2nd daughter issue in a year (1 Viewer)

[pantagrapher]

If I was in that group of adults and Humbert said that around me, I'd have ratted him out to anyone who'd listen. Totally unacceptable comment to make, whether the girls had heard it or not, as it indicates to me this is a guy who should not be around girls that age.

 

[Quez]

what he said doesn't even make sense.

"if she was straight I bet she'd #### me."

does your daughter look like a lesbian or something?

yeah wtf would this mean even if he did say it? That he thinks your daughter is a horny lesbian, so horny that she would even **** him if she were straight? I would say that she heard somethinf wrong.

 

[Juxtatarot]

I suspect the joke was more about him being sexually irresistible than it was about your daughter in particular. Of course, it was a terrible, inappropriate joke made by a drunken idiot.

 

[timschochet]

what he said doesn't even make sense.

"if she was straight I bet she'd #### me."

does your daughter look like a lesbian or something?

yeah wtf would this mean even if he did say it? That he thinks your daughter is a horny lesbian, so horny that she would even **** him if she were straight? I would say that she heard somethinf wrong.

I think you guys are overanalyzing this. Maybe she misheard him. Or maybe he misheard HER. Either way, it seems likely that he made some inappropriate, lewd remark. And since Quickhands' daughter was made upset by it, Quickhand should at least question the guy.

 

[johnnycakes]

I suspect the joke was more about him being sexually irresistible than it was about your daughter in particular. Of course, it was a terrible, inappropriate joke made by a drunken idiot.

Yeah, jokes about sex with 12 year-olds might fly in some parts of the third world. Here it's pretty much taboo.

 

[humpback]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

 

[Otis]

My guess is that they misunderstood what he said. Who would say that among a group of parents, even if it was a joke?

Yeah, this. That's a pretty weird joke among a bunch of adults. Why would the others tolerate it ?

 

[Tom Servo]

Best advice here is to gather some intel from the other parents at this gathering before going off half-cocked (no pun intended). It could be a giant misunderstanding, miscommunication or he's simply a lecherous creep. There needs to be some serious conversations with other adults before he gets confronted.

If the OP goes barging in all Chris Hansen-like it was honestly and truly nothing, he's just started a poop storm and gotten his daughter thrown out of the group. If he's a pervert, then she's out of the group anyways as you probably don't want her hanging around him. Very small window for coming out of this with a win. GL GB.

 

[SacramentoBob]

So she overheard a whisper from across the room? I'm sure this tale is 100% accurate.

 

[NCCommish]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

This seems like solid advice to me

 

[Dragons]

Has anyone suggested he ask George what he saw/heard? Cause I'd do that.

 

[EYLive]

Lots of tough guys in this thread say they would physically attack him. Is this inappropriate dad provoking his own beating?

 

[EYLive]

I would call him out in front of other parents next time I saw him, preferably in front of women to make him look extra bad.

 

[humpback]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

This seems like solid advice to me

Meh, I'd want to know what actually happened before confronting him on it.

 

[Gordang]

First thing i'd do is knock on the guys door, flip him over on his front lawn and with my fist in his face scream "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY DAUGHTER"

 

[Quez]

Best advice here is to gather some intel from the other parents at this gathering before going off half-cocked (no pun intended). It could be a giant misunderstanding, miscommunication or he's simply a lecherous creep. There needs to be some serious conversations with other adults before he gets confronted.

If the OP goes barging in all Chris Hansen-like it was honestly and truly nothing, he's just started a poop storm and gotten his daughter thrown out of the group. If he's a pervert, then she's out of the group anyways as you probably don't want her hanging around him. Very small window for coming out of this with a win. GL GB.

Chris Hansen never barges in. He simply dangles the bait out there and the predators come to him.

 

[NCCommish]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

This seems like solid advice to me

Meh, I'd want to know what actually happened before confronting him on it.

Well I am thinking if you start by telling him what the daughter said he would then tell you his story. Or he will sheepishly say he was drunk and stupid.

 

[sublimeone]

Its difficult to know for sure what was said. I would do some reconnaissance and see if you can get one of the adults to confirm what was said. If they confirm it, then obviously, let everyone know what he said and keep your daughter away from him.

If it's unconfirmed you have to make a character assessment of the guy. Is he a dirtbag? A comment like that is indicative of deeper issues. What is this group of people like? Are they the kind of people who get drunk, make it too convenient for the kids to get their hands on booze, swap spouses...? If this is the type of people they are find a new group of "friends." -- these types of people are cancer.

 

[pantagrapher]

You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?

