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Terminalxylem

Weddings

Weddings  

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Was surprised anybody, aside from the bride, cared much about attending weddings. Upon further reflection, I liked mine (both). Destination and activity-based weddings can also be fun. And I suppose the first Indian, Korean, <probably any foreign culture> wedding is interesting.

But I've never looked forward to going. And the standard traditions + eating/drinking/socializing/dancing get old quickly, as does the industry surrounding the process.

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I'm in the "love 'em" camp.  You're celebrating the union of two people who love each other and want to celebrate that with their closest friends and family.  What's not to like about that?  

Add in the fact that you can usually drink (and eat well) for free, and more than likely you're running into friends that you haven't seen in awhile.  It's a party, man.

Big thumbs-up for me, even at the ripe age of 47.  Sure, they were probably MORE fun back when I was 28-29 or whatever (read:  no hangover, potential hookup with bridesmaid, etc.) but I still look forward to going to them.  I doubt I'll be going to any in the near future, that all said.  All my friends are either married or career bachelors.  

Perhaps the next one I go to will be my daughter's (gulp, she's gonna be 10 in February :lol: )

 

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As they are my business and livelihood put me squarely in the Love’em camp.   

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Love 'em, especially when I see my own kids, nieces and nephews take the next step in life.  Had my son's wedding 18 months ago.  Walking my middle daughter down the aisle next October.  Then youngest soon after that.  As for others? It's a joyous occasion and it's usually an invite from good friends who know how to throw a party.  So I see a lot of my other good friends there.  

The distant family ones are a bit different.  Tolerate more than love.  Weirdest one I ever attended was my brother's.  He converted to Judaism for his wife.  As they passed around the Torah to read rabbi's were basically fighting as one didn't think the conversion was good enough.  It got loud.  Very awkward.  I had no clue what was going on.

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Love em for the most part.   I like music and dancing like a fool so its right up my alley.   The closer the better though.  

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Someone else's, sure. Mine, not so much.

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Hate 'em. Terrible waste of money. Elope and throw a good party without the pageantry.

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I love the receptions, especially the ones that are on different days than the ceremony. 

Edited by Dezbelief

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Usually a great time although I find any type of "wedding games" incredibly cringe-worthy.

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1 hour ago, nirad3 said:

I'm in the "love 'em" camp.  You're celebrating the union of two people who love each other and want to celebrate that with their closest friends and family.  What's not to like about that? 

Once you get passed the fairy tale bs and think about the reality of it all, it's tough to see them the same.  In the overwhelming amount, it really is downhill from there.  From that very day actually, lol.

 I don't know man, enduring an entire day of small talk for some free drinks and a dance floor w/ Aunt Margaret is not some whale of a time in my mind.  Not these days.

I'll be sitting there in some church pew, waiting for it all to be done, forced to think about the over/under in years before the cheating or divorce starts.  Actually, that can make witnessing the colossal waste of money involved kind of fun.  Not so much with the anticipation of a DJ and an onslaught of endless Oscar speeches.

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Posted (edited)
37 minutes ago, Boston said:

Usually a great time although I find any type of "wedding games" incredibly cringe-worthy.

My favorite wedding included a scavenger hunt in British Columbia. We divided into 3 teams and searched for successive clues around Squamish. Getting the clue involved something active like hiking to the base of a waterfall, rock climbing, paddling and driving to various sights around town. The clues themselves were puzzles about the region’s history, wordplay and factoids pertaining to the bride and groom.

It sounds a little cheesy, but was really fun. The groups were small, from different social circles with different skillsets, so it really gave one a chance to get to know each other outside the typical dinner/reception.

The wedding itself involved a 30 minute hike to a cliff overlooking the town, following by canyoneering the next day.

Edited by Terminalxylem

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Posted (edited)

I’ve only ever been to 3 weddings and 1 was my own. Meh.

Edited by Osaurus

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Need a Like Em option.  I’ve had a good time at most of the ones I’ve been to, but I’ve been to a few stinkers as well

also assume Wedding includes reception.  The actual wedding sucks, the reception is usually fun 

going to one at the end of November for my cousin, should be fun 

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9 minutes ago, Osaurus said:

I’ve only ever been to 3 weddings and 1 was my own. Meh.

