The Best December Mock Draft With Two Rounds in the History of the World, Ever.
M. L. Brandow
I'd appreciate any homer feedback and feel free to rip me for predicting stupid players that your team will never pick in a million billion years. Would also appreciate instead of "good Steelers pick

" giving some corroborative analysis in the likely possibility that I picked a stupid player that your team would never pick but you agree with it.
In the off-chance that you're still reading this lengthy introduction of two whole paragraphs, I'd like to ask one last thing before you scroll down to your favorite team and then post homer feedback on it: Stop reading this introduction and scroll down to your favorite team.
Let's begin!
1Oakland Raiders (2-14) - Brady Quinn, QB Notre Dame - It's too bad that they can't address their biggest need with this pick. Any other spot would have this team taking DT. Unfortunately, just like last year with the Texans, they're very unlikely to find a workable trade scenario. Quinn brings a face for a franchise that needs one, and although it's believed Oakland still has some faith in Walter, the allure of a franchise signal caller may be too great to pass up when they find themselves unable to move down.
33OAK - Quentin Moses, DE Georgia
2Detroit Lions (3-13) - Gaines Adams, DE Clemson – The most vital part to the Tampa-2 Defense is the WLB. Having addressed that in last year's draft however, the second most vital part is having a marquee pass-rushing D-End. Penetration from the front four frees up the speedy linebackers so that they can make more plays, and specifically the RDE's effectiveness allow the WLB more freedom. Tony Dungy grabbed Dwight Freeney the moment he landed in Indianapolis, and I would personally be shocked if DET skips out on DE with this pick. Adams is eerily similar to Freeney and has all the intangibles you look for when trying to break the stigma of coaching a team with a Detroit logo on its helmets.
34DET - Antoine Cason, CB Arizona
3Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13) - Joe Thomas, OT Wisconsin – What a difference an offensive line (or lack thereof) makes. Only last year, when the Bucs started the same guys at all five spots for the first time in franchise history, this team looked on the cusp of another Super Bowl run. Question: what do Sean Mahan, Dan Buenning, Davin Joseph and Jeremy Trueblood have in common? They were all drafted under Jon Gruden. The only thing lacking in this line is a franchise left tackle, of which Mr. Thomas is. Injuries to Buenning and Joseph have really kept this unit from gelling this year, but insert Big Joe on the left side, and the Buccaneer O-line goes from Achilles to strength overnight.
35TBB - Aaron Rouse, SS Virginia Tech
60TBB (f/IND) - Jay Alford, DT Penn State
4Houston Texans (5-11) - Adrian Peterson, RB Oklahoma – If the Texans draft anyone other than RB here—which they wont—it means they plan to move on without David Carr—which they aren't doing. I don't know where all of this media speculation comes from that Carr is in danger of losing his job and that he's a horrible QB, but all of those people are idiots. When Carr did have a running back, he lacked reliable receivers, and when he finally got those, he lost his running back. I'd also find it hard-pressed to believe they pass on another famed high school Texas player after all of the bad PR they got from skipping out on Vince Young.
36HOU - Brandon Meriweather, FS Miami
5Washington Redskins (5-11) - Leon Hall, CB Michigan – Maybe it's too early, maybe I'm crazy, but Carlos Rogers is just plain yuck. Maybe he's still not fully recovered, but regardless, this team has zero CB depth and Hall is probably the best available player right now. That defense can't afford to roll the dice on Rogers again next year, and when Coach Joe Gibbs retires next season, D-Coordinator Greg Blache is taking over. As such, I expect him to wield more influence this offseason with the management and get a guy that defense really needs.
6Arizona Cardinals (5-11) - Levi Brown, OT Penn State – To think, Edgerrin James looks so bad this season that people are having second thoughts about JJ Arrington's future in the NFL. With all of the offensive pieces in place though, and a young defense that is still improving, look for this pick to be a Tackle, whether it's a huge reach or small one. And having a guy under 360lbs on the offensive line might just help open up a hole or two or... I don't know... give Matt Leinart some pass protection.
