Reflect on moments your entire life is up in the air (jobs, health, finances, etc) (1 Viewer)

As we speak, a major decision is being discuss and determined outside of my control.  In a few minutes, a decision will be made that will majorly affect the course of my life and that of my kids for many years to come.  In a matter of minutes, the call will come, the decision will be made, and I'll know the results.

But at this moment, I'm in that liminal space between what I have known, and what is to be.  All I know is that change is coming, that i'll be in full knowledge of it in mere minutes...but where it takes me, is unclear.  It'll likely be one of two options.  Move to one place, picking up family and going to one set of prospects, or to another place.  But the decision in this case is out of my control.

Have there been times in your life where your future was up in the air, but with an answer coming in minutes?  Seeing the phone ringing from the doctors office where you've been waiting on the results of a vital medical test?  Waiting to hear back about a job prospect and seeing an email pop up in your inbox and knowing in just a few minutes you'll have an answer?  Waiting to hear about the status of a loved one who had a health scare, hearing that the doctor is walking your way in the hospital to deliver the news?

I'm somewhat fascinated by moments like these.  Some have mostly good options, some don't.  But at the end of most of them, are life changing results...and in the moment, there's just a weightless feeling.  Waiting.  Worrying.  Peace.  Dread. Hope. Optimism.  Pessimism.  All floating around, commingling.

What are your experiences like this?  I know many will have negative outcomes, some very negative like loss of life of loved ones, or loss of jobs...but the times spent in limbo are rare things in one's life.  May be worth discussing.

When I saw the caller ID from the nurse as I was awaiting the results of the IVF for our first child.  

"The jury finds the defendant...."

Adonis, I think it's terrific that you are recognizing thIs moment.  I have experienced events such as you are describing. Years ago, I worried. Or suffered.  Needlessly.  Now, I'm learning to practice mindfulness.  My wish for you is to just notice what is happening. You described the situation as out of your control. Just notice how you are feeling.  Recognize that any concerns or worries you have are needless.  And simply be present.  

At some other time, after this moment has passed, it might be interesting to start a thread on free will, and the recognition that actually almost all of your day, your week, so much of our lives are actually almost entirely out of our control.  

This is a great thread topic. I'll kick in when I've had more time to think. Best of luck regarding whatever news is coming your way, adonis.

adonis said:

As we speak, a major decision is being discuss and determined outside of my control.  In a few minutes, a decision will be made that will majorly affect the course of my life and that of my kids for many years to come.  In a matter of minutes, the call will come, the decision will be made, and I'll know the results.

But at this moment, I'm in that liminal space between what I have known, and what is to be.  All I know is that change is coming, that i'll be in full knowledge of it in mere minutes...but where it takes me, is unclear.  It'll likely be one of two options.  Move to one place, picking up family and going to one set of prospects, or to another place.  But the decision in this case is out of my control.

Have there been times in your life where your future was up in the air, but with an answer coming in minutes?  Seeing the phone ringing from the doctors office where you've been waiting on the results of a vital medical test?  Waiting to hear back about a job prospect and seeing an email pop up in your inbox and knowing in just a few minutes you'll have an answer?  Waiting to hear about the status of a loved one who had a health scare, hearing that the doctor is walking your way in the hospital to deliver the news?

I'm somewhat fascinated by moments like these.  Some have mostly good options, some don't.  But at the end of most of them, are life changing results...and in the moment, there's just a weightless feeling.  Waiting.  Worrying.  Peace.  Dread. Hope. Optimism.  Pessimism.  All floating around, commingling.

What are your experiences like this?  I know many will have negative outcomes, some very negative like loss of life of loved ones, or loss of jobs...but the times spent in limbo are rare things in one's life.  May be worth discussing.

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Well...what happened?

Closest was probably the original SCOTUS decision on Obamacare which determined my career fate for the next 8 years.  We've picked up and moved based off of job but there wasn't that singular watershed moment.

My SNL audition.

I was digging the mellow, 2 years out from quitting the biz for a girl, in the mts of NM when my agent called. After the producer, cast and most of the staff of Saturday Night Live quit the show in 1980, NBC stooptily turned it over to the ranking person left, the woman who booked the hosts & band and a person who knew as much about comedy as i know about hummels. My agent made the calls, submitted my reel & plays (we were still negotiating w RKO General to take my Zero Hour radio comedy show national, which is the only reason he was still humping on my behalf), i was known to one of the writers who had officially quit but was still hanging around the 17th floor of 30Rock for grins and the show asked for me @ 2pm 8-2-80.

My agent knew i was out of comedy shape (my half-hour show took an average of 70 hours to produce) but also knew i had great stagefright and SNL wanted even writers to do 8 minutes, because so many of the original cast were hired as writers but became NRFPTPs. He made up a story about something else i had to come back east for, picked me up at the airport, brought me to a mid-town hotel and only then told me i was 20 hours from the biggest moment of my life. He made the right choice - i would have over-written & rehearsed a bit to death if i'd been given time and i ended up completely satisfied with my 8 minutes, construction & presentation (Jim, the writer i mentioned, was there for it and agreed).

Then there was the waiting, and it was a very unusual sort. As i'd been given no warning, i had no preparation for how i was gonna feel about this. My ambitions had always been semi-accidental, the work itself had given me an ulcer and my Rocky Mountain High had my soul breezily full at the time. But the 5 days i agreed to hang around in case of callback were little but "gottahaveitgottahaveitgottahaveitgottahaveitgottahaveit" thundering in my head. I've told the story about the misunderstanding which kept me from getting a callback way too many times on these boards. Leave it to say that even this reversal gave me the fever again and i was back in NYC pounding the streets for gigs before the year was out and the next three years was little but hellish ambivalence (sprinkled w 80s NY nonpareil partying) before i finally gave up after ABC bought, then shelved a pilot from me.

