A note to my coworker ... (2 Viewers)

[mr. furley]

me: "let me get your name and number so i can contact you when i have questions."

him: "i'm afraid i can't give out that information"

me: "so i have to go back through the phone tree, wait on hold for 30 more minutes and explain this complex issue to someone else?"

him: "no, sir, you can call back in and ask for me."

me: "but i don't have a phone# or your name"

him: "that is correct sir."

me: "so how can i contact you? "

him:



some days this job makes me want to run in to traffic

jeebus

 

[SuperJohn96]

me: "let me get your name and number so i can contact you when i have questions."

him: "i'm afraid i can't give out that information"

me: "so i have to go back through the phone tree, wait on hold for 30 more minutes and explain this complex issue to someone else?"

him: "no, sir, you can call back in and ask for me."

me: "but i don't have a phone# or your name"

him: "that is correct sir."

me: "so how can i contact you? "

him:



some days this job makes me want to run in to traffic

jeebus

lucky...

 

[mr. furley]

some days this job makes me want to run in to traffic

jeebus

lucky...

good point. i'll stop complaining.

 

[HoldSteady]

Boss,

I really don't care about your BBQ or how much fun it was to do it without alcohol. I didn't come because there was no booze.

How was I suppose to know that you lived right across the street from the park? And how was I suppose to know that you'd be taking the kids to it before dinner? Now I apologize for saying that I didn't want to show up because "I wanted to have fun" but you caught me off-guard (and slightly inebriated myself) and since we were away from the office, I felt I could be completely frank and honest.

Please stop threatening me with a urine test. I wasn't at work, right?

HS

 

[TommyGilmore]

Please stop threatening me with a urine test. I wasn't at work, right?

That's what you get for telling the boss that your social life revolves around alcohol.

 

[HoldSteady]

Please stop threatening me with a urine test. I wasn't at work, right?

That's what you get for telling the boss that your social life revolves around alcohol.

Actually, I told him that I didn't want to partake a dry BBQ and instead ended up tossing a disc around stoned. He knew I wasn't drinking but also got the idea that I wasn't quite with it. And, the dread-headed friend did me no help whatsoever with their giggling and carrying on.

 

[McJose]

Please stop threatening me with a urine test. I wasn't at work, right?

That's what you get for telling the boss that your social life revolves around alcohol.

Actually, I told him that I didn't want to partake a dry BBQ and instead ended up tossing a disc around stoned. He knew I wasn't drinking but also got the idea that I wasn't quite with it. And, the dread-headed friend did me no help whatsoever with their giggling and carrying on.

No way.

 

[Iupurbut]

me: "let me get your name and number so i can contact you when i have questions."him: "i'm afraid i can't give out that information"me: "so i have to go back through the phone tree, wait on hold for 30 more minutes and explain this complex issue to someone else?"him: "no, sir, you can call back in and ask for me."me: "but i don't have a phone# or your name"him: "that is correct sir."me: "so how can i contact you? "him: some days this job makes me want to run in to trafficjeebus

New thread, jobs that make you want to run into traffic. Since we are here,Listen lady that wears ten thousand hats, I don't care how many hats you wear, at any point in time. And try repeating yourself 10 thousand more times, that will get the point across, you psycho eplectic #### #####.You should see so and so, so and so called, better see so and so, so and so, so, have you seen so and so, so, have you seen so and so yet?FU #### BREATH<ETA - She is a good person, and gosh darnit, people like her.

 

[The Goat]

Dear Boss:

I'd like to reiterate what I'm doing; I'm complaining about you right now.

I say this not as an act of vengeance, but rather to illustrate the honesty that I've shown since I've worked for you. For example, when I was looking for another job about six months ago, I told you..."I want you to know that I'm looking for another job because you're not paying me enough." Now, someone that was out to cause you problems...or was perhaps a little more sane...would NOT have told you that. You paid me more money, which is probably half of what I could make if I were to commute to NYC. And sincerely, thanks for the raise.

