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fissure man

Teenage Daughters - Shoot me now, please and thanks

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TL/DR

15 y/o daughter is asking about weed. Says she may want to try it. “Everyone is doing it”. 

More info:

I have two girls, 13 & 15. They’re great kids. Both play sports and take dance classes. We are very involved parents. We talk about difficult subjects and try to be as honest as we can with them at all times. 
 

So this morning my wife tells me the 15 y/o is asking about weed. My first reaction is to scream and tell her she’s an f’n idiot but obviously I don’t. (I do tell that to the wife and then settle into what we should actually do). 

Background on the daughter:

-Sweet/kind hearted

- Incredibly neat and organized. Like, has almost every iPhone/pad/pod charger she’s ever received n their boxes and only uses one at a time until it breaks. Unused shoes and clothes. Like OCD types stuff but doesn’t have a conniption fit if you mess it up. 
 

Equally great with money. Likes nice things but unwilling to use her money on them. On the flip side, she won’t allow us to spend a lot on her either. Unless it’s on sale she doesn’t want it. I think she has almost $2k saved.

Super gross to say this as a Dad but she’s more attractive than your average girl. All the boys chase her and all the girls hate her. 

Hard worker in both school and sports. She takes forever to do her homework but she will sit down and take however long it takes to finish and not complain. In basketball or track, she’s has al the stuff you can’t teach. Passion, heart, toughness. She has the Mamba mentality. 

So overall she’s a wonderful person. With that said, she does have some odd.... quirks....

Struggles a little socially in that she seems to be craving attention. If people show her attention she will gravitate towards them, good or bad. She seems to have too much (imo) empathy for people who make poor decision. 

We’ve had various issues in the past with others bullying her on social media, calling her an attention whore. (4 classmates were sent home for the last 2 months of their graduation 8th grade class).

She lies.  The wife has found texts and Snapchat conversation where she makes up the most unbelievable stories. They all seem to have the same theme of her having a bad home life. She tells people things like her parents are separated or that me or her mother are in jail. Weird stuff. 

Look, I won’t suggesting we’re the best parents ever but we do the best we can, we talk with our kids. We try to lead by example. We tel them we love them and hug them daily. We sit down for dinner every night. We have family movie nights. The kids have nice rooms, clothes and we make them healthy lunches everyday and we still put napkins with cartoon drawings or motivational quotes daily. The wife and I are both... animated? We fight hard b it we also love hard. We’re open with our kids that even though mommy and daddy fight sometimes, that’s pet of marriage and we still love and care about each other fiercely.  We joke and laugh a lot. I would describe us as a colorful and loving, normal family. 

Ok, I think I’ve rambled enough...
So we’re going to sit her down and talk about it tonight... So far the talking points we have are:

- How she’s still growing and her body and brain aren’t fully developed. 
- It’s still illegal. She’s expressed interest in law enforcement/FBI/CIA type stuff.

-  Sports - she could get tested.

-She’s mentioned in the past how she absolutely HATES the (laughing?) has the orthodontist/dentist has given her the once or twice that’s happened.

- How it will Impact her little sister. Does she think her sister should try drugs and how would that make her feel. 
 

Penalties for trying drugs:

- No more allowance (but chores still required)

-Lose her phone 

-no drivers license or use of our vehicles in the future 

Like I said, this is fresh so that’s just me spitballing. Would really appreciate any and all advice. Criticism is also welcome with open arms. 
 

Please and thanks in advance. 

 

 

Edited by fissure man
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You should be happy that your daughter is willing to discuss this with you rather than hide it

i wouldn’t outright condone it, but I would tell her that if she does try it she needs to be responsible and you don’t want to see any signs of it affecting her school 

punishing her the way you described is a good way to get her to rebel against you 

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Tough call. I'd be more concerned about the lying and making up stories about you guys part.  And figure out what the heck is causing that.

Because if she is doing that now without the weed, wait til she starts using the weed. And then maybe into alcohol.

