Advice for a friend getting married to wrong woman (1 Viewer)

[Zow]

I got a positive story to tell on this issue.

One of my best friends growing up, who was and still somewhat is quite introverted, didn't date at all until college and was like 19 or 20. Met a girl at work and that got serious quickly. Unfortunately, my and our other friends initial interactions were absolutely terrible. She was abrasive to us, appeared to actively try to pull him away from us, etc. She expressed that she thought we were a bad influence because we had beer one of the first times we met her and, given that one of our friends knew of her as a major partier, it really rubbed us the wrong way. And, unfortunately, we responded like idiots and played a prank on her by littering her car with beer cans. Naturally, over the next few years there was always tension. We would witness her yelling at our friend like a child and such. Got so bad that I almost considered speaking to him about maybe trying to date around a bit to experience what else was out there. Could have seen myself making a post like the OP's.

However, over time, and around the time of their wedding, things mellowed out a great bit. Save for the beer can incident I took the kill her with kindness approach and it appeared to work. I scored major points by being the most helpful groomsman in their wedding and setting up his bachelor party for him. She even forgave me for exposing him to strippers. Since that time we've all become quite friendly and they have two great kids and appear to be in a great relationship. I'm still not a major fan of how she treats him sometimes, but hey it seems to work for them and he's happy. She's actually been quite supportive of his hobbies which is definitely a quality she needs to have. I'm happy for him and when I visit I get along very well with his wife.

In short, it worked out and I'm very relieved I never tried to have a talk with him.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Apparently your buddy doesn't think she's the wrong woman. Keep your mouth shut, none of your business who he marries.

This is correct. I have two friends who I've been in this boat with. Both of them, I've kind of lost touch with because their significant other is horrible. Some of my other friends had talked about saying something and I persuaded them against it. Even if we all hate their choice of a partner (I say this because one of my friends is gay), ultimately it comes down to what they think of that person. Who are we to tell them who they can and cannot love?

I was also once the person who was in a relationship with a devil and all of my friends hated her. But, even if they would have said something, I'm afraid I probably would have chosen her over them in a heartbeat.

Your best bet is to just accept your friend's choice. The only thing that will come from you saying anything is you losing a friend.

Didn't you lose your friends who you didn't tell anyway?

Not really. And once we were no longer dating, we all became good friends again.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Hasn't the Jersey Shore taught us anything? Sammi hated her friends for saying Ronnie was no good for her.

 

[SacramentoBob]

Some of these stories in here are awful. I'd never let a woman yell at me in front of my friends. Crazy.

 

[T Bell]

Apparently your buddy doesn't think she's the wrong woman. Keep your mouth shut, none of your business who he marries.

This is correct. I have two friends who I've been in this boat with. Both of them, I've kind of lost touch with because their significant other is horrible. Some of my other friends had talked about saying something and I persuaded them against it. Even if we all hate their choice of a partner (I say this because one of my friends is gay), ultimately it comes down to what they think of that person. Who are we to tell them who they can and cannot love?

I was also once the person who was in a relationship with a devil and all of my friends hated her. But, even if they would have said something, I'm afraid I probably would have chosen her over them in a heartbeat.

Your best bet is to just accept your friend's choice. The only thing that will come from you saying anything is you losing a friend.

Isn't this the reason to speak up? Bad spouses kill friendships, so if she's going to do that anyway you may as well speak your mind.

As others have said, you make clear that 1) you're only going to say it once, and 2) you'll do whatever you can to support him if he still is with her.

 

[Black Box]

Take any money you would give him for any engagement/wedding gifts, and put it into a fund. Don't tell him about it.

Some day, in the future, when someone tells him to "start hiding money", take him aside and let him know you've already got him started

 

[TheIronSheik]

Apparently your buddy doesn't think she's the wrong woman. Keep your mouth shut, none of your business who he marries.

This is correct. I have two friends who I've been in this boat with. Both of them, I've kind of lost touch with because their significant other is horrible. Some of my other friends had talked about saying something and I persuaded them against it. Even if we all hate their choice of a partner (I say this because one of my friends is gay), ultimately it comes down to what they think of that person. Who are we to tell them who they can and cannot love?

