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I have no patience lately. I walk around triggered all day long. (Surge capacity depleted?) (1 Viewer)

Otis

Otis

Footballguy
Maybe it’s the months of captivity and working from my attic. I think in part it’s my wife being so stressed home all day with 3 kids and a puppy and dealing with their crap and it bleeds over. But it really feels like I have it double—I’m here all day to absorb all the stress and crap in the household, but in the background at the same time I’m dealing with the constant stress of work, which is basically closer to home than ever, weighing on me. As a result I’m constant short tempered, pissed, annoyed, frustrated and angry. I used to be an easygoing and fun loving guy. I feel like I walk around the house with a scowl all the time just barking at my kids and the stupid dog. My wife today was complaining that she doesn’t even have time to watch any shows. Shows, hell, I get 30 minutes of news and then off to bed before I’m the first one up with the dog and two smaller kids. Rinse repeat. I do zero for myself other than drink at night and a cigar out back. 

Every time I get in the car now it’s instant road rage.  It used to be that only happened after a bunch of time behind the wheel.

Anyone else dealing with this?  Is it the working from home?  COVID?  Just we got a puppy at the wrong damn time?  Is this just what happens after a decade of marriage and a bunch of kids?

I feel like a negative force around here. Hate that.  Wish I could be more patient. But between the usual home stress (that I’m normally more shielded from when I go to the office and can shoulder mostly just the work stress), combined with the work stress (which I usually take home with me anyway for the most part), combined with this stupid mutt, I’m on the brink here. Whatcha got?

 
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PM your address, friend.  I'll mail you some delicious peanut butter cookies that'll change your life.  On the house.  

Hang in there, GB.  I think a lot of us have had our Jack Nicholson "Shining" moment since lockdown.  Stress is no joke.  You're a good dude, people love you and things are hard.  Talking about them is good, so lay it on us anytime..

 
You get a drink and a cigar? You lucky *******. 
 

I kid. It’s rough man, no doubt. The stress will kill you though. As hard as it is sometimes, I try to just find one positive thing to focus on and that usually helps. Not a cure-all, but a bit of a stress reliever. Hang in there. 

 
kinda the same. 

i've been on edge since Feb: started a new job on 2/4. two weeks later landlord calls and says he's selling the place we've been in for 10 years. awesome, get to try and find a new spot in an area that's lacking in housing options. finally find a place, line up movers and a date, and the day before CA (and the business) closes for 95 days. we took SiP seriously, so didn't leave the house more than six or so times during the lockdown. wife was also working from home and with that much time together - or maybe better said, no way to spend time apart - things were pretty edgy. seems like every conversation, even the most banal, was tinged with acrimony.

fast forward to mid June and the business re-opens and my wife gets laid off from her job after 21 years. ####. now i'm the sole earner and we're on the verge of shutting down again if our county gets on GovGav's watchlist. factor in the real threat to our health via C-19 and the general insanity we're living in as a country and world, and yeah, i'm bloody stressed. 

i've been trying not to be such a ##### at home, but i too walk around with a scowl and am short with a lot of people (where i would normally let things slide or not take everything so seriously). give me three fingers of brown liquor and suddenly things aren't so bad, but i can't and don't want to live like that for the foreseeable future. 

and yes, i do know there are better ways i could be taking care of myself mentally and physically, and it's a struggle daily to get that done. 

so long story long, i feel ya @Otis. take care and be well. 

 
One thing I do on a daily basis is sit out in front of my house. We have a sidewalk by the street, and I just sit out here with a cold beer, music playing in the garage, and wave to the folks driving by or walking on the sidewalk.

Been here 10 years, and its a great way to meet your neighbors and talk to people. Good way to unwind and people watch. 

 
It's the working from home. I am fine not going anywhere but it's the fact no one else goes anywhere.  Vacation day? Why bother, no one else is going anywhere.

 
Hastur said:
Meditate twice daily. Serious answer.
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I've been working on getting into meditation.  Not easy to dedicate to it.

Oits, my guess is the issue is less your job and related stress and you probably need to have a heart to heart with your wife, or several.  A decade of marriage and several kids...stuff builds up.  You need to think about whats really bothering you and whats probably bothering her.

