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Charging your adult kids rent - Yay or Nay? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter KCitons
- Start date
Atomic Punk
Footballguy
Absolutely! I charged both of my sons rent as adults. If you aren’t going to school/university, then you will have.a job and pay rent.
Neither questioned it and both were happy when we handed them a check of their rent payments when they finally moved out.
Neither questioned it and both were happy when we handed them a check of their rent payments when they finally moved out.
cheeseypoof
Footballguy
Not at this time. 1 son. He doesn’t make a lot and he has student loans to pay (I actually pay them and he pays me). It’s just the 2 of us so I don’t mind that he’s still at home.
Zerp
Interdisciplinary Research
A buddy suggested this and I did exactly the same thing. Helps them learn to live on a reasonable budget.
DJackson10
Footballguy
Depends on situation. mine I went to college not great success stayed at my current job since the end of JR year of HS. I pay rent. About $300 a month $250 board and room and $50 for my phone still on their account. I buy my own stuff when it comes to clothes and beer and such and they still cook. I don't make enough to live on my own but I also do a few other chores around the house.
I would charge my kids rent only if they were being lazy not getting a job out of school or at the very least attending classes or trying to attempt to do something with their life. If I had a kid taking a year off from school I wouldn't charge them unless they never went back to school. First year or so out of college if they are home if they have a job I'd rather them be responsible and get those student loans down a bit.
I would tell them however SR year of HS they are either going to college or at least doing some sort of job. If they want to take a year off to save for college and have a job I won't force them to pay rent. Maybe extra chores around the house or something but I will tell them if they are gonna be lazy and just sit on their ### they better find a job because they'll be paying rent.
I did have one buddy who ended up back at home do to something out of his hands where he had to get out of his apartment him and another guy were in. When he said his parents would let him live at home till he could figure out his next move, he offered to pay rent without hesitation or them asking him too. He already had a good job and offered to help pay some of the bills. The issue was the timing of when he had to get out of the apartment, it was during this time of year and the incident with his roommate happened without warning. It was not even his roommates fault either. They were both incredible busy with their jobs at the time so it wasn't like they could afford time off to even look for another place together.
Nigel
Footballguy
Nigel
Footballguy
gianmarco
Footballguy
I may be in the minority, but I can't ever see myself charging one of my kids to live in our home. That just wouldn't ever feel right.
I'm all for teaching responsibility, but if my kid is an adult and living at home, there's got to be a reason. I would hope I've already helped teach the skills and responsibility needed so we aren't in that situation without it being a good choice for whatever reason. If I failed in that aspect, I don't think charging rent fixes it.
I'm not in that spot yet, but I would imagine I'd feel more comfortable forcing them to move out and find their own place than stay at home and ask for rent money.
I'm all for teaching responsibility, but if my kid is an adult and living at home, there's got to be a reason. I would hope I've already helped teach the skills and responsibility needed so we aren't in that situation without it being a good choice for whatever reason. If I failed in that aspect, I don't think charging rent fixes it.
I'm not in that spot yet, but I would imagine I'd feel more comfortable forcing them to move out and find their own place than stay at home and ask for rent money.
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Atomic Punk
Footballguy
Once my boys decided against college they got into trades a started making decent cash. We started off charging a $200 and raised it every 6 months until they decided it was time to move on (25 and 26years old).
We didn’t tell them we were saving it for them, as it kinda defeated the purpose.
i don’t think I’d do it any other way unless they were in school.
We didn’t tell them we were saving it for them, as it kinda defeated the purpose.
i don’t think I’d do it any other way unless they were in school.
Atomic Punk
Footballguy
They are staying into their 30’s these days, so making it too easy only encourages them to stay longer even if they don’t need to financially.
gianmarco
Footballguy
I don't think not charging rent makes it too easy. In fact, if one of our kids is still at home as an adult, they will still have rules to follow while living here. I'm quite sure what we would expect from a rule standpoint would be much more of an impetus to move than having to pay rent. For example, they aren't coming home at 1am, drinking in our house, bringing over boyfriend/girlfriends to stay, etc. And they wouldn't be allowed to stay unless following those rules.
