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Could you be married to someone that is totally opposite to you in terms of political views?? (1 Viewer)

Could you be married to someone with totally opposite/different political views?

  • No

    Votes: 41 48.2%

  • Yes

    Votes: 36 42.4%

  • Not sure

    Votes: 8 9.4%
  • Total voters
    85
squistion said:
No, because I would have to respect someone I was married to and if they were my political opposite, I couldn't do that because I would consider them a complete idiot (not saying they would be, just saying that is how I would view them). 
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I feel sorry for you. Best of luck.

 
As a former Republican it would have bothered me to marry a liberal Democrat but I think I could have managed it. But I could not as an independent now, be married to a woman who would be enthusiastic about Trump because he is awful person. If the woman I loved couldn't see that our relationship would be done. I suspect depending on the age of our kids I might stick it out for them and I would make her sleep on the couch. I think the best example of that would be George and Kellyanne Conway. That marriage will be over someday.

 
I consider myself left-of-center.  I think most who know me well would agree.  Certainly not a far left liberal, the woke crowd would be frustrated with me I think.  I have plenty of appreciation for classic midwestern conservative views, minus the religious part.

If we are talking about Pre-Trump conservative, Republican Classic if you will, of course I could.  In fact, most of my friends would be considered center-right, or just right.  I've never had trouble getting along with conservatives.  I'm sure I could have a perfectly fine relationship with a classic conservative woman.

If we are talking full MAGA Trumplican... no, not a chance.  The few friends/family that I have that have gone down that road do bother me, and I do spend less, if any, time with them any more.  The MAGA viewpoint is so much more than just politics in my opinion.  It doesn't come down to classic Left/Right views.  It's a toxic, angry, aggrieved, and destructive way of seeing things in my opinion.  I cannot see ever spending significant time with anyone who fully supports trump and his world view.  

 
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Thunderlips said:
Yup. Two words.....grudge bang.  

"WHO'S YOUR NATIONALISTIC DADDY!" " I"M LAYING MILES OF WALL ON YOUR CONSERVATIVE BOOTY!" " BEG FOR THAT ILLEGAL ENTRY ON THE SOUTHERN BORDER!"

In the end....sex can solve a lot of problems. 
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Sex can keep you together in the earlier years of a marriage but not forever.

 
lazyike said:
Sex can keep you together in the earlier years of a marriage but not forever.
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True enough.

I'd imagine that there's not a whole lot of relationships that last a real long time without one side or the other coming to the middle.  Trump might have turned that on its head a little bit as his platform/ideology isn't necessarily traditional Conservationism.  

My cousin who is 80 is a huge Trump guy and his wife isn't.  They have a give/take......but in the end, she certainly sees past the ideology she doesn't like and sees the man who really would do just about anything for anyone.  Granted, them being a certain age and from another time....their social ideology is a little closer than maybe a Trump person/anti-Trump person in their 20s or 30s....so they're not at 180 odds with one another. 

 
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My wife is a very far-left liberal.  I am not.  She's an atheist.  I'm a Christian.  We make it work.  In the 17 years we've been together I can count on one hand the number of fights we've had, and none have been political or religious.  

 
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the moops said:
supermike80 said:
I see it far more likely that a liberal would not date a conservative, where as a conservative would be far more tolerant of a liberal.   
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I think it is equally as unlikely that someone would date someone with polar opposite political views.

Now, if someone is middle of the road republican, or democrat, then the opposite isn't really all that different
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The whole sentiment seems "off" to me.  It takes two to tango, so in the case where "opposites" are dating/married, who is the one being tolerant over the other?  Seems like a logical fallacy to me.  Seems like they'd both have to be equally tolerant, no?  If not, the reality would have to be one where conservatives were walking around opining for a liberal to date but just couldn't catch a break.  That seems weird to me :lmao:  

 
Max Power said:
I wouldn't not respect someone for their political views.
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Hmm...well I would hope that you would draw the line for, let's say, a member of Antifa, or if they were one of those "fine people on both sides" in Charlottesville who were marching with a Tiki Torch.   

Certain political views merit disrespect in my opinion, going to the notion of shared values, and are an automatic deal breaker in any relationship.

 
Couple of thoughts on this:

1. I don't want to be married to anybody that is big time in to politics - it's annoying and not something I'm interested in

2. Likewise, I also don't want to be married to someone who doesn't vote and take their civic duty seriously

3. I'm reading the question as if I'm starting a relationship from scratch.  In that scenario, my answer would be somewhere between Not Sure and No.  I think most marriages that last have to have some things in common that are at the core of who they are as individuals and as couples.  HOWEVER, and this is a big however, if you are talking about existing relationships and folks changing then my answer would be that of course I'm not going to get a divorce over this. 

