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After Earth - Will Smith's vanity project involving his son. (1 Viewer)

Andy Dufresne

Footballguy
Budget of $130m. We will soon have a new entry into the pantheon of box office bombs.

When he's talking to Eddie Murphy, Eddie will say "Sure I made Pluto Nash, but at least I didn't make After Earth."

Seriously. Who wants to watch 100 minutes of a kid running around with a sharp stick chasing CGI animals that are more lifelike than he is?The StarTribune has a funny review of it today.

 
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kentric

Footballguy
I only saw one review and it wasn't a very good one. They say they're already developing a prequel.

 

Andy Dufresne

Footballguy
Someone should have stopped it when they read this part of the plot synopsis - " trained by a wise but stern General named Cypher Raige".

STOP - if you've named your central character something so stupid there can't possibly be any hope for the content of the script itself.

 

Kal El

Footballguy
The CGI is definitely expensive, but if he's putting the money up himself, he can do what he wants with it. I'll be busy watching Man of Steel.

 

Joe Summer

Footballguy
It's like Smith took all the successful elements of his past movies and cynically combined them into a film that is solely designed to launch the career of his son.

 

JuniorNB

Footballguy
I've always been a fan of Will Smith. Both his work and what he appears to be in real life. But I can't stand how he's trying to force feed his kids down everyone's throats to make them stars too.

 

GroveDiesel

Footballguy
The previews look horrible. I thought it was a parody or direct to DVD thing when I first saw them.

But with the education they chose to provide their kids with, I don't think there are many career options for them outside of the entertainment industry. So doing what he can to try to boost his son's career makes sense.

 

Spin

Footballguy
I've always been a fan of Will Smith. Both his work and what he appears to be in real life. But I can't stand how he's trying to force feed his kids down everyone's throats to make them stars too.
If I had the bankroll to put my son in a movie, I'd do it. If people stopped going to the movies his son was in, he'd run out of money.

 

Leeroy Jenkins

Footballguy
The previews look horrible. I thought it was a parody or direct to DVD thing when I first saw them.But with the education they chose to provide their kids with, I don't think there are many career options for them outside of the entertainment industry. So doing what he can to try to boost his son's career makes sense.
What education? Scientology?

 

Joe Summer

Footballguy
It's like Smith took all the successful elements of his past movies and cynically combined them into a film that is solely designed to launch the career of his son.
He actually has a formula: http://io9.com/330985/will-smiths-cant+miss-formula-for-blockbuster-movies
:goodposting:
"We looked at them and said, O.K., what are the patterns?" Smith recalls. "We realized that 10 out of 10 had special effects. Nine out of 10 had special effects with creatures. Eight out of 10 had special effects with creatures and a love story."
 

GroveDiesel

Footballguy
The previews look horrible. I thought it was a parody or direct to DVD thing when I first saw them.But with the education they chose to provide their kids with, I don't think there are many career options for them outside of the entertainment industry. So doing what he can to try to boost his son's career makes sense.
What education? Scientology?
That was a lot of it. I think they referred to it as a "classical" education or something like that. Mostly exposure to the arts and philosophy. Light on math and science.
 

Andy Dufresne

Footballguy
Currently at 13% on Rottentomatoes and 29/100 on Metacritic.

Here's the MSP StarTribune's review

Not long from now, Netflix will catalog the mind-alteringly awful “After Earth,” starring Jaden Smith and Will Smith, in its Science Fiction section. A more accurate category would be Nepotism, a peculiar brand of make-believe where influential Hollywood parents present their offspring as stars in their own right, without the heavy burden of developing talent or public appeal. The movie will find a fitting grave alongside 2005’s “Hostage,” starring Bruce Willis as a cop and Rumer Willis as his abducted daughter, and the collected works of Tori Spelling.


“After Earth” is a work of hubris magnified by multiple miscalculations, the kind of film that would cause Ed Wood to excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

Smith senior plays Gen. Cypher Raige, the stoic military leader of an off-planet Earthling colony. I am not making this up, that is seriously his name. His main task is killing giant bugs our alien enemies have dropped onto our settlement. The ugly beasts are blind, locating human prey by the smell of our fear-triggered pheromones. Yes, these are monsters that could be neutralized with a squirt of Axe body spray. Nobody in the future has thought of that.