 

[Gordang]

Its difficult to know for sure what was said. I would do some reconnaissance and see if you can get one of the adults to confirm what was said. If they confirm it, then obviously, let everyone know what he said and keep your daughter away from him.

If it's unconfirmed you have to make a character assessment of the guy. Is he a dirtbag? A comment like that is indicative of deeper issues. What is this group of people like? Are they the kind of people who get drunk, make it too convenient for the kids to get their hands on booze, swap spouses...? If this is the type of people they are find a new group of "friends." -- these types of people are cancer.

judgmental much ?

 

[Todd Andrews]

Something seems off. It could have just been a misunderstanding.

I don't see how the other men he was with (assuming they were the fathers of the other girls there) wouldn't have got into it with this guy either verbally or even physically on the spot? How would the other fathers just sit there "laughing" at some dude talking about one of their 12 year old daughter's friends in a sexual way?

Exactly. This part doesnt add up to me. I can see one guy being a doosh, but what about all the other dads and moms?

I have two daughters and I hear anything like that from any adult about any young girl/minor around us and I am going to end up in jail.

 

[Zow]

My guess is that they misunderstood what he said. Who would say that among a group of parents, even if it was a joke?

JFC I hope you're right, otherwise I'm not sure how I'd be able to handle this situation.

I would hope so too, but honestly I don't think it's possible to mis-hear that, given the exchange. ("Am I straight?" "If she was, I bet she'd #### me.") You'd like to give the other dad the benefit of the doubt and assume he's not a completely vile POS, but I can't construct anything innocent in this context that could have been mis-heard as what the OP wrote.

Not sure what I'd do. I want to say that my daughter never goes anywhere near this guy ever again and probably nowhere near any of the other dads who were sitting there listening, but I'm not sure how to accomplish that without socially ostracizing my daughter and thereby making things even worse. Good luck, OP.

I take it you never played "whisper down the alley"

 

[Tom Servo]

Best advice here is to gather some intel from the other parents at this gathering before going off half-cocked (no pun intended). It could be a giant misunderstanding, miscommunication or he's simply a lecherous creep. There needs to be some serious conversations with other adults before he gets confronted.

If the OP goes barging in all Chris Hansen-like it was honestly and truly nothing, he's just started a poop storm and gotten his daughter thrown out of the group. If he's a pervert, then she's out of the group anyways as you probably don't want her hanging around him. Very small window for coming out of this with a win. GL GB.

Chris Hansen never barges in. He simply dangles the bait out there and the predators come to him.

The general point still stands. You know, forest v. trees?

 

[Zow]

Best advice here is to gather some intel from the other parents at this gathering before going off half-cocked (no pun intended). It could be a giant misunderstanding, miscommunication or he's simply a lecherous creep. There needs to be some serious conversations with other adults before he gets confronted.

If the OP goes barging in all Chris Hansen-like it was honestly and truly nothing, he's just started a poop storm and gotten his daughter thrown out of the group. If he's a pervert, then she's out of the group anyways as you probably don't want her hanging around him. Very small window for coming out of this with a win. GL GB.

Agree with this. Especially since he really doesn't know the guy.

 

[humpback]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

This seems like solid advice to me

Meh, I'd want to know what actually happened before confronting him on it.

Well I am thinking if you start by telling him what the daughter said he would then tell you his story. Or he will sheepishly say he was drunk and stupid.

But how would you know if his story was accurate? Also, wouldn't it be a bit awkward if it was actually nothing like what she thought it was at all? Just think it would be a lot clearer if he knew what happened first.

 

[NCCommish]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

This seems like solid advice to me

Meh, I'd want to know what actually happened before confronting him on it.

Well I am thinking if you start by telling him what the daughter said he would then tell you his story. Or he will sheepishly say he was drunk and stupid.

But how would you know if his story was accurate? Also, wouldn't it be a bit awkward if it was actually nothing like what she thought it was at all? Just think it would be a lot clearer if he knew what happened first.

Well you obviously don't start by screaming. You start with "Hey when my daughter was with you guys the other night she thought she heard something that really upset her. So I am calling to see what's going on." There is his opening to explain himself. I know all the junior G-men here want to go all detective but that isn't really all that effective. If he did say it and no one reacted do you think that you will get the truth of the situation from people who didn't have a problem to start with? People who seem to be more his friends than yours?

 

[SacramentoBob]

Sleep with his friend's wife.

 

[SacramentoBob]

Something seems off. It could have just been a misunderstanding.

I don't see how the other men he was with (assuming they were the fathers of the other girls there) wouldn't have got into it with this guy either verbally or even physically on the spot? How would the other fathers just sit there "laughing" at some dude talking about one of their 12 year old daughter's friends in a sexual way?

