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A story I'd rather not tell... (1 Viewer)

Drunken knight said:
Boss: I’m going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?

George: Who said that?

Boss: She did.

George: Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time.

Boss: You’re fired.

George: Well you didn’t have to say it like that.
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Flipped on the TV this morning, and it happened to be tuned to TBS. This episode of Seinfeld was on. That show was so funny.

 
Good for you brother! That HR lady was in on the traps your boss was setting. Thanks for sharing about standing up to those two bullies! Give em hell Iron Sheik!!! If you notice your coworkers treating you differently it's because their respect for you just multiplied. 

 
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I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind words.  Even though that's not what I was going for with this thread, reading all of them really made me feel good.  Genuinely.

And if anyone knows anyone or has any contacts that would help me find a better job, that would be great, too.  Doesn't hurt to network, I guess.  

If not, no worries.  Again, not what this thread was about, but figured I'd just throw that out there.  Honestly, this board and the people on it have helped my a lot in my life.  More than you guys will ever know.  

 
Wow yes this has been an undeserving situation.

I agree with previous post about documenting this but not sure best way to do that. If you summarize in an email to HR VP they may think you are positioning  for litigation. You could simply ask how they have documented it. Not sure maybe you have a right to see that. Alternatively maybe the reason to seek counsel is to document the events for use if needed in future. Though you also have this great thread as exhibit A. 😆 

How many years do you think you will keep working? Probably either way definitely keep looking for new job.,  Have you considered at your retirement/departure to tell your boss and the HR lady - ‘ just kidding, gotcha!’  To totally mindf@&% them  🤣

 
Shaunz33 said:
Wow yes this has been an undeserving situation.

I agree with previous post about documenting this but not sure best way to do that. If you summarize in an email to HR VP they may think you are positioning  for litigation. You could simply ask how they have documented it. Not sure maybe you have a right to see that. Alternatively maybe the reason to seek counsel is to document the events for use if needed in future. Though you also have this great thread as exhibit A. 😆 

How many years do you think you will keep working? Probably either way definitely keep looking for new job.,  Have you considered at your retirement/departure to tell your boss and the HR lady - ‘ just kidding, gotcha!’  To totally mindf@&% them  🤣
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I'll be working into my 60's.  So I still have another 20 years of work to go.  

 
I promise to still come to you with all my stupid weather related questions, and to make fun of you for answering them.  Nerd.

Edit to add: If I had any type of evidence at all, I'd sue the #### out of the company.  If I didn't want to sue them, I'd make sure to file an official complaint with HR about it and have all that documented.

 
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Kanil said:
I promise to still come to you with all my stupid weather related questions, and to make fun of you for answering them.  Nerd.

Edit to add: If I had any type of evidence at all, I'd sue the #### out of the company.  If I didn't want to sue them, I'd make sure to file an official complaint with HR about it and have all that documented.
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Thing is, no actual evidence because it was spoken, not written.  

And as someone else pointed out, I worry about asking for an official complaint because then it might look like I'm preparing to bring a suit against them.  

It sucks because I was wronged and made to feel like crap by someone who clearly crossed a line.  But I don't really have any recourse.  I can only hope they are worried they messed up and hope to just not rock the boat anymore right now.  

 
Just saw this. They were waaaay out of line, obviously. Just wanted to say this place is better with you around, and so is your company. The pettiness they displayed indicates they're having a hard time seeing that, which is their problem and unfortunately they added a lot of unnecessary stress to your life. F those people, and I hope things work out to your satisfaction because that is what you deserve.

 
Grace Under Pressure said:
Just saw this. They were waaaay out of line, obviously. Just wanted to say this place is better with you around, and so is your company. The pettiness they displayed indicates they're having a hard time seeing that, which is their problem and unfortunately they added a lot of unnecessary stress to your life. F those people, and I hope things work out to your satisfaction because that is what you deserve.
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Thanks, GB.