If they are in school in town and it made more sense to stay home, then I'd fully support that anyway.
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KCitons
Footballguy
Fair enough.
I'll fill in some of the variables. At least for my situation.
Our son graduated high school at 16 1/2. Our kids were home schooled and we went year round. He obtained his GED and had all state requirements. After home schooling, we paid for all three of our kids to take 6 college courses over the next year. Computer literacy skills, speech, math, english and two others of their choice. This son decided that he didn't want to continue taking classes. He was also working at Target and moved to Whole Foods. After about 2 years of saving, he decided to go back to school for welding. Our agreement is that our kids have to pay for half of their schooling. Which he did. And was able to get a scholarship for some of it. He had enough saved from working full time that he was easily able to pay for his half. He also was free to spend his money on whatever he wanted. The agreement was that we wouldn't charge any of them rent as long as they were attending school. What we did request is that they help out. His job was to mow the yard, shovel/snow blow the sidewalk and driveway, and take the trash out. (of course pick up after himself).
Since I retired this past Spring, he didn't mow the yard. I did. He hasn't taken the trash out in months. (even though I've pointed this out to him). He's now graduated and has started a job a couple of months ago making $40k a year. Just as before, he pays for his cell phone, car insurance and car licensing. He has no other bills. He gets unlimited high speed internet. A personal shopper that buys his groceries and stocks the pantry for him. And all the other consumables that a person would need.
Here's the rub. I mentioned to my wife that he should pay rent. She was kind of in agreement, but thinks we should wait a year before doing so. In a moment of weakness or lack of thought, I asked why one year was the magical time frame? Why not 6 months or 3 months? Her answer was that he can save more and be better prepared to move out. I don't think he's going to prepare anything until he actually moves out. He's got no responsibilities other than work, sleep, and video games. Because he doesn't want to have to prep food for his lunch, he has asked us to by Hot Pockets or prepared foods that make it easier for him to take for lunch. I kind of understand this, as he doesn't get 30 minutes for lunch. Instead they pay him for his three 15 minute breaks. In another moment of weakness, I asked if he was going to eat Burger King every day, should we send lunch money with him? I'm probably getting a lump of coal in my stocking. (If I'm lucky)
EDIT: Forgot to add, after graduation, we cut a check for him that covered the portion of college he paid for. So, he's back to where he started prior to classes. Minus beer money.
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Joe Summer
Footballguy
I've got 2 anecdotal stories for you:
1. our FedEx delivery guy told me that when he was a young adult, his stepdad charged him rent despite the fact that he (stepson) regularly helped out fixing up the stepdad's rental properties. But he didn't complain because the rent was still way below market price. After living at home for 3 years, he had finally saved up enough money for a down payment on a house. After he moved out, his step-dad presented him with.......the deed for one of the rental properties. The FedEx guy said that the gesture really taught him several life lessons (the value of hard work, paying it forward, the satisfaction that comes from helping others, etc., etc.). He now owns several rental properties of his own and only works part time, by choice.
2. I know a guy who owns a medium-sized national company (~1500 employees). He also has a reputation for being a bit of a tightwad. After his daughter graduated from college and returned home, he charged her $1500 per month for rent, which was slightly more than she might have paid to rent an apartment in their city. So one day I asked him why he charged her so much money. His response: "Because our house is nicer than any apartment she could find for that price!" Then I asked if he planned on giving her a generous parting gift once she moved in to a place of her own. His response: "Hell no! That would send a terrible message and make her think that it's okay to be a freeloader." As far as I know, she's now in her 30s and still lives at home.
My advice: be more like the FedEx guy's stepdad.