Gen. Raige kills the space roaches with a two-bladed spear (a gun would seem a better choice, but remember, these guys haven’t figured out deodorant). His technique is to be so zen cool that the creatures can’t sniff him. A glowering, humorless disciplinarian (a role Laurence Fishburne could have played much better), Gen. Raige acts like an android with a defective empathy chip. His conversation at the family dinner table sounds like snippets from “The Art of War.”

There are some issues between father and son, to put it mildly. Young Kitai (Smith junior), a military cadet at that gawky all-knees-and-elbows age, fears he can’t measure up to Dad’s standards. It’s like the vibe between Melissa and Joan Rivers on the Oscars red carpet, but in space.

Thanks to lazy screenwriting, the pair crash-land on Earth 1,000 years after the human exodus. Paralyzed, Gen. Raige sends Kitai overland to locate the lost SOS transmitter. “Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans,” he warns. Which is a stupid evolutionary strategy, with no humans around.

In a bewildering procession of nonsequiturs, buffalo coexist with orangutans and cobras, hyenas have learned to climb trees, tropical bromiliads thrive in wintry redwood forests and river leeches have developed fast-acting venom. All in just 1,000 years. Also, condors have learned dolphin-like compassion, saving Kitai from certain death more than once. So Gen. Raige was wrong on that count.

The story’s details make no sense at all. A lava-belching volcano contains a refreshing swimming pool. A random cavern features caveman drawings. The Raiges’ spaceship, whose interior is modeled after an intestine, is transporting a giant bug egg for reasons I can’t explain because I am not fluent in stupid.

The film’s broad strokes are painfully trite. The acting is wooden, the dialogue inane, and M. Night Shyamalan’s directing choices are a lesson in sci-fi cliché. Even such surefire thrill-ride effects as Kitai leaping off a giant waterfall go inert through stumblebum editing. The only positive effect of “After Earth” is that it has improved the reputation of “The Wild, Wild West,” previously the worst movie of Smith’s career.
 
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General Malaise

Poop Lord
Currently at 13% on Rottentomatoes and 29/100 on Metacritic.

Here's the MSP StarTribune's review

Not long from now, Netflix will catalog the mind-alteringly awful “After Earth,” starring Jaden Smith and Will Smith, in its Science Fiction section. A more accurate category would be Nepotism, a peculiar brand of make-believe where influential Hollywood parents present their offspring as stars in their own right, without the heavy burden of developing talent or public appeal. The movie will find a fitting grave alongside 2005’s “Hostage,” starring Bruce Willis as a cop and Rumer Willis as his abducted daughter, and the collected works of Tori Spelling.


“After Earth” is a work of hubris magnified by multiple miscalculations, the kind of film that would cause Ed Wood to excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

Smith senior plays Gen. Cypher Raige, the stoic military leader of an off-planet Earthling colony. I am not making this up, that is seriously his name. His main task is killing giant bugs our alien enemies have dropped onto our settlement. The ugly beasts are blind, locating human prey by the smell of our fear-triggered pheromones. Yes, these are monsters that could be neutralized with a squirt of Axe body spray. Nobody in the future has thought of that.

Gen. Raige kills the space roaches with a two-bladed spear (a gun would seem a better choice, but remember, these guys haven’t figured out deodorant). His technique is to be so zen cool that the creatures can’t sniff him. A glowering, humorless disciplinarian (a role Laurence Fishburne could have played much better), Gen. Raige acts like an android with a defective empathy chip. His conversation at the family dinner table sounds like snippets from “The Art of War.”

There are some issues between father and son, to put it mildly. Young Kitai (Smith junior), a military cadet at that gawky all-knees-and-elbows age, fears he can’t measure up to Dad’s standards. It’s like the vibe between Melissa and Joan Rivers on the Oscars red carpet, but in space.