 

 

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And to add: as a father, honesty is #1 to me. First and foremost. I've told my kids a hundred times: I know you are going to make mistakes and I will support you, but only if you are 100% honest with me.

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like others I am very impressed about the fact that she is asking about it.  Just substitute weed for alcohol and most kids that age will just try and sneak it.

The making up stories is a red flag for me.   Girls, especially attractive ones at that age, can become addicted to attention.  That is not something that translates well into adulthood.

I would be focusing more of my worries on that, than on the relatively meaningless weed.  I would handle weed the same way parents handle alcohol, tatoos or any other like activity that is better for teens to wait on.

Edited by NewlyRetired
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Teenage girls scare me now way more than they ever did. 

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5 minutes ago, NewlyRetired said:

like others I am very impressed about the fact that she is asking about it.  Just substitute weed for alcohol and most kids that age will just try and sneak it.

The making up stories is a red flag for me.   Girls, especially attractive ones at that age, can become addicted to attention.  That is not something that translates well into adulthood.

I would be focusing more of my worries on that, than on the relatively meaningless weed.

Exactly.

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Kids willing to talk to you about it is 2/3 of the battle, so you've got that going for you.

Talk about the negatives but don't go over the top like it's the devil weed.  Talk about the potential consequences, but I'm not sure I would lay out specific punishments.  She's your daughter though so you know best about what she responds to.

I talked to my daughter quite a bit about pot before she went to college and she's been very open with me about it.  She's done it several times, but it's not a regular thing or a major focus in her life.

I think 15 is too young, but peer pressure can be strong.

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30 minutes ago, fissure man said:

- How she’s still growing and her body and brain aren’t fully developed. 

I'm as pro-weed as it gets, but this would be my focus. There's evidence out there that supports this. Show it to her. Hopefully it scares her into waiting. If it doesn't, there's probably nothing you can do anyway. Encourage her to keep telling you stuff and then don't flip out when she does.

I have 2 older teenage daughters and lots of friends with their own. They're all different. There's no manual for this stuff. G'luck.

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She seems like a smart kid. And be happy she talks to you guys.

Show her the literature on the impacts of pot on a developing brain. Be honest with her that you completely understand where she's coming from, and that when she's older it's not something you will judge her for trying. But that right now, the best thing for her is to avoid and focus on the other things you described.

Honesty and openness goes a long way.

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I would definitely focus on the negative consequences and effects on the developing brain. Pull up some studies to show her. There are good studies that don’t demonize pot while being very clear that it has some profound negative impacts on still developing brains. She sounds like the type that would weigh that pretty seriously.

I think hitting home the other potential negatives for her is a good idea too. How even though lots of states are legalizing it, it’s still illegal for her at her age and getting caught could greatly derail her career opportunities. Or it could lead to her not being able to participate in sports anymore.

I also agree with the guys saying that her lying and attention seeking may be the larger concern. Her desire to be accepted could have a big influence on her choices and could pressure her into all sorts of bad choices. Getting to the bottom of that seems like a major priority to me. May even be something where counseling would be useful.

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47 minutes ago, Dan Lambskin said:

 

punishing her the way you described is a good way to get her to rebel against you 

Thank you. You're probably right. 

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One of the bigger issues is the fact that it is still be illegal in your state. If she gets in trouble, she can likely say bye to sports, certainly will have issues with future work in Law Enforcement, and might have trouble with getting into schools. So many kids are paying so much $$$ to get into schools, wouldn't you think a kid with a 'record' is going to get knocked down a couple (maybe more) notches when applying to schools? If you were in CO or someplace like that, you might have a different situation.

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my daughter has had the teaching experience of knowing 2 of her uncles passed at very young ages (my brother at 31, gf's brother at 34) from ODs. 

she also has been told of how daddy's mixups with drugs and alcohol wreaked so much havoc (i still can't legally drive).

she is profoundly affected by these "lessons" ... and she has our complete trust, and us, her's.  she has even come and told us that she sometimes leaves an event or get together or hang because substances were being introduced ... she doesn't bolt at the sight, but she knows better than to stick around too long. 

now, this doesn't necessarily mean that i'm laboring under some false sense of security - daddy's too ####in' smart for that, but i'm felling pretty blessed that we have a level headed kid who's willing to listen.  