1. our FedEx delivery guy told me that when he was a young adult, his stepdad charged him rent despite the fact that he (stepson) regularly helped out fixing up the stepdad's rental properties. But he didn't complain because the rent was still way below market price. After living at home for 3 years, he had finally saved up enough money for a down payment on a house. After he moved out, his step-dad presented him with.......the deed for one of the rental properties. The FedEx guy said that the gesture really taught him several life lessons (the value of hard work, paying it forward, the satisfaction that comes from helping others, etc., etc.). He now owns several rental properties of his own and only works part time, by choice.
2. I know a guy who owns a medium-sized national company (~1500 employees). He also has a reputation for being a bit of a tightwad. After his daughter graduated from college and returned home, he charged her $1500 per month for rent, which was slightly more than she might have paid to rent an apartment in their city. So one day I asked him why he charged her so much money. His response: "Because our house is nicer than any apartment she could find for that price!" Then I asked if he planned on giving her a generous parting gift once she moved in to a place of her own. His response: "Hell no! That would send a terrible message and make her think that it's okay to be a freeloader." As far as I know, she's now in her 30s and still lives at home.
My advice: be more like the FedEx guy's stepdad.
NutterButter
Footballguy
Depends. Do I like having them around? I live alone, not counting the pets, so if I really like having the company, I probably wouldn't. I certainly wouldn't do it right after college regardless. I'd like them to save as much as they can. If after a few years, if they're on my nerves for whatever reason, I'd certainly start charging. If I like having them around and there's no issues, they could probably live rent free for as long as they want.
El Floppo
Footballguy
Galileo
Footballguy
gianmarco
Footballguy
See, I don't think charging rent fixes the issue here. I would be having him move out. Not because you don't love him or don't want him around, but because it's time.
Home is still a security blanket for him. He still wants help with lunch. Going by the limited information here, I get the impression that he'll go with this situation for as long as it's available because of convenience.
If you are no longer in school, you have a job, then you are an adult and need to be living on your own. I don't think it'll be easy to accomplish at this point, but I think that's the best next step, not starting to charge rent.
My $.02
Da Guru
Fair & Balanced
Never and I wish they still lived with us. Both my girls when they moved back after college for a year and were a joy. They loved my cooking and cleaned everything up after. We worked out together, golfed together, drank beer together. I really missed them when they left. One is in Med-School at Michigan and the other was a HS teacher but now opened her own private math tutoring company and is making twice as much as she did as a teacher and they are only 24-25.
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Stinkin Ref
IBL Representative
If you are not in school....you work and pay rent....if you are actually saving the majority (like almost all) of your money so you can move out I may not charge you as much....but there has to be a plan.....
KCitons
Footballguy
Just had a long conversation with our daughter. Wanted to get her opinion on this, since she will be in the same boat next summer. She said that we should charge him $1000 a month.
She said that anything less than that and he will continue to live at home with us being his servants. She believes he needs to move out. Not right away. We should talk to him and establish an exit strategy over the next year.
EDIT: We never mentioned anything over $300 a month.
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Joe Summer
Footballguy
I would vote for $300 but make him buy his own Hot Pockets.
Rattle and Hum
Footballguy
Going through this now with 21 year old son. We offered him half-market rent and pay about 50% of his car insurance.& crummy cell service.The rule was he got it all free if he was in school at least half time. 2.5 years of school and he's finished with only an audio engineer certificate. He may have a difficult life, in my opinion, due to lack of education, desire to obtain more, and recording studios being phased out with tech advances. I hope he's successful with his passion but fear he may need motivation to change course down the road. He just started driving for Prime while he tends to his small recording studio (proud of him for getting this far with it). We won't give him rent money back because 1) who knows how much cash we'll need to survive, 2) his sister has been self-sufficient since age of 19 whatever that is worth, and 3) we're frugal and he'll inherit half of what is left anyways. The plan will be to teach him about expected assets, etc. while sitting on $20k of 30K left for education should he choose to go back to school. If he is still in the recording biz in a few years and doesn't need more schooling we'll prob gift that $20K for a down payment on a house. Please PM me for all of your W Michigan recording needs.