Thanks to lazy screenwriting, the pair crash-land on Earth 1,000 years after the human exodus. Paralyzed, Gen. Raige sends Kitai overland to locate the lost SOS transmitter. “Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans,” he warns. Which is a stupid evolutionary strategy, with no humans around.

In a bewildering procession of nonsequiturs, buffalo coexist with orangutans and cobras, hyenas have learned to climb trees, tropical bromiliads thrive in wintry redwood forests and river leeches have developed fast-acting venom. All in just 1,000 years. Also, condors have learned dolphin-like compassion, saving Kitai from certain death more than once. So Gen. Raige was wrong on that count.

The story’s details make no sense at all. A lava-belching volcano contains a refreshing swimming pool. A random cavern features caveman drawings. The Raiges’ spaceship, whose interior is modeled after an intestine, is transporting a giant bug egg for reasons I can’t explain because I am not fluent in stupid.

The film’s broad strokes are painfully trite. The acting is wooden, the dialogue inane, and M. Night Shyamalan’s directing choices are a lesson in sci-fi cliché. Even such surefire thrill-ride effects as Kitai leaping off a giant waterfall go inert through stumblebum editing. The only positive effect of “After Earth” is that it has improved the reputation of “The Wild, Wild West,” previously the worst movie of Smith’s career.
If Larry_Boy can read that review and STILL stand by his statement that "it at least looks interesting" I will never believe another word he posts here and will concede that every single one of his posts he's ever made has been fraudulent and pure shtick.

 

larry_boy_44

Footballguy
Currently at 13% on Rottentomatoes and 29/100 on Metacritic.

Here's the MSP StarTribune's review

Not long from now, Netflix will catalog the mind-alteringly awful “After Earth,” starring Jaden Smith and Will Smith, in its Science Fiction section. A more accurate category would be Nepotism, a peculiar brand of make-believe where influential Hollywood parents present their offspring as stars in their own right, without the heavy burden of developing talent or public appeal. The movie will find a fitting grave alongside 2005’s “Hostage,” starring Bruce Willis as a cop and Rumer Willis as his abducted daughter, and the collected works of Tori Spelling.


“After Earth” is a work of hubris magnified by multiple miscalculations, the kind of film that would cause Ed Wood to excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

Smith senior plays Gen. Cypher Raige, the stoic military leader of an off-planet Earthling colony. I am not making this up, that is seriously his name. His main task is killing giant bugs our alien enemies have dropped onto our settlement. The ugly beasts are blind, locating human prey by the smell of our fear-triggered pheromones. Yes, these are monsters that could be neutralized with a squirt of Axe body spray. Nobody in the future has thought of that.

Gen. Raige kills the space roaches with a two-bladed spear (a gun would seem a better choice, but remember, these guys haven’t figured out deodorant). His technique is to be so zen cool that the creatures can’t sniff him. A glowering, humorless disciplinarian (a role Laurence Fishburne could have played much better), Gen. Raige acts like an android with a defective empathy chip. His conversation at the family dinner table sounds like snippets from “The Art of War.”

There are some issues between father and son, to put it mildly. Young Kitai (Smith junior), a military cadet at that gawky all-knees-and-elbows age, fears he can’t measure up to Dad’s standards. It’s like the vibe between Melissa and Joan Rivers on the Oscars red carpet, but in space.

Thanks to lazy screenwriting, the pair crash-land on Earth 1,000 years after the human exodus. Paralyzed, Gen. Raige sends Kitai overland to locate the lost SOS transmitter. “Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans,” he warns. Which is a stupid evolutionary strategy, with no humans around.

In a bewildering procession of nonsequiturs, buffalo coexist with orangutans and cobras, hyenas have learned to climb trees, tropical bromiliads thrive in wintry redwood forests and river leeches have developed fast-acting venom. All in just 1,000 years. Also, condors have learned dolphin-like compassion, saving Kitai from certain death more than once. So Gen. Raige was wrong on that count.

The story’s details make no sense at all. A lava-belching volcano contains a refreshing swimming pool. A random cavern features caveman drawings. The Raiges’ spaceship, whose interior is modeled after an intestine, is transporting a giant bug egg for reasons I can’t explain because I am not fluent in stupid.