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High school is the worst.

The core issue seems to be "how do I fit in"? That's one teens always feel.

Was your wife tormented by mean girls? Or maybe she was one? Maybe she can relate at that level and talk to her about how full of it other people are - that they're throwing their own insecurities on her and she doesn't HAVE to react to it by doing the same dumb stuff just to fit in.

Edited by Andy Dufresne
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I wouldn't treat it like the worst thing in the world but I also would tell her to wait until shes 18. Would she think its ok to drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or get a bunch of tattoos now? Sports and school need to be a priority until she becomes an adult.

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37 minutes ago, NewlyRetired said:

like others I am very impressed about the fact that she is asking about it.  Just substitute weed for alcohol and most kids that age will just try and sneak it.

The making up stories is a red flag for me.   Girls, especially attractive ones at that age, can become addicted to attention.  That is not something that translates well into adulthood.

I would be focusing more of my worries on that, than on the relatively meaningless weed.

Its terrifying. I can't put my finger on it though. Shes always been like that. I think it might be a by product of all the attention she already receives for her looks. I mean I know every parent thinks their kid is pretty, but she really, really gets attention. Again, kinda weird for me to even discuss this but the best way I can describe it is that she has the "traditional" look. Shes got long blond hair, shes tall, abs without trying, and just overall beyond pretty. when we go out I have to walk with blinders on because dudes at any age stare at her. Girls look her up and down and grit on her. Its ####### horrific and bizarre. Home Depot isn't even an option anymore. 

I'm an idiot, so excuse me for what im about to say but when I think of attention issues I think of girls who have daddy issues. She doesn't or I don't think she does. We talk all the time and about almost everything. I mean, she talks about a lot of the "girl stuff" with her mother but pretty much everything else is on the table. I tell her I love her and she tells me the same. Ive never understood it. 

 

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11 minutes ago, otb_lifer said:

my daughter has had the teaching experience of knowing 2 of her uncles passed at very young ages (my brother at 31, gf's brother at 34) from ODs. 

she also has been told of how daddy's mixups with drugs and alcohol wreaked so much havoc (i still can't legally drive).

she is profoundly affected by these "lessons" ... and she has our complete trust, and us, her's.  she has even come and told us that she sometimes leaves an event or get together or hang because substances were being introduced ... she doesn't bolt at the sight, but she knows better than to stick around too long. 

now, this doesn't necessarily mean that i'm laboring under some false sense of security - daddy's too ####in' smart for that, but i'm felling pretty blessed that we have a level headed kid who's willing to listen.  

I think that helps. I know a guy who comes from a family full of addicts and this dude to this day wont even take an aspirin.

 

 

My little brother OD'd and her 21/year old uncle just got kicked out of the Marines for doing coke at a strip club and somebody recorded them. Hes going into the brig as I type this. Hopefully those are two examples we can lean on. 

Edited by fissure man
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So the weed thing it sounds like the best course of action would be:

DO:

- Show her the effects on her developing brain. Check, I just printed out two - one page, easy to read and concise articles. 

 - Explain how it could impact her studies, future employment/earning potential and athletics

-Reiterate the real life examples of others drug use and the impact on their current lives. 

- DONT

-Threaten her with punishment

- knock her upside the head

 

 

 

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How about the attention stuff and lies? 

We have been resistant to therapy cause we think sometimes it can do more damage than good to children. First you have normal children who act their age and then by the time you walk out of the appointment they now have a complex with a fancy name. I'm being hyperbolic but you know what I mean. 

 

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I would also take a look at her group of friends. When a HS kid says “everyone is doing it” what they usually mean is the 3 or 4 people I want to hang out with most started smoking weed. In every HS there are plenty of kids smoking and not smoking. You may try explaining that while it feels like “everybody” is doing it (whether it’s drugs, sex, alcohol, etc) that plenty of kids are making right choices.  
 

