WWYD - - Tipping (1 Viewer)

I know we have discussed tipping here ad nauseum over the years.

Ok, so here is the situation. Just got home from going out to dinner with my dad, he is 77yo. Small, local mexican food place. Approx. 12 tables and above average food (average food really, but compared to other local places it is above average). Service is good, friendly, and very little opportunity for it to be rated exceptional. Bill for my dad and I is $40 (no bar tab). Dad insists on paying. No problem. I forgot how poorly my dad tips and I don't have any cash on hand. So he tips $2 on the bill and I know he believes that this is perfectly OK. He isn't trying to be disrespectful, it's just how he is. I privately apologize to the waitress. 

When we leave in separate cars, I go to the nearest ATM and get money and go back to the restaurant (approx. 10 mins) and give the waitress another $10. (Dad doesn't know this.) 

How would handle this situation? It isn't worth the argument to bring it to dad's attention. 

If it would be an argument then it isnt a valid excuse that your dad doesnt know any better and isnt trying to be disrespectful.

I had a similar experience with an uncle years ago. Teased and innocently picked at a waitress the entire meal. She was frazzled several times. At the end he sticks a dollar in her hand and told her that was for her. She almost cried. I went back an hour later as I was riding with my uncle and gave her $15 on a $40 bill. I assured her my uncle was a good man, just stuck in the 1950’s. 

parasaurolophus said:

If it would be an argument then it isnt a valid excuse that your dad doesnt know any better and isnt trying to be disrespectful.

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Argument is too strong of a word. Would be more like.. "This is what I have always done and I am not changing the way I do it." 

bro1ncos said:

I know we have discussed tipping here ad nauseum over the years.

Ok, so here is the situation. Just got home from going out to dinner with my dad, he is 77yo. Small, local mexican food place. Approx. 12 tables and above average food (average food really, but compared to other local places it is above average). Service is good, friendly, and very little opportunity for it to be rated exceptional. Bill for my dad and I is $40 (no bar tab). Dad insists on paying. No problem. I forgot how poorly my dad tips and I don't have any cash on hand. So he tips $2 on the bill and I know he believes that this is perfectly OK. He isn't trying to be disrespectful, it's just how he is. I privately apologize to the waitress. 

When we leave in separate cars, I go to the nearest ATM and get money and go back to the restaurant (approx. 10 mins) and give the waitress another $10. (Dad doesn't know this.) 

How would handle this situation? It isn't worth the argument to bring it to dad's attention. 

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You did the right thing.

Don’t mention it to your dad. Next time just bring some extra cash with you. I’ve done this plenty of times when I dine with notorious cheap tippers.

ChiefD said:

You did the right thing.

Don’t mention it to your dad. Next time just bring some extra cash with you. I’ve done this plenty of times when I dine with notorious cheap tippers.

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This. And you handled it very well, IMO. 

Does he know you disagree with his below average tipping?

It's not worth an argument though. Just move on. As others said, bring cash if you go out to eat with next time.

You did the right thing. Server got the tip you thought she deserved and no B.S. with your dad. 

This situation is so foreign to me. 

1. 77 year old at a restaurant during a pandemic. 

2. Forgetting that he is super cheap.

3. Not ever saying anything previously. 

Eta: isnt this a friends episode with ross and rachel's dad? 

She’ll remember you and give you great service from now on. Just don’t bring pops. 

Good job outta you. 

You need to update your father on current tipping standards.  There are going to be times when he goes out without you and continues to tip low due to not knowing.  Teach him, just like he taught you when you were younger about proper etiquette for the times.  I'm sure he is not aware of the behind the back embarrassment he is causing himself.

I needed to have this conversation with my 90+ year old father, and he appreciated it because he frequented the same restaurants, and actually liked the people serving him. 

Just read a waitress story on Reddit where she was cashing out an old dude and his bill was $16.09. The guy gives her a $20 bill and a quarter and says "keep the change".

She says thanks! and starts to walk away. He says wait, when I said keep the change I meant the change. I still want my four ones. 

Unless there's a chance your Dad would listen and change his ways, it's not worth it for you or for him. 

You did the right thing. Just prepare for next time.

You did the right thing... no reason to cause issues with your dad.

