What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

COVID and Kids - lets share ideas... (1 Viewer)

mr roboto

Footballguy
Many of us have kids in school that are now home. Instead of clogging up the main thread I wanted to create a space to chat about ideas, vent frustrations, and get a sense for what you all are doing out there.

My first question is, would you allow your children to play outside with neighboring children? Would you require them to stay 6 feet away (which for many children is going to be basically impossible to maintain)?

If you have families in your neighborhood and none of them are symptomatic would you feel comfortable doing it outside play date?

are you allowing your children to go to a local park and play on the equipment if there aren’t a lot of other children there or are you worried about transmission from the play structures?

 
Would also like to see home schooling suggestions/ideas to keep our kids' minds active and not focused purely on video ganes and tv. There have to be some good resources out there for tablets/devices - has anyone found any good sites online or educational apps?

 
Would also like to see home schooling suggestions/ideas to keep our kids' minds active and not focused purely on video ganes and tv. There have to be some good resources out there for tablets/devices - has anyone found any good sites online or educational apps?
Is their school doing online schooling? Seems like they should provide any thing they would need. 

 
Many of us have kids in school that are now home. Instead of clogging up the main thread I wanted to create a space to chat about ideas, vent frustrations, and get a sense for what you all are doing out there.

My first question is, would you allow your children to play outside with neighboring children? Would you require them to stay 6 feet away (which for many children is going to be basically impossible to maintain)?

If you have families in your neighborhood and none of them are symptomatic would you feel comfortable doing it outside play date?

are you allowing your children to go to a local park and play on the equipment if there aren’t a lot of other children there or are you worried about transmission from the play structures?
I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m attacking you, because we hear this question all the time. If you allow your children to play with other kids, I feel like that is a very selfish decision and I don’t think any experts have indicated this is a good idea. As you likely know, many people carry the virus and are not symptomatic. It is very possible that people seem fine and are passing the virus and others. That’s the crux of what makes this virus so bad.

 
I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m attacking you, because we hear this question all the time. If you allow your children to play with other kids, I feel like that is a very selfish decision and I don’t think any experts have indicated this is a good idea. As you likely know, many people carry the virus and are not symptomatic. It is very possible that people seem fine and are passing the virus and others. That’s the crux of what makes this virus so bad.
I went on a run today and it's amazing to me how much is still open and how many people are out and about in the stores.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I went on a run today and it's amazing to me how much is still open and how many people are out and about in the stores.
Around here, basically if you don’t sell food, you are not allowed to be open. Grocery stores are fully open but restaurants are curbside pick up only. 

 
I am lucky my kids are older, 12 and 14. They are content to interact via technology with their friends. 
 

I would not feel comfortable sending my kid out to play with others. 

 
We have two teen-age girls:

1.  Exercise - walk the dogs, ride bikes.  Both of our kids are in magnet programs, so no close friends in the neighborhood, and thus no playing outside with friends.  We did allow our younger daughter to go to her horse lesson - small group, and trainer's only source of income.  (Social distancing while there).

2.  Daily routine - on a normal school day we are out the door by 8 each morning - this past week, I made sure they were out of bed by 8:30 (i.e. no sleeping in), breakfast, dog walk, showers done by 9:30 - school activities until 11:30, then lunch until 1.  1-3 more school activities, but also included art for my older daughter, and violin for the younger daughter.  3-5 free time, but no TV - mostly reading and phone time.  After dinner - TV time

School - Older daughter has a couple of AP classes, and no delay on AP test in May, as of yet (I think they have limited the scope).  But both of teachers have done a good job in keeping up with work to do.  Other teachers have also provided some resources for on-line learning.  Younger daughter had a long-term project that covered both English and Science - involved reading a specific book relevant to both classes - so that was easy to stay on track.  We also used Khan Academy for both kids - older one spent time on a SAT course, younger one completed a Geometry course (she is a harder worker...)

For our school system - we have two weeks off - where teachers are not allowed to assign graded work, or give tests.  That will last one more week, and then we have Spring Break.  Those two weeks will presumably have to be made up at some point - to meet total hours of education required by law.  On April 6 - the schools have been approved for Non-traditional teaching days for 2 more weeks - those days will be on-line learning, but will count towards the total hours.  I expect both kids will get specific assignments from teachers at that point - and "homeschooling" will be a lot easier...