I was also once the person who was in a relationship with a devil and all of my friends hated her. But, even if they would have said something, I'm afraid I probably would have chosen her over them in a heartbeat.

Your best bet is to just accept your friend's choice. The only thing that will come from you saying anything is you losing a friend.

Isn't this the reason to speak up? Bad spouses kill friendships, so if she's going to do that anyway you may as well speak your mind.

As others have said, you make clear that 1) you're only going to say it once, and 2) you'll do whatever you can to support him if he still is with her.

I'm still friends with them. And we still talk every so often or hang out. But not like we used to. I'd rather get that than nothing. Especially if they end up staying with them forever. I know a lot of people keep talking about stories where it ends in divorce. But it won't always. My one friend has been with his woman for almost 15 years now.

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

Some of these stories in here are awful. I'd never let a woman yell at me in front of my friends. Crazy.

If some chick ever tried to yell at me in front of my friends, I'd be all like, "Hey! You get your ##### ### back in the kitchen, and make me some pie!"

 

[NIU Kicker]

A long time ago I had a GB start to date a girl that none of "us" liked. Three months later they were engaged, married 3 months after that. Same story as already been said. Kind of cold didn't really like the rest of us #####y etc etc. About a week after the engagement I pulled them both aside and told them that I'm worried that you two don't really know each other yet... Basicaly the what's the rush speach. Damn near got myself uninvited to the wedding but I was ok with that because I said my peace to the extent I was comfortable with. Took some flack from freinds for speaking my mind, got some positive feedback from others that wished they had the stones to speak up.

Wedding happened as planed. Prego 4 months later. Kid born after a year. Divorced 6 months after that.

He thanked me about a year later for having the guts to tell him they moved to fast.

 

[T Bell]

Apparently your buddy doesn't think she's the wrong woman. Keep your mouth shut, none of your business who he marries.

This is correct. I have two friends who I've been in this boat with. Both of them, I've kind of lost touch with because their significant other is horrible. Some of my other friends had talked about saying something and I persuaded them against it. Even if we all hate their choice of a partner (I say this because one of my friends is gay), ultimately it comes down to what they think of that person. Who are we to tell them who they can and cannot love?

I was also once the person who was in a relationship with a devil and all of my friends hated her. But, even if they would have said something, I'm afraid I probably would have chosen her over them in a heartbeat.

Your best bet is to just accept your friend's choice. The only thing that will come from you saying anything is you losing a friend.

Isn't this the reason to speak up? Bad spouses kill friendships, so if she's going to do that anyway you may as well speak your mind.

As others have said, you make clear that 1) you're only going to say it once, and 2) you'll do whatever you can to support him if he still is with her.

I'm still friends with them. And we still talk every so often or hang out. But not like we used to. I'd rather get that than nothing. Especially if they end up staying with them forever. I know a lot of people keep talking about stories where it ends in divorce. But it won't always. My one friend has been with his woman for almost 15 years now.

I completely understand that and can't fault you. OTOH, my experience and some of the other posts in here support the idea that if your friendship is strong enough merely stating your doubts won't kill it. After all, if they're going strong years later a good friend would have no problem saying, "I was wrong... thank goodness!"

 

[Hilts]

He won't listen to you and it might damage the relationship, but you have to say something. Drop it after expressing your opinion and let him know you'll support him no matter what, but if you really feel he's making a mistake, speak up.

 

[humpback]

Apparently your buddy doesn't think she's the wrong woman. Keep your mouth shut, none of your business who he marries.

This is correct. I have two friends who I've been in this boat with. Both of them, I've kind of lost touch with because their significant other is horrible. Some of my other friends had talked about saying something and I persuaded them against it. Even if we all hate their choice of a partner (I say this because one of my friends is gay), ultimately it comes down to what they think of that person. Who are we to tell them who they can and cannot love?

I was also once the person who was in a relationship with a devil and all of my friends hated her. But, even if they would have said something, I'm afraid I probably would have chosen her over them in a heartbeat.

Your best bet is to just accept your friend's choice. The only thing that will come from you saying anything is you losing a friend.

Didn't you lose your friends who you didn't tell anyway?

Not really. And once we were no longer dating, we all became good friends again.