You did the right thing and there's no need to tell your dad. He's 77 and he's not going to change.

Yep, you handled it well.  No need to say anything to your dad, and like others have said, have some cash on you next time the two of you are going to dinner.

Some people regardless of age are just bad tippers.  My college buddy was the GM for TGIFs for years and the stories he told about tipping would fill this thread.

Did the right thing, to get back at him sleep with his wife imo...

You should have tipped a $20, tbh. $10 per plate minimum in a pandemic. 

You handled it well in my opinion. No need to mention anything to pops as he's not going to change his ways at the age of 77.  If I was to cherry pick one thing to complain about--it's the grown adult thing not having any cash with them.  I understand that we are moving towards a more digital world--but no grown adult that isn't completely broke should be walking around with literally no cash with them.  Everybody should have at least $20-40 cash with them for cases like this and more importantly for emergencies.   ATM and credit cards could be shut down at any given time if they are worried about potentially fraudulent activity.   It's just irresponsible and immature for grown adults to literally carry no cash on them in my opinion.  

The dude's 77.  He ain't changing.

Are you asking if you should have gotten into a argument with a 77-year old about... well, almost anything?

bro1ncos said:

I know we have discussed tipping here ad nauseum over the years.

Ok, so here is the situation. Just got home from going out to dinner with my dad, he is 77yo. Small, local mexican food place. Approx. 12 tables and above average food (average food really, but compared to other local places it is above average). Service is good, friendly, and very little opportunity for it to be rated exceptional. Bill for my dad and I is $40 (no bar tab). Dad insists on paying. No problem. I forgot how poorly my dad tips and I don't have any cash on hand. So he tips $2 on the bill and I know he believes that this is perfectly OK. He isn't trying to be disrespectful, it's just how he is. I privately apologize to the waitress. 

When we leave in separate cars, I go to the nearest ATM and get money and go back to the restaurant (approx. 10 mins) and give the waitress another $10. (Dad doesn't know this.) 

How would handle this situation? It isn't worth the argument to bring it to dad's attention. 

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The argument is your dad thinks that was a perfectly acceptable tip. I don't know your dad so I won't make assumptions or anything like that. However most waiters and waitresses rely on those tips and 2 as a tip on 40 is terrible. In Philly it's 15% of the bill sometimes 20%. If I'm out with friends or better yet my Brother and his friends we are ordering drinks routinely before we eat and then after we eat drinks as well. We tip pretty well. We give more if the waiter/waitress or even if its at the bar bartender more if we thought they were really cool and friendly and went out of their way for us. We've had a few like this and Combined we've tipped someone almost $100 the one night as it was my birthday we celebrated. Dude went above and beyond for us. He found out I had Aspergers and he had a brother and we talked throughout the night. He even went out of his way to give me suggestions and made me a special drink he gave for free he hardly does. So we tipped him big that night. My brother is a sucker for when people are overly nice to me because of my autism because despite being my middle brother he's still super protective if we go out and we're around people I don't know. I usually tip as my brother and his friends who make way more money then me buy me half my drinks half the time. It got to the point I convinced them to at least let me pay the tip. 

We went out recently for my birthday my parents took me. My dad because of the pandemic tipped our waitress more then double. She was a single mom (Maybe in her 20s) had a hard time finding someone to baby sit the kids and had been out of work for months. She was great and my dad tipped her double for feeling bad. 

I'm of the opinion if you are gonna be an idiot about tipping don't bother tipping. Because it's more insulting to give a bad tip then no tip at all. If the service is bad I'll usually try and flag someone else down and get the manager. See what the issue is. I don't want to not tip a server if the issues are beyond their fault. If the service is good I tip the wage. If they go above and beyond I'll tip more. However if you can't afford to tip you can't afford to eat out. Same with ordering food for delivery. if you can't afford a tip don't order out. My Friend does a side job pizza delivery and these people are getting good. They wait on the couch give their 5 yrs old the money to give him waive at him at the door and the kid either gives him each change or asks for the change back and doesn't tip. Or he gets the person who has exact change and uses on I'm sorry I'd tip you but I thought I had more money on me. 