 
My son is 3. Not letting him play with neighborhood kids.  He’s done a couple of FaceTime sessions with his friends from daycare.  Not letting him play at playground — both because trying to keep him away from others, and concern about the equipment too.  I’ve been taking him in the backyard to play baseball, soccer, golf, etc. Also some blowing bubbles and sidewalk chalk in the yard, and some neighborhood walks, but not a whole lot else outside.

It is a bit tough because he’s not old enough where he has more independence (needs help with a lot of activities), but I wish he was still young enough where we could get a good afternoon nap in.  

 
Many of us have kids in school that are now home. Instead of clogging up the main thread I wanted to create a space to chat about ideas, vent frustrations, and get a sense for what you all are doing out there.

My first question is, would you allow your children to play outside with neighboring children? Would you require them to stay 6 feet away (which for many children is going to be basically impossible to maintain)?

If you have families in your neighborhood and none of them are symptomatic would you feel comfortable doing it outside play date?

are you allowing your children to go to a local park and play on the equipment if there aren’t a lot of other children there or are you worried about transmission from the play structures?
No play dates.

Yes going to playground just us, staying 6' from everybody. No playset (basketball, catch, tennis). This stuff lasts a long time on metal...don't take the chance.

This spreads with contact. Eliminate contact.

 
Since I still have 8 at home it looks like the neighborhood is in my yard but it’s just mine. We are in a super small town. I go to the store alone. I do still take them to the park but we are the only ones there. We have one family we are super close to and have been with them daily or every other day for the last 5 years. whatever they have/we have. So we do spend time with them at each other’s houses. But that’s been it for the last two weeks. Our other close friend went to the Grand Canyon and a bunch of other places for two weeks. They’ve been home a week. We won’t see them at all until they have been home 3 weeks and not sick. If even then. 

 
Boys ages 9 and 4. We're mostly isolating, and when we don't, we are very careful. The babysitter still comes every weekday (my wife and I are both working from home). We also had the younger one's speech therapist come twice last week. Older son has one friend in our "Circle of Trust": good friends of ours who live around the corner. The husband is teaching in Germany for the year, so it's just the mom and the son. Earlier tonight we went over and sat outside on the dock behind their building, though the two boys did go upstairs and play in the apartment for a little.

Older son isn't very athletic and in the past year we finally found an activity that he enjoys (kickboxing). We took him to one class last weekend, but after the county imposed an eight-person limit on all crowds, we decided to go to private lessons only. I feel pretty confident that the owner is taking all necessary precautions, but no need to risk exposing him to the other seven kids and their parents. Plus, he likes the private lessons more anyway.

Last weekend, we went to the beach twice and also swam in our building's pool. This weekend everything was closed down, so it was much harder to find outdoor activities. (Playgrounds have been closed for more than a week, and I wouldn't want feel safe going to one anyway.) This afternoon I resorted to taking the younger one for a drive in my car; we checked out a field near our place where people sometimes go on weekends to fly kites (blocked off by police), then drove past his school just to see it and then got my car washed (monthly subscription so I didn't even have to roll my window down). Weekends are definitely the hardest. Also, this week the older one is on spring break, so it will be even more work to keep him entertained.

 
Many of us have kids in school that are now home. Instead of clogging up the main thread I wanted to create a space to chat about ideas, vent frustrations, and get a sense for what you all are doing out there.

My first question is, would you allow your children to play outside with neighboring children? Would you require them to stay 6 feet away (which for many children is going to be basically impossible to maintain)?

If you have families in your neighborhood and none of them are symptomatic would you feel comfortable doing it outside play date?

are you allowing your children to go to a local park and play on the equipment if there aren’t a lot of other children there or are you worried about transmission from the play structures?
No.

 
Following.  We have still let my 10 year old daughter play outside with the other girls, but no physical contact allowed and no sharing of toys.  We're having a hard time with this.  Want to be reasonable but also safe.  Building interpersonal relationships with others is still an important part of development at that age.  

My 15 year old son is content chatting with his friends online and playing video games.

 
Kids are 11, 13.  We let them go down to the park and play with each other but not others.  Wash hands when they get back.  They get to interact through XBOX with friends.