The story is kind of confusing, but if I read it correctly, that comment happened a few weeks back and there were no other adults present. His daughter felt uncomfortable around the guy at their recent gathering (with parents around) and wanted to leave early.

You didn't.

The guy says...apparently in a lower voice so that the adults can hear but not the kids

 

[BroadwayG]

Is his wife h ot?

 

[humpback]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

This seems like solid advice to me

Meh, I'd want to know what actually happened before confronting him on it.

Well I am thinking if you start by telling him what the daughter said he would then tell you his story. Or he will sheepishly say he was drunk and stupid.

But how would you know if his story was accurate? Also, wouldn't it be a bit awkward if it was actually nothing like what she thought it was at all? Just think it would be a lot clearer if he knew what happened first.

Well you obviously don't start by screaming. You start with "Hey when my daughter was with you guys the other night she thought she heard something that really upset her. So I am calling to see what's going on." There is his opening to explain himself. I know all the junior G-men here want to go all detective but that isn't really all that effective. If he did say it and no one reacted do you think that you will get the truth of the situation from people who didn't have a problem to start with? People who seem to be more his friends than yours?

Okay, that's different from what Tim posted.

In any event, that's why I asked if he knew any of the other adults, but I don't see how it can hurt to reach out and have a similar conversation as what you're saying here with one of them first. They may have been a bit in shock and didn't know what to say at the time (especially with children around), who knows? Worst case scenario is you don't find anything out, then you can still approach him in the same way. Best case is you know exactly what you're dealing with first.

 

[Grahamburn]

People say inappropriate things all the time.

Homer's entire schtick is basically this exact comment, and it has received nothing but around here for years.

 

[Quez]

The only person who can get away with saying ANYTHING is Daniel Tosh.

 

[El Floppo]

People say inappropriate things all the time.

Homer's entire schtick is basically this exact comment, and it has received nothing but around here for years.

you don't see the difference?

 

[SaintsInDome2006]

Quickhands:

Last time it was 5th grade teacher with what i consider inappropriate conduct.

What happened here and how did you handle it?

 

[Chemical X]

i don't have kids, but i would likely vault this until the next time you get to drop your daughter off at his house or in an area where he will personally be.

i would pull him aside for a talk. i wouldn't ask him for an answer, likely he will deny. you need to think ahead. so, asking him and receiving denial puts you in a bind. i would rather phrase it in a way that doesn't allow a reply. maybe, hey "insert name" the last time my daughter was hanging out with your daughter she came home upset because she thought you said something inappropriate to her. i don't really know what the situation is, but i just wanted to let you know that i don't tolerate much bad behaviour when it comes to my daughter and i hope we don't have any issues going forward.

you know, kind of like a "this conversation never happened thing".

 

[timschochet]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

This seems like solid advice to me

Meh, I'd want to know what actually happened before confronting him on it.

I disagree. If I were the guy that is accused of saying something, and the girl got it wrong, I would be pissed off if the girl's dad started asking my buddies about it rather than asking me directly first. That is sure to create bad feelings no matter what the truth of the matter.

You go directly to the source. You don't have to "confront" him- just tell him very nicely what your daughter thought she heard and ask what happened. If he denies it, and doesn't seem credible to you, then you can ask around if you want.

 

[SaintsInDome2006]

i don't have kids, but i would likely vault this until the next time you get to drop your daughter off at his house or in an area where he will personally be.

i wouldn't ask him for an answer, likely he will deny. you need to think ahead. so, asking him and receiving denial puts you in a bind. i would rather phrase it in a way that doesn't allow a reply. maybe, hey "insert name" the last time my daughter was hanging out with your daughter she came home upset because she thought you said something inappropriate to her. i don't really know what the situation is, but i just wanted to let you know that i don't tolerate much bad behaviour when it comes to my daughter and i hope we don't have any issues going forward.

you know, kind of like a "this conversation never happened thing".

I think his daughter is pretty uncomfortable about the situation. She says she heard what the guy said and she also decided to come home. I wouldn't be dropping her off at his house for a long time if ever until/unless this is cleared up and if the guy said what he said then never.

 

[Grahamburn]

People say inappropriate things all the time.

Homer's entire schtick is basically this exact comment, and it has received nothing but around here for years.

you don't see the difference?

Between doing it on the internet and doing it in real life? Or that the girl supposedly heard it?

 

[Spin]

This is why I'm glad I'm having a second son instead of a daughter. It's easy to act iTough, but in this case, I think I really would be knocking on the guys' door to have a chat.

