Otis
Footballguy
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]OMGOMGOMGOMG[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Look up there! What is it? It's a bird! It's a plane! No, no, definitely a bird![/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]OMG.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]It's a HAWK.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]BOOM[/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px].[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Greetings, sharknerds. Here we are in August. You’re tired of watching golf, bored of listening to saintsfan84 and BroncoFreak yammering about their MegaDynoZealout XXIV draft, and yearning for the real meaty [/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px]fantasy content. You’ve been pummeling your iPhone memory with all sorts of new Dominators and Dominatrixes and VBDs and ADPs and IDPs and PDAs, and load up your Google Drive with all those [/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px]sweet picks[/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px] you’re planning to make this year to wow your pals. But now you’re just tapped out, and your draft is coming up, and you’re just waiting for the thing that will make a difference as you gear up for your late August magic football festivities at your pal Spence’s weekend house. This is what you've been smiling about as you go to sleep e[/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px]ach night, your head hitting your pillow like a kid on Christmas eve. "Coach is coming. Coach is coming."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Coach is here. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Anynerd can draft a fantasy team using all of their picks. And how much do you really earn in the way of bragging rights by just following the same routine that everyone else in the room is following? I mean, why don’t you all just set your Draft Dominators to “stun” and head out to the local skin show and drink beers while the computers just draft your teams? Sure, you could do that. Or you could matter.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]If you want to make an impact -- if you want to show folks who’s boss, and do something that will be remembered, here’s what you do on draft day:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Throw away your first round pick. Seriously. Toss it. When you're sitting around the table and your pick comes up and everyone looks at you, just politely say "pass," then nonchalantly take a sip of your craft beer. Then do the same thing in the second round. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Some of them will laugh[/SIZE]. The ones who don’t laugh, the quiet ones, are the ones who are realizing, at that very moment, that they aren't dealing with just any ordinary fantasy magic football shark guy. This is a real life hawk, sitting right across the table from them, and the one thing that is going through their mind is what they should be putting in the Memo field of the $50 check they are writing to you, because this fantasy season has already ended for them as quickly as it began. It’s like the schoolyard bully taking everyone’s lunch money, except he doesn’t have to ask--the kids just line up and fork it over.
This is it. The 2016 Coach Otis All-Value Team. Toss your first few picks in the crapper and start from scratch. Don't be the nerd who brings a stack of handwritten notes to the draft. Don't be the even bigger nerd who's got an extension cord running out poolside and asking Jake for the Wifi password because you need to fire up a draft spreadsheet on your tablet. No. Instead, you roll in without any cheatsheets or sheet cheats or draft rankings or ADPs or APDs; when it's your turn in the first few rounds, you just politely decline. Grab a few beers, enjoy the day, wait for the mid-rounds, and then jam brilliance down their throats.
Babe Ruth wasn't great because he won a bunch. He was great because he called his shots and then smashed baseballs out of stadiums. Step up to Hawklevel, call your shot, and show the dorks from your buddy's college fraternity how it's done.
With that said, let's sharpen up the claws and have at it...
QB
But here’s the thing. Most guys from Hawaii aren’t 6’4”, 220lb, Heisman-winners who ascend from the heavens and toss pineapple thunderbolts. That’s what Marcus does.
As a rookie and surrounded by what is maybe the worst cast of high school-level football players in the country, he went out and lit the world on fire. No, seriously. He literally burned down arenas. In his very first NFL game he threw four touchdowns and they literally had to rebuild half of Tampa Bay.
If you haven’t been paying attention, he exploded fantasy servers during a number of fantasy games as a rookie, and through two preseason games so far hasn’t had a pass hit the floor. Not only is he a technician with a cannon in the passing game, he’s also got the ability to take off and display a second gear that makes running backs envious. The guy really is the perfect fantasy machine. "Exotic smashmouth" has nothing to do with their football scheme, and everything to do with what they plan to have the Hawaiian Hunk do to opposing fantasy squads.
The sharks will take 20 QBs off the board before getting to what will be Football Moses for the next several fantasy seasons. He’ll just raise his arm and stadiums will split down the middle. Take him there, get a QB who tosses tropic thunder into end zones, runs with power and grace like the great swells of the big island, and finishes around QB5, and folks in your league will be thinking you’re also a miracle worker.