 
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I feel really lucky that I’ve kept working and can go into my office every day. We bought an old historic building last year and converted it to office space. As luck would have it, it is perfect for social distancing. I work all day on the top/3rd floor and never see anyone if I don’t want to. Most of our staff is still WFH. I was alone in the building all day today. 

But I am stressed out like everyone else with the covid, BLM protests, and two kids, including a 15 year old who is absolutely raging to sow his wild oats and seems to be growing more distant every day. I have no idea how to guide my kids through this mess.  I hate it and want it to end every day. This summer is just ####ing crazy with no end in sight and nothing to help guide us through. I am doing everything I can to be the rock my family needs right now but I often feel like I am not up to the task. 

 

 
Kids definitely a big part of it. I was there and miserable. We basically just plopped our 4 year old in front of a TV for 10 hours a day because nothing else we could do. Felt like I was half-assing both work and parenting. 

Just sent my son back to daycare this week — like night and day difference.

ETA: One thing that I found that marginally helped was working outside on my deck for a few hours each day. Sounds of birds much more peaceful than the sounds of train videos or whatever else was on TV.

 
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I was there early on, but took steps to adjust and recalibrate within this new normal. Mainly reduced the number of distractions, maintained an ongoing schedule 2 days in advance, and told the kids when dad's headphones are on he's not here. 

The last 6 weeks have gone much better. 

 
ChiefD said:
One thing I do on a daily basis is sit out in front of my house. We have a sidewalk by the street, and I just sit out here with a cold beer, music playing in the garage, and wave to the folks driving by or walking on the sidewalk.

Been here 10 years, and its a great way to meet your neighbors and talk to people. Good way to unwind and people watch. 
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Ha! I’m on my front porch right now with my dog, a cocktail and my iPad. It’s been a crappy week. Lots of folks out walking. I love these moments. 
 

 
Young kids are rough.   You're in the eye of the storm.  It gets a lot better.   At least for me it did.  Hopefully the same will apply for you.

 
Don Quixote said:
Kids definitely a big part of it. I was there and miserable. We basically just plopped our 4 year old in front of a TV for 10 hours a day because nothing else we could do. Felt like I was half-assing both work and parenting. 

Just sent my son back to daycare this week — like night and day difference.
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This is my household.  A 4 and 6 year old with the TV as babysitter.  Before Covid we really tried to limit the screen time but it becomes the only option when both parents are working (thankful for the working part).  Kids behavior has gotten worse and we seem to yell more than usual.  Safe to say we are not winning any parent of the year awards.  
 

We have started to get help with the kids 3 days a week and it’s been a game changer.  And that leads me to my advice for Otis.......is there possibility of getting some outside help with the kids?  In hopes that it reduces your wife’s stress and then yours.

 
Otis said:
Maybe it’s the months of captivity and working from my attic. I think in part it’s my wife being so stressed home all day with 3 kids and a puppy and dealing with their crap and it bleeds over. But it really feels like I have it double—I’m here all day to absorb all the stress and crap in the household, but in the background at the same time I’m dealing with the constant stress of work, which is basically closer to home than ever, weighing on me. As a result I’m constant short tempered, pissed, annoyed, frustrated and angry. I used to be an easygoing and fun loving guy. I feel like I walk around the house with a scowl all the time just barking at my kids and the stupid dog. My wife today was complaining that she doesn’t even have time to watch any shows. Shows, hell, I get 30 minutes of news and then off to bed before I’m the first one up with the dog and two smaller kids. Rinse repeat. I do zero for myself other than drink at night and a cigar out back. 

Every time I get in the car now it’s instant road rage.  It used to be that only happened after a bunch of time behind the wheel.

Anyone else dealing with this?  Is it the working from home?  COVID?  Just we got a puppy at the wrong damn time?  Is this just what happens after a decade of marriage and a bunch of kids?

I feel like a negative force around here. Hate that.  Wish I could be more patient. But between the usual home stress (that I’m normally more shielded from when I go to the office and can shoulder mostly just the work stress), combined with the work stress (which I usually take home with me anyway for the most part), combined with this stupid mutt, I’m on the brink here. Whatcha got?
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Meditate,  do some deep breathing and always review a few small items of gratitude in your life to keep you balanced.