HOWEVER...remember two months ago when my well pump broke, and I called out because...well...without a well pump, I have no running water? I REALLY WAS TRYING TO REPLACE MY WELL PUMP. Your "not understanding why I couldn't come in to work" because of this incident is likely because you didn't understand the concept of water pressure, and the components required to make the clear liquid come out of the faucet when you turn the shiny handles in your house. So, I came in within an hour...and the "work emergency" was handled quite easily. I'm fairly certain the "work emergency" could have been handled by the dried-up, dead plant that's been sitting outside your office door since the day I started working for you; it basically involved reading e-mails.

Still, that was probably for the best; at least I got to replace the well pump at night, when it was cooler. My toddler got to take his nightly bath at a neighbbor's house, which is always fun, and I got to sleep at 3:00 am. You may remember the following day; you know...I looked a little disheveled. You asked why I was cranky.

Also...three weeks ago, when I said I'd be a little late because my washing machine broke, and my basement was flooded? Yeah, that really happened too. Our clients were taken care of, just like I said they would be when I called in. However, the "questioning my commitment to the company" message you left on my voicemail when you found out I was late would probably have been more effective IF YOU HADN'T BEEN CALLING FROM ST. THOMAS AT THE TIME, you condescending, self-centered, egomaniacal, ignorant, illiterate, dizzy #####!

If I was looking for a job, I would TELL you; you know, like I did LAST time. Actually, I'll be telling you that the next time we meet. If nothing else, I'd like to thank you for showing me one thing in my tenure here: It's entirely feasible that someone can run a PR company in this area with practically ZERO organizational or writing skills, take no responsibility for anything, treat clients like crap, overbill everyone, never pay your bills, burn all your bridges, and somehow still keep from going bankrupt.

If someone with half a brain and a good work ethic decided to start their own PR company in this area, you'd probably be screwed. I'll be sure to let you know when I do it.

Hey.Lady.

Toldja.

 

[Zuul]

Overheard at work:

"God, those sandwiches are the bomb, Zuul."

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Dear Boss:

I'd like to reiterate what I'm doing; I'm complaining about you right now.

I say this not as an act of vengeance, but rather to illustrate the honesty that I've shown since I've worked for you. For example, when I was looking for another job about six months ago, I told you..."I want you to know that I'm looking for another job because you're not paying me enough." Now, someone that was out to cause you problems...or was perhaps a little more sane...would NOT have told you that. You paid me more money, which is probably half of what I could make if I were to commute to NYC. And sincerely, thanks for the raise.

HOWEVER...remember two months ago when my well pump broke, and I called out because...well...without a well pump, I have no running water? I REALLY WAS TRYING TO REPLACE MY WELL PUMP. Your "not understanding why I couldn't come in to work" because of this incident is likely because you didn't understand the concept of water pressure, and the components required to make the clear liquid come out of the faucet when you turn the shiny handles in your house. So, I came in within an hour...and the "work emergency" was handled quite easily. I'm fairly certain the "work emergency" could have been handled by the dried-up, dead plant that's been sitting outside your office door since the day I started working for you; it basically involved reading e-mails.

Still, that was probably for the best; at least I got to replace the well pump at night, when it was cooler. My toddler got to take his nightly bath at a neighbbor's house, which is always fun, and I got to sleep at 3:00 am. You may remember the following day; you know...I looked a little disheveled. You asked why I was cranky.

Also...three weeks ago, when I said I'd be a little late because my washing machine broke, and my basement was flooded? Yeah, that really happened too. Our clients were taken care of, just like I said they would be when I called in. However, the "questioning my commitment to the company" message you left on my voicemail when you found out I was late would probably have been more effective IF YOU HADN'T BEEN CALLING FROM ST. THOMAS AT THE TIME, you condescending, self-centered, egomaniacal, ignorant, illiterate, dizzy #####!

If I was looking for a job, I would TELL you; you know, like I did LAST time. Actually, I'll be telling you that the next time we meet. If nothing else, I'd like to thank you for showing me one thing in my tenure here: It's entirely feasible that someone can run a PR company in this area with practically ZERO organizational or writing skills, take no responsibility for anything, treat clients like crap, overbill everyone, never pay your bills, burn all your bridges, and somehow still keep from going bankrupt.

If someone with half a brain and a good work ethic decided to start their own PR company in this area, you'd probably be screwed. I'll be sure to let you know when I do it.

Hey.Lady.

Toldja.

congrats, Goat.