QB 5-8
RB
Derrick Henry doesn't compromise. He doesn't listen to reason. He's the most stubborn #######ed guy in the National Football League, and, laws of physics be damned, he's a gigantic strong man with blazing speed and a Heisman trophy in his back pocket. And he refuses to take no for an answer. He's bigger and stronger than someone that fast should ever be, and he's faster than anyone that big and strong has any business being. And unlike another running back in his draft class who the sharks all think is the better of the two, he won't prance around in half shirts at practice or off the field.
In a fantasy draft full of compromises and half shirts, stand up and say to all who can hear, “no, I refuse to compromise. I select Derrick Henry.” You owe it to yourself, gup. Take a stand.
Select him as the 40th back off the board, and end up with a legit, uncompromising RB2, now and for years to come.
Top 20 RB finish
I like guys who like trophies.
I like guys who are so passionate about the game that when they finally get healthy and get into the game and get a chance, they are electric as a live wire, buzzing and zapping and charged up all over the place, finally brought to tears from the sheer intensity and speed and love of the game. That's a guy I want.
I especially like guys who won Heismans and who cry from running so damn fast. Mark Ingram is a guy who'll have you crying too. You'll sit there on your recliner on Sunday watching him light up your plasma TV and it will be a thing of sheer beauty as he runs past and through everything else on your plasma TV, as you get choked up and sob into your ranch dressing. He likes trophies and you like trophies and the two of you will soar into the sunset together, embracing, crying, celebrating the heights you've reached together.
He's the 11th RB off the board right now, but he'll end the season with mid RB1 numbers and a top 5 finish, and you'll look like a Lifetime screenwriter making so much beauty.
RB5 finish
Jamaal Charles is a supremely talented guy who is a cheeseburger away from fat middle aged Midwestern housewife. I mean, one awkward cut away from IR. And that’s true.
And what happens when Jamaal Charles gets hurt is that the Chiefs will turn and look at the next guy who they think is hot and young and willing, I mean, who is going to be a bellcow with the rock. No, sorry West owners, it’s not that guy. It’s the other guy.
Spencer Ware may be one of the best backup running backs in the NFL. By midseason he’ll have the chance to show you why.
You can get him as the 60th running back off the board, and have a guy who will be top 20 once Charles is injured. And he will be injured. Just a matter of time, but expect it to be an MCL issue in week 4 that begins Ware’s rise to fantasy fame and this board’s speculation as to what the hell kind of eery #### is going down at Hawk Central with those guys knowing so damned much.
Top 20 RB from week 5 on
WR
Josh Gordon is a much better receiver than those guys. And he’s available much later in the draft.
Josh Gordon is a man. He’s a whirling, thrashing, pummeling, smashing dynamo out on the football field. Yes, he’s smoked quite a few in his lifetime. Defensive backs, that is. Guy smokes them CONSTANTLY. You might call it a habit. Some folks might say he’s addicted. And he is addicted. He can’t stop smoking defenders. He dreams about it at night. All offseason, and in the years he has had since dominating defenders, he’s spent his nights dreaming about smoking, and his days daydreaming about smoking. You’ve probably seen the videos of an absolute beast of a man training, running on the treadmill, with the treadmill desperately trying to keep up. Lifting ungodly amounts of weight. And all that time, in his mind, he’s smoking folks. It’s what he was made for.
Sure, for the first 4 week of the season you’ll need to figure something out. You’ll need to find another good player to start in his place. If you’re a shark, that’s a scary prospect. “Wait, I have to make my own decision and find another guy to start? But what would David Dodds say???? What about my Cheatsheet?!?!” It’s ok. It’s time to let go. It’s time to leave the nest, spread your wings, little sharkybird, and see what you can make of yourself in this big bad world. Because if you’re going to play the game, well, you might as well actually play the game, instead of hiring another dude for thirty bucks to play the game for you.
Because if you’re willing, you’ll end up with an absolute monster. A guy who is 25 years old and who just can’t for the life of him stop smoking. Defenders.
Top 8 WR from week 5 on.
In part because we love any dude out there with balls enough, even as a rookie, to tell the world he’s coming to get them and to tell them exactly what he’s going to do to them. But we love it even more when such a guy goes out there and ACTUALLY gets them. It’s the same reason guys like T.O. and Chad Johnson were perennial Hawk favorites. That’s a bad, bad man who tells you he’s going to abuse you and catch a touchdown in your face and then actually goes and abuses you and catches a touchdown in your face, under the bright lights and for the whole world to witness.