Moral of the story: there's usually a big dif between who you gonna be and the life you wanna have. Who you gonna be will hound & haunt your days until it is completely satisfied that you've fully tried. nufced

waiting to find out what the OP is talking about is kind of like that moment for me.

Chicken or Steak burrito for lunch today

xulf said:

Well...what happened?

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The call took place, was less conclusive than expected.  The decision drags on a bit.  Another conversation happened tonight, other party said they'll think about it overnight and give answer.

It's job related, and would result in a move of our family in 2/3 cases, with one option staying put.  Situation is political in workplace and across organizations...complicated.  I had hoped I'd have an answer last night, but now the uncertainty stretches.  

I've had this happen in the past when awaiting medical results.  Had an X-ray, was abnormal instead of clarifying, resulted in an MRI, which ended up not showing a damned thing.  Called it VOMIT...victim of modern imaging techniques, where something shows up without other symptoms, they do further tests, and it turns out to be nothing.  I remember waiting after each test for the results wondering if it was the turning point in my life, and luckily in my case (not so for all, obviously) the call came back best case scenario that nothing was wrong.

In the case of the job news we're waiting for...I'd prefer a cut and dry answer, but that's just not in the cards apparently.

There was a Harvard study done that's pretty well known.  There's a great Atlantic article on it.  They basically followed a bunch of Harvard students over the course of their life, interviewing them every year and asking about how happy they were in their lives.  They saw very well off people who ended up committing suicide.  Very successful people with substance abuse problems.  And as they tried to tie up the connections....they found that the people who hadn't fared well were the ones that didn't navigate through the tough parts of their lives.  Those who were dealt bad cards - sickness, death of a loved one, financial hardship - but kept a good state of mind?  Those were the ones who were happy.  The ones who crumbled at the adversity had bad endings, no matter how much money or opportunity they had in life.

I've always had that in my mind.  I've lost both parents.  One suddenly, one through a long illness.  I've been through a divorce.  I don't feel sorry for myself.  And I don't think it's unfair.  It's what's made me who I am.  So, I feel like keeping your bearings and not being too impacted by the bad things is the key.

Oh yeah. Confirmation of my cancer diagnosis. Doc didn't call me on that Fri and so I had Memorial Day weekend to think about the what ifs. Then the scares and going through scans. I call it scanxiety while waiting for the results of scans and labs. 

My dad calling after he's seen the doctor or worse, to say his condition is worsening. The absolute worst would be seeing my bro's name ring on my phone. We never call each other, just text. If it's a call, it's important and has always meant bad news.  He helps my dad and keeps on top of dad's caregivers, appts, etc since I'm 500 miles away. The news tends to be bad the older you get. :(

Deepster said:

There was a Harvard study done that's pretty well known.  There's a great Atlantic article on it.  They basically followed a bunch of Harvard students over the course of their life, interviewing them every year and asking about how happy they were in their lives.  They saw very well off people who ended up committing suicide.  Very successful people with substance abuse problems.  And as they tried to tie up the connections....they found that the people who hadn't fared well were the ones that didn't navigate through the tough parts of their lives.  Those who were dealt bad cards - sickness, death of a loved one, financial hardship - but kept a good state of mind?  Those were the ones who were happy.  The ones who crumbled at the adversity had bad endings, no matter how much money or opportunity they had in life.

I've always had that in my mind.  I've lost both parents.  One suddenly, one through a long illness.  I've been through a divorce.  I don't feel sorry for myself.  And I don't think it's unfair.  It's what's made me who I am.  So, I feel like keeping your bearings and not being too impacted by the bad things is the key.

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Great way to think. I can take bad for myself and deal with it by myself. My problem is with close family. It's the only thing that crushes me and I have a tough time not worrying about their situations. My dad has a long slow motor neuron disease called primary lateral sclerosis. Unlike ALS which is fatal and some what fast downhill, PLS isn't. He's quite healthy otherwise. I've dealt with awful stuff in my life and think I'm stronger because of it, but I have trouble finding the strength to deal with this long slow awful diagnosis dad has.

My life has been a slow roll. I can't think of a time when everything was up in the air. 

When my wife was 33 and diagnosed with stage 3b colon cancer.

At the time, we had a 2.5 year old and 1 year old. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be a single dad or not (or if my children would have their mom)  - extremely terrifying - here we are, 5 years out from diagnosis next month, with a third child and cancer free.

It has changed our entire outlook on life. In the moment, not knowing what was next was the hardest part, as everything just seemed to be spiraling down hill. There was never really good news. We’re finally to a point where it’s not constantly on our minds; will it come back, will you be alive, etc.

TheWalkmen said:

When my wife was 33 and diagnosed with stage 3b colon cancer.

At the time, we had a 2.5 year old and 1 year old. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be a single dad or not (or if my children would have their mom)  - extremely terrifying - here we are, 5 years out from diagnosis next month, with a third child and cancer free.

It has changed our entire outlook on life. In the moment, not knowing what was next was the hardest part, as everything just seemed to be spiraling down hill. There was never really good news. We’re finally to a point where it’s not constantly on our minds; will it come back, will you be alive, etc.

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Happy that she is doing well!. I remember reading her blog. I could relate to her thoughts so it did help me.