 

[mr. furley]

Hi boss,

Sorry i didn't answer the phone when you called. See, i was having some trouble getting out of bed today because of my back. The back i hurt on Sunday. The reason i called off of work on Monday and Tuesday. When i woke up this morning it took me 10 minutes to sit up and turn to get out of bed.

So I couldn't just jump up and run down the stairs to answer on the 3rd ring. I know you think i'm faking it but really.. i'm in a lot of pain.

One of the guys in our office popped by the house during lunch today and told me that you think i'm "not being 100% honest" about my back pain. I think i would like you to choke on your ham sandwich.

I have missed (now) 4 days to sickness/injury all year. I haven't taken a single vacation day. I'm never late, never leave early and do my job.

If you should be doubting anyone it's the alcoholic single mom who calls in "sick" once a week and who already has negative vacation and sick hours for the year. You know the one who comes in reeking of booze on a Tuesday morning, who is green and lifeless until noon. The one who after a greasy lunch walks in to your office to tell you daycare called and her son isn't feeling well so she has to leave... you know.. the one hasn't put in an honest day's work in the 3 years she has been there.

I'm pretty close to going to HR with a sexual discrimination case against you.

Mind your P's and Q's you fat hog.

 

[perry147]

Hi boss,Sorry i didn't answer the phone when you called. See, i was having some trouble getting out of bed today because of my back. The back i hurt on Sunday. The reason i called off of work on Monday and Tuesday. When i woke up this morning it took me 10 minutes to sit up and turn to get out of bed. So I couldn't just jump up and run down the stairs to answer on the 3rd ring. I know you think i'm faking it but really.. i'm in a lot of pain.One of the guys in our office popped by the house during lunch today and told me that you think i'm "not being 100% honest" about my back pain. I think i would like you to choke on your ham sandwich.I have missed (now) 4 days to sickness/injury all year. I haven't taken a single vacation day. I'm never late, never leave early and do my job.If you should be doubting anyone it's the alcoholic single mom who calls in "sick" once a week and who already has negative vacation and sick hours for the year. You know the one who comes in reeking of booze on a Tuesday morning, who is green and lifeless until noon. The one who after a greasy lunch walks in to your office to tell you daycare called and her son isn't feeling well so she has to leave... you know.. the one hasn't put in an honest day's work in the 3 years she has been there.I'm pretty close to going to HR with a sexual discrimination case against you.Mind your P's and Q's you fat hog.

PS: Try Doan's back ache pills for your back and a heating pad.

 

[Shooter McGavin]

I haven't taken a single vacation day.

Unless you're saving them all up for a big trip or some other reason you'll need a lot of time off later in the year, this makes you a sucker.

 

[mr. furley]

Hi boss,Sorry i didn't answer the phone when you called. See, i was having some trouble getting out of bed today because of my back. The back i hurt on Sunday. The reason i called off of work on Monday and Tuesday. When i woke up this morning it took me 10 minutes to sit up and turn to get out of bed. So I couldn't just jump up and run down the stairs to answer on the 3rd ring. I know you think i'm faking it but really.. i'm in a lot of pain.One of the guys in our office popped by the house during lunch today and told me that you think i'm "not being 100% honest" about my back pain. I think i would like you to choke on your ham sandwich.I have missed (now) 4 days to sickness/injury all year. I haven't taken a single vacation day. I'm never late, never leave early and do my job.If you should be doubting anyone it's the alcoholic single mom who calls in "sick" once a week and who already has negative vacation and sick hours for the year. You know the one who comes in reeking of booze on a Tuesday morning, who is green and lifeless until noon. The one who after a greasy lunch walks in to your office to tell you daycare called and her son isn't feeling well so she has to leave... you know.. the one hasn't put in an honest day's work in the 3 years she has been there.I'm pretty close to going to HR with a sexual discrimination case against you.Mind your P's and Q's you fat hog.

PS: Try Doan's back ache pills for your back and a heating pad.

tylenol and a heating pad last nite. seemed to do OK.word has it i'm supposed to be icing it though

 

[mr. furley]

I haven't taken a single vacation day.