Shtick aside, @CGM is the real deal. The guy is what Marques Colston wanted to be when he grew up. He’s what Drew Brees always wished Colston would be. On some rainy Sunday afternoon in New Orleans, Colston will be sitting in his living room in solitude on his BarcaLounger watching a big screen TV with the Saints game. And he’ll be 5 or 6 Miller High Lifes into the afternoon when he’ll just start squinting his eyes while he looks at the TV, blurring his vision just enough so that it could be him out there, as he daydreams about being Mike Thomas. He’ll retire to bed that night and think about what kind of Twitter handle he would register today if he had a chance to do it all over again and be a better version of himself. “Why didn’t I try more shtick during my career,” he’ll wonder wistfully.
Don’t be surprised to see CGM turn in Colston+ stats year in and year out, including this season. And don’t be surprised to see him be a holder of a number of Saints records. He’s that good.
Let everyone else fawn over Coleman, and Treadwell, and Doctson. Let them rush into the store like peasants on Black Friday, tearing each other apart over a sweet deal on a 32” LCD television. You let them fight, and then stroll in casually behind them after the rush, take Mike Thomas off the shelf, and stroll to the registers.
You pay, you walk out, and you end up with a wide receiver who leads all Saints and leads all other rookie WRs, and you look like a calm, collected genius of the skies.
He’ll come off the board at nearly the 50th receiver, but you’ll end up with WR25 or better production.
Top 25 WR
6’5” and 235lbs of football catching, fire breathing athlete with a chip on his shoulder. It’s like the two nerds from Weird Science got together and tried to build the perfect wide receiver in a lab, and out pops DGB from a smoky room with 80’s music blaring and Anthony Michael-Hall standing mouth agape and stunned.
Widely considered one of the best high school recruits in years -- some said the best since Randy Moss. I’ll take a guy with that kind of talent 10 out of 10 times per week, especially at these prices.
The move to Philadelphia will only help DBG succeed. Seriously, the Eagles just made the rest of the league look really bad. It’s like the rest of the league owners were all sitting at the table and they looked over and, hey, what the hell, why are the Eagles just skipping their first few picks? Some franchises laughed, but the smart ones in the room immediately realized that they were staring down greatness. This was some real life Hawk #### right here. The Eagles end up grabbing a once in a generation talent at basement prices.
Within a few weeks he’ll be the top receiver in Philly, and he’ll be lighting the NFL up on a weekly basis for years to come, and you’ll forget that there was another Beckham in football or even futbol.
Not that many season can you take WR60 off the board and have him give you WR25 numbers conservatively, but this is one of those years, and you’ve got a chance to shine.
Top 25 WR finish
Moncrief is poised to get a boatload of targets as Andy Luck’s favorite possession guy. He showed flashes last year, and this is the year he’ll break out into studdom.
Pick him around WR30, end the season with him being WR11, and then clean your drawers.
WR11 finish
TE
Lots of guys work their fantasy drafts based on history. In other words, based on stuff that already has happened. Like, months or years ago. I don’t know about what kinds of leagues are in vogue with the sharks these days, but unless your league is scoring based on last year’s stats, why are you playing based on last year’s stats? We’re here to talk about the future. 2016. And in 2016 -- regardless of what people have told you about rookie TEs not being all that worthwhile for fantasy purposes -- a refrigerator-sized hunk of man named Tyler is going to be the thing that resets history and has the nerds next year all saying “oh man, you gotta draft rookie tight ends high, they’re the best!”
Tyler Hibgee really is the best. He’s a tremendous athlete and a man with a 6’6” 250lb frame and enormous paws that are perfect for snatching footballs out of the air over the heads of much less imposing men. He’s your chance to get Rob Gronkowski without having to use an early pick.
He’ll change the way the sharks think about fantasy, and conservatively he’ll finish a top 10 TE, but don’t be a damn bit surprised to have dudes shoveling offers your way by week 6 when he’s in the top 5 at that point.
Top 10 TE
K
He’ll be there for you.
(When the rain starts to pour)
He'll be there for you.
(Like he’s been there before)
He'll be there for you.
('Cause you're there for him too)
Top 5 Kicker
Best of luck out there in 2016. Fly high and stay dry my feathered friends.
