Truth Commission
Footballguy
My brother is like his father (nice person, full of BS, but you can talk to him without him becoming abrasive and defensive. Even if you do get through to him, he will just agree to try and end the conversation and get back to NFL talk, you know, something real serious) and I love him, but his life is a mess - his responsibility and doing. My brother has 3 DUI's (2 technically from the law's perspective), no driver's license, but has managed to become a manager at his job (not a high paying job, but he has taken the responsibility and seems to enjoy what he does). He continues to drive his car without a license, and there doesn't seem to be any urgency on getting it back (which to my understanding was within reach with a lawyer's help).
5 or 6 years ago he began hooking up a with a girl he know from high school who may be sort of a female version of himself. She had 4 kids at the time from 2 different fathers, full custody of one, and no full-time job. I know being a mother is a full-time job and she does seem to be a good mother, but I think she was getting by from state welfare and child support while working at a restaurant part-time.
Their relationship has always been rocky. I think 95% of the time, things are fine, but when something goes wrong, the entire family finds out because she likes to text my mom what a horrible person he is. I hear (although disputed) that the kids are hearing all of this (which would make sense if it's all taking place in a home) which I can only guess is doing to them.
Anyways, these two began hooking up, and they now have 2 kids of their own. They lived in a very small apartment until about 2 years ago until my brother (with my parents help) bought a small, but cozy little home. My brother has been fixing up the place, and things seemed to be good.
They were even going to get married, apparently he bought her a ring, for example.
I recently found out, because she sent my mom a picture of the forms, that they are in foreclosure and haven't paid their mortgage since last August. I did call my brother and got the pity party responses, that she pays all of the bills (except the mortgage of course) and that she spends all of the money on her kids, etc. He says he doesn't care anymore and hates her, etc. I asked him why he is getting married to somebody he claims to hate, and I think it goes back to the 95%-5% rule, but all he does in his responses to that question is complain about how much of a witch she is. Meanwhile, she expects my parents to bail them out of their financial situation. In my conversation with my brother, I tried to explain (which is ridiculous) why he needs to take control of all finances (if he's telling me the truth, which I'm not sure about), and he can't allow this to happen, if for no other reason, than his children....
My parents feel horrible and it's all about the kids. They don't even see the kids much because they have animals, and the kids have allergies; the mother is also extremely protective of the kids and it doesn't appear that she will even let them take the kids to the circus or something like that - they basically have to go over there to see them.
I have told them they are flushing money down the toilet if they continue to help them because they have not shown they understand basic principles like paying their bills and they will be back in this same spot in 6 months. I don't know if they are going to help, but I told them, if you do, you need to take complete control of all their finances to pay their bills for them so they can even evaluate if the money exists for them to live in their place financially. If one cent is not accounted for or spent without their approval, they are back on their own.....at least, that's how I would approach it, which is treating them like children. That's a horrible approach though.
I also have the financial means to help them, but I don't want to flush money down the toilet, but the kids are the ones, hearing all of this crap, and living in this financial situation are the ones who I am worried about. I may not be able to do anything, but I'd want to help, but not without full control. I tend to mind my own business which does disconnect me probably more than I should, they like to air their dirty laundry to my parents (she does, he doesn't)....however, this is beyond bad, and it's spiraled. I asked him if it makes sense to get married to somebody who he is telling me is horrible, etc. and maybe instead fight for custody if he can afford it (insert joke here considering he doesn't pay his mortgage), but can't get a direct answer on why he'd choose to continue living with her beyond this home unless it's that she does take care of the kids and they get along most of the time.
Long story short, this situation is horrible.
What can I do (or my parents) to help? Do nothing and let the chips fall where they will? Financially help them? Financially help them, strings attached? Some other alternative?
5 or 6 years ago he began hooking up a with a girl he know from high school who may be sort of a female version of himself. She had 4 kids at the time from 2 different fathers, full custody of one, and no full-time job. I know being a mother is a full-time job and she does seem to be a good mother, but I think she was getting by from state welfare and child support while working at a restaurant part-time.
Their relationship has always been rocky. I think 95% of the time, things are fine, but when something goes wrong, the entire family finds out because she likes to text my mom what a horrible person he is. I hear (although disputed) that the kids are hearing all of this (which would make sense if it's all taking place in a home) which I can only guess is doing to them.
Anyways, these two began hooking up, and they now have 2 kids of their own. They lived in a very small apartment until about 2 years ago until my brother (with my parents help) bought a small, but cozy little home. My brother has been fixing up the place, and things seemed to be good.
They were even going to get married, apparently he bought her a ring, for example.
I recently found out, because she sent my mom a picture of the forms, that they are in foreclosure and haven't paid their mortgage since last August. I did call my brother and got the pity party responses, that she pays all of the bills (except the mortgage of course) and that she spends all of the money on her kids, etc. He says he doesn't care anymore and hates her, etc. I asked him why he is getting married to somebody he claims to hate, and I think it goes back to the 95%-5% rule, but all he does in his responses to that question is complain about how much of a witch she is. Meanwhile, she expects my parents to bail them out of their financial situation. In my conversation with my brother, I tried to explain (which is ridiculous) why he needs to take control of all finances (if he's telling me the truth, which I'm not sure about), and he can't allow this to happen, if for no other reason, than his children....
My parents feel horrible and it's all about the kids. They don't even see the kids much because they have animals, and the kids have allergies; the mother is also extremely protective of the kids and it doesn't appear that she will even let them take the kids to the circus or something like that - they basically have to go over there to see them.
I have told them they are flushing money down the toilet if they continue to help them because they have not shown they understand basic principles like paying their bills and they will be back in this same spot in 6 months. I don't know if they are going to help, but I told them, if you do, you need to take complete control of all their finances to pay their bills for them so they can even evaluate if the money exists for them to live in their place financially. If one cent is not accounted for or spent without their approval, they are back on their own.....at least, that's how I would approach it, which is treating them like children. That's a horrible approach though.
I also have the financial means to help them, but I don't want to flush money down the toilet, but the kids are the ones, hearing all of this crap, and living in this financial situation are the ones who I am worried about. I may not be able to do anything, but I'd want to help, but not without full control. I tend to mind my own business which does disconnect me probably more than I should, they like to air their dirty laundry to my parents (she does, he doesn't)....however, this is beyond bad, and it's spiraled. I asked him if it makes sense to get married to somebody who he is telling me is horrible, etc. and maybe instead fight for custody if he can afford it (insert joke here considering he doesn't pay his mortgage), but can't get a direct answer on why he'd choose to continue living with her beyond this home unless it's that she does take care of the kids and they get along most of the time.
Long story short, this situation is horrible.
What can I do (or my parents) to help? Do nothing and let the chips fall where they will? Financially help them? Financially help them, strings attached? Some other alternative?
![[scooter]](/data/avatars/m/22/22287.jpg?1659477690){kind=avatar}