Unless you're saving them all up for a big trip or some other reason you'll need a lot of time off later in the year, this makes you a sucker.

baby due in 16 days

 

[Fat Nick]

Dear Co-worker,

I am here for the summer only, and you know that full well. This is my last week, when I am supposed to transition my projects to the new hire. As such, please note the following:

1) I will not work ahead 3 weeks to the planning meetings and do your work for you as I did for the first planning meetings. Just because I am leaving doesn't mean you can throw piles of work on me that you would have to do once I'm gone.

2) You are not my direct supervisor, I merely work on a project you are supervising. My direct report told me to take it easy this week and not take on any extra work.

3) PLEASE STOP PUTTING WORTHLESS MEETINGS ON MY CALENDAR EVERY 3 HOURS TO REVIEW THINGS THAT WE ALL KNOW AND YOU MERELY FORGOT.

That is all.

 

[mr. furley]

Hey guy,

I don't have the time nor the interest to spend 30 minutes going over your fantasy draft. I really really really don't need to know who some guy i have never met picked in the 9th round.

Really, i'm as shocked as you are that (insert player name) lasted as long as he did. I just don't have the time to debate the merits of the selection with you when our boss is climbing down my throat to get this project done by 10AM.

I would swear i said that to you no less than 5 times and i thought when you said "oh, okay, sorry..." the 5th time that it had finally sunk in. Apparently not.

I'll be happy to go over your entire day over lunch if you just let me get there w/o coming back to my desk 7 more times in the next two hours to excitedly explain to me how you savvily handcuffed (insert player name) in round 14.

Please for your cooperation. Thanks.

 

[Zuul]

So, the MySpacey pics you've, for whatever reason, framed of your 15 year old daughter blowing kisses to the camera in enough makeup to make Tammy Faye blush in her grave has led me to a conclusion: she's a slut.

Your daughter is a slut,

Zuul

 

[eoMMan]

Hey guy,

I don't have the time nor the interest to spend 30 minutes going over your fantasy draft. I really really really don't need to know who some guy i have never met picked in the 9th round.

Really, i'm as shocked as you are that (insert player name) lasted as long as he did. I just don't have the time to debate the merits of the selection with you when our boss is climbing down my throat to get this project done by 10AM.

I would swear i said that to you no less than 5 times and i thought when you said "oh, okay, sorry..." the 5th time that it had finally sunk in. Apparently not.

I'll be happy to go over your entire day over lunch if you just let me get there w/o coming back to my desk 7 more times in the next two hours to excitedly explain to me how you savvily handcuffed (insert player name) in round 14.

Please for your cooperation. Thanks.

But Chris Cooley in the 10th was such a steal!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[mr. furley]

So, the MySpacey pics you've, for whatever reason, framed of your 15 year old daughter blowing kisses to the camera in enough makeup to make Tammy Faye blush in her grave has led me to a conclusion: she's a slut.Your daughter is a slut,Zuul

hfs

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Dear boss's boss,

I never thought you were all that bright per se, but this one takes the cake.

You think these Bigfoot yahoos are real? Seriously?

"I kind of believed the 2 main guys. Not sure about their agent. But they are supposed to have a science day coming up where they are inviting people to come see their evidence so I guess we'll see."



Sincerely,

fo shizzle

PS Sorry for laughing in your face. How was i to know you werent joking?

 

[mr. furley]

I think you're starting to stretch the definition of fantasy.. uncomfortably, for me at least.

To wit, if i am in my cube, standing up but leaning forward to type on my keyboard, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON YOUR FACE SHOULD BE NEXT TO MINE WHILE I AM TYPING!

NONE!

The next time you're gonna catch a stapler across the face and an envelope opener to the gut.

 

[Wild Young Billy]

Dear Co-worker,

It's bad enough that you work 'part-time' in a full-time position. It's bad enough that you still come to work 1.5 to 2 hours late every day. It's bad enough that it's even later when the boss is not in the office (how about 12:30 yesterday?).

But to tell us that your 5 yr old son is sick in the morning and you can't come to work and then tell us in the afternoon that you can't respond to email because HE has a dance recital that evening (NTTAWWT) is, well....despicable.

At least sign him up for soccer dammit.

 

[HoldSteady]

Email sent to all of us:

FYI - Make sure that if you are making coffee that you only push the brew switch once. There is a delay before the coffee starts to come out and it makes you wonder if you pushed it or not. Trust yourself you probably did push it. There is a light that says "brewing" that starts blinking after you push the brew switch on. This morning we had a coffee pot that overflowed all over the swing kitchen due to someone flipping the switch on more than once.

