Advice needed family friend off the deep end (1 Viewer)

[belljr]

I'll try to not tl;dr this.

Friend of the family for 30+ years, 20 years or so his dad died, my father became "his father". His mom passed a couple years ago.

He had a falling out with his brother a long time ago. So everything was normal. He date my sisters best friend a year or so ago. This girl grew up with all of us so everyone has known everyone for 30 years if not more. Didn't work out, he went through depression, started sending texts angry emails, we got him help, he went to outpatient therapy, stayed with my parents for a couple months.

Though everything was cool. Started going off the deep end again, my dad being my dad pretty much said .... "Get your head out of your ### and get over it"

Seemed to work.

Well brother is back in the picture after getting separated they are both living in my buddies house.

He has not spoke to any of us since Christmas where he had dinner at our house......

He now threatened to kill the ex girlfriend and is now threatening to kill my sister since they are best friends.... My sister is not too upset since it mostly drunk angry texts. The ex finally put a restraining order in because she has finally been scared enough. No one wanted him to get in trouble. Everyone grew up together, and this was the nicest, quietest kid, would do anything for you.

His best friend told him yesterday, how can you be upset with the belljr's, they have done everything for you, how do I know you won't turn on me and my family.....

He basically said he doesn't know he needs help. Well they got him help before and that is not working out.....

Not sure what the next move is.... I have not spoken with him and not sure if I plan to right now, I don't think cursing him out will help anything since it appears to be angry drunk texts.

......

 

[Riversco]

He needs meds.

 

[Lutherman2112]

I'll try to not tl;dr this.

Friend of the family for 30+ years, 20 years or so his dad died, my father became "his father". His mom passed a couple years ago.

He had a falling out with his brother a long time ago. So everything was normal. He date my sisters best friend a year or so ago. This girl grew up with all of us so everyone has known everyone for 30 years if not more. Didn't work out, he went through depression, started sending texts angry emails, we got him help, he went to outpatient therapy, stayed with my parents for a couple months.

Though everything was cool. Started going off the deep end again, my dad being my dad pretty much said .... "Get your head out of your ### and get over it"

Seemed to work.

Well brother is back in the picture after getting separated they are both living in my buddies house.

He has not spoke to any of us since Christmas where he had dinner at our house......

He now threatened to kill the ex girlfriend and is now threatening to kill my sister since they are best friends.... My sister is not too upset since it mostly drunk angry texts. The ex finally put a restraining order in because she has finally been scared enough. No one wanted him to get in trouble. Everyone grew up together, and this was the nicest, quietest kid, would do anything for you.

His best friend told him yesterday, how can you be upset with the belljr's, they have done everything for you, how do I know you won't turn on me and my family.....

He basically said he doesn't know he needs help. Well they got him help before and that is not working out.....

Not sure what the next move is.... I have not spoken with him and not sure if I plan to right now, I don't think cursing him out will help anything since it appears to be angry drunk texts.

......

He did outpatient therapy...was it just counseling, or was he prescribed anything? Psychotropic?

My opinion is that your family friend is self medicating with at least alcohol. If he's on a neurological Rx, heavy drinking is a terrible idea as it cancels out the affects of the Rx and usually increases the intensity of the behavior that the psychotropic drug was intended to target.

My brother has been in and out of rehab several times. I will take his calls anytime, but he knows, I do not wish to be with him or communicate when he is drunk.

Support him with love and encouragement, but draw a line. After my brother's last binge off the wagon at the end of September, he has stayed sober and got a better job. In bad weather, I give him a ride to work...if he asks.

HTH

I wish your friend a better life.

 

[Mr. Retukes]

Your friend sounds mentally unstable. Very unstable. He is capable of anything.

Get him help and/or stay away.

 

[Kenny Powers]

Basically sounds like his brother and your buddy are watching him since theyre living with him, right?? So he has that, but if theyre aware of what he's saying/texting and still can comfort him some he is probably pretty messed up.

Definitely sounds like he needs help or protection or something to prevent him from doing something he will regret.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Everyone grew up together, and this was the nicest, quietest kid, would do anything for you.

I don't like where this is going.

 

[mr roboto]

My rule of thumb when trying to help people who are struggling with personal demons is to do everything you can until it begins to threaten you or anybody you love. You don't give and give so much that you and up losing. At the end of the day, he is responsible for his own actions.

 

[badmojo1006]

Sounds like he needs inpatient therapy and some medication.

Good Luck with this

 

[belljr]

Basically sounds like his brother and your buddy are watching him since theyre living with him, right?? So he has that, but if theyre aware of what he's saying/texting and still can comfort him some he is probably pretty messed up.

