E-Z Glider
Footballguy
Saturday morning, my wife and I went for a walk. There's a 3-mile loop that we've walked ever since we moved into our house 19 years ago. We've probably done it a thousand times. The majority of the walk is on a back, country road that winds along a stream and passes by a couple farm houses and fields. There are about 5-10 other people who also walk this loop regularly and there are about 4-5 people we know along the route, so it's not uncommon to chat with some people along the way. About 2-3 years ago, someone bought one of the old abandoned farm houses, knocked it over, and put up a pre-fab construction house. I know nothing about these people, but I can tell from the signs/flags in their yard that they are VERY patriotic and they VERY much support our president.
Anyway, fast-forward to Saturday. We're walking down a stretch of road where there's a black walnut tree and a speed limit sign. We have a little game that we have been playing here every fall for about the past 5 years or so. We stop at the tree, each pick up a few black walnuts, and see who can hit the sign first. I, of course, always win. At this time of the year, the walnuts are staring to turn black, soft, and rotten. On this particular walk, it probably took us each a good 15-20 throws before I finally hit it. Once I hit it, we continued walking.
About 300 yards down the road (and barely visible) is this guy's house. As we're approaching I see him start waddling towards the road (he's a big pot-bellied fella). We have the following exchange:
Neighbor (with a smart-### tone): Hey there, let me ask you a question....
Me (smiling happily): Sure, what's up? (I assumed at this point he was going to either say something interesting or attempt to be funny)
Neighbor: Do you have a problem with signs on this road?
Me (still smiling and confused): Signs? No, I dont care what signs you have in your yard. (I assumed maybe someone complained about his signs?)
Neighbor (with a suddenly angry, confrontational tone): Well, we've been having a lot of trouble with vandalism of signs around here.
Me (now completely confused): Oh, uhhhh, yeah?
Neighbor (now getting angry and raising his voice): "UHHHHH YEAH" (mocking me), AND I JUST WATCHED YOU THROWING ROCKS AT THE ROAD SIGN UP THERE FOR THE LAST 10 MINUTES..... NOW LET ME ASK YOU AGAIN.... DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SIGNS ON THIS ROAD?1!?!?
Me (shaking my head and sort of laughing as I realized what was going on): Oh those were just walnuts.... we were just playing a game.... trust me, we're not vandals (laughing).
My wife (trying to intervene): Oh my gosh, no, it's just a little game we play, we like to challenge.... (never got to finish because he cut her off)
Neighbor: ALL I KNOW IS WE HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH VANDALS AND I JUST SAT HERE AND WATCHED YOU THROWING ROCKS AT THAT SIGN FOR THE LAST 10 MINUTES!!!!!
------ Just to interject, my wife an I are your average looking, middle-class, 50-year old mom/dad. I am a bald guy with a dad-bod in running pants, my wife just had wrist surgery and has a big cast/brace on her arm. I can understand how it may have looked bad from a distance, but at this point, its pretty clear we are not who he thought we were.------
Me (finally starting to get a little annoyed at the accusations): Look, I hear what you're saying, but trust me, you're barking up the wrong tree here (this apparently set him off).
Neighbor (now screaming and waddling towards me like he wants to throw-down): LISTEN HERE, DONT YOU GET PISSY WITH ME BOY. I JUST WATCHED YOU THROWING.....
Me (raising my hand in the air and cutting him off with big smile on my face): Have a great day, sir. Let's go honey.
Neighbor: YEAH, LETS GO HONEY!!! .... YOU GET OUT OF HERE!!! DONT YOU PULL THAT #### ON ME!!!!!
Me (with hand still in air and big smile): Have a great day, sir.
We immediately walked off and I could still hear him screaming several minutes later. It was all pretty disturbing and my wife genuinely felt bad about it all weekend. She said she's never been yelled at by a stranger before. I really would have loved to roll his fat ### down the hill, but that wouldn't have accomplished anything either. Not sure if this will be the end of it, but I'm sure I'll see him again soon.
Anyway, fast-forward to Saturday. We're walking down a stretch of road where there's a black walnut tree and a speed limit sign. We have a little game that we have been playing here every fall for about the past 5 years or so. We stop at the tree, each pick up a few black walnuts, and see who can hit the sign first. I, of course, always win. At this time of the year, the walnuts are staring to turn black, soft, and rotten. On this particular walk, it probably took us each a good 15-20 throws before I finally hit it. Once I hit it, we continued walking.
About 300 yards down the road (and barely visible) is this guy's house. As we're approaching I see him start waddling towards the road (he's a big pot-bellied fella). We have the following exchange:
Neighbor (with a smart-### tone): Hey there, let me ask you a question....
Me (smiling happily): Sure, what's up? (I assumed at this point he was going to either say something interesting or attempt to be funny)
Neighbor: Do you have a problem with signs on this road?
Me (still smiling and confused): Signs? No, I dont care what signs you have in your yard. (I assumed maybe someone complained about his signs?)
Neighbor (with a suddenly angry, confrontational tone): Well, we've been having a lot of trouble with vandalism of signs around here.
Me (now completely confused): Oh, uhhhh, yeah?
Neighbor (now getting angry and raising his voice): "UHHHHH YEAH" (mocking me), AND I JUST WATCHED YOU THROWING ROCKS AT THE ROAD SIGN UP THERE FOR THE LAST 10 MINUTES..... NOW LET ME ASK YOU AGAIN.... DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SIGNS ON THIS ROAD?1!?!?
Me (shaking my head and sort of laughing as I realized what was going on): Oh those were just walnuts.... we were just playing a game.... trust me, we're not vandals (laughing).
My wife (trying to intervene): Oh my gosh, no, it's just a little game we play, we like to challenge.... (never got to finish because he cut her off)
Neighbor: ALL I KNOW IS WE HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH VANDALS AND I JUST SAT HERE AND WATCHED YOU THROWING ROCKS AT THAT SIGN FOR THE LAST 10 MINUTES!!!!!
------ Just to interject, my wife an I are your average looking, middle-class, 50-year old mom/dad. I am a bald guy with a dad-bod in running pants, my wife just had wrist surgery and has a big cast/brace on her arm. I can understand how it may have looked bad from a distance, but at this point, its pretty clear we are not who he thought we were.------
Me (finally starting to get a little annoyed at the accusations): Look, I hear what you're saying, but trust me, you're barking up the wrong tree here (this apparently set him off).
Neighbor (now screaming and waddling towards me like he wants to throw-down): LISTEN HERE, DONT YOU GET PISSY WITH ME BOY. I JUST WATCHED YOU THROWING.....
Me (raising my hand in the air and cutting him off with big smile on my face): Have a great day, sir. Let's go honey.
Neighbor: YEAH, LETS GO HONEY!!! .... YOU GET OUT OF HERE!!! DONT YOU PULL THAT #### ON ME!!!!!
Me (with hand still in air and big smile): Have a great day, sir.
We immediately walked off and I could still hear him screaming several minutes later. It was all pretty disturbing and my wife genuinely felt bad about it all weekend. She said she's never been yelled at by a stranger before. I really would have loved to roll his fat ### down the hill, but that wouldn't have accomplished anything either. Not sure if this will be the end of it, but I'm sure I'll see him again soon.
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