I'm looking at you, Why Me.

 

[wadegarrett]

IF YOU PULL THE LONG SILVER HANDLE STICKING OUT OF THE TOP OF THE URINAL, THE URINAL WILL MAGICALLY DISPOSE OF YOUR URINE AND REPLACE IT WITH FRESH WATER. THIS KEEPS THE BATHROOM FROM SMELLING LIKE ####### PISS!!!!

FLUSH YOUR ####### PEE YOU SICK MOTHER F'ERS!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[apkballa]

Dear Co-worker, I am here for the summer only, and you know that full well. This is my last week, when I am supposed to transition my projects to the new hire. As such, please note the following:1) I will not work ahead 3 weeks to the planning meetings and do your work for you as I did for the first planning meetings. Just because I am leaving doesn't mean you can throw piles of work on me that you would have to do once I'm gone.2) You are not my direct supervisor, I merely work on a project you are supervising. My direct report told me to take it easy this week and not take on any extra work.3) PLEASE STOP PUTTING WORTHLESS MEETINGS ON MY CALENDAR EVERY 3 HOURS TO REVIEW THINGS THAT WE ALL KNOW AND YOU MERELY FORGOT. That is all.

I thought I was the only one who had a Co-Worker who thought He/She is my Supervisor. Glad to see there are more who are frustrated with Me!

 

[jmp]

Dear Guy That Sits Beside Me:

I know that you are an outside salesman (and I thank the Lord every day that you are) so you are not current on office courtesy. But when you are here for a week once a month is it really necessary to bring both of your cell phones on 7+ volume and leave them on your desk to ring repeatedly while you go flirt with the young office hotties up front and go chit chat with the guys and find out where lunch is going to be today. One of the phones plays some odd song that was obviously one of the choices already on the phone when you bought it and it is bearable. But the other plays "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse and it rings at least 4 times for every once the other rings. And the "Rehab" phone often gets left while you go to lunch. Is it that hard to put it on silent? You obviously don't care that it is ringing so just shut the damn thing off!

On another note, i know that you are 49 years old and recently divorced. I know that you are a stud on match.com and have a great pic of you posted there next to the bear you killed with a bow so you are sure not to get winks from any PETA freaks. I know this, you don't have to tell me every time you come back in town. I didn't forget, how could i?

Thank you! I feel better now.

Jamy

 

[BigJohn]

Dear Guy That Sits Beside Me:

I know that you are an outside salesman (and I thank the Lord every day that you are) so you are not current on office courtesy. But when you are here for a week once a month is it really necessary to bring both of your cell phones on 7+ volume and leave them on your desk to ring repeatedly while you go flirt with the young office hotties up front and go chit chat with the guys and find out where lunch is going to be today. One of the phones plays some odd song that was obviously one of the choices already on the phone when you bought it and it is bearable. But the other plays "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse and it rings at least 4 times for every once the other rings. And the "Rehab" phone often gets left while you go to lunch. Is it that hard to put it on silent? You obviously don't care that it is ringing so just shut the damn thing off!

On another note, i know that you are 49 years old and recently divorced. I know that you are a stud on match.com and have a great pic of you posted there next to the bear you killed with a bow so you are sure not to get winks from any PETA freaks. I know this, you don't have to tell me every time you come back in town. I didn't forget, how could i?

Thank you! I feel better now.

Jamy

Gotta skip to 3:40. Couldn't find it by itself.

 

[Shooter McGavin]

IF YOU PULL THE LONG SILVER HANDLE STICKING OUT OF THE TOP OF THE URINAL, THE URINAL WILL MAGICALLY DISPOSE OF YOUR URINE AND REPLACE IT WITH FRESH WATER. THIS KEEPS THE BATHROOM FROM SMELLING LIKE ####### PISS!!!!FLUSH YOUR ####### PEE YOU SICK MOTHER F'ERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear guy with the nuclear yellow pee who doesn't flush,What wadegarrett said. Urinally yours,SMP.S., If you are indeed radioactive, you might want to get that checked out -- unless you have superpowers. In which case, carry on.