You make a great living, have a great house, hopefully everyone has their health, you have a bright/secure future financially.  Keep things in perspective.

 
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Lion to myself said:
This is my household.  A 4 and 6 year old with the TV as babysitter.  Before Covid we really tried to limit the screen time but it becomes the only option when both parents are working (thankful for the working part).  Kids behavior has gotten worse and we seem to yell more than usual.  Safe to say we are not winning any parent of the year awards.  
 

We have started to get help with the kids 3 days a week and it’s been a game changer.  And that leads me to my advice for Otis.......is there possibility of getting some outside help with the kids?  In hopes that it reduces your wife’s stress and then yours.
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Thanks for all the advice. 

I think this will be a huge help. We just need to do it. We’re getting a babysitter for a couple hours tomorrow just to get out for dinner.  But a local high schooler or college kid in town helping out a couple days a week by playing out back with the kids would probably be a huge help for all. 

 
Otis, you have a very busy house so it makes sense that you are stressed.    When the kids are asleep, you and your wife need to make a plan on how you can improve everyone’s lives in that house.   Your kids may feel the stress and probably don’t like being yelled at.   

 
Eh, these fellas make some great and some not-so-great points but I don't think they've gotten to the heart of the matter.  Let me break it down for you.  Your dog is an ####### and doesn't recognize his job.   Any good dog in 2020 realizes his job is akin to the court jester of yesteryear.  They are there to amuse you.  Not stress you. Dog, go do funny #### and make me laugh. Be my buddy when I need it.  Snuggle up at the right time. Above all don't add stress. Don't be a needy, whiny, defecating problem. So go get your dog in line and life will follow.

 
It has been hard to keep a level head lately, when hypothetically you are trying to prepare an hour long work presentation that is tomorrow at 9am while a kid is screaming at you to make dinner at which point they don't eat it while also crying because they want to watch something on tv but won't choose something to watch and somehow they only bother you about this and not your wife who has been working for 6 hours straight without having to move. I have definitely been more snippy, especially the last month or so as everyone gets less patient and more crazy in our house. It feels like I cannot work due to having to do something every 5 minutes for kids, so I am just working from 6am-7am and 9pm-12am every day because it is the only time I can.

 
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Otis, you might want to see if you can schedule an hour for yourself every day and an hour for your wife.  Just goof off time.  That could make the rest of the day go much better.

 
Dan Lambskin said:
I feel overall less stressed since WFH, but the grocery store had me raging today 

people going the wrong way, stopped in middle of aisle
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If you have reliable grocery delivery, it's a game changer too.  Shop online when you want, and the stuff just shows up on the doorstep.  No irritating people/situations to deal with.

 
CletiusMaximus said:
Ha! I’m on my front porch right now with my dog, a cocktail and my iPad. It’s been a crappy week. Lots of folks out walking. I love these moments. 
 
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We have the Sahara Desert blowing through town, so we can't sit out like we normally do.  It's always something.

 
huthut said:
It has been hard to keep a level head lately, when hypothetically you are trying to prepare an hour long work presentation that is tomorrow at 9am while a kid is screaming at you to make dinner at which point they don't eat it while also crying because they want to watch something on tv but won't choose something to watch and somehow they only bother you about this and not your wife who has been working for 6 hours straight without having to move. I have definitely been more snippy, especially the last month or so as everyone gets less patient and more crazy in our house. It feels like I cannot work due to having to do something every 5 minutes for kids, so I am just working from 6am-7am and 9pm-12am every day because it is the only time I can.
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I honestly many days get up with the small kids, get them breakfast, feed the dog and walk him a couple times, if I’m lucky lately I get 30 minutes on the rowing machine which I don’t love but need to do, then I shower and am at my desk in the attic by 9am and many days don’t leave the room until 6pm or later. Head down. Wife is stressed and frazzled from the kids and dog is an a hole. Try and clamor and have a 10 minute bite to cover lunch and dinner of whatever the hell is on the stove and cold by then. Pour a drink and guzzle a couple. Get the little girls up to bed at 8 and read them a story and whatever. I come down and it’s 8:30 and we try to just chill on the couch and the eldest kid comes in and take over the TV. And by then I’m just exhausted and sick of it all and just go to bed alone at 9 and pass out. Rinse repeat. And the thing that’s not even reflected above is how much of that time that I’m not in the attic working I actually downstairs around the family and dog on my phone or laptop doing work email or editing work documents. It relentless. 
 

