apkballa
Footballguy
I think that stopping the use of words like "Colored" to describe a minority would help people think that you aren't a racist.......I dunno how you can work with people like that.
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A note to my coworker ... (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
McJose
Footballguy
He does have a point, Nigel.
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Well, Tony, you always managed to be creepy and annoying despite our limited contact. So I can't say as I'm too broken up over your dismissal. I guess I'll never know if it was your poor work ethic or getting caught sniffing chairs that ultimately led to your demise.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Oh, I see now.He does have a point, Nigel.
Bet on both, just to cover your bases.
PizzaDeliveryGuy
extra sausage
Oh, I see now.He does have a point, Nigel.
Gnat Berries
Footballguy
I'm late to the party, so here's one from last February -
Dear "Top 10 Ranked Center of Women's Division III Basketball" Sitting In The Front Row,
It is not hot in this classroom. Your classmates are wearing sweaters, sweat jackets, and thermals. I'm walking around in a t-shirt, oxford and blazer and I'm very comfortable. So please stop announcing "it's hot in here" every day as you strip to a flimsy low-cut shirt that shows me as much of your gorgeous, firm, C-cup breasts as possible. It will not earn you a better grade. It will not make me like you more. It makes me pissed that I have to pretend to ignore it for the sake of my job and marriage. I have a lesson to teach. I can't spend 1.5 minutes of every class in the bathroom erasing the blessed visions you provide.
May angry office workers everywhere have mercy on my soul,
- GnatBerries
Dear "Top 10 Ranked Center of Women's Division III Basketball" Sitting In The Front Row,
It is not hot in this classroom. Your classmates are wearing sweaters, sweat jackets, and thermals. I'm walking around in a t-shirt, oxford and blazer and I'm very comfortable. So please stop announcing "it's hot in here" every day as you strip to a flimsy low-cut shirt that shows me as much of your gorgeous, firm, C-cup breasts as possible. It will not earn you a better grade. It will not make me like you more. It makes me pissed that I have to pretend to ignore it for the sake of my job and marriage. I have a lesson to teach. I can't spend 1.5 minutes of every class in the bathroom erasing the blessed visions you provide.
May angry office workers everywhere have mercy on my soul,
- GnatBerries
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NRV77
Footballguy
you're doing it wrong.
![[scooter]](/data/avatars/m/22/22287.jpg?1659477690){kind=avatar}
[scooter]
Footballguy
Has she tattooed "love" and "you" onto her eyelids, Professor Jones?
L5UT1ger
Footballguy
8. Don't blabber all day at work about your fantasy team: The darkest secret of fantasy sports? Nobody in the world cares about your team but you. Nobody! Not your wife, not your mother, and especially not your co-workers. I know, it's shocking news to hear this considering all the ad dollars, references and online stuff you see about fantasy football. But it's true. There's absolutely nothing worse than sitting at a water cooler on Monday morning and having some guy from marketing go player by player on his team, telling you how many points each one scored "for him" on Sunday afternoon. And these horrendous conversations always — yes, always — end with "And I need (fill in the blank) to score (fill in the blank) points tonight in the Monday night game." Do not be the person guilty of going on and on about fantasy football all day in the office. The second that person finishes any conversation about their fantasy football team, the person they're speaking with takes a deep breath and kicks himself for losing the last 10 minutes of his or her life. The only Monday morning water cooler chat that's worse than fantasy football talk is the incessant reciting of lines from "Entourage." Of course, it just so happens that the guy who is guilty of the former tends to be the one doing the latter as well.
Email him this link
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Overheard at work.
Coworker (on the phone): "Isn't that sad that Hulk Hogan and his wife are divorcing?"
Coworker (on the phone): "Isn't that sad that Hulk Hogan and his wife are divorcing?"
belljr
Footballguy
Can we do it at lunch if we're all in the same league?
chet
Footballguy
WTF is wrong with you?
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Same coworker: "Have you seen that movie, What Happens in Vegas?"Nigel: "No."
Coworker: "It is so good. You would love it."
HoldSteady
Footballguy
1. Not a co-worker2. What in the wide, wide world of sports is wrong with you?
Popcorn Eating Guy
Footballguy
Gnat Berries
Footballguy
1. My wife is hotter and far more intelligent than the student. Yes. I am The Man.2. Update: a girl from last semester's class is in a class with me this semester. She's friends with the basketball girl. Yesterday after class, she comes up to me and says, "Hey Gnat Berries, did you hear about Basketball Girl?"
"No, how is she?"
"She was three months pregnant at the final exam, and didn't know it."
"Oh."
Morals saved, bullet dodged.
TommyGilmore
Footballguy
Congrats on the blessed event.Gnat Berries said:
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
I really need to start a new thread for this.
Overheard at work:
Coworker: "I love Whoopi Goldberg. She's hilarious."
Overheard at work:
Coworker: "I love Whoopi Goldberg. She's hilarious."
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
You should have added "And sexy too!"
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
You should have made up some story about how you were in traffic and saw an accident and saved someone's life.So I am late to work today. I left my boss a message explaining why I would be late and he has no problem with it. Why do all my co-workers feel like it is their business to ask me where I have been or ask why I was late. My answer: "I had some stuff to do."