You did the right thing going back and giving her a better tip. But I'd definitely bring it up to your dad that his $2 on a $40 bill is not cool. Especially given the pandemic. I had people tipping me big at work when the pandemic started just to show appreciation for us staying open and all. With in the first week of people giving me money I made more in tips then my weekly paycheck. That helped when my mom got sick with the virus. 

leftcoastguy7 said:

Just read a waitress story on Reddit where she was cashing out an old dude and his bill was $16.09. The guy gives her a $20 bill and a quarter and says "keep the change".

She says thanks! and starts to walk away. He says wait, when I said keep the change I meant the change. I still want my four ones. 

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Some people really know how to be jerks. I've come across numerous customers who just want to do this constantly.  I've had friends who serve on the side to their other jobs. Most are teachers who do it during holidays and summer time for extra money. If I ever see people acting like a jerk to a waiter/waitress who is just doing their job I usually step in and let them know it. I don't care about embarrassing the jerk publicly. 

jvdesigns2002 said:

You handled it well in my opinion. No need to mention anything to pops as he's not going to change his ways at the age of 77.  If I was to cherry pick one thing to complain about--it's the grown adult thing not having any cash with them.  I understand that we are moving towards a more digital world--but no grown adult that isn't completely broke should be walking around with literally no cash with them.  Everybody should have at least $20-40 cash with them for cases like this and more importantly for emergencies.   ATM and credit cards could be shut down at any given time if they are worried about potentially fraudulent activity.   It's just irresponsible and immature for grown adults to literally carry no cash on them in my opinion.  

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My buddy at 34 is notorious for the no cash on him using his card constantly. His excuse is he wants to build his credit and he has good credit already. He's set in his ways and pig headed on this issue like others. If we split 

This wouldn't be an issue if restaurants would just charge more and distribute the extra to staff. Americans are so dumb.

Ship him over here to France and he won't have to tip for anything. Ever.

At first when I moved here I thought that everything was a bit more expensive but quickly realized that taxes and tip are included in every single price shown. I kept trying to figure out if dining was more expensive in Chicago vs. Paris and while in the end I still don't know the answer to this, life is just simpler when not having to tip. 

EYLive said:

This wouldn't be an issue if restaurants would just charge more and distribute the extra to staff. Americans are so dumb.

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From what I've read some restaurants in the U.S. have tried the no tip thing by including everything in the price on the menu but unfortunately people just get put off by the higher menu prices and it doesn't work so well. Will require a whole industry shift at once for it to ever change.

You played it exactly right.

jvdesigns2002 said:

You handled it well in my opinion. No need to mention anything to pops as he's not going to change his ways at the age of 77.  If I was to cherry pick one thing to complain about--it's the grown adult thing not having any cash with them.  I understand that we are moving towards a more digital world--but no grown adult that isn't completely broke should be walking around with literally no cash with them.  Everybody should have at least $20-40 cash with them for cases like this and more importantly for emergencies.   ATM and credit cards could be shut down at any given time if they are worried about potentially fraudulent activity.   It's just irresponsible and immature for grown adults to literally carry no cash on them in my opinion.  

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I make a conscience decision and try hard to not judge people...especially those I dont know. This is an extremely odd and aggressive take. 

Cjw_55106 said:

 This is an extremely odd and aggressive take. 

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Yeah. This thread is about to take a cash v no-cash turn. 

The only time I carry cash is on Saturday mornings when I go to the Farmers Market.  

Why is everyone so afraid of talking to your dad about him being a cheapskate?

bro1ncos said:

I know we have discussed tipping here ad nauseum over the years.

Ok, so here is the situation. Just got home from going out to dinner with my dad, he is 77yo. Small, local mexican food place. Approx. 12 tables and above average food (average food really, but compared to other local places it is above average). Service is good, friendly, and very little opportunity for it to be rated exceptional. Bill for my dad and I is $40 (no bar tab). Dad insists on paying. No problem. I forgot how poorly my dad tips and I don't have any cash on hand. So he tips $2 on the bill and I know he believes that this is perfectly OK. He isn't trying to be disrespectful, it's just how he is. I privately apologize to the waitress. 

When we leave in separate cars, I go to the nearest ATM and get money and go back to the restaurant (approx. 10 mins) and give the waitress another $10. (Dad doesn't know this.) 