I recognize I’m totally lucky to have a good job and salary in these times. No complaints there. Just noting all the above as I’m trying to sort out why I’m so steaming mad at the drop of a hat lately. It’s not a good look, and I know it. And I’d like to fix it. 

 
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Mrs. Rannous said:
Otis, you might want to see if you can schedule an hour for yourself every day and an hour for your wife.  Just goof off time.  That could make the rest of the day go much better.
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As much time as you can handle...even half an hour.

Go for a walk or run...immediately gets you by yourself AND gets endorphins going and body and mind healthier.

I'd worry about a baby sitter at this point...an outside person who may or may not be following best protocols now in your house and with your kids? I get the obvious appeal, but no way for me until we're more through this thing and looking at it getting worse ok much of the country.

And yeah...you're not alone. And have every right to be feeling exactly how you're feeling. What's great is that you're aware and seeming to want to make positive change. All the loves and luck with it, Otis.

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
If you have reliable grocery delivery, it's a game changer too.  Shop online when you want, and the stuff just shows up on the doorstep.  No irritating people/situations to deal with.
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We have that. Saturday morning is my most miserably morning. Come down with the two younger kids at 6:15 while the wife is sleeping and juggle them and getting their breakfasts out, feeding and walking the dog a couple times, and bringing in and unpacking and putting away all the groceries. It’s 60-90 minutes of hell. 

 
Your wife may be stressed, and I'm not saying being a stay at home mother is easy. But she needs to chop in in the morning. Take 2-3 mornings where she gets up and takes care of the kids/dog/breakfast. You can then help out later during those days during lunch break or whatever. 

My $.02

 
Oh and the ice maker in the fridge keeps braking. I go in there every 2-3 days with an ice pick to break up ice and get it working again. And it’s infuriating. And I recognize that’s a wonderful luxury and rich guy problem. But at the end of the day when I just want some ####### ice, seems like such a small ask and I can’t even get that, I’d love to put a hand grenade in the crisper drawer. 
 

Buying a new fridge this weekend. I don’t know if we need one, it’s just 5 or 6 years old, or if it’s smart, but I just want to push this frustration off a cliff and start over. 

 
take your kids when you walk the dog.  its a beautiful summer morning.  you'll be getting some exercise.  you get to spend time with your wonderful children so you don't feel so guilty about working so much and not having quality time with them.  

 
gianmarco said:
Your wife may be stressed, and I'm not saying being a stay at home mother is easy. But she needs to chop in in the morning. Take 2-3 mornings where she gets up and takes care of the kids/dog/breakfast. You can then help out later during those days during lunch break or whatever. 

My $.02
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We at some point set it so she does the last walk with the puppy at 10:30 or 11 and I go to bed earlier and handle the morning. But truth is, he is totally fine now. He can go to sleep at 10 or even earlier and he’s good. I generally don’t mind being more of a morning person, but the mornings sure are hectic and a crap way to start the day, and I’d kill for the extra hour or 90 minutes she sleeps in and doesn’t have to deal with that crap. That said, she deals with them all day while I’m working. Don’t get me wrong, I’m working, not fishing or playing blackjack at the Borgata. It sucks. But that doesn’t feel like a battle worth fighting. 

 
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NutterButter said:
take your kids when you walk the dog.  its a beautiful summer morning.  you'll be getting some exercise.  you get to spend time with your wonderful children so you don't feel so guilty about working so much and not having quality time with them.  
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That’s very leave it to beaver and sounds nice. But when a dog is crapping in the yard and needs breakfast and the kids are nagging for breakfast and I have a bunch or overnight work emails stressing me out that I just want to respond to and get out of the way....  just feels impossible. But you’re right, I at least need to consider. Would make things a little nicer perhaps. 

 
Otis said:
That’s very leave it to beaver and sounds nice. But when a dog is crapping in the yard and needs breakfast and the kids are nagging for breakfast and I have a bunch or overnight work emails stressing me out that I just want to respond to and get out of the way....  just feels impossible. But you’re right, I at least need to consider. Would make things a little nicer perhaps. 
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I was just messing with you.  My idea sounds horrible.  I'd probably step in front of a garbage truck if i had to do that.  

