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Cannot find rehab for Sister-In-Law. So disappointed in our system right now... (1 Viewer)

top dog

Footballguy
My 31 year old sister-in-law has been estranged from the family for some time. She has always made the worst choices in life. She has 3 kids by 3 different guys. One is in prison (rumored to be dead, not 100% sure), another molested my niece and is no longer in the picture, and the third guy is a decent father but their relationship is toxic. For the past decade my in-laws have tried everything to help her. Paid for her education, helped her find apartments, helped with auto loans only to get #### on time and time again. He two oldest daughters live with my mother in law and father in law. They have custody and are raising them. Drug abuse has always been highly suspected.

The past couple years she has been with this loser guy who is also a dealer. A week ago she calls my wife at 1:30am crying that she is barricaded in the bedroom with my nephew and the boyfriend and others is outside the room and they are going to hurt them. My wife calls 911 relays the address and info. I grab my weapon and we jump in the car heading that way. It is Cleveland and sometimes the response time isn't the greatest so not sure if we are making it there before the cops. We are outside the city so we 30 mins out. By the time we get there (couple more phone calls from the sister, couple more calls to the police) the officers are already on the scene and talking to the SIL. There isn't any of what she said going on. She is coked out of her mind, off her psych meds, and hallucinating. The boyfriend is sitting there on the steps just laid back like nothing is going on. Weirdest situation I've ever seen. The officers tell my wife that they believe she is having a mental episode. So she tells them "Great. We'll take my nephew, how about she goes to the hospital?" Everyone including my sister-in-law agree.

They do an evaluation at the ER. She has cocaine and other drugs in her system. She is unregulated with her bi-polar and borderline personality disorder. She agrees to self commit to a short term stay at a state mental hospital. She has been there now over a week. She has been sober for a week and DESPERATELY wants to go to an in-patient rehab facility. The intake person at the hospital gives her a list to work from and she starts calling. No beds... Sorry, your mental illness is a problem we can't take you... Welfare insurance? Sorry we can't take you. 

For the first time EVER she is in a place where she finally realizes she has a problem AND is ready to get help. Only problem is there just doesn't seem to be any. She is literally getting in a cab right now heading to my house (a couple hours away from where she is at) and we have no plan of action. SO FRUSTRATING. Waiting to hear back from the last two facilities we haven't heard from. The only 2 that were possible for her wouldn't work. One was a holistic recover where she would have to not take any psych meds. Effectively becoming unbalanced from her mental illness. The other was a faith based one where you had to commit to a 12 month stay. No smoking, not allowed to see anyone from the family for 3 months.. Just not going to work for her. 

Without this spilling over into the PSF I just can't believe there isn't a central agency or something that can help facilitate this. So disappointed in the system right now. 

 

STEADYMOBBIN 22

Footballguy
Im sorry my dude. I was all set to tell you dont bother, they will get help when they want to get help but it sounds like she may want it.  Hopefully somebody here knows something and can help. 

Good luck and be careful. What youre doing is noble but does expose you and your family to great risk. 

 
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Hawks64

Footballguy
My 31 year old sister-in-law has been estranged from the family for some time. She has always made the worst choices in life. She has 3 kids by 3 different guys. One is in prison (rumored to be dead, not 100% sure), another molested my niece and is no longer in the picture, and the third guy is a decent father but their relationship is toxic. For the past decade my in-laws have tried everything to help her. Paid for her education, helped her find apartments, helped with auto loans only to get #### on time and time again. He two oldest daughters live with my mother in law and father in law. They have custody and are raising them. Drug abuse has always been highly suspected.

The past couple years she has been with this loser guy who is also a dealer. A week ago she calls my wife at 1:30am crying that she is barricaded in the bedroom with my nephew and the boyfriend and others is outside the room and they are going to hurt them. My wife calls 911 relays the address and info. I grab my weapon and we jump in the car heading that way. It is Cleveland and sometimes the response time isn't the greatest so not sure if we are making it there before the cops. We are outside the city so we 30 mins out. By the time we get there (couple more phone calls from the sister, couple more calls to the police) the officers are already on the scene and talking to the SIL. There isn't any of what she said going on. She is coked out of her mind, off her psych meds, and hallucinating. The boyfriend is sitting there on the steps just laid back like nothing is going on. Weirdest situation I've ever seen. The officers tell my wife that they believe she is having a mental episode. So she tells them "Great. We'll take my nephew, how about she goes to the hospital?" Everyone including my sister-in-law agree.