My only frustration is some of their teachers seem to be under the impression that a parent will be sitting by their side while they do these online classes through Zoom starting tomorrow AM.... WTF?  No, no we will both be working.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Maybe the caution is greater in NYC... But kind of incredible to me to hear that you guys are letting your kids interact with other people these days.

Everything I've read and heard says not to do this. That avoiding doing this will help minimize the spread. 

Man- I hope it doesn't get as bad wherever you guys are...but I really don't get taking the risk for next couple weeks.

 
It became a battle today that I wasn't expecting.  

I have a 13 year old and a 5 year old.  I had a long talk to him about going outside and keeping a distance.  There is a family down the road he plays with a lot.  I said they could walk, chill/talk at a distance, shoot hoops with their own balls, etc.  Wash hands thoroughly when he gets in the house.  

Today I had to go outside and yell at him because i look out and he had 2 of the younger neighbors sitting in his lap looking at something on his phone.  Before that they were too close playing hoops (guarding, playing D, etc.).  On top of that, he goes in and sulks in his room after talked to him outside - didn't wash his hands.  So I go in his room to scold him for that, and he said he didn't want to because last time it hurt (temp differential since it's in the 30s here).  :mellow:

I talked to him at supper and he said he thought his mom and I were talking this too seriously.  :rant:

Oh, and this is the kid that about 3 weeks ago was in tears and damn near crapping himself because they talked about what China was going through during current events.  

 
My kids are normally always outside, but have been told no for playing with other kids outside unfortunately. 
The hardest part is looking outside and seeing plenty of other kids playing with each other. How do you explain to a 7 year old why only they’re missing out because others don’t comply. 

No to parks for me right now, but that might be extreme I admit.

As for ideas on keeping them occupied, just try your best and don’t stress too much about it. If the worst that comes of this for your family is a few months of too much iPad time because they’re stuck inside, you’ll be fine. Do anything it takes to keep yourself in a good place so that you can spread positivity and calm. Good luck

 
From our school district:

March 18, 2020

Dear Chandler Unified Parents and Guardians,

During the school closure, it is our desire to provide the students of Chandler Unified School District the opportunity to continue their educational experience through enrichment resources. Below are links to resources categorized by content area and grade level for at-home enrichment in learning. Please use the list as options from which to explore and select activities of interest.

Please use Google Chrome as your browser to access the provided links.  These links are also available online at: www.cusd80.com/Enrichment 

We are currently developing options for those that do not have access to technology. More information regarding our distribution process for hard-copy instructional resources will soon be provided to our Chandler Unified families. Thank you for your partnership as we continue to focus on the safety and health of our community.

Comprehensive Content

ACT Academy
Grades: K-12
Description: Comprehensive Content - Individualized practice

Albert
Grades: 7-12
Description: Comprehensive Content - Individualized practice

Be Active Handouts
Grades: K-6
Description: Comprehensive Content - Activities with household items

Education.com
Grades: PreK-5
Description: Comprehensive Content - Worksheets and printable practice

Khan Academy
Grades: K-12
Description: Comprehensive Content - Individualized practice

Mensa for Kids
Grades: K-6
Description: Comprehensive Content - Activities for the gifted learner

Playful Learning
Grades: K-8
Description: Comprehensive Content - Playful lesson resources

Foreign Language

Duolingo
Grades: K-12
Description: Foreign Language - Learn 25 different languages

Language Arts

Free Children Stories
Grades: PreK-5
Description: Language Arts - Original stories for children

Funbrain
Grades: PreK-8
Description: Language Arts - Educational books and games

Scholastic Learn at Home
Grades: PreK-6
Description: Language Arts - Lessons aligned to literature

Starfall
Grades: PreK-3
Description: Language Arts - Phonics support

Storyline Online
Grades: K-3
Description: Language Arts - Books for children

Teach Your Monster to Read
Grades: K-3
Description: Language Arts - Reading fluency

Math

Mathscore
Grades: K-8
Description: Math - Computational knowledge practice

Physical Education

Go Noodle
Grades: PreK-6
Description: Physical Education - Movement activities

Science

Mystery Science
Grades: K-5
Description: Science - Science visuals and activities

Technology

code.org
Grades: K-8
Description: Technology - Coding coaching and application

Scratch
Grades: K-8
Description: Technology - Coding coaching and application

 
Looks like the links didn't paste. My 5th grader is going to do school tomorrow following her regular schedule and picking and choosing from the links starting tomorrow. Better than staring at YouTube all day.