 

[eoMMan]

IF YOU PULL THE LONG SILVER HANDLE STICKING OUT OF THE TOP OF THE URINAL, THE URINAL WILL MAGICALLY DISPOSE OF YOUR URINE AND REPLACE IT WITH FRESH WATER. THIS KEEPS THE BATHROOM FROM SMELLING LIKE ####### PISS!!!!FLUSH YOUR ####### PEE YOU SICK MOTHER F'ERS!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear guy with the nuclear yellow pee who doesn't flush,What wadegarrett said. Urinally yours,SMP.S., If you are indeed radioactive, you might want to get that checked out -- unless you have superpowers. In which case, carry on.

I can't stand the people that take a dump and don't wash their hands before leaving the bathroom. Nasty.

 

[Binky The Doormat]

Hi boss,Sorry i didn't answer the phone when you called. See, i was having some trouble getting out of bed today because of my back. The back i hurt on Sunday. The reason i called off of work on Monday and Tuesday. When i woke up this morning it took me 10 minutes to sit up and turn to get out of bed. So I couldn't just jump up and run down the stairs to answer on the 3rd ring. I know you think i'm faking it but really.. i'm in a lot of pain.One of the guys in our office popped by the house during lunch today and told me that you think i'm "not being 100% honest" about my back pain. I think i would like you to choke on your ham sandwich.I have missed (now) 4 days to sickness/injury all year. I haven't taken a single vacation day. I'm never late, never leave early and do my job.If you should be doubting anyone it's the alcoholic single mom who calls in "sick" once a week and who already has negative vacation and sick hours for the year. You know the one who comes in reeking of booze on a Tuesday morning, who is green and lifeless until noon. The one who after a greasy lunch walks in to your office to tell you daycare called and her son isn't feeling well so she has to leave... you know.. the one hasn't put in an honest day's work in the 3 years she has been there.I'm pretty close to going to HR with a sexual discrimination case against you.Mind your P's and Q's you fat hog.

On the "fast track" eh?

 

[TommyGilmore]

Dear Super-religious Receptionist:

Yes, we both hate that song, "You're Beautiful".

You hate it because you heard a rumor that James Blunt sang the song at Elton John's gay wedding, and, as you said, "listening to that song would be like supporting the homosexual agenda".

I hate it because it sucks.

 

[Osaurus]

You must really like James Blunt

 

[tri-man 47]

Dear Super-religious Receptionist:

Yes, we both hate that song, "You're Beautiful".

You hate it because you heard a rumor that James Blunt sang the song at Elton John's gay wedding, and, as you said, "listening to that song would be like supporting the homosexual agenda".

I hate it because it sucks.

Play with her mind and tell her that enjoying "Over the Rainbow" would be like supporting witchcraft. Let her stew on that for the rest of her life.

 

[mr. furley]

On the "fast track" eh?

oh yeah. she loooooooooves me. so much so that she is having trouble letting me take days off FOR THE BIRTH OF MY CHILD.

 

[mr. furley]

Hey guy,

Yup, it's noon.. and, yes, i am eating lunch.

I don't know why it's so fascinating to you. Everyone else is eating lunch too. Do you walk from desk to desk to ask everyone else what they're having? Do you reach over their shoulder and pick up their food items too?

I understand it may be a form of Asperger's or something that synchs up with all your other wierd quirks but there's got to be a line somewhere.

When you say "hey, what's for lunch?" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. FOR. THREE. YEARS. it gets a little old.

So when i don't turn around, acknowledge your presence or answer any of your questions you don't need to stand there and tell me about your 5 fantasy football teams.... in detail. Nor do i want to hear about the other 55 guys and their teams.... in detail.

Really I JUST WANT TO EAT MY ####ING LUNCH.

Yes, i could go downstairs and watch soaps with catty middle-aged women. I could even drive somewhere and wolf my food down in 2 minutes so that i could get back to my desk on time but i really like to read the paper, browse some sports and EAT MY ####ING LUNCH, IN PEACE.

I have very nearly exhausted every option short of physical violence.. so.. please.. for your sake and mine find another lunch time activity.