I was talking about the two you said you've lost touch with. That doesn't seem like a great outcome, and there's really no way of knowing how it would have turned out if you had said something.

 

[SaintsInDome2006]

Long story short, a buddy got engaged this weekend. The girl is miserable, always with an attitude, kinda feels like you're walking around on egg shells in her presence. None of his friends like her, yet beyond some very minor feedback, nobody has really been vocal about it. We were all hoping it would run its course and he would eventually get tired of her. She is nasty to him, his friends, and everyone around. Supposedly she doesn't have much of a relationship with her family either (not surprising). We suspect she is also a gigantic whore, but there is no proof of this.

Anyways, this will be a gigantic mistake on his part and should be prevented. One person has said he is going to speak up about his real opinion of her. I'm kinda on the fence here as this is something I could see jeopardizing a friendship.

Anyone ever been in a spot like this?

Wow. Dude, I am going exactly through this. It is stressing me out.

This girl my friend is marrying is a complete disaster. My friend has kind of screwed this up because he ended up engaging without really telling anyone. Now they have a church booked, there has been an engagement party, what the hell do I say to my friend? No one else is stepping up. No one else has the courage even though they feel the same way. I've known him my whole life.

A. - I could be wrong, this could be his one shot at finding "it", and I will screw up his future if he listens to me. - Also, if he doesn't listen to me, this could divide him from me, his friends and his family, which maybe she wants.

B. - I could be right, say nothing, and she ruins his family and friend relationships for years to come. And she could also take him to the cleaners.

Story: this girl yelled at a child (4 yo or so) at a St. Patrick's Day parade. He has Downs Syndrome and I guess he spilled his drink (or hers or someone's) on her and her "outfit." True story, she went off on the child and the mother. Everyone who knows her has a story like this. She essentially hates old people and kids and is a social climber to boot.

How does one do this?

 

[freakinback]

I sat by while a friend married a complete loser. I've regretted not saying anything. For what it's worth, we are no longer friends because she is so controlling. My money says you won't remain friends if he get married.

 

[T Bell]

Long story short, a buddy got engaged this weekend. The girl is miserable, always with an attitude, kinda feels like you're walking around on egg shells in her presence. None of his friends like her, yet beyond some very minor feedback, nobody has really been vocal about it. We were all hoping it would run its course and he would eventually get tired of her. She is nasty to him, his friends, and everyone around. Supposedly she doesn't have much of a relationship with her family either (not surprising). We suspect she is also a gigantic whore, but there is no proof of this.

Anyways, this will be a gigantic mistake on his part and should be prevented. One person has said he is going to speak up about his real opinion of her. I'm kinda on the fence here as this is something I could see jeopardizing a friendship.

Anyone ever been in a spot like this?

Wow. Dude, I am going exactly through this.

This girl my friend is marrying is a complete disaster. My friend has kind of screwed this up because he ended up engaging without really telling anyone. Now they have a church booked, there has been an engagement party, what the hell do I say to my friend? No one else is stepping up. No one else has the courage even though they feel the same way.

A. - I could be wrong, this could be his one shot at finding "it", and I will screw up his future if he listens to me.

B. - I could be right, say nothing, and she ruins his family and friend relationships for years to come.

How does one do this?

My experience is that this is typically the fear that the guy in the relationship has that is driving his blindness to the problems.

How do you do it? You just get him 1:1 and speak your mind, unapologetically and directly. This is one advantage to being a guy as I think women have a tougher time in this scenario not taking offense.

 

[pats3in4]

There's no good way to say something to him. Just a bunch of bad ways. So you're kind of stuck looking for the least crappiest way to say something.

With that in mind, I suggest going with the compassionate route:

"Some of us have noticed your fiancee's behavior, particularly in times of disagreement. We get the feeling that something is 'off', that something just isn't right. One of the guys had a relationship with a girl who suffered a personality disorder and couldn't help but notice the close similarities. He started telling us about the experience and what having this condition truly meant for both of them. He felt bad for her because she clearly needed help, but unless she could see that herself the help wasn't coming. And without the help, he had to take the responsibility of being mentally healthy for two people and it was too much for him.

"Look, we're not psychologists so take our crack diagnoses for what they are worth. But we care about you and because she means so much to you, we care about her as well. We just think it's something to at least look into, get educated about and go from there. Maybe even talk to a professional about this. Could be helpful for you and maybe her as well."

