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Could you be married to someone that is totally opposite to you in terms of political views?? (1 Viewer)

Could you be married to someone with totally opposite/different political views?

  • No

    Votes: 41 48.2%
  • Yes

    Votes: 36 42.4%
  • Not sure

    Votes: 8 9.4%

  • Total voters
    85
Sure, but not values. If they prefer different approaches to, for example, funding public schools that would be fine and even healthy/helpful. But if they cheer this administration and those who march with it, our values are completely incompatible. 
 

 
Absolutely positively without even the slightest hesitation.

And again, it just shocks me that anyone would let politics interfere with that.  I am having serious difficulties grasping this.

 
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Yes, I could. I dated a very strident feminist in college that was part of the Feminist Foundation on campus. My specialty is sort of the short shrifting that younger men get due to entrenched feminism in the schools and in child-rearing generally these days. So you can see where that would have been a problem. It was, at times, but we shared similar backgrounds and basic core values of freedom and equality, so that how to get there didn't interfere with our coupling. 

Come to think of it, my next girlfriend out of college was a complete liberal, so there's that, too.

Never did get married, though. Perhaps I'm waiting for that good old-fashioned classic liberal intellectual with a domestic streak in her. 

 
Let me guess! Guy is the conservative foil of the day, she's the progressive. She educates him with experience and empiricism rather than distant logic and deductions.

Sign me up! 
That could work. Honestly, I just went for the classic Family Guy reference(the one where they move to Alabama in witness protection).

 
Of course not. My politics are a direct result of my morals and my vision of the world. 
That just means your current morals and politics are inextricably linked. That isn't necessarily so for everybody. To be so definitive in an "Of course not" limits your capacity to grow, for debate, for questioning the fundamentals. 

 
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I am.  I'm conservative/independent, my wife is liberal.  We are able to have debates/discussions without getting upset at each other.  In many election years I would tell her we can stay home as our votes would cancel each other.  With the current administration it has pushed me to her side more (don't believe/support free college and most all of the "fringe" beliefs) and although I'll hold my nose for who looks like the candidate will be I'll most likely vote D this year.  Saying that, I'm definitely not committing to voting blue no matter who after this year.

Saying that I have no idea how the Conways stay together, that's pretty extreme...

 
Opposite is a relative term. An American conservative is not the opposite of an American liberal- they have far more in common than they do differences. But a traditional communist or fascist would be the opposite of either. I don’t think I could be happily married to a communist or fascist. 

 
Direct opposite...probably not.  Because I think that would be a difference in values altogether.

My wife is more conservative than I...as is her family.

But the values are similar...there are things, for example, in this GOP that she does not support because it goes against those values.  So I don't think we are "opposite" at all...just varying a few degrees of where we see things politically.

 
I am.  I'm conservative/independent, my wife is liberal.  We are able to have debates/discussions without getting upset at each other.  In many election years I would tell her we can stay home as our votes would cancel each other.  With the current administration it has pushed me to her side more (don't believe/support free college and most all of the "fringe" beliefs) and although I'll hold my nose for who looks like the candidate will be I'll most likely vote D this year.  Saying that, I'm definitely not committing to voting blue no matter who after this year.

Saying that I have no idea how the Conways stay together, that's pretty extreme...
Well, I'm divorced, so...

 
Sure, but not values. If they prefer different approaches to, for example, funding public schools that would be fine and even healthy/helpful. But if they cheer this administration and those who march with it, our values are completely incompatible. 
 
This.  A person's political beliefs do not exist in a vacuum.  Those beliefs are generally forged from their core beliefs - and if our core beliefs were "totally opposite" I can't envision any type of meaningful relationship.

Now, are you asking if I could marry a republican - sure.  But, not one where we held totally opposite beliefs.  

 
I guess it depends, I don't think I could be married to a MAGA hat wearing, Qanan, its just a flu type person, but a Rockerfeller Republican who will not vote Trump? I dunno, I really need to know how hot and rich they are first. My wife is not very political at all, but she is more conservative than I am, which mainly translates to slight differences in how we vote on state propositions. We also voted for different primary candidates, but it is not something we really debated.

 
So I guess the next thing to ask is how would you handle a child of yours being 100% opposite of your political views?

You have less choice here.  Stop inviting to family gatherings?  Try to change him or her?  Accept it? 

 
I guess it depends, I don't think I could be married to a MAGA hat wearing, Qanan, its just a flu type person, but a Rockerfeller Republican who will not vote Trump? I dunno, I really need to know how hot and rich they are first. My wife is not very political at all, but she is more conservative than I am, which mainly translates to slight differences in how we vote on state propositions. We also voted for different primary candidates, but it is not something we really debated.
She's not very political at all but votes on state propositions and primaries? That seems like a pretty rare combination.

 
So I guess the next thing to ask is how would you handle a child of yours being 100% opposite of your political views?