I've probably had about 12 jobs in my career, of which only 2 or 3 I had issues with.  Most places love me.  But I've run into this before at past jobs because managers think I'm acting a certain way.  I tend to speak my mind and am not a yes man.  Not so much because I'm trying, but that's just me.  Most times, companies love me for it.  I've made great relationships with CIO's, CEO's and other VP's because they'll ask my opinion and I'll tell them why I don't like something and how I'd fix it.  I don't think a lot of them hear such honesty and they tend to like it.  But there are those few bosses and execs who do not appreciate honesty so much.  I think they see it as me being disrespectful.  And I get it.  I'm not under any illusion that it can't be annoying as all hell.  And I'm fine if they don't like me for it.

But in this case, she wasn't upset with my job duties or my performance.  She was pissed that I wasn't overtly friendly in the office.  And that's what bothers me.  What if I was just a regular old introvert who didn't like being around people?  I mean, it's such a crappy thing to accuse someone of not being friendly because some people just aren't that way.  Being an introvert isn't a disease, per se, but it's still something you are just born with.  

I don't know.  The whole thing makes me feel so many horrible things.  I just want out.  I feel trapped here.  

 
TheIronSheik said:
But in this case, she wasn't upset with my job duties or my performance.  She was pissed that I wasn't overtly friendly in the office.  And that's what bothers me.  What if I was just a regular old introvert who didn't like being around people?  I mean, it's such a crappy thing to accuse someone of not being friendly because some people just aren't that way.  Being an introvert isn't a disease, per se, but it's still something you are just born with.  
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Exactly. No one should have to justify their behavior as long as it isn't disruptive, unless you singed some sort of contract stating you'd be friendly to everyone at work! This is seriously about the stupidest work place thing I have ever heard of, which is why it bothers me that it even occurred. Your bosses and your HR seriously suck that this a) was allowed to happen in the first place and b) wasn't immediately corrected afterwards. You may like some of your higher ups, but your bosses seem totally spineless.

 
TheIronSheik said:
I tend to speak my mind and am not a yes man.
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Mr R is like this.  He got a friend of his a job in a company with just three people.  When he told his boss not to be a f_____g idiot, the friend was horrifed.  He figured he was out of a job for sure.  Instead, the discussion went on as normal.

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
Mr R is like this.  He got a friend of his a job in a company with just three people.  When he told his boss not to be a f_____g idiot, the friend was horrifed.  He figured he was out of a job for sure.  Instead, the discussion went on as normal.
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I try not to be that blunt.  :lol:   And I've gotten better throughout my life. 

 
Every so often, we hire new people for our plants across the country that will train here in the home office for about 4 to 6 weeks before heading off to their assignment.  When this happens, someone will walk them around the office and introduce them to everyone.

Yesterday, right before I'm about to leave, the HR lady from this story, is walking someone around.  They come up to my office and she introduces me to the new person.  This is the first time I've seen the HR lady since "the incident" and I could feel my heart race with too many emotions to even identify.  I wanted to be pissed, but I knew I couldn't because of the new person standing there.  So I introduced myself to the new lady and welcomed her.  I was hoping the HR lady would just move on at that point.  But instead, she leans in to all of my pictures I have on my wall.  They are pictures of all of the places I've traveled while working in the oil industry.  She starts to tell me how pretty they are and asking all kinds of questions, as if she all of a sudden cared and was best friends with me.  

I could feel my blood boiling and I knew there was nothing I could do.  What a helpless feeling.  I'm actually surprised they let her come near me.  If I was the VP of HR, I would have told that lady to avoid any kind of contact with me for at least 6 months.  Maybe more.  

 
TheIronSheik said:
Every so often, we hire new people for our plants across the country that will train here in the home office for about 4 to 6 weeks before heading off to their assignment.  When this happens, someone will walk them around the office and introduce them to everyone.