38ARI - Ray McDonald, DE Florida
7Cleveland Browns (5-11) - Alan Branch, DT Michigan – Ted Washington is old, and was a one-year filler for a defense that really needed a Nose Tackle. I can't imagine that Branch isn't the guy here, regardless of where Cleveland is picking in the top-10. Crennel about shat a brick when Baltimore stole Haloti Ngata the pick before his in last year's draft, and this April Crennel might pass a Christmas Tree if he lands Branch.
39CLE - Ryan Harris, OT Notre Dame
8Minnesota Vikings (5-11) - Calvin Johnson, WR Georgia Tech – What is the best way to destroy a young Quarterback? Don't give him any weapons. Brad Childress isn't the smartest coach in the world, but he knows that Tarvaris Jackson is going to need some sure-handed receivers. When T-Jax played in the preseason, about 90% of his passes hit the receivers on the numbers, and about half of those were caught. Sure, when Brad Johnson throws ducks Minny's WR's don't appear to suck that bad, but wait until the young gun gets in there next year.
40MIN - Zach Miller, TE Arizona State
9San Francisco 49ers (6-10) - Marcus McCauley, CB Fresno State - We can make fun of the 49ers defense all day, but when I tell you that the 49ers sport what is statistically the worst defense of all time over the past three seasons, maybe the jokes stop and the penciling in of a lockdown corner in every mock from now until April starts. Talent-wise, this team should still be picking #1 overall, but you can thank Nolan for picking 10th.
41SFF - Reggie Nelson, FS Florida
10Miami Dolphins (6-10) - Quinn Pitcock, DT Ohio State – If you've been reading mock drafts, then you know the secret is out about Miami—their DT's suck and are old and will all be gone in March. Actually if you watch Miami play, you probably knew that, too. Saban is likely to look for a franchise signal caller here, but because I see JaMarcus Russell (who he recruited at LSU) available when Miami picks in the second round, I can't see them going anywhere but defense here.
42MIA - JaMarcus Russell, QB LSU
11Buffalo Bills (6-10) - Troy Smith, QB Ohio State – Let's see, skill player who is performing admirably, check. High draft pick, check. Replacing that skill player who is performing admirably and not addressing the offensive line, check. Bledsoe to Losman, Henry to McGahee, Moulds to Evans, and so on. This team is run by geriatric morons who would rather just keep drafting non-need positions with perceived marginal upgrades that actually leave the team worse off.
43BUF - Buster Davis, ILB Florida State
12Pittsburgh Steelers (6-10) - Justin Blalock, OG Texas – I speeled his naem right, which means I know what I'm talking about. The Steelers will probably pick up right where they left off in '06 (the first part) next year, and as such, they can really afford to draft whomever they want. I look for them to invest in the line because they can't afford any more brain damage to Roethlisberger.
44PIT - Aaron Ross, CB Texas
13Green Bay Packers (7-9) - Ted Ginn, Jr., WR Ohio State – I don't know why, but as soon as I started this mock, I saw Ginn jumping into a roaring Lambeau crowd. It just fits. I can't explain it, and maybe it's because they need defensive help a lot more, but this guy is going to give this Packer team something to cheer about next year.
45GBP - Ben Grubbs, OG Auburn
14St. Louis Rams (7-9) - Drew Stanton, QB Michigan State – Sorry, Mr. Bulger. The new management doesn't care that you made a Pro Bowl, all it cares about is that you have no pocket presence, get hurt every year, and you look like Mike Martz.
46STL - Victor Abiamiri, DE Notre Dame
15Atlanta Falcons (7-9) - Amobi Okoye, DT Louisville – ATL has about five quality under-tackles, and zero quality run-stopping DT's on its defense. Okoye could probably take two O-Linemen and a fullback by himself.