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
just looking at this block of type ...I just collapsed.
rick6668
Footballguy
Oldest son is now 19. Didn't go to college, got his EMT cert after high school and is currently an EMT for a local ambulance company. He pays for his own insurance/phone etc. I change him $100/month mostly so he is paying something to live here. It's all kept in a separate account and I will give it to him when he moves out (he doesn't know that).
brun
Footballguy
My son makes about 37k. He has car, phone, student loan etc. bills. He lives in the in-law apartment above my garage. Market for that, along with heat, cable etc. would probably be 1200 a month. No way he could afford that. We both lost weight in the past 1.5 years (him about 75 lbs). His incentive is that his rent = his weight.
Atomic Punk
Footballguy
It seems some in here are conflating the idea of making them pay rent (learning there is no free ride, money management, etc.) with whether you like having them around the house. In my case, I was in no rush to have them move out and my wife and I both enjoyed their company and had no issues with them chipping in with cleaning etc.
But my wife and I told them from a very young age that they would need to be moved out by 25 unless they were still in school. This wasn’t a hard and fast rule but they had something to plan around. Six months before my oldest turned 25 he sat us down and said he needed to talk ... wanted to “renegotiate” the 25 year limit because he wanted to use some of the money he had saved for a house down payment on a new fishing boat. That conversation was not only a lot of fun (we couldn’t resist making him squirm just a little) but it told me the life lesson was learned. He moved out the following summer after negotiating the extra time.
But my wife and I told them from a very young age that they would need to be moved out by 25 unless they were still in school. This wasn’t a hard and fast rule but they had something to plan around. Six months before my oldest turned 25 he sat us down and said he needed to talk ... wanted to “renegotiate” the 25 year limit because he wanted to use some of the money he had saved for a house down payment on a new fishing boat. That conversation was not only a lot of fun (we couldn’t resist making him squirm just a little) but it told me the life lesson was learned. He moved out the following summer after negotiating the extra time.
Atomic Punk
Footballguy
LOL, don’t rush it. My oldest just turned 30 and has been out of the house for 4 years now. He still comes by regularly but you kiss those little random exchanges when they aren’t there all of the time. Sunday football is probably what I miss most. He and 4-5 of his buddies use to hang with me and watch/talk football all day, asking for FF tips from the old man .... good times!
MAC_32
Footballguy
Anecdotal warning - my wife moved home for a year post grad. Her parents did not charge her rent. She made a very modest salary year one. But since she was home with minimal expenses she saved enough for a down payment on a house in less than a year. Had she been paying rent then she would not have bought a house so soon.
belljr
Footballguy
gianmarco
Footballguy
This is the part I guess I really don't understand.
See, I agree with the first part. If there is a reason they are staying at home because they are in school, financial reason, other situation that makes sense, I'm not charging them rent. That doesn't matter what age they are. As others have pointed out, they've had older kids come back for various short term situations and loved having them there. I would hope I'm in the same situation where they both want to come home and I want them there.
But, if it's the bolded, then what does charging rent accomplish? It's not the money you need since you wouldn't charge them in other situations. Is it to teach responsibility? An impetus to get them to move? An impetus to get a job?
Having them move out accomplishes all those things more successfully, IMO. It's too much of a safety blanket at home that still allows and enables them to not take on full adult responsibility. I don't think charging rent changes that. My job as a parent is to love them and turn them into responsible adults to live their lives. If one of my kids is staying at home playing video games and not working or even if they have a job but little else going on, then I think the best way for me to help them is to get them out of the house and force them to grow up. Who knows, I might change my tune when I'm actually in the situation, but that's at least how I view it now.
shadyridr
Footballguy
gianmarco
Footballguy
shadyridr
Footballguy
gianmarco
Footballguy
If they don't have a job? Or even if they do, how do you force them to pay rent? What if they say no? What do you do?
shadyridr
Footballguy
gianmarco
Footballguy
That's my point. The same way you ask for rent, you ask them to move out. You would hope you can sit down and have the same conversation and explain the reason behind it. Of course, they could make it difficult and not move out or not pay rent (or say they will and not pay it) and then you're stuck with limited options to enforce it. But if it got to that point, then I think having them move is definitely the better option as well.