The film’s broad strokes are painfully trite. The acting is wooden, the dialogue inane, and M. Night Shyamalan’s directing choices are a lesson in sci-fi cliché. Even such surefire thrill-ride effects as Kitai leaping off a giant waterfall go inert through stumblebum editing. The only positive effect of “After Earth” is that it has improved the reputation of “The Wild, Wild West,” previously the worst movie of Smith’s career.
If Larry_Boy can read that review and STILL stand by his statement that "it at least looks interesting" I will never believe another word he posts here and will concede that every single one of his posts he's ever made has been fraudulent and pure shtick.

the previews did look interesting... Doesn't mean the actual movie is. It isn't hard to make a 1 minute promo video for an action sci-fi movie.

 

General Malaise

Poop Lord
Currently at 13% on Rottentomatoes and 29/100 on Metacritic.

Here's the MSP StarTribune's review

Not long from now, Netflix will catalog the mind-alteringly awful “After Earth,” starring Jaden Smith and Will Smith, in its Science Fiction section. A more accurate category would be Nepotism, a peculiar brand of make-believe where influential Hollywood parents present their offspring as stars in their own right, without the heavy burden of developing talent or public appeal. The movie will find a fitting grave alongside 2005’s “Hostage,” starring Bruce Willis as a cop and Rumer Willis as his abducted daughter, and the collected works of Tori Spelling.


“After Earth” is a work of hubris magnified by multiple miscalculations, the kind of film that would cause Ed Wood to excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

Smith senior plays Gen. Cypher Raige, the stoic military leader of an off-planet Earthling colony. I am not making this up, that is seriously his name. His main task is killing giant bugs our alien enemies have dropped onto our settlement. The ugly beasts are blind, locating human prey by the smell of our fear-triggered pheromones. Yes, these are monsters that could be neutralized with a squirt of Axe body spray. Nobody in the future has thought of that.

Gen. Raige kills the space roaches with a two-bladed spear (a gun would seem a better choice, but remember, these guys haven’t figured out deodorant). His technique is to be so zen cool that the creatures can’t sniff him. A glowering, humorless disciplinarian (a role Laurence Fishburne could have played much better), Gen. Raige acts like an android with a defective empathy chip. His conversation at the family dinner table sounds like snippets from “The Art of War.”

There are some issues between father and son, to put it mildly. Young Kitai (Smith junior), a military cadet at that gawky all-knees-and-elbows age, fears he can’t measure up to Dad’s standards. It’s like the vibe between Melissa and Joan Rivers on the Oscars red carpet, but in space.

Thanks to lazy screenwriting, the pair crash-land on Earth 1,000 years after the human exodus. Paralyzed, Gen. Raige sends Kitai overland to locate the lost SOS transmitter. “Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans,” he warns. Which is a stupid evolutionary strategy, with no humans around.

In a bewildering procession of nonsequiturs, buffalo coexist with orangutans and cobras, hyenas have learned to climb trees, tropical bromiliads thrive in wintry redwood forests and river leeches have developed fast-acting venom. All in just 1,000 years. Also, condors have learned dolphin-like compassion, saving Kitai from certain death more than once. So Gen. Raige was wrong on that count.

The story’s details make no sense at all. A lava-belching volcano contains a refreshing swimming pool. A random cavern features caveman drawings. The Raiges’ spaceship, whose interior is modeled after an intestine, is transporting a giant bug egg for reasons I can’t explain because I am not fluent in stupid.

The film’s broad strokes are painfully trite. The acting is wooden, the dialogue inane, and M. Night Shyamalan’s directing choices are a lesson in sci-fi cliché. Even such surefire thrill-ride effects as Kitai leaping off a giant waterfall go inert through stumblebum editing. The only positive effect of “After Earth” is that it has improved the reputation of “The Wild, Wild West,” previously the worst movie of Smith’s career.
If Larry_Boy can read that review and STILL stand by his statement that "it at least looks interesting" I will never believe another word he posts here and will concede that every single one of his posts he's ever made has been fraudulent and pure shtick.

the previews did look interesting... Doesn't mean the actual movie is. It isn't hard to make a 1 minute promo video for an action sci-fi movie.
You like fast food and Nickelback, don't you?