 

[TheIronSheik]

Apparently your buddy doesn't think she's the wrong woman. Keep your mouth shut, none of your business who he marries.

This is correct. I have two friends who I've been in this boat with. Both of them, I've kind of lost touch with because their significant other is horrible. Some of my other friends had talked about saying something and I persuaded them against it. Even if we all hate their choice of a partner (I say this because one of my friends is gay), ultimately it comes down to what they think of that person. Who are we to tell them who they can and cannot love?

I was also once the person who was in a relationship with a devil and all of my friends hated her. But, even if they would have said something, I'm afraid I probably would have chosen her over them in a heartbeat.

Your best bet is to just accept your friend's choice. The only thing that will come from you saying anything is you losing a friend.

Isn't this the reason to speak up? Bad spouses kill friendships, so if she's going to do that anyway you may as well speak your mind.

As others have said, you make clear that 1) you're only going to say it once, and 2) you'll do whatever you can to support him if he still is with her.

I'm still friends with them. And we still talk every so often or hang out. But not like we used to. I'd rather get that than nothing. Especially if they end up staying with them forever. I know a lot of people keep talking about stories where it ends in divorce. But it won't always. My one friend has been with his woman for almost 15 years now.

I completely understand that and can't fault you. OTOH, my experience and some of the other posts in here support the idea that if your friendship is strong enough merely stating your doubts won't kill it. After all, if they're going strong years later a good friend would have no problem saying, "I was wrong... thank goodness!"

Yeah. I think that's what makes this so tricky. I don't think what works for one person will work for another. If FC is asking for advice, the best advice that can be given is this: It's a crap shoot. It could go either way.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Apparently your buddy doesn't think she's the wrong woman. Keep your mouth shut, none of your business who he marries.

This is correct. I have two friends who I've been in this boat with. Both of them, I've kind of lost touch with because their significant other is horrible. Some of my other friends had talked about saying something and I persuaded them against it. Even if we all hate their choice of a partner (I say this because one of my friends is gay), ultimately it comes down to what they think of that person. Who are we to tell them who they can and cannot love?

I was also once the person who was in a relationship with a devil and all of my friends hated her. But, even if they would have said something, I'm afraid I probably would have chosen her over them in a heartbeat.

Your best bet is to just accept your friend's choice. The only thing that will come from you saying anything is you losing a friend.

Didn't you lose your friends who you didn't tell anyway?

Not really. And once we were no longer dating, we all became good friends again.

I was talking about the two you said you've lost touch with. That doesn't seem like a great outcome, and there's really no way of knowing how it would have turned out if you had said something.

Oh. Then see above to what I replied to T Bell.

 

[-fish-]

I had a friend talk me out of proposing to a woman. Best thing that ever happened to me.

 

[johnnycakes]

I had a friend talk me out of proposing to a woman. Best thing that ever happened to me.

You can't get divorced if you don't get married first.

 

[Dentist]

Long story short, a buddy got engaged this weekend. The girl is miserable, always with an attitude, kinda feels like you're walking around on egg shells in her presence. None of his friends like her, yet beyond some very minor feedback, nobody has really been vocal about it. We were all hoping it would run its course and he would eventually get tired of her. She is nasty to him, his friends, and everyone around. Supposedly she doesn't have much of a relationship with her family either (not surprising). We suspect she is also a gigantic whore, but there is no proof of this.

Anyways, this will be a gigantic mistake on his part and should be prevented. One person has said he is going to speak up about his real opinion of her. I'm kinda on the fence here as this is something I could see jeopardizing a friendship.

Anyone ever been in a spot like this?

Yes. Been in this exact situation.

I sat down and told the guy he needed to end it.. it was ruining everything including him.

He told me he was in "too deep" and had to go through with it. It didn't last a year.

He tells us that he knew when he showed up to the church that day that this wasn't going to work.

 

[Fennis]

no one wants to know the truth

what a crock of ####.

 

[Jayrok]

Explain your concerns to him and then take him to a Neil Diamond concert.