They do an evaluation at the ER. She has cocaine and other drugs in her system. She is unregulated with her bi-polar and borderline personality disorder. She agrees to self commit to a short term stay at a state mental hospital. She has been there now over a week. She has been sober for a week and DESPERATELY wants to go to an in-patient rehab facility. The intake person at the hospital gives her a list to work from and she starts calling. No beds... Sorry, your mental illness is a problem we can't take you... Welfare insurance? Sorry we can't take you. 

For the first time EVER she is in a place where she finally realizes she has a problem AND is ready to get help. Only problem is there just doesn't seem to be any. She is literally getting in a cab right now heading to my house (a couple hours away from where she is at) and we have no plan of action. SO FRUSTRATING. Waiting to hear back from the last two facilities we haven't heard from. The only 2 that were possible for her wouldn't work. One was a holistic recover where she would have to not take any psych meds. Effectively becoming unbalanced from her mental illness. The other was a faith based one where you had to commit to a 12 month stay. No smoking, not allowed to see anyone from the family for 3 months.. Just not going to work for her. 

Without this spilling over into the PSF I just can't believe there isn't a central agency or something that can help facilitate this. So disappointed in the system right now. 
Maybe Samhsa can help?

 

top dog

Footballguy
Im sorry my dude. I was all set to tell you dont bother, they will get help when they want to get help but it sounds like she may want it.  Hopefully somebody here knows something and can help. 

Good luck and be careful. What youre doing is noble but does expose you and your family to great risk. 


Yes. We understand the risk. This story ends badly 9 out of 10 times. We are very guarded. When we were on the way to "rescue" her that night my wife said to me when we were about 1/2 way there "For all I know this could be a setup to rob us." The thought hadn't crossed my mind but she was 100% correct to be cautious and expect ANYTHING. 

She was SO EXCITED when she thought she had a place lined up. We were super stoked because her finding the rehab meant she had ownership in it. It fell through and she was crushed. I think she is ready. For the first time ever probably. 

 

fruity pebbles

Footballguy
I’m sorry. Unfortunately it’s all about the money. Not exactly similar but is in a way…….a coworker has a son who needs long term care. She just can’t do it anymore, he’s an adult now and too strong for her to take care of. There was no where for him to go when it was state funding, no openings for months. When she was finally able to secure outside funding, places opened up all over the place. 

 

simey

Footballguy
Government funded programs can be found in places that take people on a sliding scale and have no insurance. You can find some contact numbers via SAMHSA.  Call the local Salvation Army too. They have rehabs. 

Good luck, Top Dog.  I've been down that journey trying to get a good friend in rehab who also has PTSD. He has insurance, but it was a tough many years. After some failed tries, he finally got help and completed the whole program, but I worry about him. I think he is still off the pills, but I can tell he still rides the emotional rollercoaster, and probably always will. 

 

Major

Footballguy
I'd recommend keep calling back because patients leave and beds will open up depending on the day.  The various rehabs may also have advice or suggestions for her.  In the meantime,  make her go to 12 step meetings so she can find a community of likeminded folks who can help.  AA is always part of the rehab process so best to get a head start.  

 

top dog

Footballguy
Government funded programs can be found in places that take people on a sliding scale and have no insurance. You can find some contact numbers via SAMHSA.  Call the local Salvation Army too. They have rehabs. 

Good luck, Top Dog.  I've been down that journey trying to get a good friend in rehab who also has PTSD. He has insurance, but it was a tough many years. After some failed tries, he finally got help and completed the whole program, but I worry about him. I think he is still off the pills, but I can tell he still rides the emotional rollercoaster, and probably always will. 


Thank you. It is so frustrating. I've known this girl since she was 6 years old. I've watch her self destruct over and over and over again. 

 

Moonlight

Footballguy
I'm not familiar with Ohio but most states have an assessment and referral system that assists Medicaid funded clients. Difficulties can arise with waiting times for beds and some programs offering limited dual treatment for mental heath and addictions.

Also if she is Medicare funded she is not limited to Ohio programs.

As was mentioned SAMSHA can help.

 

top dog

Footballguy
I'm not familiar with Ohio but most states have an assessment and referral system that assists Medicaid funded clients. Difficulties can arise with waiting times for beds and some programs offering limited dual treatment for mental heath and addictions.