You won’t be able to pick your daughters friends at 15, but you can do your best to let her see other options of kids who are doing the right things to set themselves up for success. Try to make her see the likely end result for group A vs group B. 

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2 minutes ago, fissure man said:

How about the attention stuff and lies? 

We have been resistant to therapy cause we think sometimes it can do more damage than good to children. First you have normal children who act their age and then by the time you walk out of the appointment they now have a complex with a fancy name. I'm being hyperbolic but you know what I mean. 

 

we send her bi-weekly ... nothing necessitated it, i just felt it would give her another outlet to hash #### out, and hear some "grownup" feedback ... she's yet to emerge with a shrink coined diagnosis/complex, so we have that going for us. 

 

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I’m a bit surprised at those talking about weed for a teenager being no big deal.  It is a big deal.  You don’t want her starting to smoke weed at 15, especially considering it’s illegal in your state.

As others have stated, I would focus on the negative impacts on her development and possible consequences.  If she decides to do it anyway (it’s not easy to hide from attentive parents) punishment can come in.

Attractive and insecure is a tough one.  Make sure she has a solid group of friends with active parents.  That will help.  My oldest dealt with insecurity until about 16 when she kind of came into her own.  It was the combination of a lot of things, but solidifying a group of supportive, responsible friends was a big one.

Edited by jonessed
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Tell her it is a subtle trap, as are any decent or effective traps.  If they were not subtle they could not trap.  Tell her you appreciate her talking to you about it and that she can always talk to you about anything.  Tell her that it slightly alters perception and some find that enjoyable, some not so much some quite the opposite, they find it disconcerting.  Tell her the trap is that it seems harmless, because it mostly is, at first.  The trap is the apparent harmlessness in that over time, at some time, and the time is unknowable in advance, folks who look for pleasure externally, from a drug, find that they are less able to generate it internally, from accomplishments and relationships.  Tell her any pleasure from it ultimately turns out to be illusory, lost as soon as the high is gone, and also lost is the internal emotional development that would have occurred during that time. Eventually using a crutch actually cripples one as we come to rely on the crutch which was never needed in the first place.  Say you understand the pressure, the desire to fit in, to try knew things, and to take risks, but that this risk is an illusory dead end street that will ultimately sap her enthusiasm, her ambition, and her dreams.  If it appears "everyone" is trying it she is hanging with the wrong folks and their opinions are not worth her putting any stock in. Tell her it happens so imperceptibly that no one ever notices, at first.    Tell her to take some other risk, accept some other challenge.  Raft the Orinoco, kayak with the whales, do a semester in Spain, learn to fly.

 

Tell her that if she ignores your advice that you will love her just the same and that it does not mean you don't have other advice you want to share.  Sometimes we all try dead end paths.  that is part of learning to recognize them and you do not condemn her from exploring any paths, she is your daughter and much loved.

Edited by Ditkaless Wonders
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Is cutting still a thing too with teenage girls?  

Good luck, OP.  Tough job being a good parent.

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1 hour ago, E-Z Glider said:
1 hour ago, fissure man said:

- How she’s still growing and her body and brain aren’t fully developed. 

I'm as pro-weed as it gets, but this would be my focus. There's evidence out there that supports this. Show it to her. Hopefully it scares her into waiting. If it doesn't, there's probably nothing you can do anyway. Encourage her to keep telling you stuff and then don't flip out when she does.

This is my take as well. 

Weed isn't inherently bad...but mixing it with young developing brain has potentially bad consequences. Make her aware of those.

And check into the story telling...agree it's the most concerning thing.

Sounds like a great kid through- congrats so far!

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2 hours ago, fissure man said:

Struggles a little socially in that she seems to be craving attention. If people show her attention she will gravitate towards them, good or bad. She seems to have too much (imo) empathy for people who make poor decision. 