You have less choice here.  Stop inviting to family gatherings?  Try to change him or her?  Accept it? 
Well, you cannot chose your child, so I assume you would still invite them and do your best to work with them. They could still get uninvited if they are so far out there you no longer want to be around them (lets say hypothetically they become some alt righter and want to bring a nazi flag or something for an extreme example). 

It is different with your spouse because you have a choice. I recall my wife was like "isn't it odd how we both don't like to drink". I just mentioned that if one of us really liked drinking and going out to bars, and the other did not, we might not have got past a few dates, so by getting far enough to get married there is already a selection bias towards compatibility. 

 
Sure, but not values. If they prefer different approaches to, for example, funding public schools that would be fine and even healthy/helpful. But if they cheer this administration and those who march with it, our values are completely incompatible. 
 
This.  A person's political beliefs do not exist in a vacuum.  Those beliefs are generally forged from their core beliefs - and if our core beliefs were "totally opposite" I can't envision any type of meaningful relationship.

Now, are you asking if I could marry a republican - sure.  But, not one where we held totally opposite beliefs.
I'm glad you're back, GB.  :goodposting:

 
Well, you cannot chose your child, so I assume you would still invite them and do your best to work with them. They could still get uninvited if they are so far out there you no longer want to be around them (lets say hypothetically they become some alt righter and want to bring a nazi flag or something for an extreme example). 

It is different with your spouse because you have a choice. I recall my wife was like "isn't it odd how we both don't like to drink". I just mentioned that if one of us really liked drinking and going out to bars, and the other did not, we might not have got past a few dates, so by getting far enough to get married there is already a selection bias towards compatibility. 
I also wonder how much of this would be influenced by which side you lean toward.

I see it far more likely that a liberal would not date a conservative, where as a conservative would be far more tolerant of a liberal.   

 
She's not very political at all but votes on state propositions and primaries? That seems like a pretty rare combination.
She just does not follow politics at all. At the primary in March, she was looking at the list and was like "who is Pete Buttigieg, is Warren winning, where is Kamala Harris" type stuff. She votes, but is not following the day to day or even month to month type of events. 

 
I also wonder how much of this would be influenced by which side you lean toward.

I see it far more likely that a liberal would not date a conservative, where as a conservative would be far more tolerant of a liberal.   
Meh, I think that's more of function of what's going on right now.  Put in some hypothetical populist leftist firebrand and I think the right would be up in lather and say differently.  That's basic human nature.  Hypothetically...

 
Of course...values are where it would go off the rails for me.  This seems rather obvious so perhaps I am missing the question?

 
I see it far more likely that a liberal would not date a conservative, where as a conservative would be far more tolerant of a liberal.   
I think it is equally as unlikely that someone would date someone with polar opposite political views.

Now, if someone is middle of the road republican, or democrat, then the opposite isn't really all that different

 
I think it is equally as unlikely that someone would date someone with polar opposite political views.

Now, if someone is middle of the road republican, or democrat, then the opposite isn't really all that different
Yeah I'm not sure I agree with you on that

 
voted yes. come to find out, the last 5 years or so, i pretty much am.

all views are certainly not opposite, but some major differences, and as the OP opined, it is tough at times.

the relationship is so much more than political views of course, but we both know to just be quiet about politics if we are smart.  and i know we have less respect for one another due to doubts about the others intelligence, self-honesty, values and really, sanity at times.

so that's not good.

on the plus side, we're both deeply distrustful and disdainful of government, so we've got that going for us.

just to give you a very general idea, she tends to be more nationalist, me globalist.  i find trump horribly malignant and revolting and while she says she doesn't like him and tries to pay no attention (at this point) to politics, she has admired his genius. 

an example of our difficulties: (and to get in my little immature dig)  back when trump typed hamberders in a tweet, and i was stupid and petty enough to mention this to her, her reply was "he's not stupid, it's some kind of code".

in the end, one has to laugh, well, smile anyway.

 
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I also wonder how much of this would be influenced by which side you lean toward.

I see it far more likely that a liberal would not date a conservative, where as a conservative would be far more tolerant of a liberal.   
Heterosexual male conservatives sometimes date heterosexual female liberals.  Because of numbers.

Heterosexual male liberals rarely date heterosexual female conservatives.  Because they don't have to.

 
That just means your current morals and politics are inextricably linked. That isn't necessarily so for everybody. To be so definitive in an "Of course not" limits your capacity to grow, for debate, for questioning the fundamentals. 
I’m feeling conflicted about this. On one hand what he hold to be truth or what we hold to be most important are going to absolutely inform our politics, especially when it comes to how much weight we put on one thing over another. On the other hand I think that when you really get to the root of things most people across the political spectrum value the same things, they just see different ways of achieving those things.