TIA

 

[SuperJohn96]

Hey guy,Yup, it's noon.. and, yes, i am eating lunch.I don't know why it's so fascinating to you. Everyone else is eating lunch too. Do you walk from desk to desk to ask everyone else what they're having? Do you reach over their shoulder and pick up their food items too?I understand it may be a form of Asperger's or something that synchs up with all your other wierd quirks but there's got to be a line somewhere.When you say "hey, what's for lunch?" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. FOR. THREE. YEARS. it gets a little old.So when i don't turn around, acknowledge your presence or answer any of your questions you don't need to stand there and tell me about your 5 fantasy football teams.... in detail. Nor do i want to hear about the other 55 guys and their teams.... in detail.Really I JUST WANT TO EAT MY ####ING LUNCH.Yes, i could go downstairs and watch soaps with catty middle-aged women. I could even drive somewhere and wolf my food down in 2 minutes so that i could get back to my desk on time but i really like to read the paper, browse some sports and EAT MY ####ING LUNCH, IN PEACE.I have very nearly exhausted every option short of physical violence.. so.. please.. for your sake and mine find another lunch time activity.TIA

Looks like I'm not the only person with a male coworker who has a man crush.

 

[Winning IS Everything]

Dear Wimmens co-workers,

I could really give a God #### about scrapbooking. Having to listen to you yokels talk about it for two hours everyday like you are in some kind of cult is getting on my nerves. I REALLY do not need to hear about how the four of you dingbats get together once a month on weekends to go to scrapbooking shows. Then you all go to lunch three times a week for an hour and a half to talk about the same ####ing thing? REALLY??!!??

If you have that much time, please do some of the two weeks worth of work that is in the "to do" boxes on your desks, you lazy ### cows.

You want something to scrapbook? Howsabout I come to your desk and drop a deuce in your scrapbook? How you like dem apples?

Please for the love of Jeebus, do some ####ing work,

Me

 

[SuperJohn96]

Dear Wimmens co-workers,I could really give a God #### about scrapbooking. Having to listen to you yokels talk about it for two hours everyday like you are in some kind of cult is getting on my nerves. I REALLY do not need to hear about how the four of you dingbats get together once a month on weekends to go to scrapbooking shows. Then you all go to lunch three times a week for an hour and a half to talk about the same ####ing thing? REALLY??!!??If you have that much time, please do some of the two weeks worth of work that is in the "to do" boxes on your desks, you lazy ### cows.You want something to scrapbook? Howsabout I come to your desk and drop a deuce in your scrapbook? How you like dem apples?Please for the love of Jeebus, do some ####ing work,Me

I'm being completely serious here, but next time one of them launch into scrapbooking ramble, just interrupt them with excruciating detail on how your fantasy football team is doing.If they don't get the hint, at least you'll be able to talk FF at work.

 

[McJose]

Hey guy,Yup, it's noon.. and, yes, i am eating lunch.I don't know why it's so fascinating to you. Everyone else is eating lunch too. Do you walk from desk to desk to ask everyone else what they're having? Do you reach over their shoulder and pick up their food items too?I understand it may be a form of Asperger's or something that synchs up with all your other wierd quirks but there's got to be a line somewhere.When you say "hey, what's for lunch?" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. FOR. THREE. YEARS. it gets a little old.So when i don't turn around, acknowledge your presence or answer any of your questions you don't need to stand there and tell me about your 5 fantasy football teams.... in detail. Nor do i want to hear about the other 55 guys and their teams.... in detail.Really I JUST WANT TO EAT MY ####ING LUNCH.Yes, i could go downstairs and watch soaps with catty middle-aged women. I could even drive somewhere and wolf my food down in 2 minutes so that i could get back to my desk on time but i really like to read the paper, browse some sports and EAT MY ####ING LUNCH, IN PEACE.I have very nearly exhausted every option short of physical violence.. so.. please.. for your sake and mine find another lunch time activity.TIA

Any air-violin going on?

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Dear Wimmens co-workers,

You want something to scrapbook? Howsabout I come to your desk and drop a deuce in your scrapbook? How you like dem apples?