 

[-fish-]

Explain your concerns to him and then take him to a Neil Diamond concert. strip club

 

[Fennis]

Keep quiet and Explain your concerns to him and then take him to a Neil Diamond concert. strip club stay home and masturbate.

 

[TobiasFunke]

I almost married the wrong woman once upon a time. The people who are saying that you get in too deep and won't necessarily listen to reason are 100% correct. It seems obvious in retrospect but at the time I was in a cloud and there's no way a buddy sitting me down and telling me not to marry her would have gotten it done.

For me it took meeting another woman while I was engaged. I didn't cheat on my fiancee, but I got emotionally involved enough with this other woman, or the idea of this other woman, that it shook me out of my spell and made me realize that the marriage was a bad idea for both of us. I realized I'd be miserable and would probably eventually cheat or leave her for someone else, even if it wasn't this new woman I'd met.

So I guess I'd recommend either (1) hiring an expensive prostitute for a long-term job to make your buddy fall in love, or (2) more realistically, maybe sit him down and ask him if he thinks he'll ever be into another woman if he marries that woman, and if so ask him to think about what a disaster that would be not just for him but for her and potentially for any children they may have.

 

[SIDA!]

no one wants to know the truth

I disagree.

I got involved with a woman when I was younger. I never proposed to her, but we were together for several years. I wish more friends and family would have shared their feelings with me about their reservations about her. She was a nightmare.

Interestingly enough, I have a good buddy of mine who is seemingly getting more and more serious with a woman that I do not think is a good fit for him. But, I am on the fence because she isn't horrible or a terrible person.

 

[Dentist]

Apparently your buddy doesn't think she's the wrong woman. Keep your mouth shut, none of your business who he marries.

This is correct. I have two friends who I've been in this boat with. Both of them, I've kind of lost touch with because their significant other is horrible. Some of my other friends had talked about saying something and I persuaded them against it. Even if we all hate their choice of a partner (I say this because one of my friends is gay), ultimately it comes down to what they think of that person. Who are we to tell them who they can and cannot love?

I was also once the person who was in a relationship with a devil and all of my friends hated her. But, even if they would have said something, I'm afraid I probably would have chosen her over them in a heartbeat.

Your best bet is to just accept your friend's choice. The only thing that will come from you saying anything is you losing a friend.

Isn't this the reason to speak up? Bad spouses kill friendships, so if she's going to do that anyway you may as well speak your mind.

As others have said, you make clear that 1) you're only going to say it once, and 2) you'll do whatever you can to support him if he still is with her.

I'm still friends with them. And we still talk every so often or hang out. But not like we used to. I'd rather get that than nothing. Especially if they end up staying with them forever. I know a lot of people keep talking about stories where it ends in divorce. But it won't always. My one friend has been with his woman for almost 15 years now.

I have 3 friends where I really disagreed with who they were marrying.

The one I just mentioned in a previous post that didn't last a year

However... for what it's worth the other 2 are still ongoing... 11 and 12 years respectively.

the 11 year one.. the guy is an absolute shell... we don't see him anymore.. he sucks and she sucks.. she's controlling and spends all of his money on the worst stuff... honestly they are just miserable together... but i guess it works for them.

the 12 year guy.... i only moderately objected to that one rather than complete and total objection.... in that case the guy suffered the first few years of her sucking.. but after they got a family going and stuff she has really turned things around and as far as I can tell they are doing pretty good now. One of the few gals I've seen go from good to better than good to worse or bad to completely terrible.

So who knows where your friend will end up... but about the only thing you can be certain of is that you'll see him less and the friendship is probably going to suffer significantly.

 

[Christo]

I sat by while a friend married a complete loser. I've regretted not saying anything. For what it's worth, we are no longer friends because she is so controlling. My money says you won't remain friends if he get married.

That's the thing. Relationships change when people get married even if the new spouse is palatable. I am not going to hang around with someone I don't like. So if I was in the situation I would speak up and try to save my relationship with my friend.

 

[SacramentoBob]

Story: this girl yelled at a child (4 yo or so) at a St. Patrick's Day parade. He has Downs Syndrome and I guess he spilled his drink (or hers or someone's) on her and her "outfit." True story, she went off on the child and the mother. Everyone who knows her has a story like this. She essentially hates old people and kids and is a social climber to boot.