I've changed a lot over the years and so has she - that can be a good thing.

 
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song said:
voted yes. come to find out, the last 5 years or so, i pretty much am.

all views are certainly not opposite, but some major differences, and as the OP opined, it is tough at times.

the relationship is so much more than political views of course, but we both know to just be quiet about politics if we are smart.  and i know we have less respect for one another due to doubts about the others intelligence, self-honesty, values and really, sanity at times.

so that's not good.

on the plus side, we're both deeply distrustful and disdainful of government, so we've got that going for us.

just to give you a very general idea, she tends to be more nationalist, me globalist.  i find trump horribly malignant and revolting and while she says she doesn't like him and tries to pay no attention (at this point) to politics, she has admired his genius. 

an example of our difficulties: (and to get in my little immature dig)  back when trump typed hamberders in a tweet, and i was stupid and petty enough to mention this to her, her reply was "he's not stupid, it's some kind of code".

in the end, one has to laugh, well, smile anyway.
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HFS... I think I'd be out.   I could never trust this person's mental faculties. 

 
squistion said:
Hmm...well I would hope that you would draw the line for, let's say, a member of Antifa, or if they were one of those "fine people on both sides" in Charlottesville who were marching with a Tiki Torch.   

Certain political views merit disrespect in my opinion, going to the notion of shared values, and are an automatic deal breaker in any relationship.
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You're listing hate groups here. You originally said you view your political opposite as a complete idiot. There is a big difference.

I don't respect members of hate groups. 

 
Max Power said:
You're listing hate groups here. You originally said you view your political opposite as a complete idiot. There is a big difference.

I don't respect members of hate groups. 
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Anyone in a hate group would be my political opposite and would make them no less of an idiot. And Antifa and the Charlottesville marchers most definitely hold political views. 

 
beef said:
My wife is a very far-left liberal.  I am not.  She's an atheist.  I'm a Christian.  We make it work.  In the 17 years we've been together I can count on one hand the number of fights we've had, and none have been political or religious.  
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This speaks very well about both of you. Part of respecting someone is them also respecting you. 

 
I know people who won't even watch movies or listen to music involving people with different politics, so not a big surprise that so many people couldn't be married to someone with very different views.

 
I'm pretty down the middle so... what's the opposite of that? 

I've dated girls with more less-than-center views than me - but I did so in the context that I didn't have any intent to marry them. But, I would agree that it would be challenging - especially now given that I have a very disfavorable view of our current president. 

 
Galileo said:
James Carville and Mary Matalin
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I honestly "get" this couple. They're both intelligent and respectful. They both champion the good points and arguments from each side of the isle. Reasonable minds can differ and I expect they both can be respectful of the other side. 

 
lazyike said:
As a former Republican it would have bothered me to marry a liberal Democrat but I think I could have managed it. But I could not as an independent now, be married to a woman who would be enthusiastic about Trump because he is awful person. If the woman I loved couldn't see that our relationship would be done. I suspect depending on the age of our kids I might stick it out for them and I would make her sleep on the couch. I think the best example of that would be George and Kellyanne Conway. That marriage will be over someday.
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Yeah I think this is where I am. I've dated far-left liberals (mostly in law school) and it wasn't a big deal to me. I think, for me at least, the struggle isn't with what a person thinks, it's whether the person can understand why a person can think differently. 

Trump sorta just breaks the above maxim because he's so divisive and I genuinely cannot understand how somebody could support him on a purely political theory basis. Put differently, even the staunchest Republican should be so appalled at the poor demeanor that he brings to the position and to our country that it's a rare situation where I couldn't understand my significant other supporting him. 

 
If I ended up talking to an enthusiastic Trump supporter,  I'd wonder how I ended up in such a terrible place where that could even happen. He's abhorrent and his enthusiastic supporters are too.  There's zero chance I could marry someone who likes him. He has no redeeming qualities. 

 
Funny I saw this thread. I have been married 20 years. When I met my wife, she had very little interest in politics but was mostly liberal and Republicans were evil. Now she is the biggest Trump loving, Fox News addicted, Democratic hating person I know. Now all she talks about is politics. 

I have been a centrist that picks and chooses political positions that don’t always align with either main party. I wasn’t big into politics then or now. 

What makes this thread hard for me to answer is that if she were the way she is now I would never have given her the time of day. But 20 years and having raised a family later, it’s a lot tougher to then say I can’t take all the politics and positions I don’t agree with and move on to someone else. Basically, I just have to grin and bear it. 