- Coach
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Look up there! What is it? It's a bird! It's a plane! No, no, definitely a bird![/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]OMG.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]It's a HAWK.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]BOOM[/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px].[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Greetings, sharknerds. Here we are in August. You’re tired of watching golf, bored of listening to saintsfan84 and BroncoFreak yammering about their MegaDynoZealout XXIV draft, and yearning for the real meaty [/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px]fantasy content. You’ve been pummeling your iPhone memory with all sorts of new Dominators and Dominatrixes and VBDs and ADPs and IDPs and PDAs, and load up your Google Drive with all those [/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px]sweet picks[/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px] you’re planning to make this year to wow your pals. But now you’re just tapped out, and your draft is coming up, and you’re just waiting for the thing that will make a difference as you gear up for your late August magic football festivities at your pal Spence’s weekend house. This is what you've been smiling about as you go to sleep e[/SIZE][SIZE=13.333333333333332px]ach night, your head hitting your pillow like a kid on Christmas eve. "Coach is coming. Coach is coming."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Coach is here. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Anynerd can draft a fantasy team using all of their picks. And how much do you really earn in the way of bragging rights by just following the same routine that everyone else in the room is following? I mean, why don’t you all just set your Draft Dominators to “stun” and head out to the local skin show and drink beers while the computers just draft your teams? Sure, you could do that. Or you could matter.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]If you want to make an impact -- if you want to show folks who’s boss, and do something that will be remembered, here’s what you do on draft day:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Throw away your first round pick. Seriously. Toss it. When you're sitting around the table and your pick comes up and everyone looks at you, just politely say "pass," then nonchalantly take a sip of your craft beer. Then do the same thing in the second round. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.333333333333332px]Some of them will laugh[/SIZE]. The ones who don’t laugh, the quiet ones, are the ones who are realizing, at that very moment, that they aren't dealing with just any ordinary fantasy magic football shark guy. This is a real life hawk, sitting right across the table from them, and the one thing that is going through their mind is what they should be putting in the Memo field of the $50 check they are writing to you, because this fantasy season has already ended for them as quickly as it began. It’s like the schoolyard bully taking everyone’s lunch money, except he doesn’t have to ask--the kids just line up and fork it over.
This is it. The 2016 Coach Otis All-Value Team. Toss your first few picks in the crapper and start from scratch. Don't be the nerd who brings a stack of handwritten notes to the draft. Don't be the even bigger nerd who's got an extension cord running out poolside and asking Jake for the Wifi password because you need to fire up a draft spreadsheet on your tablet. No. Instead, you roll in without any cheatsheets or sheet cheats or draft rankings or ADPs or APDs; when it's your turn in the first few rounds, you just politely decline. Grab a few beers, enjoy the day, wait for the mid-rounds, and then jam brilliance down their throats.
Babe Ruth wasn't great because he won a bunch. He was great because he called his shots and then smashed baseballs out of stadiums. Step up to Hawklevel, call your shot, and show the dorks from your buddy's college fraternity how it's done.
With that said, let's sharpen up the claws and have at it...
QB
- Marcus Mariota
But here’s the thing. Most guys from Hawaii aren’t 6’4”, 220lb, Heisman-winners who ascend from the heavens and toss pineapple thunderbolts. That’s what Marcus does.
As a rookie and surrounded by what is maybe the worst cast of high school-level football players in the country, he went out and lit the world on fire. No, seriously. He literally burned down arenas. In his very first NFL game he threw four touchdowns and they literally had to rebuild half of Tampa Bay.
If you haven’t been paying attention, he exploded fantasy servers during a number of fantasy games as a rookie, and through two preseason games so far hasn’t had a pass hit the floor. Not only is he a technician with a cannon in the passing game, he’s also got the ability to take off and display a second gear that makes running backs envious. The guy really is the perfect fantasy machine. "Exotic smashmouth" has nothing to do with their football scheme, and everything to do with what they plan to have the Hawaiian Hunk do to opposing fantasy squads.
The sharks will take 20 QBs off the board before getting to what will be Football Moses for the next several fantasy seasons. He’ll just raise his arm and stadiums will split down the middle. Take him there, get a QB who tosses tropic thunder into end zones, runs with power and grace like the great swells of the big island, and finishes around QB5, and folks in your league will be thinking you’re also a miracle worker.