How would handle this situation? It isn't worth the argument to bring it to dad's attention. 

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Stuff happens; people miscalculate, don't plan, have outdated ideas on tipping, etc. I wouldn't fret. Waitress had to wait a few extra minutes and got a 30% tip.

If he sometimes insists on paying, you may want to make it a point to have cash with you when you go out. If he usually wants to pay, you might be prepared to say "That's great! If you're willing to pay the bill. I'll take care of the tip." If he comments that you over-tip, that would be an educational opportunity.

JMHO - Don't know dad's financial situation but, without causing a scene, it would be very difficult for me to let my 77 yo dad pay for any meal no matter how much he insists.

Lastly. If his $2 tip included a suggestion that she learn how to type. That would be awesome.

bro1ncos said:

I know we have discussed tipping here ad nauseum over the years.

Ok, so here is the situation. Just got home from going out to dinner with my dad, he is 77yo. Small, local mexican food place. Approx. 12 tables and above average food (average food really, but compared to other local places it is above average). Service is good, friendly, and very little opportunity for it to be rated exceptional. Bill for my dad and I is $40 (no bar tab). Dad insists on paying. No problem. I forgot how poorly my dad tips and I don't have any cash on hand. So he tips $2 on the bill and I know he believes that this is perfectly OK. He isn't trying to be disrespectful, it's just how he is. I privately apologize to the waitress. 

When we leave in separate cars, I go to the nearest ATM and get money and go back to the restaurant (approx. 10 mins) and give the waitress another $10. (Dad doesn't know this.) 

How would handle this situation? It isn't worth the argument to bring it to dad's attention. 

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You went over and above doing the right thing by knowing your Dad and how to handle him and I would imagine you've waited tables at some point so you understand by going back you would be doing the right thing.  

Cjw_55106 said:

I make a conscience decision and try hard to not judge people...especially those I dont know. This is an extremely odd and aggressive take. 

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Yeah I agree, I would say that not carrying cash can be inconvenient at times.... irresponsible and immature? Quite the hot take in today's world. Between ATM cards, credit cards, Venmo, Zelle, Apple Pay, Google Pay and the ability to get to an ATM or get cash back at convenience stores with a debit card there are tons of ways to pay people or get cash.

I was on a trip to Africa with my wife last year and we understood going in that it is customary to tip various guys at the safari camp for the various things that they do. And at the very end you tip the driver/bush guide that was with you the entire week a larger amount. Well throughout the week we started to realize that we were either over tipping during the week or did not bring enough Kenyan Shillings and didn't have what we wanted at the end to tip our driver. No worries, everyone in Kenya uses M-Pesa, a phone based money-transfer/bank service that is used for payment for almost everything in country. We got our guide's mobile number and was able to send him what we wanted. Could we have been better about allocating throughout the week? Sure, but sometimes #### happens. If it wasn't for some of the tech in today's world to have our backs we would have ended up taking out wayyy more Shillings than necessary.

In today's world unless you have a specific purpose for carrying cash (i.e. ChiefD at the Farmer's Market), it's not always necessary.

mr roboto said:

Why is everyone so afraid of talking to your dad about him being a cheapskate?

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Nobody wants the belt, man. 

mr roboto said:

Why is everyone so afraid of talking to your dad about him being a cheapskate?

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Yeah, I dont get this. If he is simply uneducated about it he will change. If he just wants to be cheap about it then the proper course of action isnt to carry cash to compensate, it is to stop going to restaurants with him and do other things. Imagine the insane conflict if he learned you were going behind his back like that.

If your dad stole a candy bar every time you went grocery shopping with him, is the solution to be hush hush and sneak back and pay for it? 

Cjw_55106 said:

I make a conscience decision and try hard to not judge people...especially those I dont know. This is an extremely odd and aggressive take. 

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I never said that the people that are doing it are a-holes or anything like that. I just think that the act of grown adults (that are not broke--I'm not implying that people that are broke and don't have money should somehow be carrying it around) routinely walking around not carrying a single dollar with them is an irresponsible and immature act. I'm not judging their character--I am using those words to describe my opinion on that particular action.  