 

Andy Dufresne

Footballguy
If I want to watch a schlocky, so-bad-it's-good science fiction movie, I'll just watch A Sound Of Thunder again.

At least that has less annoying actors.

No really, I kind of dig that movie.

 

larry_boy_44

Footballguy
Currently at 13% on Rottentomatoes and 29/100 on Metacritic.

Here's the MSP StarTribune's review

Not long from now, Netflix will catalog the mind-alteringly awful “After Earth,” starring Jaden Smith and Will Smith, in its Science Fiction section. A more accurate category would be Nepotism, a peculiar brand of make-believe where influential Hollywood parents present their offspring as stars in their own right, without the heavy burden of developing talent or public appeal. The movie will find a fitting grave alongside 2005’s “Hostage,” starring Bruce Willis as a cop and Rumer Willis as his abducted daughter, and the collected works of Tori Spelling.


“After Earth” is a work of hubris magnified by multiple miscalculations, the kind of film that would cause Ed Wood to excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

Smith senior plays Gen. Cypher Raige, the stoic military leader of an off-planet Earthling colony. I am not making this up, that is seriously his name. His main task is killing giant bugs our alien enemies have dropped onto our settlement. The ugly beasts are blind, locating human prey by the smell of our fear-triggered pheromones. Yes, these are monsters that could be neutralized with a squirt of Axe body spray. Nobody in the future has thought of that.

Gen. Raige kills the space roaches with a two-bladed spear (a gun would seem a better choice, but remember, these guys haven’t figured out deodorant). His technique is to be so zen cool that the creatures can’t sniff him. A glowering, humorless disciplinarian (a role Laurence Fishburne could have played much better), Gen. Raige acts like an android with a defective empathy chip. His conversation at the family dinner table sounds like snippets from “The Art of War.”

There are some issues between father and son, to put it mildly. Young Kitai (Smith junior), a military cadet at that gawky all-knees-and-elbows age, fears he can’t measure up to Dad’s standards. It’s like the vibe between Melissa and Joan Rivers on the Oscars red carpet, but in space.

Thanks to lazy screenwriting, the pair crash-land on Earth 1,000 years after the human exodus. Paralyzed, Gen. Raige sends Kitai overland to locate the lost SOS transmitter. “Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans,” he warns. Which is a stupid evolutionary strategy, with no humans around.

In a bewildering procession of nonsequiturs, buffalo coexist with orangutans and cobras, hyenas have learned to climb trees, tropical bromiliads thrive in wintry redwood forests and river leeches have developed fast-acting venom. All in just 1,000 years. Also, condors have learned dolphin-like compassion, saving Kitai from certain death more than once. So Gen. Raige was wrong on that count.

The story’s details make no sense at all. A lava-belching volcano contains a refreshing swimming pool. A random cavern features caveman drawings. The Raiges’ spaceship, whose interior is modeled after an intestine, is transporting a giant bug egg for reasons I can’t explain because I am not fluent in stupid.

The film’s broad strokes are painfully trite. The acting is wooden, the dialogue inane, and M. Night Shyamalan’s directing choices are a lesson in sci-fi cliché. Even such surefire thrill-ride effects as Kitai leaping off a giant waterfall go inert through stumblebum editing. The only positive effect of “After Earth” is that it has improved the reputation of “The Wild, Wild West,” previously the worst movie of Smith’s career.
If Larry_Boy can read that review and STILL stand by his statement that "it at least looks interesting" I will never believe another word he posts here and will concede that every single one of his posts he's ever made has been fraudulent and pure shtick.

the previews did look interesting... Doesn't mean the actual movie is. It isn't hard to make a 1 minute promo video for an action sci-fi movie.
You like fast food and Nickelback, don't you?
not really and not a chance.