Yesterday, right before I'm about to leave, the HR lady from this story, is walking someone around.  They come up to my office and she introduces me to the new person.  This is the first time I've seen the HR lady since "the incident" and I could feel my heart race with too many emotions to even identify.  I wanted to be pissed, but I knew I couldn't because of the new person standing there.  So I introduced myself to the new lady and welcomed her.  I was hoping the HR lady would just move on at that point.  But instead, she leans in to all of my pictures I have on my wall.  They are pictures of all of the places I've traveled while working in the oil industry.  She starts to tell me how pretty they are and asking all kinds of questions, as if she all of a sudden cared and was best friends with me.  

I could feel my blood boiling and I knew there was nothing I could do.  What a helpless feeling.  I'm actually surprised they let her come near me.  If I was the VP of HR, I would have told that lady to avoid any kind of contact with me for at least 6 months.  Maybe more.  
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One thing I've learned the hard way is people like us tend to take things like this way too personally. It seems possible this lady was just willing to play the role the boss set out for her, and at that point you were just a random nobody she has no reason to care about. But then she gained some insight to who you are, and the empathy she developed from that made her warm up a little bit to you as a person. But in the meantime you're feeling slighted and offended over what should be a completely obvious gaffe on her part... how dare she?!?

I know how this feels because I've done it many times over. And it's a mistake because it just doesn't help. I finally figured out that the way other people behave and make decisions will never make sense to me. I'm technical person with extreme focusing ability who excels at tedious things like logic/troubleshooting/organizing, but areas like language and communication are an art to me. I've learned how to fake it, but it's exhausting to me and will never really be second nature.

Anyway I'm rambling now, but what I'm getting at is that you seem to share some of these same characteristics, and if there's anything I would recommend, it might be in your best interest to try to let go of that anger towards her. The resulting stress does you absolutely no good, especially when you're causing yourself anxiety over someone who likely hasn't even given the situation much of a second thought.

 
-arcK- said:
One thing I've learned the hard way is people like us tend to take things like this way too personally. It seems possible this lady was just willing to play the role the boss set out for her, and at that point you were just a random nobody she has no reason to care about. But then she gained some insight to who you are, and the empathy she developed from that made her warm up a little bit to you as a person. But in the meantime you're feeling slighted and offended over what should be a completely obvious gaffe on her part... how dare she?!?

I know how this feels because I've done it many times over. And it's a mistake because it just doesn't help. I finally figured out that the way other people behave and make decisions will never make sense to me. I'm technical person with extreme focusing ability who excels at tedious things like logic/troubleshooting/organizing, but areas like language and communication are an art to me. I've learned how to fake it, but it's exhausting to me and will never really be second nature.

Anyway I'm rambling now, but what I'm getting at is that you seem to share some of these same characteristics, and if there's anything I would recommend, it might be in your best interest to try to let go of that anger towards her. The resulting stress does you absolutely no good, especially when you're causing yourself anxiety over someone who likely hasn't even given the situation much of a second thought.
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I get what you're saying, but it's not so much anger.  That was a traumatic day for me.  It's almost like PTSD in a sense.  Just hearing her voice creates all of those emotions rushing back to me.  So I get what you're saying about let it go, but it's still very fresh and an open wound.  And the reaction is not something I'm in control of right now.

 
TheIronSheik said:
Every so often, we hire new people for our plants across the country that will train here in the home office for about 4 to 6 weeks before heading off to their assignment.  When this happens, someone will walk them around the office and introduce them to everyone.

Yesterday, right before I'm about to leave, the HR lady from this story, is walking someone around.  They come up to my office and she introduces me to the new person.  This is the first time I've seen the HR lady since "the incident" and I could feel my heart race with too many emotions to even identify.  I wanted to be pissed, but I knew I couldn't because of the new person standing there.  So I introduced myself to the new lady and welcomed her.  I was hoping the HR lady would just move on at that point.  But instead, she leans in to all of my pictures I have on my wall.  They are pictures of all of the places I've traveled while working in the oil industry.  She starts to tell me how pretty they are and asking all kinds of questions, as if she all of a sudden cared and was best friends with me.  