 
Anarchy99 said:
Funny I saw this thread. I have been married 20 years. When I met my wife, she had very little interest in politics but was mostly liberal and Republicans were evil. Now she is the biggest Trump loving, Fox News addicted, Democratic hating person I know. Now all she talks about is politics. 

I have been a centrist that picks and chooses political positions that don’t always align with either main party. I wasn’t big into politics then or now. 

What makes this thread hard for me to answer is that if she were the way she is now I would never have given her the time of day. But 20 years and having raised a family later, it’s a lot tougher to then say I can’t take all the politics and positions I don’t agree with and move on to someone else. Basically, I just have to grin and bear it. 
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Just out of curiosity, what is it that she loves about Trump and what is it she hates about Democrats?

 
AAABatteries said:
:confused:    I’m just curious.  I’ve “known” Anarchy a long time.  No chance I’m going to say anything bad about his wife.  I’m always curious when people change from one side of the spectrum to the other like she apparently did.  
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You don't have enough people here to argue with?   Seriously man  

 
killface said:
It's hard to imagine having such a different values system than someone.  This might have been easier 20 years ago but now...no thanks
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I think that's one of the interesting parts about this question. It feels like it's changed over time and that, in this time period, it's harder than it used to be.

I suspect that it is harder now because of how information is consumed, and having an incredibly divisive President.

But I don't know. It's not like the advice to not discuss politics, money, or religion in certain places is new. 

Either way, I think the answer to this question comes down just how passionate the people are about their stance and how well they communicate with each other. I suspect that has been true no matter the era.

 
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Anarchy99 said:
Now she is the biggest Trump loving, Fox News addicted, Democratic hating person I know. Now all she talks about is politics. 
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Just an idea. I realize people have their own lives, or when together the TV is just on as background, kids, work, all that. But consider just cutting out the news or even cutting the cable cord. There’s so much available now that’s constructive - Netflix, Amazon, loads of movies, history, home, animal, all these channels. The Fox stuff is poison, it’s like an alternative universe and the evening set veers towards propaganda. If you can find a way to alter family viewing habits everyone might be happier for it. - Sorry, not butting in, just trying to be helpful.

 
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supermike80 said:
???
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You are getting mad at at killface for the same thing you are doing to AAA. 

Now for a little back ground. Anarchy99 is a very active member on this board. He has setup up and ran fantasy leagues, he has offered free downloads of his music collection, he has also offered up his professional advice with resume building. So what that all means is that a lot of people here have a relationship with him that goes deeper than just post to post. So some people can ask questions about his wife, family or business and it wouldn't warrant a 3rd person trying to defend him. 

 
msudaisy26 said:
You are getting mad at at killface for the same thing you are doing to AAA. 

Now for a little back ground. Anarchy99 is a very active member on this board. He has setup up and ran fantasy leagues, he has offered free downloads of his music collection, he has also offered up his professional advice with resume building. So what that all means is that a lot of people here have a relationship with him that goes deeper than just post to post. So some people can ask questions about his wife, family or business and it wouldn't warrant a 3rd person trying to defend him. 
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Sweet thanks for the info.

 
msudaisy26 said:
You are getting mad at at killface for the same thing you are doing to AAA. 

Now for a little back ground. Anarchy99 is a very active member on this board. He has setup up and ran fantasy leagues, he has offered free downloads of his music collection, he has also offered up his professional advice with resume building. So what that all means is that a lot of people here have a relationship with him that goes deeper than just post to post. So some people can ask questions about his wife, family or business and it wouldn't warrant a 3rd person trying to defend him. 
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Maybe he didn't like the way I phrased my question - let me expound.  Maybe add - What did she dislike about Republicans in the past and now like?  It could be she like Trump as an "outsider" and not being a politician.  No clue, just curious.

 
AAABatteries said:
Just out of curiosity, what is it that she loves about Trump and what is it she hates about Democrats?
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Thanks to anyone that had my back, but I wouldn't have posted if I didn't feel comfortable discussing things further.

As far as your question goes, I wish I knew. I would say that is probably a question for her not for me. The explanation lies somewhere in the history of our relationship as we have gotten older. When we got together, I remember the two of us staying up all night rooting for Gore on the infamous hanging chad election night. She worked at a public health clinic and was all about providing health services for the needy and underprivileged. Later on, she was a big fan of Hilary (but never a fan of Obama). Several years later, she wanted both the Clinton's locked up for high treason.

