workers after work most Fridays ... and she's often stumbling in pretty late. Fine by me as I work Saturdays and prefer not to be hungover.

Gives me the house / tv to myself for a few hours. Great night for MMA, Battle Bots, or a "guy movie" that she would HATE.

Almost every Sat night we go out together or with other couples. Drinks, dinner, and whatever entertainment is local.

Sometimes we host a game night with the group ... but about one Saturday night every month  I have a bunch of guys over for cornhole and poker. The wife rightfully assumes that if she sticks around she's expected to tend bar for us drunktards all night so she usually finds something else to do with one or more of her friends that night and she gets out of our hair.

I also will go to the Pats game with my brother once or twice a year,  play golf on several occasions, or us guys charter a fishing trip. I play old man pickup basketball once or twice a week. She doesn't complain about any of the above. Well, she does ask to come fishing with us but she was born a girl so ... "maybe NEXT time".

I'm 50 and kids are away at college ... so yeah, it's easier now than when the kids were home and needed adult supervision.

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Interesting thread. A lot of good posts. Staying busy with planning things to do is essential to not falling into a rut and thinking all of the good times you'll ever have were in the past. Not always easy to do once you hit a certain age. 

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