I could feel my blood boiling and I knew there was nothing I could do.  What a helpless feeling.  I'm actually surprised they let her come near me.  If I was the VP of HR, I would have told that lady to avoid any kind of contact with me for at least 6 months.  Maybe more.  
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You have hand.

Use it wisely, my friend.  At this point you may been the most powerful person at your company. 

Just sit there and bask in that for now. Use us to help you harness and deploy it. It is Sheik's time....

 
TheIronSheik said:
I get what you're saying, but it's not so much anger.  That was a traumatic day for me.  It's almost like PTSD in a sense.  Just hearing her voice creates all of those emotions rushing back to me.  So I get what you're saying about let it go, but it's still very fresh and an open wound.  And the reaction is not something I'm in control of right now.
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Oh I absolutely get you man. I have often way overreacted in situations like these, and let my emotions get the best of me. In fact I think you handled the situation better than I would have. I guess I'm just saying that although this is something I'd never ever forget, I would still want to start working towards an emotional release, so that I wouldn't still be beating myself up over it several years later, which I have done before and it sucks. I have a tendency to replay these moments in my head over and over and it definitely does me no good.

 
-arcK- said:
Oh I absolutely get you man. I have often way overreacted in situations like these, and let my emotions get the best of me. In fact I think you handled the situation better than I would have. I guess I'm just saying that although this is something I'd never ever forget, I would still want to start working towards an emotional release, so that I wouldn't still be beating myself up over it several years later, which I have done before and it sucks. I have a tendency to replay these moments in my head over and over and it definitely does me no good.
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I have moments from grade school that I do this with that still make me sick to my stomach.  :lol:

 
I have ADD, which shares several symptoms with Asperger's, so I can easily identify with what you're dealing with. We look at the world differently, but because of that, some people don't know how to process that in turn, and it makes it hard to work together. As for the HR situation, I don't really have any effective advice.

 
I was thinking about maybe looking into contacting a professional resume writing company.  I had mine done by a friend who did it for a living about 20 years ago.  And I've just kind of been adding onto it over the years.  But I'm thinking I may need a professional to help me update it.  

Anyone ever use a professional service or recommend one?

 
Respect the TECH said:
You may want to reach out to your college or school where you got your higher education.  They may help you for free as alumni.  
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Unfortunately, I didn’t graduate. College was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. Not because I couldn’t do the work, but walking into classrooms was terrifying. One of the downsides to this, is I don’t like crowds or strangers. 

It’s weird because I can stand in front of a room of people to train them no problem. I stood in front of audiences and did stand up in clubs. It all comes down to acting I guess. 

 
Mr. Ham said:
Sorry to hijack this thread, but update on above. As reported, I’ve been in a strange limbo career-wise due to shifting sands and changes in huge company strategy, and increasingly fearful my existence on the spectrum may limit future opportunities. 

I work for a huge well known services and tech company, with a big internal business research division. 

Each multi-billion industry has a lead thought leader. It’s sort of like a tenured professor in residence, or as it’s been described to me privately, an ivory tower.

Job is to meet with clients and industry experts, do external research on trends, understand how tech is solving real problems or poised to, and translate into papers, blogs, decks, and do a lot of speaking at conferences, to internal sales teams, and sometimes with execs at clients.

Global role, when travel resumes it essentially means thinking about stuff, translating it into a distinct point of view, then going around the globe and sharing ideas, and promoting a personal brand as a representative of the company. Half analyst/researcher, half futurist.

Guy who had this role for last 15 years for my industry just announced his retirement, and a few different execs submitted me for consideration, including my last two bosses. Have interviewed with 2/3 decision makers with third one Monday.

Feedback I got is that job is mine to lose, so don’t screw it up.  

It’s not an easy job, in that I will be measured by quality of work and it’ll be fairly constant deadlines and volume of deliverables. My industry is actually divided into two large sub-industries with their own dynamics. (Telecom and Media & Entertainment.)

...But if there’s anything I could do longterm that suits my brain and career ambitions, it’s to gravitate to what interests me, think about stuff, and geek out with my business network. Could see myself doing that for the rest of my career if I can stick the landing!