 
We’ve been going to large parks for family walks/hikes. No playground equipment though. Lots of people are out and about. Even though it’s maybe 40 for a high most days. Still ice on the lakes but most of the snow is gone. 
 

So glad this didn’t hit in January up here. 

 
The hardest part is looking outside and seeing plenty of other kids playing with each other. How do you explain to a 7 year old why only they’re missing out because others don’t comply. 
Wow.  That's really rough.  Is there a friend they can see and talk to on Skype or something?

 
Many of us have kids in school that are now home. Instead of clogging up the main thread I wanted to create a space to chat about ideas, vent frustrations, and get a sense for what you all are doing out there.

My first question is, would you allow your children to play outside with neighboring children? Would you require them to stay 6 feet away (which for many children is going to be basically impossible to maintain)?

If you have families in your neighborhood and none of them are symptomatic would you feel comfortable doing it outside play date?

are you allowing your children to go to a local park and play on the equipment if there aren’t a lot of other children there or are you worried about transmission from the play structures?
We don’t allow any play dates or group activities. Playgrounds where I am are currently closed so can’t use equipment, etc. and there is a risk of virus living on that equipment for a few days. 

 
9, 7 and 5 year old here.  

No one is allowed to play with friends. We went outside and let the neighbor kids kick the soccer ball to each other.  That's about it.  We didn't let them get any closer than that.  Luckily the other dad is taking this seriously too.  

What has shocked me the most from school, is the teachers have admitted there is really only about 2 hours worth of actual school work done every day. 

We still let them walk the dogs and ride bikes.  We usually ride with them, but they can go alone.  Still have strict instructions not to play with anyone else.  

We found some really helpful youtube workout routines.  Its like a 15 minute routine of stretching, burpees, push ups...stuff like that.   They love it for now.  

 
We're in rural PA and my 18yo daughter hasnt seen her 18yo bf for 8 days. They've been away from each other at different colleges since Christmas break. If this doesnt tell you how serious we are taking it, I dont know what will.

If you're looking for a project for your kids, I had mine make pizza this weekend using the King Arthur 2020 Recipe of the Year. It takes 24 hours and there are like 8 different steps so it keeps them busy for a while. Damn good pizza and gives them something to post on their Insta as well.

Pizza dough

Pizza topped

Pizza cooked

:banned:

 
We're in rural PA and my 18yo daughter hasnt seen her 18yo bf for 8 days. They've been away from each other at different colleges since Christmas break. If this doesnt tell you how serious we are taking it, I dont know what will.
Yeah, I was listening to the Bill Simmons podcast, where he was describing his decision to keep his 14-year-old daughter apart from her boyfriend. In general, I think those of us with younger kids have it harder, but that is definitely one situation I'm glad to not have to deal with. 

Will check out the pizza recipe. Thanks for the rec!

 
I have two girls, ages 10 and 13.  These are the rules I have in place.  My wife sent these to our kids friends parents as well.

  1. No meeting friends out if you have a cough or a fever.
  2. Ok to meet friends outside:

    No going into friends house
  3. No friends in our house
  4. No sharing food or drinks
  5. No hugs, hand shakes, high 5s.  Basically, no touching.

[*]When you come into the house, immediately wash hands with soap and water.

[*]Hand sanitizer before you get in the car when out and about (stores, work, showing houses).

#2.2 was broken last week - one of my daughters friends was in the house.  She came in to use the bathroom (and wash hands), but then was hanging out inside.  Now, my daughter is grounded for a week, which means she cannot meet her BFF outside.  If it happens again, same punishmment but adding no phone.

At the same time, I'm also basically eliminating screen time restrictions.  You want to spend all day facetiming your friends?  Knock yourself out (as long as homework gets done and room is clean).

I am fine with the girls getting out and going for bike rides with their friends.  I don't see much harm in that.  I am ok with them hanging out on someones front porch and chatting.  I think even if someone had funk, if you are outside I've gotta believe the air movement would dissapate anything pretty quickly - much moreso than being inside.