I just went "Will Smith. action/sci-fi. How bad can it be?" and "ooh... looks pretty" and figured it would at least be as good as Wild Wild West (which I thought was ok).

 

NCCommish

Footballguy
Currently at 13% on Rottentomatoes and 29/100 on Metacritic.

Here's the MSP StarTribune's review

Not long from now, Netflix will catalog the mind-alteringly awful “After Earth,” starring Jaden Smith and Will Smith, in its Science Fiction section. A more accurate category would be Nepotism, a peculiar brand of make-believe where influential Hollywood parents present their offspring as stars in their own right, without the heavy burden of developing talent or public appeal. The movie will find a fitting grave alongside 2005’s “Hostage,” starring Bruce Willis as a cop and Rumer Willis as his abducted daughter, and the collected works of Tori Spelling.


“After Earth” is a work of hubris magnified by multiple miscalculations, the kind of film that would cause Ed Wood to excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

Smith senior plays Gen. Cypher Raige, the stoic military leader of an off-planet Earthling colony. I am not making this up, that is seriously his name. His main task is killing giant bugs our alien enemies have dropped onto our settlement. The ugly beasts are blind, locating human prey by the smell of our fear-triggered pheromones. Yes, these are monsters that could be neutralized with a squirt of Axe body spray. Nobody in the future has thought of that.

Gen. Raige kills the space roaches with a two-bladed spear (a gun would seem a better choice, but remember, these guys haven’t figured out deodorant). His technique is to be so zen cool that the creatures can’t sniff him. A glowering, humorless disciplinarian (a role Laurence Fishburne could have played much better), Gen. Raige acts like an android with a defective empathy chip. His conversation at the family dinner table sounds like snippets from “The Art of War.”

There are some issues between father and son, to put it mildly. Young Kitai (Smith junior), a military cadet at that gawky all-knees-and-elbows age, fears he can’t measure up to Dad’s standards. It’s like the vibe between Melissa and Joan Rivers on the Oscars red carpet, but in space.

Thanks to lazy screenwriting, the pair crash-land on Earth 1,000 years after the human exodus. Paralyzed, Gen. Raige sends Kitai overland to locate the lost SOS transmitter. “Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans,” he warns. Which is a stupid evolutionary strategy, with no humans around.

In a bewildering procession of nonsequiturs, buffalo coexist with orangutans and cobras, hyenas have learned to climb trees, tropical bromiliads thrive in wintry redwood forests and river leeches have developed fast-acting venom. All in just 1,000 years. Also, condors have learned dolphin-like compassion, saving Kitai from certain death more than once. So Gen. Raige was wrong on that count.

The story’s details make no sense at all. A lava-belching volcano contains a refreshing swimming pool. A random cavern features caveman drawings. The Raiges’ spaceship, whose interior is modeled after an intestine, is transporting a giant bug egg for reasons I can’t explain because I am not fluent in stupid.

The film’s broad strokes are painfully trite. The acting is wooden, the dialogue inane, and M. Night Shyamalan’s directing choices are a lesson in sci-fi cliché. Even such surefire thrill-ride effects as Kitai leaping off a giant waterfall go inert through stumblebum editing. The only positive effect of “After Earth” is that it has improved the reputation of “The Wild, Wild West,” previously the worst movie of Smith’s career.
If Larry_Boy can read that review and STILL stand by his statement that "it at least looks interesting" I will never believe another word he posts here and will concede that every single one of his posts he's ever made has been fraudulent and pure shtick.

the previews did look interesting... Doesn't mean the actual movie is. It isn't hard to make a 1 minute promo video for an action sci-fi movie.
You like fast food and Nickelback, don't you?
not really and not a chance.

I just went "Will Smith. action/sci-fi. How bad can it be?" and "ooh... looks pretty" and figured it would at least be as good as Wild Wild West (which I thought was ok).
I'm going to back Larry here on Wild West. The show was over the top shlocky, seriously funny effects and filled with hamming it up acting. So was the movie. It was what I expected.