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Please, because this stuff is way funnier than the "notes" in this thread.
Billy Bats
Footballguy
Overheard at work today:
A co-worker talking to our sup who is questioning ot hours...
"Pay me or pay your doctor."
A co-worker talking to our sup who is questioning ot hours...
"Pay me or pay your doctor."
Shooter McGavin
Down the middle
Dear person who stole my mp3 player last night,
:finger:
Now I have nothing to block out the sound of these crazy #####es all day.
Great idea to risk your job for a several-year-old dinosaur of an mp3 player and the headphones that have been jammed into my ears for the past several months.
#### you,
SM
:finger:
Now I have nothing to block out the sound of these crazy #####es all day.
Great idea to risk your job for a several-year-old dinosaur of an mp3 player and the headphones that have been jammed into my ears for the past several months.
#### you,
SM
Freaky Styley
Footballguy
So I'm in training sitting next to my co-worker who is hopped up on a sugar rush because she put like twenty packets of sugar in her coffee this morning 
Update:
Now she is texting on her phone like a fiend with a crazied look in her eye.
Update 2:
She schooled me on a mistake I made in a formula publicly, still with that crazied look in her eye.
Update:
Now she is texting on her phone like a fiend with a crazied look in her eye.
Update 2:
She schooled me on a mistake I made in a formula publicly, still with that crazied look in her eye.
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Ed Wood
Footballguy
In the same vein:Ed Wood: Did you find out what happened?Co-worker: YesEd Wood: What happened?Co-worker: I don't know.
TommyGilmore
Footballguy
This is more of a reverse-vent:
Dear Hotshot Sales Guy Who Drives a 1998 Lexus,
Please stop complaining about the fact that you pay $220/month for insurance. Nobody forced you to get a 6-year-loan that required full coverage for the life of the loan. Also, your inability to obey traffic laws hasn't helped. I silently chuckle at the fact that you've paid more in higher premiums than the car is currently worth.
Dear Hotshot Sales Guy Who Drives a 1998 Lexus,
Please stop complaining about the fact that you pay $220/month for insurance. Nobody forced you to get a 6-year-loan that required full coverage for the life of the loan. Also, your inability to obey traffic laws hasn't helped. I silently chuckle at the fact that you've paid more in higher premiums than the car is currently worth.
facook
Footballguy
It's not really a vent, and it wasn't me, and it doesn't fit in this thread, but I thought it was funny:
My wife works for a company that produces custom hand-painted ceramic tiles. It's an open floor plan warehouse where all the gals (and they are ALL gals) paint at desks.
Yesterday morning wife gets to work, sits at desk, start painting. Looks at empty desk nearby and asks co-worker O "Where's Holly?" (Holly is a big girl...like 5'10" 250 big.) O says, "I don't know. She's been gone quite a while." Maybe 30 seconds later, Holly comes jogging out of the back of the warehouse, past the gals, muttering, "ohmanohmanohmanohman..." She disappears into the lunch room. She comes jogging back out and past them to the rear of the warehouse, still muttering "ohmanohmanohmanohman..." holding - like the Statue of Liberty's torch - a plunger.
My wife works for a company that produces custom hand-painted ceramic tiles. It's an open floor plan warehouse where all the gals (and they are ALL gals) paint at desks.
Yesterday morning wife gets to work, sits at desk, start painting. Looks at empty desk nearby and asks co-worker O "Where's Holly?" (Holly is a big girl...like 5'10" 250 big.) O says, "I don't know. She's been gone quite a while." Maybe 30 seconds later, Holly comes jogging out of the back of the warehouse, past the gals, muttering, "ohmanohmanohmanohman..." She disappears into the lunch room. She comes jogging back out and past them to the rear of the warehouse, still muttering "ohmanohmanohmanohman..." holding - like the Statue of Liberty's torch - a plunger.
tri-man 47
Footballguy
But, um, why is the plunger kept in the lunchroom? And how long after this incident before it returned to the lunchroom?
facook
Footballguy
I didn't even think to ask that question. Maybe because the ratio of ladies to men is like 30-0?Dear Coworker,
Thanks for calling in sick today. It would have helped if you had decided to let someone know before this morning. Thanks to you, the other two people who actually come in and work the morning shift got no breaks from watching people swim, which is bad enough in and of itself. The fact that you seem to make it a semi-regular occurrence doesn't help, because without you or the person to cover for you, the rest of the staff is boned until the part timers show up. Fortunately, I've been looking for another job as a teacher, so hopefully I won't have to put up with this shoddily-run (read: government run) pool.
Kal-El
Thanks for calling in sick today. It would have helped if you had decided to let someone know before this morning. Thanks to you, the other two people who actually come in and work the morning shift got no breaks from watching people swim, which is bad enough in and of itself. The fact that you seem to make it a semi-regular occurrence doesn't help, because without you or the person to cover for you, the rest of the staff is boned until the part timers show up. Fortunately, I've been looking for another job as a teacher, so hopefully I won't have to put up with this shoddily-run (read: government run) pool.