For instance, I don’t think that most free market supporters hate poor people and support the free market just to enrich themselves. I think most believe that the free market ultimately gives the biggest benefit to society as a whole. And I don’t think most supporters of socialism are totalitarians or actively hate the wealthy, they just see the plight of the poor and believe that this is the best way to provide for them. Both sides ultimately want the best for as many people as possible, it’s just two completely different visions of how to get there. Unfortunately we tend to place the worst possible motives on those we disagree with.

 
I'm not very political.  This is probably the most I've ever followed and it's just barely.   So I probably wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who was regardless of views.

I am not likely to be friends with someone that has political bumper stickers or signs in the yard etc.

Im not knocking anyone that does, just not something I do

 
I’m feeling conflicted about this. On one hand what he hold to be truth or what we hold to be most important are going to absolutely inform our politics, especially when it comes to how much weight we put on one thing over another. On the other hand I think that when you really get to the root of things most people across the political spectrum value the same things, they just see different ways of achieving those things.

For instance, I don’t think that most free market supporters hate poor people and support the free market just to enrich themselves. I think most believe that the free market ultimately gives the biggest benefit to society as a whole. And I don’t think most supporters of socialism are totalitarians or actively hate the wealthy, they just see the plight of the poor and believe that this is the best way to provide for them. Both sides ultimately want the best for as many people as possible, it’s just two completely different visions of how to get there. Unfortunately we tend to place the worst possible motives on those we disagree with.
Yeah, it depends how specified your morals are and how you value differing opinions on values that aren't core. That's why I wrote this in my first response: I said that it was [difficult], at times when my girlfriend and I were dating, but we shared similar backgrounds and basic core values of freedom and equality, so that how to get there didn't interfere with our coupling. 

I was trying to, however inartfully, show the means/ends dichotomy when we say we "value" something. To use your examples, I don't think anybody values the free market qua free market, they value it for either its utility or what they feel is the freest society that follows from it. But at its core are valuations that concern providing for the general good and allowing people to be free. Same with socialism. It might believe in intervention as the means to achieve social freedom from class struggle, but it, too, concerns itself with the general good and believes that economic intervention is necessary to be truly free. Both capitalism and socialism hold distribution of goods and freedom up as things to be achieved, just in differing senses of the word up to and including different definitions of the words. 

But both value the same generous if nebulous ends, really.

 
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voted yes. come to find out, the last 5 years or so, i pretty much am.

all views are certainly not opposite, but some major differences, and as the OP opined, it is tough at times.

the relationship is so much more than political views of course, but we both know to just be quiet about politics if we are smart.  and i know we have less respect for one another due to doubts about the others intelligence, self-honesty, values and really, sanity at times.

so that's not good.

on the plus side, we're both deeply distrustful and disdainful of government, so we've got that going for us.

just to give you a very general idea, she tends to be more nationalist, me globalist.  i find trump horribly malignant and revolting and while she says she doesn't like him and tries to pay no attention (at this point) to politics, she has admired his genius. 

an example of our difficulties: (and to get in my little immature dig)  back when trump typed hamberders in a tweet, and i was stupid and petty enough to mention this to her, her reply was "he's not stupid, it's some kind of code".

in the end, one has to laugh, well smile anyway.
This is where Im at now with my current significant other. We often have to just bite our lip lest one or the other of us gets bent then it all goes to ####. She is a foxnews consumer and I usually just leave the room when she turns on TheFive cuz if I dont I will inevitably and uncontrollably chortle which will lead to a convo we may not want to have. Its a challenge for both of us at times but we do try to respect each other and we also enjoy the rest of who we are together so it works right now.

 
Midwest conservative married East Coast liberal.  Over the years she has become much more woke to my way of thinking.  Seen the light - so to speak.  
 

2016 election we were on vacation.  I failed to remind her about her absentee ballot that surely would have gone to Hillary. 

 
No, because I would have to respect someone I was married to and if they were my political opposite, I couldn't do that because I would consider them a complete idiot (not saying they would be, just saying that is how I would view them). 

 
Yes and did.  Together 17 yrs strong.  Us not always agreeing has made me a better man (and I would hope it’s made her a better woman).  

 
I also wonder how much of this would be influenced by which side you lean toward.

I see it far more likely that a liberal would not date a conservative, where as a conservative would be far more tolerant of a liberal.   
Without trying to fan flames, they have done social media studies on political unfriending and the left unfriends people on the right for holding political views much more than the other way around. I've found this to be the same in my experience, though my experience has always seen the dominant or majoritarian side as Democratic or left-leaning. Perhaps this simple majoritarian explanation is why I've always felt Republican or conservative views were marginalized. Add in academia to the mix, and you've got a whole grievance fest on the conservative end of things. I used to not blame them one iota.

It's more difficult these days to feel sorry for their viewpoints being marginalized. 

 
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