Wow, at one point in my life I was going to 3 weddings a year, if not more.

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My daughter's is on Friday. 

27 people total. 20 minute ceremony. Fancy steak dinner. No dance. Done by 5:30. Everything SHE wanted.

God I love that kid.

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I liked weddings until it meant I kept having to see my ex-girlfriend and her husband (my old friend) at them. She became quite a drag as the years wore on, difficult to have a conversation with and always hit-or-miss. But the conversation itself was obligatory to have yadda yadda ya

But weddings are cool. I've got no beef with them, just the social scene that was having them and that I got invites to. 

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7 minutes ago, nirad3 said:

Wow, at one point in my life I was going to 3 weddings a year, if not more.

:goodposting: The period from age 25-30 or so I went to 5+ a year.  Back then I loved them (the reception, not the ceremony, obv).  Nowadays if I was invited to one I'd be looking for an excuse not to attend. 

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30 minutes ago, Rodrigo Duterte said:

Once you get passed the fairy tale bs and think about the reality of it all, it's tough to see them the same.  In the overwhelming amount, it really is downhill from there.  From that very day actually, lol.

 I don't know man, enduring an entire day of small talk for some free drinks and a dance floor w/ Aunt Margaret is not some whale of a time in my mind.  Not these days.

I'll be sitting there in some church pew, waiting for it all to be done, forced to think about the over/under in years before the cheating or divorce starts.  Actually, that can make witnessing the colossal waste of money involved kind of fun.  Not so much with the anticipation of a DJ and an onslaught of endless Oscar speeches.

I’m not this cynical, but agree that traditional weddings, especially big ones, are a chore.

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5 minutes ago, NutterButter said:

Am i the only one that only goes to the reception?

I try to go as late as possible, and exit early, but my wife is of the mindset she (we) should stay around to help clean up afterwords. I’m quite jealous of people who can knock out the pleasantries in a hour or so.

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I don't care for traditional Christian ceremonies unless it's at an interesting venue. The reception better be awesome. 

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39 minutes ago, Terminalxylem said:

My favorite wedding included a scavenger hunt in British Columbia. We divided into 3 teams and searched for successive clues around Squamish. Getting the clue involved something active like hiking to the base of a waterfall, rock climbing, paddling and driving to various sights around town. The clues themselves were puzzles about the region’s history, wordplay and factoids pertaining to the bride and groom.

It sounds a little cheesy, but was really fun. The groups were small, from different social circles with different skillsets, so it really gave one a chance to get to know each other outside the typical dinner/reception.

The wedding itself involved a 30 minute hike to a cliff overlooking the town, following by canyoneering the next day.

That is totally different then what I was thinking...not in the same ballpark, I have never seen anything like this.

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13 minutes ago, NutterButter said:

Am i the only one that only goes to the reception?

You usually need the better-half to sign off on that and that is always dicey.

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Just now, Boston said:

You usually need the better-half to sign off on that and that is always dicey.

Fair point.   I guess i just got lucky in that regard.  My significant other at the time cared even less about the ceremony than i did.  

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17 minutes ago, Boston said:

That is totally different then what I was thinking...not in the same ballpark, I have never seen anything like this.

What kind of games then?

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3 hours ago, Osaurus said:

I’ve only ever been to 3 weddings and 1 was my own. Meh.

Wow. This kinda shocks me.  I feel like there has been a couple of times in my life where I literally attended 3 weddings in basically a one month timespan. The fact that you've only been to two weddings outside of your own in your lifetime is pretty crazy in my opinion. 