ETA: the above rules apply to parents as well as kids.  I think it's important for them to see that we are following the rules too if we want full buy-in.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
2 kids, 9 and 7.  Haven't been letting them play with the neighborhood kids.  Not until things start looking better.  Whatever that means.

The 9 year old got on Kids Facebook Messenger and has been chatting with a school friend, and her 2nd cousin.  

The 7 year old just cares about Legos and Minecraft videos on YouTube.

We have a daily schedule (mainly for weekdays) that the wife has been keeping with them.  God bless her for running the show during these weird times.

I print out math worksheets at work every weekday to bring home.  We have a ton of workbooks and art sets and flash cards, etc.  

If nothing else this gives the 9 year old a chance to catch up on her online math program that the school has.  She was way behind.

Keep those kids safe, y'all!

 
Telling kids they can play together and "not touch" is like telling a couple of 18yo's that havent seen each other since Christmas that they can hang out together and "not touch". It's not happening. You know your kids. If you truly think they can stay 6ft away from every other kid while hanging out. Go for it. I know mine cant. 

 
I have two girls, ages 10 and 13.  These are the rules I have in place.  My wife sent these to our kids friends parents as well.
That's really smart. All the rules in the world don't matter if, as soon as they're hanging out outside their friend's house, the parents are like, "Come on in and try these cookies I baked!"

 
We're in rural PA and my 18yo daughter hasnt seen her 18yo bf for 8 days. They've been away from each other at different colleges since Christmas break. If this doesnt tell you how serious we are taking it, I dont know what will.
Yeah, I was listening to the Bill Simmons podcast, where he was describing his decision to keep his 14-year-old daughter apart from her boyfriend. In general, I think those of us with younger kids have it harder, but that is definitely one situation I'm glad to not have to deal with. 

Will check out the pizza recipe. Thanks for the rec!
12yo floppinho has had a gf this year. She FaceTime and texts him incessantly and he answers via emoji. They saw a movie together before all this and held hands (to describe the level of age/relationship).

When school closed, she wrote him a lengthy text about how they needed to break up because it was going to be too hard for her to be apart from him.

His response ... :shrug:

 
I have two girls, ages 10 and 13.  These are the rules I have in place.  My wife sent these to our kids friends parents as well.

  1. No meeting friends out if you have a cough or a fever.
  2. Ok to meet friends outside:

    No going into friends house
  3. No friends in our house
  4. No sharing food or drinks
  5. No hugs, hand shakes, high 5s.  Basically, no touching.

[*]When you come into the house, immediately wash hands with soap and water.

[*]Hand sanitizer before you get in the car when out and about (stores, work, showing houses).

#2.2 was broken last week - one of my daughters friends was in the house.  She came in to use the bathroom (and wash hands), but then was hanging out inside.  Now, my daughter is grounded for a week, which means she cannot meet her BFF outside.  If it happens again, same punishmment but adding no phone.

At the same time, I'm also basically eliminating screen time restrictions.  You want to spend all day facetiming your friends?  Knock yourself out (as long as homework gets done and room is clean).

I am fine with the girls getting out and going for bike rides with their friends.  I don't see much harm in that.  I am ok with them hanging out on someones front porch and chatting.  I think even if someone had funk, if you are outside I've gotta believe the air movement would dissapate anything pretty quickly - much moreso than being inside.

ETA: the above rules apply to parents as well as kids.  I think it's important for them to see that we are following the rules too if we want full buy-in.
Don't they say this thing lives on hard materials for a long time? Hard materials like wood porches, chairs, etc? Even clothing and hair?

For me, not a risk for my kids, family, neighbors and community I'm willing to take.

Gl to you and yours, gb moleculo... hoping my overabundance of caution is just that and not the reality.

 
Wow.  That's really rough.  Is there a friend they can see and talk to on Skype or something?
We do some FaceTime, but it’s still getting her down feeling like she’s missing out when we aren’t even sick. My other kids are younger and don’t care as much yet from a social aspect. 

 
Don't they say this thing lives on hard materials for a long time? Hard materials like wood porches, chairs, etc? Even clothing and hair?

For me, not a risk for my kids, family, neighbors and community I'm willing to take.