She comes from a military family, as almost everyone either was in the military, worked in the defense business, or both. At the time, she was the opposite of all of them. As she got older, several things changed about her opinions . . . she started migrating to friends / family / people with lots of money . . . which led her to start getting more and more conservative. She ended up believing that everyone should be making a minimum of six figures and anyone that wasn't was lazy and she had no use for them. That goes against liberal democrats that want to provide a lot of services and handouts. She also decided the media is evil and spreads false news and only exists for fear mongering.

So as we started making more money, she was against paying more taxes, against giving away tax dollars to people who should suck it up and get good paying jobs, and against non-Americans and illegals being here taking jobs and living off of everyone else. She cares more about how investments and 401Ks are doing than anything else . . . and things were going well in that regard with Trump. All this dogma and rhetoric much more aligns with the rest of her family's opinions, so I suppose I should have seen this coming.

I think she likes Trump because he doesn't hold back and just calls things like he sees them and is not a traditional politician. I am sure she likes he made himself billions of dollars, so to her he should be the candidate of choice for everyone . . . just look at great the country was doing!

It does make for a challenging existence, as she has multiple gun toting friends that will buy into any conspiracy theory on Facebook or Fox News. She still insists that Fauci and Gates are in cahoots together . . . with Fauci responsible for developing the virus in China and Gates trying to monopolize rights to the vaccine and therefore setting themselves up to earn billions.

I don't have a ton of time to provide much more info, but at least that's a start.

 
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SaintsInDome2006 said:
Just an idea. I realize people have their own lives, or when together the TV is just on as background, kids, work, all that. But consider just cutting out the news or even cutting the cable cord. There’s so much available now that’s constructive - Netflix, Amazon, loads of movies, history, home, animal, all these channels. The Fox stuff is poison, it’s like an alternative universe and the evening set veers towards propaganda. If you can find a way to alter family viewing habits everyone might be happier for it. - Sorry, not butting in, just trying to be helpful.
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We do watch a lot of the things you suggest and I personally won't watch any of the Fox News stuff. She is where she is with regard to her views and opinions, so whether she actually watches more of it won't make much difference. She doesn't watch much of it as it is . . . but when she does she will totally agree with what they are selling. She spends way more time online, on Facebook, checking in with the people she knows with similar perspectives, and she's not about to not interact with her friends and family.

 
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Anarchy99 said:
Thanks to anyone that had my back, but I wouldn't have posted if I didn't feel comfortable discussing things further.

As far as your question goes, I wish I knew. I would say that is probably a question for her not for me. The explanation lies somewhere in the history of our relationship as we have gotten older. When we got together, I remember the two of us staying up all night rooting for Gore on the infamous hanging chad election night. She worked at a public health clinic and was all about providing health services for the needy and underprivileged. Later on, she was a big fan of Hilary (but never a fan of Obama). Several years later, she wanted both the Clinton's locked up for high treason.

She comes from a military family, as almost everyone either was in the military, worked in the defense business, or both. At the time, she was the opposite of all of them. As she got older, several things changed about her opinions . . . she started migrating to friends / family / people with lots of money . . . which led her to start getting more and more conservative. She ended up believing that everyone should be making a minimum of six figures and anyone that wasn't was lazy and she had no use for them. That goes against liberal democrats that want to provide a lot of services and handouts. She also decided the media is evil and spreads false news and only exists for fear mongering.

So as we started making more money, she was against paying more taxes, against giving away tax dollars to people who should suck it up and get good paying jobs, and against non-Americans and illegal being here taking jobs and living off of everyone else. She cares more about how investments and 401Ks are doing than anything else . . . and things were going well in that regard with Trump. All this dogma and rhetoric much more aligns with the rest of her family's opinions, so I suppose I should have seen this coming.

I think she likes Trump because he doesn't hold back and just calls things like he sees them and is not a traditional politician. I am sure she likes he made himself billions of dollars, so to her he should be the candidate of choice for everyone . . . just look at great the country was doing!

It does make for a challenging existence, as she has multiple gun toting friends that will buy into any conspiracy theory on Facebook or Fox News. She still insists that Fauci and Gates are in cahoots together . . . with Fauci responsible for developing the virus in China and Gates trying to monopolize rights to the vaccine and therefore setting themselves up to earn billions.

I don't have a ton of time to provide much more info, but at least that's a start.
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I appreciate this response as trying to understand where some of those who seemingly out of nowhere embraced someone who up to six years ago seemed antithetical to their belief system is something that I think about a bit. I have a friend who all of a sudden is a gun-loving Dem-hating SNAP recipient. This came out of nowhere in literally the past six, eight years, but her bf has some crazy right wing family members. Her 17 year old son uses the n-word regularly and they all hate Dems.