 
Otis said:
We at some point she it so she does the last walk with the puppy at 10:30 or 11 and I go to bed earlier and handle the morning. But truth is, he is totally fine now. He can go to sleep at 10 or even earlier and he’s good. I generally don’t mind being more of a morning person, but the mornings sure are hectic and a crap way to start the day, and I’d kill for the extra hour or 90 minutes she sleeps in and doesn’t have to deal with that crap. That said, she deals with them all day while I’m working. Don’t get me wrong, I’m working, not fishing or playing blackjack at the Borgata. It sucks. But that doesn’t feel like a battle worth fighting. 
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I get that, but everyone needs an occasional break from routine. A day or 2 for you to sleep in. Similarly, a day or 2 for her to go to bed early or get a couple hours at lunch by herself. Whether you can take the kids during the time or find help, I think it would do wonders for both of you to recharge every few days.

 
El Floppo said:
I'd worry about a baby sitter at this point...an outside person who may or may not be following best protocols now in your house and with your kids? I get the obvious appeal, but no way for me until we're more through this thing and looking at it getting worse ok much of the country.
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A babysitter doesn't have to be a teenager.  A responsible adult might be a good and safer option.

 
Otis said:
We have that. Saturday morning is my most miserably morning. Come down with the two younger kids at 6:15 while the wife is sleeping and juggle them and getting their breakfasts out, feeding and walking the dog a couple times, and bringing in and unpacking and putting away all the groceries. It’s 60-90 minutes of hell. 
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Otis said:
We have that. Saturday morning is my most miserably morning. Come down with the two younger kids at 6:15 while the wife is sleeping and juggle them and getting their breakfasts out, feeding and walking the dog a couple times, and bringing in and unpacking and putting away all the groceries. It’s 60-90 minutes of hell. 
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Are you maybe fixating a little at making the morning routine “perfect”? The kind of stuff you are describing is the same stuff that I use to just switch my brain off and go on autopilot for a bit. Sucks that you can’t pack that into the end of a day and not the beginning,  but it does seem like maybe you are stuck in crisis mode and you need to find a way to switch it off.

Good luck man.

 
Otis said:
That’s very leave it to beaver and sounds nice. But when a dog is crapping in the yard and needs breakfast and the kids are nagging for breakfast and I have a bunch or overnight work emails stressing me out that I just want to respond to and get out of the way....  just feels impossible. But you’re right, I at least need to consider. Would make things a little nicer perhaps. 
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If they can whine for breakfast they are old enough to make it themselves. (Kidding. Glad I have teenagers that mostly fend for themselves!)

 
Rustoleum said:
Are you maybe fixating a little at making the morning routine “perfect”? The kind of stuff you are describing is the same stuff that I use to just switch my brain off and go on autopilot for a bit. Sucks that you can’t pack that into the end of a day and not the beginning,  but it does seem like maybe you are stuck in crisis mode and you need to find a way to switch it off.

Good luck man.
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I’m actually Ok with the mornings. I have it on autopilot and it works pretty’s smoothly now most days. Don’t mean to be overly negative about that. 
 

Like I said, my life overall is great and I have no reason to complaint. But I’m just triggered and constantly stressed and going at everyone.  Gotta be a reason for that. 

 
Rustoleum said:
If they can whine for breakfast they are old enough to make it themselves. (Kidding. Glad I have teenagers that mostly fend for themselves!)
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Can’t wait for teenagers. Just people who can #### and fend for themselves. 

 
NutterButter said:
do you have a clicker or do you keep track in your head or do you do the andre the giant method and pound a beer every time you wave at someone?
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Yeah. I have a button inside my garage. Imagine a doorbell. Every time I wave I push the button and it is tied into an excel spreadsheet I have on the laptop I have in the garage. I have 10 years of data that I've started selling to companies that make shoes and tires.

I've taken that money and bought shares of CYDY back when it was trading at about .48 a share. While everyone laughs at the 'ol drunk guy sitting it his driveway, little do they know this guy is sitting on about 300,000 shares of stock now valued at a little more than $6/share.

 
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