Jesus.

 

[T Bell]

no one wants to know the truth

I disagree.

I got involved with a woman when I was younger. I never proposed to her, but we were together for several years. I wish more friends and family would have shared their feelings with me about their reservations about her. She was a nightmare.

Interestingly enough, I have a good buddy of mine who is seemingly getting more and more serious with a woman that I do not think is a good fit for him. But, I am on the fence because she isn't horrible or a terrible person.

That's a situation you stay out of. I'd reserve this for the "nightmare" girlfriend who you know is going to be a disaster.

 

[Osaurus]

Talk to him about it, but be prepared to walk away too.

 

[T Bell]

Story: this girl yelled at a child (4 yo or so) at a St. Patrick's Day parade. He has Downs Syndrome and I guess he spilled his drink (or hers or someone's) on her and her "outfit." True story, she went off on the child and the mother. Everyone who knows her has a story like this. She essentially hates old people and kids and is a social climber to boot.

Jesus.

Seriously. Stupid gomer needs to buy a cup holder, amiright?

 

[RhymesMcJuice]

I almost married the wrong woman once upon a time. The people who are saying that you get in too deep and won't necessarily listen to reason are 100% correct. It seems obvious in retrospect but at the time I was in a cloud and there's no way a buddy sitting me down and telling me not to marry her would have gotten it done.

For me it took meeting another woman while I was engaged. I didn't cheat on my fiancee, but I got emotionally involved enough with this other woman, or the idea of this other woman, that it shook me out of my spell and made me realize that the marriage was a bad idea for both of us. I realized I'd be miserable and would probably eventually cheat or leave her for someone else, even if it wasn't this new woman I'd met.

So I guess I'd recommend either (1) hiring an expensive prostitute for a long-term job to make your buddy fall in love, or (2) more realistically, maybe sit him down and ask him if he thinks he'll ever be into another woman if he marries that woman, and if so ask him to think about what a disaster that would be not just for him but for her and potentially for any children they may have.

Sounds like a movie...is there one where this has been done?

 

[DCThunder]

You know, the chick is probably telling HER friends what a bunch of losers her new fiance hangs out with and how she'll be totally happy when he realizes that and dumps them.

 

[gianmarco]

You need to have an intervention. EVERYONE needs to get involved and sit this guy down. One or two people approaching him won't work. Treat this as a serious drug problem or gambling problem that is about to cost him all he has, because, well, it is.

Her attendance at the intervention is optional. She can just hang out in the bedroom, I suppose.

 

[Lehigh98]

You need to have an intervention. EVERYONE needs to get involved and sit this guy down. One or two people approaching him won't work. Treat this as a serious drug problem or gambling problem that is about to cost him all he has, because, well, it is.

Her attendance at the intervention is optional. She can just hang out in the bedroom, I suppose.

And then they all should bang her?

 

[-fish-]

You need to have an intervention. EVERYONE needs to get involved and sit this guy down. One or two people approaching him won't work. Treat this as a serious drug problem or gambling problem that is about to cost him all he has, because, well, it is.

Her attendance at the intervention is optional. She can just hang out in the bedroom, I suppose.

singing telegram might work.

 

[Christo]

You need to have an intervention. EVERYONE needs to get involved and sit this guy down. One or two people approaching him won't work. Treat this as a serious drug problem or gambling problem that is about to cost him all he has, because, well, it is.

Her attendance at the intervention is optional. She can just hang out in the bedroom, I suppose.

And then they all should bang her?

Nothing like a little involuntary cuckolding to get a guy's mind set straight.

 

[lakerstan]

I've done something similar, but it wasn't as bad of a situation as you're talking about. Basically, 7-8 years ago my best friend was living with a long time girlfriend. He cheated on her with another girl, and 6 months later, he was talking about moving in with this girl. She was a nice girl but very different than the types he used to date. I said to him, "GB I love you like a brother and only want the best for you. I'm only going to bring this up once, and afterwards, you'll never hear me say anything similar again: XX is a nice girl but 6 months ago you were living with another girl who you thought you were eventually going to marry. Are you sure you want to be doing this right now?" He said thanks and he was sure. Fast forward to today and they seem very happy with two great kids.