Completely inappropriate, so much so that I would question my daughter that she heard it right. Under no circumstances is that funny, and no way there are other people that would find that funny while their own daughters are there as well.

 

[stbugs]

So she overheard a whisper from across the room? I'm sure this tale is 100% accurate.

Agreed. I hate to say this, but with the other situation and now this, is there a possibility that she is making up things? I'm not saying she is, but a pattern is starting to emerge.

One other thought to the OP, did any adults mention this at all? I know you aren't friends with this guy, but no other adult would think it was inappropriate? Are you not friends with any of these people? You said you were not there, but your wife wasn't either? Is she friends with any of them, surprised that 3 couples were there and both of you were not. Are you guys not around a lot when other parents are there? Again, there is a small pattern emerging and if you are getting your daughter's side on everything, maybe she isn't always telling the truth.


That said, it this is 100% accurate, that guy is a complete doosh. Next time you see him you could ask him, but as posted above, I am pretty sure he would deny it or say he said something different, so you really wouldn't know if he said it or not.

 

[stbugs]

This is why I'm glad I'm having a second son instead of a daughter. It's easy to act iTough, but in this case, I think I really would be knocking on the guys' door to have a chat.

Completely inappropriate, so much so that I would question my daughter that she heard it right. Under no circumstances is that funny, and no way there are other people that would find that funny while their own daughters are there as well.

Exactly, it is beyond inappropriate to a point where I was question that she heard it right if no parents with all girls would say something about it. In today's day and age if his wife was friendly with any of the other wives, she would have had a text/IM about it that night.

 

[sublimeone]

Its difficult to know for sure what was said. I would do some reconnaissance and see if you can get one of the adults to confirm what was said. If they confirm it, then obviously, let everyone know what he said and keep your daughter away from him.

If it's unconfirmed you have to make a character assessment of the guy. Is he a dirtbag? A comment like that is indicative of deeper issues. What is this group of people like? Are they the kind of people who get drunk, make it too convenient for the kids to get their hands on booze, swap spouses...? If this is the type of people they are find a new group of "friends." -- these types of people are cancer.

judgmental much ?

In this case, absolutely. When we're talking about a creepy dude and kids I tend to err on the side of being judgmental.

 

[quickhands]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.

So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

 

[quickhands]

Is his wife h ot?

Probably 20 years ago.

 

[Gordang]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.

So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

and if this guy is indeed a child predator you would be potentially morally at fault for any damage he has done to other girls because you now know there is something wrong with him.

 

[quickhands]

Quickhands:

Last time it was 5th grade teacher with what i consider inappropriate conduct.

What happened here and how did you handle it?

There is a thread on it end of may 2013. Basically I met with the principal three times as I learned more and more. Ended school of choicing my son to another local elementary. It got pretty ridiculous.

 

[quickhands]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

and if this guy is indeed a child predator you would be potentially morally at fault for any damage he has done to other girls because you now know there is something wrong with him.

He didn't put his hands on her. I can't control the world I'll protect mine and when he's around I'll watch him...but I don't think I'll see him much anymore.

 

[Freelove]

My guess is that they misunderstood what he said. Who would say that among a group of parents, even if it was a joke?

I think this.

What are we talking about, here, anyway? "####" that has an OH sound in it, or "####" that has a hard K sound in it? If the latter, I can imagine some slicked back D-Bag with lots of man jewelry and no pedo intent whatsoever hearing anyone, any age, talking about being straight somewhere in his presence, and him not being able to help chiming in, all Leisure Suit Larry-like with, "If she were, I bet she'd LIKE me," causing everyone else in the convo to start squirming uncomfortably but not setting off any real perv alarm bells. And I can imagine a bunch of adolescent girls hearing that how they damn well want and running with it.

No way in hell I'd let it go, but I'd go in intending to hear the guy out.

 

[Gordang]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

and if this guy is indeed a child predator you would be potentially morally at fault for any damage he has done to other girls because you now know there is something wrong with him.

He didn't put his hands on her. I can't control the world I'll protect mine and when he's around I'll watch him...but I don't think I'll see him much anymore.

Hey you know who else thought like that ? Joe Paterno

 

[Mister Martie]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

and if this guy is indeed a child predator you would be potentially morally at fault for any damage he has done to other girls because you now know there is something wrong with him.

He didn't put his hands on her. I can't control the world I'll protect mine and when he's around I'll watch him...but I don't think I'll see him much anymore.

Hey you know who else thought like that ? Joe Paterno

Welcome back, johnjohn.