QB 5-8
RB
- Derrick Henry
Derrick Henry doesn't compromise. He doesn't listen to reason. He's the most stubborn #######ed guy in the National Football League, and, laws of physics be damned, he's a gigantic strong man with blazing speed and a Heisman trophy in his back pocket. And he refuses to take no for an answer. He's bigger and stronger than someone that fast should ever be, and he's faster than anyone that big and strong has any business being. And unlike another running back in his draft class who the sharks all think is the better of the two, he won't prance around in half shirts at practice or off the field.
In a fantasy draft full of compromises and half shirts, stand up and say to all who can hear, “no, I refuse to compromise. I select Derrick Henry.” You owe it to yourself, gup. Take a stand.
Select him as the 40th back off the board, and end up with a legit, uncompromising RB2, now and for years to come.
Top 20 RB finish
- Mark Ingram
I like guys who like trophies.
I like guys who are so passionate about the game that when they finally get healthy and get into the game and get a chance, they are electric as a live wire, buzzing and zapping and charged up all over the place, finally brought to tears from the sheer intensity and speed and love of the game. That's a guy I want.
I especially like guys who won Heismans and who cry from running so damn fast. Mark Ingram is a guy who'll have you crying too. You'll sit there on your recliner on Sunday watching him light up your plasma TV and it will be a thing of sheer beauty as he runs past and through everything else on your plasma TV, as you get choked up and sob into your ranch dressing. He likes trophies and you like trophies and the two of you will soar into the sunset together, embracing, crying, celebrating the heights you've reached together.
He's the 11th RB off the board right now, but he'll end the season with mid RB1 numbers and a top 5 finish, and you'll look like a Lifetime screenwriter making so much beauty.
RB5 finish
- Spencer Ware
Jamaal Charles is a supremely talented guy who is a cheeseburger away from fat middle aged Midwestern housewife. I mean, one awkward cut away from IR. And that’s true.
And what happens when Jamaal Charles gets hurt is that the Chiefs will turn and look at the next guy who they think is hot and young and willing, I mean, who is going to be a bellcow with the rock. No, sorry West owners, it’s not that guy. It’s the other guy.
Spencer Ware may be one of the best backup running backs in the NFL. By midseason he’ll have the chance to show you why.
You can get him as the 60th running back off the board, and have a guy who will be top 20 once Charles is injured. And he will be injured. Just a matter of time, but expect it to be an MCL issue in week 4 that begins Ware’s rise to fantasy fame and this board’s speculation as to what the hell kind of eery #### is going down at Hawk Central with those guys knowing so damned much.
Top 20 RB from week 5 on
WR
- Josh Gordon
Josh Gordon is a much better receiver than those guys. And he’s available much later in the draft.
Josh Gordon is a man. He’s a whirling, thrashing, pummeling, smashing dynamo out on the football field. Yes, he’s smoked quite a few in his lifetime. Defensive backs, that is. Guy smokes them CONSTANTLY. You might call it a habit. Some folks might say he’s addicted. And he is addicted. He can’t stop smoking defenders. He dreams about it at night. All offseason, and in the years he has had since dominating defenders, he’s spent his nights dreaming about smoking, and his days daydreaming about smoking. You’ve probably seen the videos of an absolute beast of a man training, running on the treadmill, with the treadmill desperately trying to keep up. Lifting ungodly amounts of weight. And all that time, in his mind, he’s smoking folks. It’s what he was made for.
Sure, for the first 4 week of the season you’ll need to figure something out. You’ll need to find another good player to start in his place. If you’re a shark, that’s a scary prospect. “Wait, I have to make my own decision and find another guy to start? But what would David Dodds say???? What about my Cheatsheet?!?!” It’s ok. It’s time to let go. It’s time to leave the nest, spread your wings, little sharkybird, and see what you can make of yourself in this big bad world. Because if you’re going to play the game, well, you might as well actually play the game, instead of hiring another dude for thirty bucks to play the game for you.
Because if you’re willing, you’ll end up with an absolute monster. A guy who is 25 years old and who just can’t for the life of him stop smoking. Defenders.
Top 8 WR from week 5 on.
- Michael Thomas
In part because we love any dude out there with balls enough, even as a rookie, to tell the world he’s coming to get them and to tell them exactly what he’s going to do to them. But we love it even more when such a guy goes out there and ACTUALLY gets them. It’s the same reason guys like T.O. and Chad Johnson were perennial Hawk favorites. That’s a bad, bad man who tells you he’s going to abuse you and catch a touchdown in your face and then actually goes and abuses you and catches a touchdown in your face, under the bright lights and for the whole world to witness.