I have family members who are hardcore trump supporters/Fox news watchers. I can only hope OAN doesn't make it to their sets.

It makes for challenging times and strained relationships.

A comedian once said about successful marriages that "you don't have to like the same things, but it helps if you hate the same things".

 
Anarchy99 said:
Thanks to anyone that had my back, but I wouldn't have posted if I didn't feel comfortable discussing things further.

As far as your question goes, I wish I knew. I would say that is probably a question for her not for me. The explanation lies somewhere in the history of our relationship as we have gotten older. When we got together, I remember the two of us staying up all night rooting for Gore on the infamous hanging chad election night. She worked at a public health clinic and was all about providing health services for the needy and underprivileged. Later on, she was a big fan of Hilary (but never a fan of Obama). Several years later, she wanted both the Clinton's locked up for high treason.

She comes from a military family, as almost everyone either was in the military, worked in the defense business, or both. At the time, she was the opposite of all of them. As she got older, several things changed about her opinions . . . she started migrating to friends / family / people with lots of money . . . which led her to start getting more and more conservative. She ended up believing that everyone should be making a minimum of six figures and anyone that wasn't was lazy and she had no use for them. That goes against liberal democrats that want to provide a lot of services and handouts. She also decided the media is evil and spreads false news and only exists for fear mongering.

So as we started making more money, she was against paying more taxes, against giving away tax dollars to people who should suck it up and get good paying jobs, and against non-Americans and illegals being here taking jobs and living off of everyone else. She cares more about how investments and 401Ks are doing than anything else . . . and things were going well in that regard with Trump. All this dogma and rhetoric much more aligns with the rest of her family's opinions, so I suppose I should have seen this coming.

I think she likes Trump because he doesn't hold back and just calls things like he sees them and is not a traditional politician. I am sure she likes he made himself billions of dollars, so to her he should be the candidate of choice for everyone . . . just look at great the country was doing!

It does make for a challenging existence, as she has multiple gun toting friends that will buy into any conspiracy theory on Facebook or Fox News. She still insists that Fauci and Gates are in cahoots together . . . with Fauci responsible for developing the virus in China and Gates trying to monopolize rights to the vaccine and therefore setting themselves up to earn billions.

I don't have a ton of time to provide much more info, but at least that's a start.
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Thanks GB - good luck with things.  My wife mostly doesn't care about politics which may be a good thing for me.  She'd rather watch some trash reality TV  :lmao:

 
JamieMurphy said:
I appreciate this response as trying to understand where some of those who seemingly out of nowhere embraced someone who up to six years ago seemed antithetical to their belief system is something that I think about a bit. I have a friend who all of a sudden is a gun-loving Dem-hating SNAP recipient. This came out of nowhere in literally the past six, eight years, but her bf has some crazy right wing family members. Her 17 year old son uses the n-word regularly and they all hate Dems.

I have family members who are hardcore trump supporters/Fox news watchers. I can only hope OAN doesn't make it to their sets.

It makes for challenging times and strained relationships.

A comedian once said about successful marriages that "you don't have to like the same things, but it helps if you hate the same things".
Click to expand...
I'm not sure my wife was ever 100% liberal, but if we charted her leanings over time, I would say she started at 70% liberal, got up to 85-90% liberal in the early years, and has become 5% more conservative each year ever since. It's really odd that her personality went from "we all need to help the misfortunate and take care of everyone" to "eff everyone else, I only care about myself." What's funny is she works in healthcare and does help people all the time . . . but she complains all the time that many patients should not be getting the care they are getting because she feels they don't deserve it. It's like being a school teacher and deciding you hate many of the students. Very odd.

Of course, the problem for me has been that her changes in small increments were much harder to detect (and easier to live with). What's funny is she thinks I am an uber-liberal. But we have taken countless tests to determine what category we would fall under and political affiliations,  and I always get tagged as a moderate or centrist with a score of 50 out of 100. There are policies and programs I like or don't like from either main party and many of my opinions do not align with full platforms of political parties. Sometimes my beliefs have trouble coexisting. For example, I am against abortion but would support people having the right to choose. Or I believe we should have more overall security in terms of who comes and goes into the country but feel strongly we should not be spending billions of dollars on a wall. Those are just a couple of examples. My wife, on the other hand, would be herding up half the population and sending them back to where they came from (even if those families have been here for generations).

 
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