We just found out a few weeks ago that the line between civilized society and chaos is insanely thin with the protests and riots.  Credit cards and ATM cards work great 99.9% of the time when things are perfect.   However--things are not always perfect and  there will inevitably be times where cash will be convenient and necessary.  I manage a retail store. I can tell you firsthand that it is not all that uncommon for atm  and credit card processing terminals to shut down or get off line.    People should always carry around some emergency money.  I live in Southern California in earthquake country.  If there is a big earthquake--you think that ATM machines will all be working just fine and available for the masses to use?   We all understand and accept that its important have extra stockpiles of water, food, and supplies in case chaos breaks out--the same concept needs to be applied when it comes to having some cash around and on hand.  

Not sure a discussion is gonna help. Sounds like your dad’s just cheap. When has 5% ever been a good tip? It’s been atleast 10% as far back as I can remember, increasing to 15% in the 70s and 80s and 20% in the last 20 odd years. 

jvdesigns2002 said:

We all found out that its important have extra stockpiles of water, food, and supplies in case chaos breaks out--the same concept needs to be applied when it comes to having some cash around.  

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But I don't need to bring these extra stockpiles of water/food/supplies around with me in my day-to-day. I have cash at home if I need it but don't always have it on my person.

If all financial services (including mobile phone services, etc.) go down in a wide-radius from an earthquake, there is no chance anyone is going to have enough cash on them to deal with all of the problems they are about to encounter. Perhaps at home, sure, but not on their person.

I would have just paid for the meal and tipped appropriately.  I'm generally over tipping these days.

Harris said:

But I don't need to bring these extra stockpiles of water/food/supplies around with me in my day-to-day. I have cash at home if I need it but don't always have it on my person.

If all financial services (including mobile phone services, etc.) go down in a wide-radius from an earthquake, there is no chance anyone is going to have enough cash on them to deal with all of the problems they are about to encounter. Perhaps at home, sure, but not on their person.

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I'm not saying to carry around $500 in person--I'm saying that everybody should carry $20-40.  For example--in Southern California right now--there is a heat wave and rolling and random blackouts are a big possiblity because the power grid is under pressure with everybody running their air conditioning.  Credit card terminals don't work without electricity.  People that carry id's and credit cards generally have a a wallet or money clip.  Are you implying that somehow carrying 2 or 3 bills is somehow impossible or inconvenient?   You should have enough cash to last you and your family a few days somewhere safe at home, and everybody should carry a small amount of cash on them in case something unexpected happens when they aren't at home.   You don't need to worry about carrying around emergency stockpiles of water with you everywhere you go if you carried around $20 in cash with you.  You know why--because if something happens that makes credit cards unusable like a power outage or earthquake--you can actually use that cash to get you enough food/water or whatever you need to get home.  The idea of preparation is that not only should people plan for the expected--but they also need to plan for the unexpected.  Credit cards and ATM cards can easily be useless in the case of many unexpected events. 

Foosball God said:

I would have just paid for the meal and tipped appropriately.  I'm generally over tipping these days.

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Same here. Servers are hard up so I give at least 25% even though I don’t really dine out much. 

pinequick said:

The dude's 77.  He ain't changing.

Are you asking if you should have gotten into a argument with a 77-year old about... well, almost anything?

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I have to remind myself of this constantly with my FIL, I just refuse to engage him in most topics.

I frequently bring up conversations later with my wife just so I can tell her how wrong her dad is, just to get it off my chest.  But there's no way I'm trying to argue with the old coot.  Life is too short to waste my time tilting against that windmill.  

It is a generational thing. My mom and in-laws are the same way. They can't comprehend when my family takes them out for lunch and I leave a $30-$40 tip on $150 tab for example. They always give me the "Wow, that tip could have paid for lunch for days for us."  It is just old people using their past experiences to influence their current behavior. 

You don't need to talk to your dad--he paid for your lunch and thinks he did a good thing for you. You made the situation right--end of story. Lecturing him, will just make him feel bad/angry and frankly make you look ungrateful for him doing something nice for you. 

Now you know, in the future when you go out with him and there is a chance of him paying, bring an extra 20 spot and tell him you want to get the tip. This is exactly what I do with my wife's parents, who are notorious at calculating the tip to 10% and making sure they leave the bill at the exact dollar amount ie: the bill is $15.45--the waitperson is getting a $1.55 tip. 