I hate to say it but this is exactly what causes A LOT of kids to do weed.

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If she does go down this road let her know you do not bogart the joint, you pass the dutchie from the left hand side, and cleaning your bong water regularly enhances the experience. Also let her know that she will need to find a low cal and nutritious option to address the munchies or she will get fat.

Edited by Ditkaless Wonders
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2 hours ago, fissure man said:

How about the attention stuff and lies? 

We have been resistant to therapy cause we think sometimes it can do more damage than good to children. First you have normal children who act their age and then by the time you walk out of the appointment they now have a complex with a fancy name. I'm being hyperbolic but you know what I mean. 

 

My niece gets teased at school because she has 2 parents that are financially well off.  She may just be making up stuff so they don't call her princess.

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1 hour ago, Vanilla Guerrilla said:

My niece gets teased at school because she has 2 parents that are financially well off.  She may just be making up stuff so they don't call her princess.

That’s something else I asked my wife. asked, maybe she’s going for street cred?
 

Is my daughter Chris Weber?

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Probably should give her a massive amount of edibles and she will trip so hard she won’t ever want touch the stuff again- she will think she’s dying. 

I think that’s what the pediatrician would suggest. 

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8 hours ago, fissure man said:

Struggles a little socially in that she seems to be craving attention. If people show her attention she will gravitate towards them, good or bad. She seems to have too much (imo) empathy for people who make poor decision. 

Mine is almost 9 and I can almost guarantee this is the road we're headed down.  We already have her seeing a therapist once a month to start working some things out.

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8 minutes ago, Chemical X said:

thank god i have no kids

If/when you do, make sure they're ugly nerds.  Life for you will be much easier that way.  

Edited by Captain Cranks
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Make sure to tell her that when she tries edible, to start at a low dosage and give it an hour to see the effect before consuming any more. 

Edited by NutterButter
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43 minutes ago, Ilov80s said:

Probably should give her a massive amount of edibles and she will trip so hard she won’t ever want touch the stuff again- she will think she’s dying. 

I think that’s what the pediatrician would suggest. 

Didn't this happen in brewster's millions?

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Eventually I'll have three teenage girls in the house at the same time, and I'm sure that's gonna be super easy.

 

GL

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Two teen girls here as well. Older though, 19 and 17. We were talking the other day and got into the topic. Both relatively relaxed about weed (except both know people that have gotten trauma from bad trips), expressed avulsion to try mdma, cocaine, meth and other hard stuff, both had stories of friends/acquaintances that had tried or were using and were effed (the youngest had a friend that had to go to the hospital as some mdma she had taken was contaminated with methamphetamines).

The sad fact is that it is very available and that most anyone knows how to get some if they want to. Personally I believe in trying to not make it attractive. So when it comes up, I stress that there is no quality control on the illegal controlled substances, like there is on beer or vodka. Talk up the effects of addiction (that addicts chase a high that is elusive and with it brings a low below anything needed to function in society etc). Apart from that I can't really do much. It's not as if I'm invited to the parties they go to or have anything to say in their choice of friends (that said, I don't have any concerns in that regard. They seem very level headed and reasonably squared away for young adult girls)  

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My 15 year old wants a nose ring.  I'd rather she just rip a bong hit.

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I've got 9 year old identical twin girls

 

:gulp:

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I think your talking points are all pretty good, but I probably wouldn’t worry about the penalties.  Kids are kids.  They are going to be curious.  With these kinds of things, I don’t think potential penalties really change their decision making process with this.

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I’m sort of old school on this.  Just because it’s easily available you don’t make it easy for them to do anything at 15. Would you permit her to drink? “ok to have it as long as it’s in front of us”? I’ve seen how that works out. 