In regards to what I answered--I've never really been a huge fan of them.  In brutal honesty--I'm cool with attending them as a way of being supportive of a change in the life of somebody that I care about--but I'd be lying if I said that I actually like look forward to them.  I understand the symbolism and support in attending them but if I had a choice between having a day off to myself or attending a wedding--give me the day off any day of the week.    I'm a pretty weird dude.  I'm a person that is a workaholic 85% of the time, I relax hard like 12% of the time and 2-3% of the time I get the urge to party hard.  I'm not the kind of person that really enjoys going out for dinner and dancing on a random saturday night.   I'm the kind of person where if I want to have fun--I'll do a 2-3 night trip to vegas where I'm getting like 7 total hours of sleep.   For me a wedding is not relaxing nor is it insane fun.   When I attend them, it honestly feels more like an obligation or a chore (but with positive meaning) than it does something that I'd voluntarily want to do.   

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6 hours ago, MTskibum said:

Hate em. Huge money sink and a waste of time.

Kind of depends on their age. When I see 20 somethings, that probably haven't even payed off their financial aid loans yet, dropping big money on a wedding I can't help but feel sorry for them. So many couples break up over money problems. 

When it's a couple in their 40's/50's(especially when they don't have kids).... meh, whoop it up. The people you are seeing at the wedding may not be in your life forever. Hopefully by that point in their life they can focus on the people rather than the price of the dress and whether they can afford the salmon over the chicken.

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5 hours ago, BoltBacker said:

Kind of depends on their age. When I see 20 somethings, that probably haven't even payed off their financial aid loans yet, dropping big money on a wedding I can't help but feel sorry for them. So many couples break up over money problems. 

When it's a couple in their 40's/50's(especially when they don't have kids).... meh, whoop it up. The people you are seeing at the wedding may not be in your life forever. Hopefully by that point in their life they can focus on the people rather than the price of the dress and whether they can afford the salmon over the chicken.

Definitely don’t think young peeps should spend a fortune on their wedding, nor should they rely upon someone else to pay for it. But as a fan of small weddings, I don’t think they need to cost a ton regardless. Ideally, 20 guests or so, at a scenic outdoor venue.

FTR, I negotiated to keep our wedding just under 100 guests. I also requested no kids, no dancing and no gifts. And required we spend as much on the honeymoon as the wedding/reception.

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We kept our wedding to 22 people. It was just our parents, our siblings, our siblings spouses, and our siblings kids. Including the dress we came in at under 5,000 dollars having an outdoor wedding in Breckenridge.

Our families got to enjoy their time in Breckenridge so it was not a total waste of money at least.

 

Only my sister had a big wedding. My two brothers also had pretty cheap weddings. Although my sister's was on a private ranch that I would not have had access to fish otherwise, and the fishing was good. I took advantage of that after her wedding.

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1 hour ago, Terminalxylem said:

Definitely don’t think young peeps should spend a fortune on their wedding, nor should they rely upon someone else to pay for it. But as a fan of small weddings, I don’t think they need to cost a ton regardless. Ideally, 20 guests or so, at a scenic outdoor venue.

FTR, I negotiated to keep our wedding just under 100 guests. I also requested no kids, no dancing and no gifts. And required we spend as much on the honeymoon as the wedding/reception.

Did you at least let people know there would be no dancing?   I wouldn't go if there was no dancing.   

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I like weddings for the most part up until the dancing portion.  I'm not into dancing, and hate that it usually comes with blaring music that makes it hard to talk to anyone else.

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Voted love em but it depends.  If it's family or close friends they are a blast.  Only time I don't care for them if it's a friend of the wifes (for example) and I only know a handful of people there.

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3 hours ago, NutterButter said:

Did you at least let people know there would be no dancing?   I wouldn't go if there was no dancing.   

No. If they objected, we had security escort the heathens to a grain mill just outside town.

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19 hours ago, NutterButter said:

Love em for the most part.   I like music and dancing like a fool so its right up my alley.   The closer the better though.  

I'm more or less indifferent because of this. I like attending them, but if it involves a hotel room and it's not immediate family, I'm probably sending a card.

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I do not like the trend of people going to all inclusive resorts to push more costs onto the guests, but in town or even in state weddings are always fun in their own way.

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19 minutes ago, culdeus said:

I do not like the trend of people going to all inclusive resorts to push more costs onto the guests, but in town or even in state weddings are always fun in their own way.

