Anyone's kids ever do this? (1 Viewer)

[Baloney Sandwich]

So I have a 6 year old boy and a 5 year old daughter.  My wife was out to dinner last night so I had the kids.  My son had soccer practice and we got home a little after 6.  I had to make a call for work and asked them to go upstairs and be good.  As I'm on the phone having a heated conversation with a client,  I hear my son come down stairs and say something about an emergency.  I brush it off and continue my call as both kids were not hurt and eventually hung up.  I go upstairs and they have trashed our master bath when I learn they took turns pissing in a cup and pouring it into our tub.

 

[comfortably numb]

ahhhh, who here hasn't ever....what the Fuu!!!

Time to put a filter on their ipads! What the hell are they watching??? 

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

No.  My kids aren't ####ing animals.

 

[shadyridr]

Not that specifically but done things like that? Sure

 

[Scoresman]

2 kids one cup?

 

[comfortably numb]

My nephew came over one day and pissed in my waste basket instead of the toilet.

Kids are awesome!

 

[E-Z Glider]

Pouring some pee in your tub "trashed" it?

 

[shadyridr]

Pouring some pee in your tub "trashed" it?

THE DRAINS ALL CONNECT!

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

I was telling this story to one of my coworkers today and she told me she couldn't count the number of times she had picked up bottles of piss in her kid's room.

last week my wife discovered that my son had wiped his ### with the hand towel in the half bath and then kept it on the rack with the crap hidden.  He told her he doesn't like the feel of toilet paper and the towel feels better. 

 

[E-Z Glider]

my son had wiped his ### with the hand towel in the half bath and then kept it on the rack with the crap hidden

This is much more thread-worthy than pouring some pee into the tub.

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

Pouring some pee in your tub "trashed" it?

No, they took my wife's eyeliner and wrote all over the walls and emptied a bottle of hair product all over the place as well.

 

[shadyridr]

I was telling this story to one of my coworkers today and she told me she couldn't count the number of times she had picked up bottles of piss in her kid's room.

last week my wife discovered that my son had wiped his ### with the hand towel in the half bath and then kept it on the rack with the crap hidden.  He told her he doesn't like the feel of toilet paper and the towel feels better. 

My 6 year old son peed in the corner of his room one day even though the bathroom is only a few feet away. Kids do weird ####.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

No, they took my wife's eyeliner and wrote all over the walls and emptied a bottle of hair product all over the place as well.

Way to bury the lead, guy.

 

[shadyridr]

Did you kick the #### out of them?

 

[FUBAR]

impressive that your 5yo daughter could pee in a cup.

 

[comfortably numb]

You're making him sleep in the tub tonight? Right??

 

[gianmarco]

 I hear my son come down stairs and say something about an emergency.  I brush it off and continue my call

Nice!!

 

[shadyridr]

These are the kids you and your wife leave home alone at night while you both hit up the bar down the street, right?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

When I was a kid I took a crap and then vacuumed out the toilet. This is small potatoes.

You crapped out small potatoes?

 

[shadyridr]

You crapped out small potatoes?

I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast!

 

[Hov34]

I was telling this story to one of my coworkers today and she told me she couldn't count the number of times she had picked up bottles of piss in her kid's room.

last week my wife discovered that my son had wiped his ### with the hand towel in the half bath and then kept it on the rack with the crap hidden.  He told her he doesn't like the feel of toilet paper and the towel feels better. 

He may be on to something.  Be right back.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

No, large ones. Hence the need for the vacuum.

This thing here is of the smaller variety.

Did you use an upright?

 

[cstu]

Sounds like kids.

 

[spOOfy]

I don't believe so, but it was still a crappy situation.

No ####, sherlock

 

[Sinn Fein]

Way to bury the lead, guy.

Lead poisoning?

 

[James Daulton]

Parent of the year candidate here.

 

[pantagrapher]

You might just be lucky.

 

[Buttonhook]

Is this the first time your kids have done bad things when left alone?   Because most 5-6 years old brothers/sisters will do bad things when left alone.  Unless this is the first time, you should have seen this coming. 

 

[Courtjester]

My daughter when she was 4, was in our basement with our friend's four year old. Well time passed and our friends and us notice the "bad silence" that never ever equals anything good when it comes to 4 year olds. 

The first sign we knew something was amiss was my sweet daughter had kitty litter in her hair. And then we notice piles of litter everywhere: The couches; the tables; the carpet---you get the picture. 

Turns out they decided to use it as confetti and completely emptied the cat box by throwing it into the air. Now mind you, this was used cat litter. So there were special kitty packages amongst the litter strewn all around the basement of our house. 

The best part was my friend's wife is a complete neat freak/borderline germaphobe and when she saw what her 4 year old son had been touching, I think she scrubbed some of the skin off that poor boy in our bathroom. 

 

[Johnny Rock]

You were at the casino while this happened, right? 

 

[Tom Servo]

I was telling this story to one of my coworkers today and she told me she couldn't count the number of times she had picked up bottles of piss in her kid's room.

last week my wife discovered that my son had wiped his ### with the hand towel in the half bath and then kept it on the rack with the crap hidden.  He told her he doesn't like the feel of toilet paper and the towel feels better. 

Dentist fathered her kids?

 

[Mookie]

Kids?  I pissed into a Gatorade bottle while driving 75 mph down the highway last weekend.  Went 350 miles without stopping.  Deal with it Bro. 

 

[kentric]

impressive that your 5yo daughter could pee in a cup.

Plus, she did it from 3 feet away.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

My nephew came over one day and pissed in my waste basket instead of the toilet.

Your fault for having wastebaskets in the shape of toilets.

 

[Mors Venit]

My sister and i used to do this all the time and i turned out fine. No worries.

 

[GOB]

God, your kids need better parents.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

shortly after moving my middle child to a toddler bed I get a text from my wife while I was out golfing of my kid completely covered in desetin along with his dresser and the carpet

 

[Angry Beavers]

Kids get into stuff... not like they were teenagers smoking weed at 3 in the afternoon - on a Tuesday... after school .... with your wife home....not that I know anyone whose kids have done this.....

 

[Long Ball Larry]

What did they write on the mirror?  Redrum?  Trab pu kcip?

 

[Prince Myshkin]

Just for future reference, when your kids say its an emergency, probably best not to blow it off...

 

[Uwe Blab]

Totally kids being kids.  Last week my two young sons lured a hobo into our backyard, beat him to death with their t-ball bats, and devoured his liver.  Said "We Injuns....eat all of buffalo..."

What ya gonna do?  Boys will be boys.

 

[Higgs]

I once slept walk and took a dump in the tub.  I woke up confused and scared and decided to just put a towel over it and go back to sleep.

 

[Dentist]

last week my wife discovered that my son had wiped his ### with the hand towel in the half bath and then kept it on the rack with the crap hidden.  He told her he doesn't like the feel of toilet paper and the towel feels better. 

a warm moist hand towel is much more effective at poop removal than toilet paper.   Toilet paper sucks.

But those hand towels have to get laundered...  jerk move putting them back on the rack crap hidden

 

[Tom Servo]

I once slept walk and took a dump in the tub.  I woke up confused and scared and decided to just put a towel over it and go back to sleep.

Waffle stomp?

 

[kentric]

My favorite story about my son was when he was about 5-6 years old.  My wife calls me over and says that there was what appears to be 100 pieces of buggers on the wall of my son's room.  I walk in and sure enough, there was a huge mosaic of buggerness on his wall.  I asked him sternly what was up with the buggers on the wall.  In a sniffling voice he says, "I was building a spaceship".  Never laughed so hard in my life.