 

Kal El

Footballguy
God, just looked up Rumor Willis. Here's a tip: DON'T! She's butt ugly.
Yeah unfortunately Rumor got a little too much from Bruce and not enough from Demi.
There is potential there, but she's not really my type. She's definitely not the ugliest woman in Hollywood.
She could easily be mistaken for Lana Wachowski.
Thank you for proving my point. Now I need more brain bleach.

 

NCCommish

Footballguy

17seconds

root of all aliai
Oh and I did the Rumor Willis image search. Wow. It's like Bruce Willis a year later if he got stuck in Maynard's basement in Pulp Fiction.

 

Zow

Footballguy
Currently at 13% on Rottentomatoes and 29/100 on Metacritic.

Here's the MSP StarTribune's review

Not long from now, Netflix will catalog the mind-alteringly awful “After Earth,” starring Jaden Smith and Will Smith, in its Science Fiction section. A more accurate category would be Nepotism, a peculiar brand of make-believe where influential Hollywood parents present their offspring as stars in their own right, without the heavy burden of developing talent or public appeal. The movie will find a fitting grave alongside 2005’s “Hostage,” starring Bruce Willis as a cop and Rumer Willis as his abducted daughter, and the collected works of Tori Spelling.


“After Earth” is a work of hubris magnified by multiple miscalculations, the kind of film that would cause Ed Wood to excuse himself and skulk to the exit.

Smith senior plays Gen. Cypher Raige, the stoic military leader of an off-planet Earthling colony. I am not making this up, that is seriously his name. His main task is killing giant bugs our alien enemies have dropped onto our settlement. The ugly beasts are blind, locating human prey by the smell of our fear-triggered pheromones. Yes, these are monsters that could be neutralized with a squirt of Axe body spray. Nobody in the future has thought of that.

Gen. Raige kills the space roaches with a two-bladed spear (a gun would seem a better choice, but remember, these guys haven’t figured out deodorant). His technique is to be so zen cool that the creatures can’t sniff him. A glowering, humorless disciplinarian (a role Laurence Fishburne could have played much better), Gen. Raige acts like an android with a defective empathy chip. His conversation at the family dinner table sounds like snippets from “The Art of War.”

There are some issues between father and son, to put it mildly. Young Kitai (Smith junior), a military cadet at that gawky all-knees-and-elbows age, fears he can’t measure up to Dad’s standards. It’s like the vibe between Melissa and Joan Rivers on the Oscars red carpet, but in space.

Thanks to lazy screenwriting, the pair crash-land on Earth 1,000 years after the human exodus. Paralyzed, Gen. Raige sends Kitai overland to locate the lost SOS transmitter. “Everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans,” he warns. Which is a stupid evolutionary strategy, with no humans around.

In a bewildering procession of nonsequiturs, buffalo coexist with orangutans and cobras, hyenas have learned to climb trees, tropical bromiliads thrive in wintry redwood forests and river leeches have developed fast-acting venom. All in just 1,000 years. Also, condors have learned dolphin-like compassion, saving Kitai from certain death more than once. So Gen. Raige was wrong on that count.

The story’s details make no sense at all. A lava-belching volcano contains a refreshing swimming pool. A random cavern features caveman drawings. The Raiges’ spaceship, whose interior is modeled after an intestine, is transporting a giant bug egg for reasons I can’t explain because I am not fluent in stupid.

The film’s broad strokes are painfully trite. The acting is wooden, the dialogue inane, and M. Night Shyamalan’s directing choices are a lesson in sci-fi cliché. Even such surefire thrill-ride effects as Kitai leaping off a giant waterfall go inert through stumblebum editing. The only positive effect of “After Earth” is that it has improved the reputation of “The Wild, Wild West,” previously the worst movie of Smith’s career.
If Larry_Boy can read that review and STILL stand by his statement that "it at least looks interesting" I will never believe another word he posts here and will concede that every single one of his posts he's ever made has been fraudulent and pure shtick.

the previews did look interesting... Doesn't mean the actual movie is. It isn't hard to make a 1 minute promo video for an action sci-fi movie.
Actually it's pretty easy because you just show 1 minute of the best action scenes with some music over the top.

 

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