Gl to you and yours, gb moleculo... hoping my overabundance of caution is just that and not the reality.
what is a long time?  A couple of days? a week?  Under what conditions - I'd assume UV light (i.e. sunlight) does a pretty good job at reducing all of that (link)

"Ultraviolet light can be a really powerful disinfectant and we get a lot of UVA light from the sun," says Daniel Kuritzkes an infectious disease expert at Brigham and Women's Hospital. "Direct sunlight can help rapidly diminish infectivity of viruses on surfaces," he says. He was not involved in the new research.
Still, we are keeping them away from playground equipment and of that.

Thus far, no one in our community has teh covid and we have 3 in our county.  It will get here eventiually and we may adjust as we see fit.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
what is a long time?  A couple of days? a week?  Under what conditions - I'd assume UV light (i.e. sunlight) does a pretty good job at reducing all of that (link😞

Still, we are keeping them away from playground equipment and of that.

Thus far, no one in our community has teh covid and we have 3 in our county.  It will get here eventiually and we may adjust as we see fit.
Absent really dumb s##t like spring breakers and Rand Paul, I'm trying not to be too judgmental of anyone else. The truth is, unless we're wrapping ourselves and our families in individualized bubble wrap, we're risking exposure to the virus at some point (and will probably get it eventually). Reasonable people will disagree exactly where the line is. I guarantee you there are people in your life right now who think you're being overly cautious, and others who think you're taking too many risks. (Another thing that keeps me humble: the current version of zftcg looks back on zftcg-from-two-weeks-ago and can't believe what an unbelievable moron that guy was.)

I think the key is whatever potentially risky behavior you engage in, do it in a way that mitigates as much of that risk as possible.

 
This piece covered a lot of my feelings right now...

Parents are not OK.

“I just want to cry.”

“Are we permanently ruining and psychologically damaging him?”

This was an actual conversation my wife and I had Friday morning. I had just gotten off a work call and my brain was ticking through follow up items adding to a long list of untouched to dos. I’d found my wife multi-tasking an onslaught of incoming work questions she was fielding during her “homeschool” time — in which our son refused to partake. Instead, he huddled in an increasingly secure fort, refusing to do anything (color, read, go outside, talk to his teacher, etc…) besides sit in silence in the dark or watch his ipad. (He sat in silence in the dark).

We both felt guilty for the work we were not doing — and aching for the way our son was struggling and needed us to be present and calm and just with him. Exactly what our current schedule running back and forth between work calls, requests and parenting — not to mention life in a pandemic — prohibited. (Later, as I took over the homeschool shift and he stormed upstairs to cry, he told me it was because I had stopped smiling at him. Knife, meet heart.)

This is really hard.

What’s amazing to me is how consistent this struggle is among every parent I talk to. The texts and social media posts bouncing around my circle all echo each other. We feel like we’re failing at both. Our kids don’t just need us — they need more of us. Our kids are acting out, abandoning the routines they already had, dropping naps, sleeping less, doing less — except for jumping on top of their parents, which is happening much more. We’re letting them watch far greater amounts of screen time than we ever thought we’d tolerate. Forget homeschooling success — most of us are struggling to get our kids to do the basics that would have accounted for a saturday morning routine before this pandemic.

Which is not to say people are not trying to do better. My inbox, social media feeds and countertops are *filled* with creative ideas for educating and caring for your kids. Workbooks, games, creative projects and experiments, virtual yoga, virtual doodling, virtual zoo visits, virtual everything.

I honestly am too tired and stretched thin to read the suggestions, let alone try them. The few I have tried have been met with astounding and fierce rejection by my son.

The other common thing I see besides “helpful suggestions” is reminders to be gentle on ourselves. “Embrace imperfection!” “Lower your standards!” To be clear — my family’s standards at this point are simply to get through the day, ideally with my son doing *something* besides watching tv, and us not utterly sabotaging our work.

But what’s missing in all these cloistered parent texts and Facebook groups, all these helpful tips, and reminders to be gentle on ourselves — is acknowledgement that this situation is fundamentally farcical. And individual solutions don’t — won’t — work.

I thought by week 4 we would have all settled into the new norm a bit. But for my family (and others I’ve spoken to) that is not the case — things are harder than they were at the beginning. Harder because we’ve all accrued anxiety, stress and sadness over this period — my to do list is longer and further untouched; my guilt and anxiety for the ways my son is not being engaged enough greater; my son’s apparent sadness for his whole world shifting more intense and the acting out more regular; and our collective exhaustion all the deeper.