I would do what I could to help them find a place, but I would make it clear that that's what needed to happen. I would sit down and have that conversation before sitting down and having a similar conversation asking for rent.
shadyridr
Footballguy
We're not really saying anything different though. The reason for charging them rent is to get them to move out.
Anyway, part of me hopes my son wants to stay home in his late 20s (as long as hes not a deadbeat). Hes all I got.
Judge Smails
Footballguy
Great. Every situation is different. My daughter went back to school for her masters to teach. She was working care.com etc around her schedule. I’d rather her save her money. My other daughter stayed here while she worked for a year post college, saved That entire time and then traveled on her own around the world for 6 months. She paid 100% for the trip. She then moved to New York for a job Both are doing well and me taking rent wouldn’t have resulted in a different outcome other than them having less money. I didn’t need it
Love the idea too. Hope I never put it to use someday.
My son was different. Way too comfortable at home. I needed to force him out. Didn’t give him a chance to stay longer and pay rent. He needed to grow up and be on his own. (Girls went away for college, he stayed locally and lived at home). So we just told him 6 months you’re out. Got an apartment then a condo and now he’s got a good job, married and a father of a baby girl. Works his ### off. So it all turned out great.
In these times I’d rather do whatever I can to give them a head start. No debt, opportunity to save, etc.
IvanKaramazov
Footballguy
I can't wrap my mind around this. I was ready to move out by my sophomore year in high school and was counting down the hours until I could go off to college and be semi-independent. My parents were great and we have a very good relationship, but I've always wanted to be on my own. I don't even like staying in their house when we visit.
My son's been home from college for three days and I'm already annoyed with having the extra house-guest. It's great having him home for a couple of weeks, but it's going to be nice when he goes back to school, too.
If either of my kids ended up in a situation where they couldn't afford their own place, I would help them out with rent without hesitation. There is no way either of them are moving back with us.
-OZ-
Footballguy
We're a couple years away from this possibly becoming an issue, so it's interesting to read perspectives.
Definitely agree that it depends.
But I think we'll charge rent when they're out of college / trade schools. If they are living with us with a purpose and working, say they're trying to get a down payment on a house, I'm inclined to "charge" rent, but that rent goes to them when they move out. They won't know this ahead of time.
If they're actively looking for a "real job" while working part time, probably no rent. But there's an end date in play.
Definitely agree that it depends.
But I think we'll charge rent when they're out of college / trade schools. If they are living with us with a purpose and working, say they're trying to get a down payment on a house, I'm inclined to "charge" rent, but that rent goes to them when they move out. They won't know this ahead of time.
If they're actively looking for a "real job" while working part time, probably no rent. But there's an end date in play.
-OZ-
Footballguy
TLEF316
Footballguy
I stayed at home for a little over 2 years post-college. Worked some temporary stuff for a year or so and then got my first "real job". Once that happened, my mom had me paying like $400 a month plus my share of a couple of expenses (cable, food) while I saved some money. When I bought my condo like 15 months later, she gave me like $4K back to help with the down payment.
I needed a little bit of a push to move out (I worked mostly nights the first year, so I rarely saw the family. I was living pretty easy), so the whole situation was probably handled well.
I was slightly embarrassed living at home at 25 (this was like 11 years ago) but it helped get me on the right train in term of OWNING something rather than flushing money on rent.
I needed a little bit of a push to move out (I worked mostly nights the first year, so I rarely saw the family. I was living pretty easy), so the whole situation was probably handled well.
I was slightly embarrassed living at home at 25 (this was like 11 years ago) but it helped get me on the right train in term of OWNING something rather than flushing money on rent.