Kal-El
Gnat Berries
Footballguy
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Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
arrow1
Footballguy
arrow1
Footballguy
you need breaks from that??
Charlie Harper
Footballguy
igbomb
Footballguy
That's what I was wondering.you need breaks from that??
The Dweeze
Footballguy
I don't get breaks from sitting on my ### staring off in to the distance here in my cubical today either!That's what I was wondering.you need breaks from that??
facook
Footballguy
Dear Kiss-A## Sales-guy-I-used-to-work-with,
You are not welcome. We don't want to hear from you. We didn't want you hanging outside our office doors, jangling your keys, reliving last nights episode of The Office verbatim each Friday morning. Our owner's family didn't want you to show up to his son's small, private, family-only wedding in Napa because you "just happened" to be on vacation in the same geographical vicinity, by which you meant "California." The looks of surprise you were getting from everyone there weren't appreciative, they were incredulous.
In the same way, my wife and I and our friends had no interest in you sidling up to our table and joining us for dinner at Outback the other night. The 4 times we said to you and your wife, "Well, have a good dinner" we did not mean "with us" we meant "at your own table, preferably on the other side of this restaurant, or, better yet, another restaurant altogether". And yet there you sat, oblivious to our discomfort and irritation.
Hope to never see you again,
facook
P.S. Thrusting out your torso and carrying yourself in a barrel-chested posture does not make you look 5'10". You just look like a more ridiculous 5'6".
You are not welcome. We don't want to hear from you. We didn't want you hanging outside our office doors, jangling your keys, reliving last nights episode of The Office verbatim each Friday morning. Our owner's family didn't want you to show up to his son's small, private, family-only wedding in Napa because you "just happened" to be on vacation in the same geographical vicinity, by which you meant "California." The looks of surprise you were getting from everyone there weren't appreciative, they were incredulous.
In the same way, my wife and I and our friends had no interest in you sidling up to our table and joining us for dinner at Outback the other night. The 4 times we said to you and your wife, "Well, have a good dinner" we did not mean "with us" we meant "at your own table, preferably on the other side of this restaurant, or, better yet, another restaurant altogether". And yet there you sat, oblivious to our discomfort and irritation.
Hope to never see you again,
facook
P.S. Thrusting out your torso and carrying yourself in a barrel-chested posture does not make you look 5'10". You just look like a more ridiculous 5'6".
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bakes
I am the Beer God!
Updated.Should have loaded up a blooming onion with death's ####### hot sauce and gave it to him. Order him a Shirley Temple, with umbrella. Anything. You need to make this yutz feel unwelcome.
Shooter McGavin
Down the middle
Dear Insane Woman,
When you say, "I am not losing my mind," 5 times in a 30 second conversation, you're losing your mind. HTH.
Mentally,
SM
P.S. If I ever get ahold of the ####### who stole my mp3 player, I will punch them in the taint for forcing me to listen to you for the past 3 days.
When you say, "I am not losing my mind," 5 times in a 30 second conversation, you're losing your mind. HTH.
Mentally,
SM
P.S. If I ever get ahold of the ####### who stole my mp3 player, I will punch them in the taint for forcing me to listen to you for the past 3 days.
Yeah, so my job is dead-end for now. Sue me. Believe it or not, it actually can get difficult working as a lifeguard outdoors.you need breaks from that??
Keys Myaths
Pokerguy
Really?Interesting. What happens?Not trying to be a ####, but genuinely curious.
Heat, wind, rain, thunderstorms, and the occasional hurricane. That and it's about as boring as watching grass grow. I prefer to do more interesting things, which is why I'm looking at becoming a teacher.
cheese
Footballguy
Dear 40-minute per call phone support guy,
I respect you having to do software tech support all day and keeping a positive attitude and your patience usually. However, when your patience includes slowly spelling out a URL 15 ####### times at the top of your lungs it makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with you. Have you considered sending an email with the link? One of a million other ways to hook him up with the site? This is a software department guy, are we really just shouting out URL's here? If I have to hear "oooooooooooooooooooooooooo you need an S after the http" or "nooooo the front slash is the one with the question mark" one more time, you're getting punched in the throat.
oh, and its a called an "underscore" not an "underline". Jesus.
Wishing you'd just stop working on a Friday afternoon,
Cheese
I respect you having to do software tech support all day and keeping a positive attitude and your patience usually. However, when your patience includes slowly spelling out a URL 15 ####### times at the top of your lungs it makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with you. Have you considered sending an email with the link? One of a million other ways to hook him up with the site? This is a software department guy, are we really just shouting out URL's here? If I have to hear "oooooooooooooooooooooooooo you need an S after the http" or "nooooo the front slash is the one with the question mark" one more time, you're getting punched in the throat.
oh, and its a called an "underscore" not an "underline". Jesus.
Wishing you'd just stop working on a Friday afternoon,
Cheese
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
This girl was telling me a story yesterday and no less than five times she said, "I swear to you not ..." I think she mixed up "I kid you not" and "I swear to you ..."