This cannot be solved by tweaks to the schedule, helpful routines, and virtual activities. We have to collectively recognize that parents — and any caregivers right now — have less to give at work. A lot less.

At the same time I’ve started to glean from conversations around me and online that as parental protests have quieted (because we’re too damn busy) so has awareness of the plight — assumptions seem to be that parents have “settled into a routine” and “are doing ok now.”

To be clear, parents are not doing ok.

It’s important to stipulate at this juncture a couple things -

First, everyone is grieving and struggling right now. When I’m not pulling my hair out, I’m trying to be grateful that I am with my family, my family is healthy and safe, and I am not enduring this period in total isolation.

Second, the particular struggle I articulate reflects the *most* privileged perspective — that of two fully employed adults, sharing the burden, without fear of losing our jobs. Put another way, I’m not worried about how I’m going to feed my family — I’m just worried about getting my son to eat something besides a donut for two days straight.

But it’s precisely the privilege of this vantage point that in a way makes it so stark. This is the best case scenario?

Viruses — pandemics — expose and exacerbate the existing dynamics of a society — good and bad. They are like a fun-house mirror, grossly reflecting ourselves back to us. One of those dynamics is the burden we put on individual parents and families. We ask individuals to solve for problems that are systemically created.

Everything from the lack of paid sick leave and parental leave to the fact that the school day ends at 3pm when the typical work day goes several hours longer — yet aftercare is not universally available. And that’s saying nothing of the fact that we need universal healthcare, irrespective of employment. Parents pour endless energy into solving for systems that don’t make sense and don’t work.

It’s always been a farce to think about caretaking and family responsibilities as “personal life decisions” that get handled outside of work hours. From getting kids to pediatrician appointments to the onslaught of sick days when cold season hits (in my son’s first year of daycare I didn’t work a full week for months) to school closures and parent-teacher conferences — we just hide it better and make it work.

And again, “making it work” is only true for those with the most privilege among us.

Yet this current situation is almost prophetically designed to showcase the farce of our societal approach to separating work and family lives:

We are expected to work from home full time. And care for our children full time (24/7). And we cannot have anyone outside our immediate household help.

It can’t work and we all are suffering at the illusion that it does.

Our kids are losing out — on peace of mind, education, engagement, the socialization for which they are built.

Our employers are losing out, too. Whether the office policy is to expect full time work (a friend’s employer magnanimously offered working hours could be anytime in a 24 hour period — I guess implying the midnight to 8am shift could solve this problem?) or whether, like in my experience, we are offered a lot of flexibility — work is less good, there is less of it, and returns will be diminishing the longer this juggle goes on.

But parents are really suffering. And we will also be so burnt out when this is over that we will be a far less effective cohort (which, not for nothing, makes up about a third of the U.S. workforce).

To be honest, I’m not sure what the solution is. But unless we step back and redefine where the burden of responsibility lies in providing care for our most vulnerable and reprioritize what work matters, we are going to emerge from this pandemic with some of our most powerful forces — parents and young people — not up for the task of rebuilding a better future.

And in the meantime, remember this: parents are not ok.

 
My friend runs a great web site to help kids learn to code. GetMeCoding.com

Also I learned about https://www.tinkercad.com/ today 
My nine-year-old has been using Scratch. There's a really simple game he likes to play on another site, and he figured out how to import the code into Scratch and then make a bunch of tweaks. It's pretty cool.

Part of me doesn't really want to encourage him to spend even more time in front of a screen. But I also think it would be pretty cool if he looked back on the pandemic as the time that he taught himself to code.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
This piece covered a lot of my feelings right now...

Parents are not OK.
Me too. And I say that as someone who has been relatively lucky throughout this quarantine. For one thing, our after-school babysitter has continued to come every weekday, mostly to help with our youngest, who is special needs. So for the most part my wife and I can WFH uninterrupted (although the older one sometimes demands attention). And our kids have dealt with the situation pretty well. But it does ring true that this crisis is just a stepped-up version of the crazy expectations society has for parents during normal times.

 
We decided that it's best for our kids to avoid playing with the neighbor kids for the time being, and while they're not thrilled, they understand that it's temporary.

 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top