Shtick aside, @CGM is the real deal. The guy is what Marques Colston wanted to be when he grew up. He’s what Drew Brees always wished Colston would be. On some rainy Sunday afternoon in New Orleans, Colston will be sitting in his living room in solitude on his BarcaLounger watching a big screen TV with the Saints game. And he’ll be 5 or 6 Miller High Lifes into the afternoon when he’ll just start squinting his eyes while he looks at the TV, blurring his vision just enough so that it could be him out there, as he daydreams about being Mike Thomas. He’ll retire to bed that night and think about what kind of Twitter handle he would register today if he had a chance to do it all over again and be a better version of himself. “Why didn’t I try more shtick during my career,” he’ll wonder wistfully.
Don’t be surprised to see CGM turn in Colston+ stats year in and year out, including this season. And don’t be surprised to see him be a holder of a number of Saints records. He’s that good.
Let everyone else fawn over Coleman, and Treadwell, and Doctson. Let them rush into the store like peasants on Black Friday, tearing each other apart over a sweet deal on a 32” LCD television. You let them fight, and then stroll in casually behind them after the rush, take Mike Thomas off the shelf, and stroll to the registers.
You pay, you walk out, and you end up with a wide receiver who leads all Saints and leads all other rookie WRs, and you look like a calm, collected genius of the skies.
He’ll come off the board at nearly the 50th receiver, but you’ll end up with WR25 or better production.
Top 25 WR
- Dorial Green-Beckham
6’5” and 235lbs of football catching, fire breathing athlete with a chip on his shoulder. It’s like the two nerds from Weird Science got together and tried to build the perfect wide receiver in a lab, and out pops DGB from a smoky room with 80’s music blaring and Anthony Michael-Hall standing mouth agape and stunned.
Widely considered one of the best high school recruits in years -- some said the best since Randy Moss. I’ll take a guy with that kind of talent 10 out of 10 times per week, especially at these prices.
The move to Philadelphia will only help DBG succeed. Seriously, the Eagles just made the rest of the league look really bad. It’s like the rest of the league owners were all sitting at the table and they looked over and, hey, what the hell, why are the Eagles just skipping their first few picks? Some franchises laughed, but the smart ones in the room immediately realized that they were staring down greatness. This was some real life Hawk #### right here. The Eagles end up grabbing a once in a generation talent at basement prices.
Within a few weeks he’ll be the top receiver in Philly, and he’ll be lighting the NFL up on a weekly basis for years to come, and you’ll forget that there was another Beckham in football or even futbol.
Not that many season can you take WR60 off the board and have him give you WR25 numbers conservatively, but this is one of those years, and you’ve got a chance to shine.
Top 25 WR finish
- Donte Moncrief
Moncrief is poised to get a boatload of targets as Andy Luck’s favorite possession guy. He showed flashes last year, and this is the year he’ll break out into studdom.
Pick him around WR30, end the season with him being WR11, and then clean your drawers.
WR11 finish
TE
- Tyler Higbee
Lots of guys work their fantasy drafts based on history. In other words, based on stuff that already has happened. Like, months or years ago. I don’t know about what kinds of leagues are in vogue with the sharks these days, but unless your league is scoring based on last year’s stats, why are you playing based on last year’s stats? We’re here to talk about the future. 2016. And in 2016 -- regardless of what people have told you about rookie TEs not being all that worthwhile for fantasy purposes -- a refrigerator-sized hunk of man named Tyler is going to be the thing that resets history and has the nerds next year all saying “oh man, you gotta draft rookie tight ends high, they’re the best!”
Tyler Hibgee really is the best. He’s a tremendous athlete and a man with a 6’6” 250lb frame and enormous paws that are perfect for snatching footballs out of the air over the heads of much less imposing men. He’s your chance to get Rob Gronkowski without having to use an early pick.
He’ll change the way the sharks think about fantasy, and conservatively he’ll finish a top 10 TE, but don’t be a damn bit surprised to have dudes shoveling offers your way by week 6 when he’s in the top 5 at that point.
Top 10 TE
K
- Chandler Cantazaro
He’ll be there for you.
(When the rain starts to pour)
He'll be there for you.
(Like he’s been there before)
He'll be there for you.
('Cause you're there for him too)
Top 5 Kicker
Best of luck out there in 2016. Fly high and stay dry my feathered friends.
- Coach
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