Harris said:

Yeah I agree, I would say that not carrying cash can be inconvenient at times.... irresponsible and immature?

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Yeah, I find that take to be a little bizarre. Created a poll for the masses. 

Do you typically carry cash on your person?

FBG26 said:

Yeah, I find that take to be a little bizarre. Created a poll for the masses. 

Do you typically carry cash on your person?

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I feel like I'm getting misquoted or mischaracterized here.  I brought clarity to my original post just a few posts later.  I never implied that the words "irresponsible" and "immature" were used to describe people that do not carry cash in general.  My implication was that the action of a grown adult not carrying around any cash routinely is an "irresponsible" and "immature" thing to do.   If a quote that I made is going to be put under scrutiny--I'd like it to be scrutinized under the proper and intended context.  This feels like a hunt for a "gotcha" moment. 

https://forums.footballguys.com/forum/topic/787307-wwyd-tipping/?do=findComment&comment=22904253

I will copy and paste this same post in the new topic as the context is vitally important in imo. 

jvdesigns2002 said:

I feel like I'm getting misquoted or mischaracterized here.  I brought clarity to my original post just a few posts later.  I never implied that the words "irresponsible" and "immature" were used to describe people that do not carry cash in general.  My implication was that the action of a grown adult not carrying around any cash routinely is an "irresponsible" and "immature" thing to do.   If a quote that I made is going to be put under scrutiny--I'd like it to be scrutinized under the proper and intended context.  This feels like a hunt for a "gotcha" moment. 

https://forums.footballguys.com/forum/topic/787307-wwyd-tipping/?do=findComment&comment=22904253

I will copy and paste this same post in the new topic as the context is vitally important in imo. 

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Was not the intent to villify and I agree a lot about what you said regarding having a stockpile of certain items in case of emergency, cash being one of them.

I think we agree to disagree on routinely carrying around cash. I always have cash at home and my view is that if I am going out knowing that I'll potentially need cash for something (bars, sporting event, vacation, etc.) will definitely bring some. Otherwise I just find it simpler to pay by card and in my normal day to day I don't carry it.

The whole, "they're old, they're not going to change" thing, is going to end in future years, IMO.   With technology and specifically video games being such a large part of life for younger generations, they're constantly having to learn and re-learn new systems.  Things move too fast in those areas to ever get "too stuck in their ways".  Not to mention what technological progress might happen in that area anyway. 

Harris said:

Was not the intent to villify and I agree a lot about what you said regarding having a stockpile of certain items in case of emergency, cash being one of them.

I think we agree to disagree on routinely carrying around cash. I always have cash at home and my view is that if I am going out knowing that I'll potentially need cash for something (bars, sporting event, vacation, etc.) will definitely bring some. Otherwise I just find it simpler to pay by card and in my normal day to day I don't carry it.

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Thats fair enough and there is nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree.  My main point is that the major flaw in the argument for not carrying cash around is the notion that the credit card system is 100% full proof.   It is full proof under perfect circumstances.  Our culture has abandoned preparation for convenience--when both can and should exist.  A few months ago--people took for granted that you could walk into any grocery store and buy meat, food, toilet paper and essentials any day of your life as if it was a guarantee. What we saw was that even the potential interruption for  any of those things being hard to get through a supply chain issue, a natural disaster, an unexpected event ,--turned a civilized society into a bunch of animals that were beating each other up at costco to get these things.   999 out of 1000 days people will be fine with carrying no cash.  However--I can tell you--the reason you carry it is for that 1 day when you actually need it.   This doesn't even go into the numerous inconveniences of not having it--just like the story that the OP mentioned here in this very thread.  Anyhow--I appreciate the dialogue and my apologies to all for derailing the thread.  

My in-laws lived in England most of their lives where tipping isn't really a thing and when they came here they were terrible tippers like OP. Including at times at a restaurant owned by close family of mine when we were with them. It embarassed me a few times and we would just start saying "let us leave the tip" every time for a while. 

Over time, they seemed to have figured it out (not how to tip but what we were doing), so now when they "take us out for dinner" (only a couple times a year on a birthday etc...) he passes the machine to my wife and lets her enter it.