Biggest gift you can give her is the power to say no. “When you’re an adult its your choice but until then I’m responsible for you and it’s not allowed.  Tell your friends “no thanks, my parents drug test me”. I was perfectly OK with me being the perceived bad guy. But it eliminated peer pressure to do drugs and my kids were still “popular” (athletes, etc). By the way I never drug tested them. It was just a way for them to say no. Did my son still bounce off the walls one time after drinking Sailor Jerry at a party when he was a sophomore? Did he try pot? Yep. And I didn’t come crashing down on him when he did it. It was just a teaching/Dad moment.  I didn’t expect them to be perfect. For the most part our kids (son + 2 girls) made great decisions. I think our stance helped them do that  Especially during those really tough teen years.  

Like others said her making up bad stories about the family is the most concerning. You sort of dismissed the part of them seeing you and the wife fight. Could that be part of it? Your modeling normal for them. Not saying you and the wife shouldn’t have disagreements or fights, but never in front of the kids. Unless you want that in their relationships. Sorry if that sounds preachy.  May not have anything to do with it. Sounds like pure attention seeking but something to think about. 

A lot of focus on her looks. I would challenge her to be even more beautiful on the inside than the outside. 

Sounds like a normal teen trying to figure things out and fit in. Not easy. Good luck. 
 

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40 minutes ago, Wrigley said:

I've got 9 year old identical twin girls

 

:gulp:

Seems young to be doing rippers, but at least they've got eachother when #### gets cooky.

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I lied to my daughter for 18 year about never doing drugs. I figured lying was a better example than having her think her dad was a druggie (could be wrong about that). It made drugs taboo for her. I smoked pot a half dozen times in those 18 years (she never knew), and she often tells others she's only seen her dad drunk twice.

Anyway, off to college at 18 she became very weed curious. It's legal at 21. The law allows us to grow three plants, which has turned into a competition at UCLA. From what she knew it was better than drinking. I figured she was already lightly using but not in a worrisome way. She's grounded. I am proud of her progress.

Home last summer, she was again talking about weed too much for comfort. So I made a call and had someone roll me a joint and we smoked together. It was fun. We laughed so much but the whole time I lectured her about habits and addiction. She wants to get high every now and then, I have nothing to say. She starts becoming a pothead and she's gonna need two jobs. Now if I want some, she's my connect. That might not go over well with some of you but what @ChiefD said:

Quote

And to add: as a father, honesty is #1 to me. First and foremost. I've told my kids a hundred times: I know you are going to make mistakes and I will support you, but only if you are 100% honest with me.

It's everything to me. This approach has made her someone I'm not worried about. She is always designated driver when they go out. Hates booze. Loves sobriety. Smokes a little weed at home late at night sometimes. Like me now. And because we talk about it honestly, I think we will both be okay. 

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5 hours ago, Otis said:

Eventually I'll have three teenage girls in the house at the same time, and I'm sure that's gonna be super easy.

 

GL

While you're in the basement pretending to be Frank Underwood, they'll be in their rooms doing bong rips.

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3 hours ago, -fish- said:

My 15 year old wants a nose ring.  I'd rather she just rip a bong hit.

 

So about 10 years ago my SIl called me for advice about her daughter, my niece. We'll call her Sara. Sara wanted a tongue ring. I asked her mother, "How are Sara's grades?" "All A's", my SIL replied. She also did all her chores and was pretty much the perfect kid. I suggested that my SIL say "yes", but with one condition. Sara had to wait 6 months. If she still wanted the tongue 6 months later, she could get it. 

6 months later Sara wanted nothing to do with the tongue ring. Years later Sara told me that she was so thankful that I told her to wait and she was glad she never went through with it. It was one of my proudest moments. 

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2 hours ago, Judge Smails said:

I’m sort of old school on this.  Just because it’s easily available you don’t make it easy for them to do anything at 15. Would you permit her to drink? “ok to have it as long as it’s in front of us”? I’ve seen how that works out. 

