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Long Ball Larry

Amtrak - real American heroes

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Missed my train because the connection in from my regional station was late.  Go to ticket counter and explain same.

Agent: oh you did this online? Yeah we don’t guarantee those transfers.

Uncaffeinated novice train traveler: yeah, I don’t know, I just went online and made the reservation.

Agent (snickering): but you only gave yourself 7 minutes!

UNTT: I don’t know man, I just chose the option that was suggested.

Agent stares blankly.

UNTT: ok, so can I get on a different train or-

Agent (bemused): oh, you’re not gonna get the same price!

UNTT: ok, that’s fine, I just-

Agent: You only paid $82 for this!

UNTT accepts fate.

Agent: Alright here’s the next one.  You want that?  It’s $83 more!

Agent takes existing ticket, which also includes return ticket.

UNTT: sure.

UNTT realizes he needs return ticket.

UNTT: oh, can I get that other ticket back, because-

Agent (knowingly): oh yeah man, I got you. I got you.

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6 hours ago, El Floppo said:

Oooooh....Do a plane next! :popcorn:

“It’s 6:27!”

I barely heard my ladyfriend’s exclamation, having fallen into a deep sleep after a night of passionate lovemaking.

We were supposed to be on a plane at 7:30 that morning and had intended to leave the house at 5:00.  (I later came to learn that my ladyfriend, Jade, had set her alarm for 5:00 pm).  Our ride, an old friend in an open marriage who was temporarily living in her house, also had an alarm failure.  We all rushed around the house, got ready and jumped in the car, always knowing that this was a futile effort to defy the gods.

We arrived at the airport at 7:25.  We explained our plight to the ticket agent, Fran, who reminded us that we should always arrive 2 hours before a flight.  She was a handsome woman, with hair tightly pressed against her narrow head, an anachronistic character for the hustle and bustle of cosmopolitan life.  

We were flying to San Francisco to attend the wedding of Jade’s co-worker.  Jade didn’t have many friends, but longed for connection, a hole  so deep which I eventually came to learn I could not fill.  (Of course at that time, my youthful exuberance sought to fill other holes.). 

Jade had trouble with flying.  All the pressure changes gave her terrible headaches and nausea.  She had the sensitive temperament of a wounded sea otter.  As a result, we had paid for a direct flight.  After waiting for 15 minutes, pondering the inexorable march of time, Fran informed us that the next direct flight was a red eye at 10:10 that night.  The red eye -a floating barge of miscreants, workaholic parents, strippers and those too cheap to pay for an extra hotel night - would not work, as we needed to be in town in the late afternoon.

“The next flight I have available leaves at 9:30 this morning, but there is a connection in Dallas,” Fran informed us.  Jade was growing perturbed, but agreed to take it. 

“However” - Fran started and then paused strangely, seemingly holding the sword of Damocles above our heads - “I have only one first class seat and one coach seat.”

Jade and I looked at each other, calculating the proper response to Fran; to each other; to the universe...

“Well, you’re just going to try to sleep the whole time, so I might as well just take the first-class seat,” I eventually said, knowing that it was probably the wrong thing but unable to dampen my enthusiasm for free booze (even at 9:30 in the morning. Especially at 9:30 in the morning, frankly.)

Jade’s eyes narrowed as she tried to muster the energy to debate me, but was unable to find the resolve.  We took the tickets and headed off toward the gate, wandering toward an uncertain future.

Edited by Long Ball Larry
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4 hours ago, El Floppo said:

Hfc... :Standingovation: ..... :popcorn:

got into a groove and did one for automobiles too, but kind of ran out of steam and didn't quite finish it well.  maybe some day...

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