 

[Socrates11]

Dear co-workers,

The fridge in the breakroom is for people to keep their lunch and maybe a single drink cool until they eat it that day. It's not like the fridge in your garage where you can store food for weeks until you need it or keep a case of water/. We aren't going to get snowed in so I really don't see why some of you stockpile food like you're afraid your fellow workers are going to turn cannibal. And come on, if you're not going to eat that leftover in the oversized styrofoam container the next day, toss it or take it home. Oh and you people that love to jam the fridge with your soft-sided mini-coolers? Go eff yourselves. The mini-cooler is to keep your food cool while it is outside a fridge. No need for you schmucks to cram them in the fridge and make it harder for everyyone else to find a place to put their measley little plastic bag with a sammie and an apple.

Be considerate using the public fridge, or I will sneak in some night and throw everything in that mofo away.

TIA,

Soc

 

[mr. furley]

Hey guy,Yup, it's noon.. and, yes, i am eating lunch.I don't know why it's so fascinating to you. Everyone else is eating lunch too. Do you walk from desk to desk to ask everyone else what they're having? Do you reach over their shoulder and pick up their food items too?I understand it may be a form of Asperger's or something that synchs up with all your other wierd quirks but there's got to be a line somewhere.When you say "hey, what's for lunch?" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. FOR. THREE. YEARS. it gets a little old.So when i don't turn around, acknowledge your presence or answer any of your questions you don't need to stand there and tell me about your 5 fantasy football teams.... in detail. Nor do i want to hear about the other 55 guys and their teams.... in detail.Really I JUST WANT TO EAT MY ####ING LUNCH.Yes, i could go downstairs and watch soaps with catty middle-aged women. I could even drive somewhere and wolf my food down in 2 minutes so that i could get back to my desk on time but i really like to read the paper, browse some sports and EAT MY ####ING LUNCH, IN PEACE.I have very nearly exhausted every option short of physical violence.. so.. please.. for your sake and mine find another lunch time activity.TIA

Any air-violin going on?

if this a euphemism for what i think it is, then, yes.

 

[mr. furley]

Dear co-workers,The fridge in the breakroom is for people to keep their lunch and maybe a single drink cool until they eat it that day. It's not like the fridge in your garage where you can store food for weeks until you need it or keep a case of water/. We aren't going to get snowed in so I really don't see why some of you stockpile food like you're afraid your fellow workers are going to turn cannibal. And come on, if you're not going to eat that leftover in the oversized styrofoam container the next day, toss it or take it home. Oh and you people that love to jam the fridge with your soft-sided mini-coolers? Go eff yourselves. The mini-cooler is to keep your food cool while it is outside a fridge. No need for you schmucks to cram them in the fridge and make it harder for everyyone else to find a place to put their measley little plastic bag with a sammie and an apple.Be considerate using the public fridge, or I will sneak in some night and throw everything in that mofo away.TIA,Soc

we recently installed a weekly "fridge cleaning". anything left in there w/o a name on it gets tossed.cut the fridge space from Japanese subway car to Wyoming in about a week.

 

[Keys Myaths]

Dear Super-religious Receptionist:Yes, we both hate that song, "You're Beautiful".You hate it because you heard a rumor that James Blunt sang the song at Elton John's gay wedding, and, as you said, "listening to that song would be like supporting the homosexual agenda".I hate it because it sucks.

You know how I know you're gay?

 

[TommyGilmore]

Dear Super-religious Receptionist:Yes, we both hate that song, "You're Beautiful".You hate it because you heard a rumor that James Blunt sang the song at Elton John's gay wedding, and, as you said, "listening to that song would be like supporting the homosexual agenda".I hate it because it sucks.

You know how I know you're gay?

Because I can't stand James Blunt or his music?

 

[Mrs. BSR]

Dear Super-religious Receptionist:

Yes, we both hate that song, "You're Beautiful".

You hate it because you heard a rumor that James Blunt sang the song at Elton John's gay wedding, and, as you said, "listening to that song would be like supporting the homosexual agenda".

I hate it because it sucks.

Play with her mind and tell her that enjoying "Over the Rainbow" would be like supporting witchcraft. Let her stew on that for the rest of her life.

 

[FatMax]

Overheard at work today, verbatim from a coworker who is in charge of hiring laborers for the company.

"I just hired a new guy today. And this one is colored, so I hope that lets everyone know that I'm not a racist."

 

[McJose]

Overheard at work today, verbatim from a coworker who is in charge of hiring laborers for the company."I just hired a new guy today. And this one is colored, so I hope that lets everyone know that I'm not a racist."

That's mighty white of him.