You need to treat it delicately and definitely don't say even 5% of the #### you say here. Come out guns blazing and his defense mechanism will kick in and it's over.

The big problem is that you're already too late. This disaster is now his fiancee, he's already committed to her, and while he may eventually see the light, you needed to find a way to address this beforehand. Now it's time to be a good friend and support him.

This one seems like a winner. Say it once, delicately, and that's it...

 

[offdee]

As others have said, no point at all in saying how you feel. Even if deep down he knows, he won't listen anyways. Futile effort and will only end up being bad for yours and his relationship.

 

[iamsmilin]

Maybe this has already been asked and answered, but why did you all wait so long? He NEVER mentioned to anyone that he was going to propose? You couldn't've had this conversation before?

 

[fantasycurse42]

Maybe this has already been asked and answered, but why did you all wait so long? He NEVER mentioned to anyone that he was going to propose? You couldn't've had this conversation before?

Nobody thought it was their place and I guess everyone (like myself) was hoping it would end on its own. Who wants to have the conversation:

"Hey man, your GF is gigantic #####!"

 

[Ghost Rider]

There is almost nothing you can do. A friend of mine married someone EVERYONE, including myself who the best man, knew was the wrong girl for him literally 20 years ago. They were divorced within five years, but not before having a kid, which means he still has to deal with her on occasion (although their daughter turned 18 late last year, so that will cut back on that). Point being that the heart wants what the heart wants, or as Tony Soprano would said, the #### wants what the #### wants.

 

[johnnycakes]

Maybe this has already been asked and answered, but why did you all wait so long? He NEVER mentioned to anyone that he was going to propose? You couldn't've had this conversation before?

Nobody thought it was their place and I guess everyone (like myself) was hoping it would end on its own. Who wants to have the conversation:

"Hey man, your GF is gigantic #####!"

 

[fantasycurse42]

"Celebratory drinks" later this week with someone we'll call Mike1 and Mike2. Mike1 is going to let him know his thoughts (he is a pretty smooth operator and I expect he'll go about it as gentle as possible), Mike2 is going to try to keep it friendly if it starts to spiral. I can't make it that night, it appears others "can't" as well. I really can't due to a client event, otherwise I think I would go.

 

[iamsmilin]

Maybe this has already been asked and answered, but why did you all wait so long? He NEVER mentioned to anyone that he was going to propose? You couldn't've had this conversation before?

Nobody thought it was their place and I guess everyone (like myself) was hoping it would end on its own. Who wants to have the conversation:

"Hey man, your GF is gigantic #####!"

Well no offense, but it's much worse to say, "Hey man, your finacee is a total #####." Good luck.

 

[fantasycurse42]

Maybe this has already been asked and answered, but why did you all wait so long? He NEVER mentioned to anyone that he was going to propose? You couldn't've had this conversation before?

Nobody thought it was their place and I guess everyone (like myself) was hoping it would end on its own. Who wants to have the conversation:

"Hey man, your GF is gigantic #####!"

Well no offense, but it's much worse to say, "Hey man, your finacee is a total #####." Good luck.

Non taken, there was a decent shot that the conversation never had to be had. Unfortunately this isn't what happened.

 

[sublimeone]

You should say something but handle it delicately. Be patient, wait for the right opportunity, have some drinks... and then ask some openers, see if you can get him talking. If you get him talking and he tells you how completely in love with her he is etc... you can keep your mouth shut.

If, on the other hand, he starts talking about how much they fight etc.., you can plant some seeds, maybe lay some subtle hints that she has rubbed some people the wrong way... why not take a little more time? Have you thought about a longer engagement? I have to be honest with you, sometimes she seems cool but a lot of the time she seems kind of disrespectful towards you.

You end it.. hey man, you and I are great friends, I love you man and I have had a little feeling that you may be rushing into this. I support you 100% but if at any time you feel like this is something you need to think or talk about, let me know. I'm there for you.

examples of openers: how are things going with #####, is she going to be a bridezilla? What made you realize ##### is the one? Does ##### get along with your family?

 

[RhymesMcJuice]

Dude sounds screwed. You're not going to convince him because she's probably giving amazing BJ's right now that won't end until after the ring is on. You and your friends can't compete with an amazing BJ.