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Would you Rather fight a Gorilla or a Giraffe? (1 Viewer)

Would you rather right a Gorilla or a Giraffe?

  • Gorilla

    Votes: 9 5.3%

  • Giraffe

    Votes: 161 94.7%
  • Total voters
    170
Angry Beavers

Angry Beavers

Footballguy
It might seem obvious at first but the tallest Gorilla is 5'7",  weighs 350 lbs and runs 25 MPH.

The Giraffe is 20 feet tall, weighs 1800 lbs and runs 37 MPH. 

The thought when starting is that the Giraffe was the obvious choice, but upon further evaluation, maybe you fight the Gorilla and hope to land a lucky strike... 

What says the FFA?

ETA - This question was posed by Angry Beavers Jr - and was pretty entertaining brunch discussion this am. 

 
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JbizzleMan said:
Giraffe. Your only chance would be to find something to try and break one of its legs. 
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This---gorillas and primates in general are terrifying. When you see the results of people getting attacked by chimps, holy cow, there is nothing left of them and I can imagine it would be that times ten for a gorilla. 

 
if you'd ever watched a giraffe during mating season, this answer is easy. they can barely ####

i was with my Li'l Bardot (my on&off squeeze for 40+ years) at the Albq zoo one spring. We passed the giraffe enclosure amid their courting ritual. The female displays her posterior, dumping gallons of love juice as she waves it back and forth, the male does his bull-before-the charge thang, bears down on his target, raises his forelegs and...vroooomp, the cow scoots away giggling as the bull almost goes down from the unrequited discombooulation of those giant pegs. Okeydokey, this could take a while. LB tugged at my sleeve as i moved on and, for 45 minutes, we watched a half-dozen renditions of this ritual. But, maaaan, once he clamped on, Beethoven's 9th wasnt big enough boomchikkawawa music for what he did to that gal. Honest to god, watching the giraffes then going to a seedy motel became a spring ritual for my Li'l Bardot & i for years.

So, there's no chance they can beat you at anything. a kick takes 20 seconds to unfurl and the neck has too much turning radius

 
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Courtjester said:
This---gorillas and primates in general are terrifying. When you see the results of people getting attacked by chimps, holy cow, there is nothing left of them and I can imagine it would be that times ten for a gorilla. 
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Absolutely! No way I'm taking on either. But if I had to choose, I'm going after the one who eats leaves. 

That being said, I would get my butt kicked by either at my age and out of shapness. 

 
Giraffe and home you can burrow into tight forest areas. A gorilla would have your limbs as toothpicks in under 3 seconds. 

 
Giraffe by a mile.  Just because they might technically run faster in a straight line--doesn't mean they are more nimble laterally and turning.  Also--a giraffe by it's inate build would have some attributes that at least have a chance to be taken advantage of.  You could try to attack their legs with a weapon and once they are down--a lot of the threat is neutralized.  Even if you managed to get a gorilla on the ground--the thing is still likely to find a way to rip you to shreds.  

 
top dog said:
I assumed they ate other animals.  😄
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Gorillas stick to a mainly vegetarian diet, feeding on stems, bamboo shoots and fruits. Western lowland gorillas, however, also have an appetite for termites and ants, and break open termite nests to eat the larvae.

Huh. Learn something new every day.

 
Angry Beavers said:
maybe you fight the Gorilla and hope to land a lucky strike... 
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Lucky strike?  Have you seen a Gorilla’s skull and jaw bone.  Mike Tyson on his best day wouldn’t even sniff doing any damage.  100lb chimps are insanely strong.  I want zero part of any Gorilla.  

 
I'd rather be blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back while fighting prime Mike Tyson than fighting a 400 lb adult male gorilla 

Another vote for the giraffe 

 
Giraffe, and it isn't close. A gorilla can rip a tree out of the ground barehanded, I'd have no chance.

 
Voting gorilla, I feel I'm dead either way and the gorilla would finish me off quicker. A giraffe would probably leave me stomped on, bloody and broken with severe internal bleeding. And I'd lay there overnight dying with animals slowly using me as a snack. Hopefully a gorilla would just destroy me in a few minutes.

 
Saw a giraffe get shot in the neck once and the blood shot about 30 yards.  Takes a heck of a pump to get blood up to their brain.  Hopefully that saves a life of someone smart enough to not choose gorilla.

 
So a Gorilla can run almost as fast as Usain Bolt and can lift ~10 times it's weight...

I'll take my chances against the Giraffe

 
On youtube I saw a giraffe survive an attack by 5 lions.  One of the lions was on the giraffe's back and gnawing on the back of it's neck.  There was also a lion on each of it's back legs.  It still got away.   In all likelihood the biggest injury a person could inflict is a minor flesh wound that gets an infection a few days later, or maybe the giraffe pulls a leg muscle as it kicks your face off. 

Still taking my chances with the giraffe over a gorilla.

 
Which one do I think I could fight? Neither, tbh.

Which one do I think would be better at fighting me?  Not even close.

I'll take my chances with the dumb one that's never fought a primate before.

 
Leroy Hoard said:
Giraffes in general have become much angrier at humans ever since that whole family of giraffes got laid off by Toys R Us.
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The left-wing, radical giraffes just hated the consumerism and domestication in general, so the whole lot was up in arms, really. 

 
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You're dead either way, but the giraffe would probably be quicker.  (Watch vid of them curb stomping a lion.)

 
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You guys ever seen videos of a giraffe fending off a pride of lions? I pick giraffe bc that kick would finish me quick (gets you in the head, no different than being shot in the head, quick and painless), a human stands no chance against either. 

 
I posed the question to Mrs. kutta, and explained the parameters in the OP, and her response was, "But Gorillas are ####### mean."

Pretty much sums it up.

 
No contest. I'd rather get kicked in the head by some goofy giant horse than have my face and balls ripped off by a rampaging primate.

 
Angry Beavers said:
For the record, I remained in the Giraffe camp, AB Jr. thought the Gorilla was the way to go. We decided to have the FFA settle the debate. 
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Thank you all for your input - I will enjoy sharing the poll results!  🤣

 
Who would win in a fight between a gorilla and a giraffe?  I think the giraffe would kick the chit out of the gorilla.  Lions know to keep low to avoid the giraffe kick but a gorilla wouldn't have that as an instinct.

 
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