47ATL - Fred Bennett, CB South Carolina
16Tennessee Titans (8-8) - Dwayne Jarrett, WR USC – Cliché pick? Yeah. The right pick? Yeah. It's December, guys like me are undefeated in mock drafts. Chow gets more of his USC buddies and Young gets to throw incompletions to him until the fourth quarter of every game.
48TEN - Lamarr Woodley, DE Michigan
17Jacksonville Jaguars (8-8) - LaRon Landry, FS LSU – My used-to-be-favorite mock drafting site had the Jaguars drafting Brian Brohm. It's a good thing the front office isn't run by typewriting monkeys. Landry solidifies a secondary unit that can develop into one of the best in the league, a far cry from
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2w75n567ok...FAB&index=1 a few years ago.
49JAX - Tim Crowder, DE Texas
18Denver Broncos (8-8) - Tank Tyler, DT NC State – This is not so much a knock on the legendary Browns D-line that was imported this ye ar so much as it is a knock on those that thought that D-line wouldn't need further addressing after the season.
50DEN - Ryan Kalil, OC USC
19Carolina Panthers (9-7) - Brian Brohm, QB Louisville - Unlike David Carr, Byron Leftwich and Donovan McNabb, Jake Delhomme should believe his local media speculation. Delhomme has always performed admirably, but there has been a direct correlation between the Panthers 4th Quarter meltdowns this year and his inconsistent play.
51CAR - HB Blades, ILB Pittsburgh
20Kansas City Chiefs (10-6) - Tony Ugoh, OT Arkansas - Additional generic car-related analogy. This draft should focus heavily on retooling the offensive line before there is any major drop-off. KC's O-line might go from tops in the league last year to worst in the league next year if they lose any more aging future hall of fame players this coming offseason.
52KCC - Justin Harrell, DT Tennessee
21Philadelphia Eagles (9-7) - Daymeion Hughes, CB California - Philadelphia needs depth in its secondary. They lack a reliable nickelback, and have nothing behind FS Brian Dawkins. Hughes is a corner without elite speed who already plays like a safety. He'll be a solid addition to this unit, as he can fill both roles immediately and be groomed behind Dawkins.
53PHI - Rufus Alexander, OLB Oklahoma
22New Orleans Saints (9-7) - Patrick Willis, ILB Ole Miss - The only problem holding New Orleans back is that 11-headed monster on defense. Actually 11-headed monster is a strong description... it's more like 11 abused foster children. Willis is explosive and can really give this defense an identity next year. All they have to do is be average and this team can start legitimately thinking Super Bowl.
54NOS - Zackary Bowman, CB Nebraska
23New York Jets (11-5) - Marshawn Lynch, RB California – Not any easier picks to make than this one for me. A lot of people feel that Lynch is a top prospect, and he's very good, but we as fantasy football players tend to overrate skill players this time of year. Lynch should be an opening day starter for a Jets team that already looks to be on the cusp of a championship.
37NYJ (f/WAS) - Adam Carriker, DE Nebraska
55NYJ - Doug Free, OT Northern Illinois
24Baltimore Ravens (12-4) - Anthony Spencer, DE Purdue - Baltimore can't get enough of these DE/OLB hybrids. Problem I see is if Spencer is the next Merriman/Wimbley/Ware, he may be the next fast-rising workout warrior and be long gone when Baltimore picks.
56BAL - Aaron Sears, OG/T Tennessee
25New England Patriots (f/SEA) - Tom Zbikowski, FS Notre Dame - Free Safety has been an issue for New England for some time now. Zbikowski is the prototypical player-coach who will excel under Belichick's tutilege. Having Weiss give him the 411 all year is a big plus, as he's already brainwashed into the communist Patriot mindset.