Biggest gift you can give her is the power to say no. “When you’re an adult its your choice but until then I’m responsible for you and it’s not allowed.  Tell your friends “no thanks, my parents drug test me”. I was perfectly OK with me being the perceived bad guy. But it eliminated peer pressure to do drugs and my kids were still “popular” (athletes, etc). By the way I never drug tested them. It was just a way for them to say no. Did my son still bounce off the walls one time after drinking Sailor Jerry at a party when he was a sophomore? Did he try pot? Yep. And I didn’t come crashing down on him when he did it. It was just a teaching/Dad moment.  I didn’t expect them to be perfect. For the most part our kids (son + 2 girls) made great decisions. I think our stance helped them do that  Especially during those really tough teen years.  

Like others said her making up bad stories about the family is the most concerning. You sort of dismissed the part of them seeing you and the wife fight. Could that be part of it? Your modeling normal for them. Not saying you and the wife shouldn’t have disagreements or fights, but never in front of the kids. Unless you want that in their relationships. Sorry if that sounds preachy.  May not have anything to do with it. Sounds like pure attention seeking but something to think about. 

A lot of focus on her looks. I would challenge her to be even more beautiful on the inside than the outside. 

Sounds like a normal teen trying to figure things out and fit in. Not easy. Good luck. 
 

 

Thanks Smalls, all good advice. I do like the angle of giving them the out by saying that we drug test them. Helps them have a weapon against peer pressure w/o them being "chicken".

As for the fighting.... not preachy and I want to hear your thoughts. I wasn't like this a few years ago but I love criticism now and invite it. I tend to be pretty oblivious to things so its good to hear honest, thought provoking ideas. . .... The wife and I got married very young. Im Irish/German, shes Uruguayan/Cuban. We're both powder kegs but we also love each other with the same passion. Like most young parents we certainly made a lot of mistakes along the way but we're super open and honest with the girls. We explain to them that yes we fight from time to time but so do most parents. In the end we will ALWAYS have each others back. We make a good team and the girls know and feel it.  I wasn't always sure, but I think we've been a good example of what a marriage is and what it takes to make it work. 

We're going to have a talk with the daughter about the attention stuff this weekend. We've already broached the weed convo and it went really well. We'll dive deeper into that this weekend but we will also look into counseling. 

The looks stuff was really just a stab at what could be causing the attention stuff. Just spit-balling for theories on why shes making stories up. . I think she is just a sweet kid inside and wants to be liked. She gets A LOT of "hate" from other girls and I think that might be her focus. She can't handle the responsibility of being one of the more attractive kids.  I know it sounds superficial but I'm just trying to view it from the prism of what other HS kids see her as. again, just kinda throwing ideas around. 

 

Edited by fissure man
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1 hour ago, Chaos Commish said:

I lied to my daughter for 18 year about never doing drugs. I figured lying was a better example than having her think her dad was a druggie (could be wrong about that). It made drugs taboo for her. I smoked pot a half dozen times in those 18 years (she never knew), and she often tells others she's only seen her dad drunk twice.

Anyway, off to college at 18 she became very weed curious. It's legal at 21. The law allows us to grow three plants, which has turned into a competition at UCLA. From what she knew it was better than drinking. I figured she was already lightly using but not in a worrisome way. She's grounded. I am proud of her progress.

Home last summer, she was again talking about weed too much for comfort. So I made a call and had someone roll me a joint and we smoked together. It was fun. We laughed so much but the whole time I lectured her about habits and addiction. She wants to get high every now and then, I have nothing to say. She starts becoming a pothead and she's gonna need two jobs. Now if I want some, she's my connect. That might not go over well with some of you but what @ChiefD said:

It's everything to me. This approach has made her someone I'm not worried about. She is always designated driver when they go out. Hates booze. Loves sobriety. Smokes a little weed at home late at night sometimes. Like me now. And because we talk about it honestly, I think we will both be okay. 

 

A little all over. First you lied about using it but then state that honesty is whats most important but I catch your drift and don't judge you one bit. Every kid is different and were all just trying to do the best we can. I know I am. 

You sound a little like my neighbors and its served them well.  Again, no judgment but I won't smoke with my kids. (Maybe when theyre in their 40s or something but thats different). I just wanna keep some boundaries in place. 

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