Excited about the prospects!
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Good luck GB, pulling for you

 
  • Smile
Reactions: SWC
This entire thread reads like my life. Never diagnosed but Im positive I have some hodgepodge of Asperger ADD, ADHD, borderline split personality disorder, compulsiveness and god know whatever else. 

I have two real friends that I’ve known for 30 years but other than that I just don’t seem to be on the same wavelength as “normal people”. 
 

Im just saying youre not alone. I’m sorry you were treated like that. You’re not only one of my favorite posters, but you’re on everyone’s short list. 
 

You sir, are on the Mount Rushmore of FBGs! 
 

Good luck and please never quit this place! 

 
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Mr. Ham said:
Got told this evening (after a gauntlet of interviews) that I got the job. So grateful. Will be a lot of work, but also got told in confidence by my current boss who is working hard to transfer me as early as tomorrow, that otherwise I would be caught in a wave of layoffs that he describes as a “blood bath” to be announced shortly. As I confided to a friend, it was like being caught between Nirvana and a bottomless abyss. 

Never been fired, because have always been a high performer. Assuming transfer goes through (and my last 3 bosses all lobbied hard for me here) I have never been more humbled to be embarking on a new career chapter.

Once I’m established, I will continue to be part of the neurodiversity community in my company.

As part of that, I had a question asked that I did okay with, but should never be asked of someone on the spectrum. 

”Where do you see yourself in 10 years and how do you want to be perceived?” Most people can immediately absorb the politics of that, and I’m close enough to the edge of the spectrum to have fielded, but that is the kind of question of that triggers a synaptic journey that would take 30 minutes to answer earnestly for me.

Seems I walked the gauntlet though. 
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Awesome news GB, i'm happy for you!

 
I don't know how I did not read this thread until now but so glad I did.

bostonfred said:
My son is on the spectrum. He's a smart kid but there's days that it's really hard. I can't tell you how happy I'd be if he grew up anything like you. I know that wasn't your goal but your post gives me hope.  
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This is me as well, and it was going to be my exact post (referring to if my son grew up with the same character, humor, success, independence, and heart as Sheik, I would be thrilled). This entire thread gives me hope. Thank you to everyone for sharing experiences, and supporting each other. 

D-Day said:
I appreciate the courage it took for you to start this thread.  It shows your great character, and it really helps our FFA community to have these types of discussions. 
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Superb post, cannot agree more with everything.

Here is to you all.

 
Congrats Ham. I sort of know what its like to be in your situation.

Like 5 years ago, I accepted a job (pending a background check) at a different company and resigned my current position (sort of had to, as I had used the other offer to try and get a raise and they basically gave me 1 day to decide). Never thought I'd fail a background check, so no big deal. I had a vacation scheduled for the following week, so I headed off to the beach just waiting for them to give me my start date. (I offered my boss 2 weeks but because I was leaving for a competitor, they politely declined)

Turned out that HR had determined that I'd "lied" on my application by inflating my current salary by 7K. At 5K, they let it slide...7 was grounds to pull the offer, which they did.   I was livid, as the 7K number was actually lower than what I'd been offered to stay at the old company (I didn't want a ton of back and forth, so I inflated my number by what I thought they'd offer so I didn't have to keep renegotiating. I knew what I needed to leave). Because I couldn't produce that in writing, they told me to go pound sand.

I just assumed (and was told) that EVERYONE inflates their salary a little bit and didn't even give it a second thought. I also had no idea that they had the ability to call my current employer and get my exact salary to the dollar.

Thankfully, I knew someone VERY high up in the company and he basically called HR and fixed the situation. But there was 2 days where I  had no job. Freaking sucked. 

And after all that, it took me about 2 weeks at the new job (Really good company. The department was just a bad fit for my skill set and the way I like to work)  to realize I'd made a HUGE mistake and I ended up going back to the other company a year and a half later anyway :shrug:

 
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