Don’t know about all inclusive, but I like the idea of forcing people to travel to the wedding. Makes narrowing the guest list easier, and gives people an “out” who’d otherwise feel compelled to attend.

If someone lacks the financial means and are important enough, the bride and groom should foot part/all of their travel/lodging bill. This becomes much more realistic when every cousin, coworker, etc. isn’t invited. 

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1 hour ago, jwb said:

I'm more or less indifferent because of this. I like attending them, but if it involves a hotel room and it's not immediate family, I'm probably sending a card.

Same here unless its a destination I'd really like to go to otherwise and I can make a whole vaca out of it.  At least you send a card.  Does the rsvp card saying I'm not attending count?    

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43 minutes ago, Terminalxylem said:

Don’t know about all inclusive, but I like the idea of forcing people to travel to the wedding. Makes narrowing the guest list easier, and gives people an “out” who’d otherwise feel compelled to attend.

If someone lacks the financial means and are important enough, the bride and groom should foot part/all of their travel/lodging bill. This becomes much more realistic when every cousin, coworker, etc. isn’t invited. 

How does that convo get initiated?

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I have bartended many destination weddings, don't know how people afford it.  

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21 hours ago, CletiusMaximus said:

Loved them when I was young and single.  Not so much now that I'm old and crusty.

Same. Used to really love the receptions because we'd get drunk and stupid. I've crashed a reception & been thrown out, I've had my date pass out in a puddle of gack under the table, I've got behind the bar and livened things up and pretty much everything in between. They used to be a blast.

After mine (which was a blowout) the novelty finally wore off. My daughter got married a few years ago to a guy my wife doesn't care for so that was as fun as trying to pet a zebra. Not sure my youngest is the marrying type but don't foresee too many more in my future.

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14 minutes ago, FairWarning said:

I have bartended many destination weddings, don't know how people afford it.  

the people throwing the wedding or the people attending?   is it significantly more than a normal wedding?   we're talking just the wedding itself and the reception.   everything else would be paid for by the guests like room, food and drinks outside of reception hours and flight.   

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20 hours ago, Andy Dufresne said:

My daughter's is on Friday. 

27 people total. 20 minute ceremony. Fancy steak dinner. No dance. Done by 5:30. Everything SHE wanted.

God I love that kid.

:goodposting:

You raised a female Ron Swanson.  Nicely done.  

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, NutterButter said:

How does that convo get initiated?

You know who you really want at your wedding. You also probably know those people well enough to understand their finances. For us, this applied to the entire wedding party, for whom we paid for wedding attire, a few meals and lodging for a couple days around the ceremony/reception. Letting people off the hook for gifts also helps. 

So they were mainly responsible for transportation. But I think you missed the part about using travel to weed out the guest list, so people not coming is a win as far as I'm concerned. 

Edited by Terminalxylem

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11 hours ago, Pipes said:

Voted love em but it depends.  If it's family or close friends they are a blast.  Only time I don't care for them if it's a friend of the wifes (for example) and I only know a handful of people there.

Went to one for my wife’s friend (who I’ve actually known since grade school) but didn’t really know anyone else there.  Wife was busy with the bride and her friends so I ended up making friends with Tom Collins.  I recall grabbing 4 at last call “for the table” and then pretty much blacked out.  Wife pretty much had to drag me to the car

good times

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12 hours ago, NutterButter said:

the people throwing the wedding or the people attending?   is it significantly more than a normal wedding?   we're talking just the wedding itself and the reception.   everything else would be paid for by the guests like room, food and drinks outside of reception hours and flight.   

We have a lot of wedding barns here, roughly $5-7500 to rent depending on what it comes with.  I don't know about all of the hidden costs as I work for a company that just handles the bartending end.  They are usually 25-150 people. Outside of the hall rental, everything else should be in line pricewise.  To me, its hard to get families to come out and spend 3-4 days min, and potentially expensive for them also.  

 

If you are looking for places for next year, good luck.  Many weddings are pushed back to 2021 because of the pandemic, so inventory will be very tight.  You may be able to save a little money renting on Sunday or Friday, Saturdays fill up first.  

 

PM me if you have any questions.

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