30NWE - Jeff Samardzija, WR Notre Dame
62NWE - Anthony Waters, ILB Clemson
26New York Giants (9-7) - Tanard Jackson, CB Syracuse - The Giants secondary is so bad that their DBs are starting to change their identities when they leave the team. Jackson is an aggressive coverage corner who hopefully will bring some stability to a struggling unit. Look for the Giants to spend at least two of its first day picks on the secondary.
58NYG - Michael Griffin, SS Texas
27Cincinnati Bengals (11-5) - Turk McBride, DT Tennessee - Cincinnati has been playing better defense down the stretch, but what they really need some penetration inside. Cincy's linebacking corps is young and athletic and if the Bengals can grab an elusive under-tackle like T-Mac, you'll see the entire defense improve.
59CIN - Prescott Burgess, OLB Michigan
28Indianapolis Colts (12-4) - Earl Everett, OLB Florida - Everett is a perfect fit for the Indy's Tampa-2 and to replace the impending departure of WLB Cato June this offseason. Everett has great instincts and is probably the most athletic linebacker in this draft.
29Chicago Bears (13-3) - Jake Long, OT Michigan - Normally picking a strongside tackle this early isn't a great move, but the Bears have a real need there. Long is the best right tackle in the draft by far, and is one of the safest picks in this draft.
61CHI - Greg Olson, TE Miami
30New England Patriots (13-3) - Jeff Samardzija, WR Notre Dame - Notre Dame aka New England's Farm Team. A big, tall, sure-handed guy like Samardzija will be hard to pass up to mix in with the small, short, drop-laden corps they have now. I can't imagine Samardzija playing baseball. I just can't. I hate baseball. Plus I like saying Samardzija.
62NWE - Anthony Waters, ILB Clemson
31Dallas Cowboys (12-4) - Dwayne Bowe, WR LSU - Bowe might be the most athletically gifted wide receiver in the draft behind Calvin Johnson, and should develop into the next great Cowboys Wide Receiver.
63DAL - Brian Leonard, FB Rutgers
32San Diego Chargers (13-3) - Sidney Rice, WR South Carolina - While Rivers is putting up numbers, he really needs a playmaking WR. Rice won't be that guy in his rookie year, but has the talent to develop into the type of first read that Rivers needs.
64SDC - Desmond Bishop, ILB California
33OAK - Quentin Moses, DE Georgia
34DET - Antoine Cason, CB
35TBB - Aaron Rouse, SS Virginia Tech
36HOU - Brandon Meriweather, FS Miami
37NYJ (f/WAS) - Adam Carriker, DE Nebraska
38ARI - Ray McDonald, DE Florida
39CLE - Ryan Harris, OT Notre Dame
40MIN - Zach Miller, TE Arizona State
41SFF - Reggie Nelson, FS Florida
42MIA - JaMarcus Russell, QB LSU
43BUF - Buster Davis, ILB Florida State
44PIT - Aaron Ross, CB Texas
45GBP - Ben Grubbs, OG Auburn
46STL - Victor Abiamiri, DE Notre Dame
47ATL - Fred Bennett, CB South Carolina
48TEN - Lamarr Woodley, DE Michigan
49JAX - Tim Crowder, DE Texas
50DEN - Ryan Kalil, OC USC
51CAR - HB Blades, ILB Pittsburgh
52KCC - Justin Harrell, DT Tennessee
53PHI - Rufus Alexander, OLB Oklahoma
54NOS - Zackary Bowman, CB Nebraska
55NYJ - Doug Free, OT Northern Illinois
56BAL - Aaron Sears, OG/T Tennessee
57SEA - Leroy Harris, NC State
58NYG - Michael Griffin, SS Texas
59CIN - Prescott Burgess, OLB Michigan
60TBB (f/IND) - Jay Alford, DT Penn State
61CHI - Greg Olson, TE Miami
62NWE - Anthony Waters, ILB Clemson
63DAL - Brian Leonard, FB Rutgers
64SDC - Desmond Bishop, ILB California