Definitely sounds like he needs help or protection or something to prevent him from doing something he will regret.

just my friend and his brother live together but people are definitely reaching out

 

[T Bell]

What's his diagnosis?

 

[belljr]

What's his diagnosis?

Just depression for now but he drinks way too much now... This is all stemming from the breakup .....

 

[T Bell]

What's his diagnosis?

Just depression for now but he drinks way too much now... This is all stemming from the breakup .....

I don't normally associate depression with death threats against others. Yeah, I get that alcohol's involved but are you sure he's not bipolar or schizo or something?

Either way, this definitely sounds like he needs meds and counseling, the latter both for alcohol and for whatever his diagnosis is.

I don't know how you approach this with him - maybe an intervention or something when he's sober of course, but this obviously can't be allowed to fester.

 

[belljr]

What's his diagnosis?

Just depression for now but he drinks way too much now... This is all stemming from the breakup .....

I don't normally associate depression with death threats against others. Yeah, I get that alcohol's involved but are you sure he's not bipolar or schizo or something?

Either way, this definitely sounds like he needs meds and counseling, the latter both for alcohol and for whatever his diagnosis is.

I don't know how you approach this with him - maybe an intervention or something when he's sober of course, but this obviously can't be allowed to fester.

yeah he was going to counseling and checked to an outpatient facility.

we think he has something obviously more.... thanks

 

[fatness]

I'll go along with the suggestion for counseling and medication, but neither's likely to do much good with the drinking involved. And I'll add the suggestion of getting the police involved, not to file charges but to do a sort of welfare check based on reports by those around him that he might be thinking of hurting someone else or himself. That accomplishes several things:

- serves as a "uh oh I crossed a line and the cops are interested" moment for him

- serves as a good measuring stick for the rest of you; if he keeps up with the threatening behavior despite police interest you know the problem's more serious than you first thought

- lets the police form their own detached opinion about whether he's a threat at the current time

Best of luck to you

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

How about hiring a hooker to randomly pick him up at a bar and #### the stupid out of him?

 

[lod01]

Hide....

 

[LinusMarr]

I'll try to not tl;dr this.

Friend of the family for 30+ years, 20 years or so his dad died, my father became "his father". His mom passed a couple years ago.

He had a falling out with his brother a long time ago. So everything was normal. He date my sisters best friend a year or so ago. This girl grew up with all of us so everyone has known everyone for 30 years if not more. Didn't work out, he went through depression, started sending texts angry emails, we got him help, he went to outpatient therapy, stayed with my parents for a couple months.

He just needs to get on a damn dating site and get a new gf, its pretty easy...

 

[Henry Ford]

If he threatens your sister again, find out what the procedure is in your state to have someone involuntarily committed for being a danger to himself and others.

Then follow that procedure.

 

[BroadwayG]

He needs to move from booze to weed.

 

[jwp]

Buy him a couple of guns.

 

[Johnny Rock]

No one wanted him to get in trouble.

Who cares if he gets in trouble? He's threatening to kill people. Get him some help as others have mentioned and quit treating it as, "Oh well, it's only drunk angry texts." The signs are all there. Act on it or you may regret it. I feel for you and wish you well.

 

[belljr]

First time in my life I told another adult male I love them. He was emotional tonight said he knows how much we care and he does love us....

we shall see

 

[Grace Under Pressure]

Agree with weed & dating sites over booze, depression & threats. Would also add "needs motivation" to that list. Could get ugly. Sucks, be careful.

 

[AAABatteries]

If he threatens your sister again, find out what the procedure is in your state to have someone involuntarily committed for being a danger to himself and others.

Then follow that procedure.

This except I wouldn't wait for it to happen again. If he's texted it while drunk then there's a chance he would act on it while drunk.

 

[-fish-]

steady stream of hookers.

 

[Henry Ford]

If he threatens your sister again, find out what the procedure is in your state to have someone involuntarily committed for being a danger to himself and others.

Then follow that procedure.

This except I wouldn't wait for it to happen again. If he's texted it while drunk then there's a chance he would act on it while drunk.

I agree, but many if not most states won't do an involuntary committal unless he's an active threat at the time.

 

[Carolina Hustler]

Get him a new woman.. Then convince them to move away together, to the other side of the country.. Problem solved..

 

[fatness]

If he threatens your sister again, find out what the procedure is in your state to have someone involuntarily committed for being a danger to himself and others.

Then follow that procedure.

This except I wouldn't wait for it to happen again. If he's texted it while drunk then there's a chance he would act on it while drunk.

I agree, but many if not most states won't do an involuntary committal unless he's an active threat at the time.

Most jurisdictions will do welfare checks.