Also if she is Medicare funded she is not limited to Ohio programs.

As was mentioned SAMSHA can help.


This has been part of the problem. A number of places including the largest in the area won't take her "because of her lengthy mental illness", whatever that means.

 

Corporation

Angry Bovine
I'm so very sorry for the situation and don't have anything helpful to add other than support for her and your family. I have a friend we've been trying to get into alcohol rehab for over 2 years but the pandemic has made an already poor system worse. I hope things turn around soon.

 

Osaurus

Footballguy
I hope she gets the help she needs. Please keep trying contact places. With some luck, she'll get in somewhere.

 

top dog

Footballguy
Grrr.. Called SAMHSA and they gave me a list of treatment facilities in the areas. I told them she has called those and they recommended to call again. If we still have no luck, call back to SAMHSA.  :wall:

 

Godsbrother

Footballguy
I am very sorry to hear your situation.   Mental illness care in this country is severely lacking. 

If nothing else all mental health medications should be free for those that need but cannot afford them.  

 

Moonlight

Footballguy
This has been part of the problem. A number of places including the largest in the area won't take her "because of her lengthy mental illness", whatever that means.
They can be more concerned with direct referrals from mental health hospitals, if there are recent suicide attempts and lack of compliance with mental health medication. 

Also there may be some consideration if she might be appropriate for a day program or an intensive outpatient program. Who is monitoring her mental health medication for her bipolar, you might be able to coordinate mental health and substance abuse on an outpatient basis. I know these are not ideal but offering thoughts and suggestions.

 

song

Footballguy
Grrr.. Called SAMHSA and they gave me a list of treatment facilities in the areas. I told them she has called those and they recommended to call again. If we still have no luck, call back to SAMHSA.  :wall:
yeah.  the situation is enormously frustrating.  i know SAMHSA doesn't have a magic wand, and i'm pretty sure they don't have secret info others don't have.

it is very good that you are trying to help.  it is very, very good that you are aware that this story probably does not end well, and even if it does will almost certainly continue to be enormously frustrating.

i agree with those who have suggested persistence in trying to enable a rehab placement, and would also suggest it may be helpful to expand the geographic scope of the search. however, i will add that rehab treatment facilities also have no magic wand, as you are, no doubt, aware.

and so, in the meantime it is of course essential that she not return to the same living and social situation.  i assume she will be staying with you for the present, and a loving, supportive environment can only help improve the long odds for a good outcome.

i agree with the posters who suggested a 12 step program.  they are not about the money, (free) and accept everyone.  living so close to a major population center, i'm sure your SIL can easily find NA or AA meetings to attend on a daily basis, (daily very very good initially) (and other members can be helpful with providing transportation if needed.)

does your SIL have a behavioral health casemanager?  if not, she should probably get one if possible.  if she's lucky enough to get a good one, you and she may benefit from having someone provide some additional support.  also SIL may be more comfortable eventually, (if things go well)  depending on family less, to sidestep shame a bit.

also, as regards your SIL's behavioral health diagnoses, the good news is that bipolar disorder is often fairly well regulated if people take their meds. (obviously)   the Borderline Personality Disorder is a tough one.  no med for that , that i'm aware of.  however, i have at times seen some impressive progress through Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT), again if one is lucky enough to get a good therapist, and the client is willing to do a lot of honest hard work. i suggest your SIL look into finding a good DBT therapist.

god bless you all.

 

Hastur

Footballguy
When someone in my family had to do the mental facility route, it took a few days to find a bed(and that bed was 5 hours away).  

Stay strong.  It will get better.

 

simey

Footballguy
also, as regards your SIL's behavioral health diagnoses, the good news is that bipolar disorder is often fairly well regulated if people take their meds. (obviously)   the Borderline Personality Disorder is a tough one.  no med for that , that i'm aware of.  however, i have at times seen some impressive progress through Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT), again if one is lucky enough to get a good therapist, and the client is willing to do a lot of honest hard work. i suggest your SIL look into finding a good DBT therapist.
My SIL takes meds for her Borderline Personality Disorder. When she goes off the meds, she goes off the rails.  I can tell just by the look in her eyes if she is mentally not OK. I'm serious that she will have a distinct look on her face, especially through the eyes, if she is struggling with her mental health. The meds help her a lot. 

 

top dog

Footballguy
I started calling some of the facilities local that had turned her down. After speaking with them I'm even more disappointed in the process.  The paperwork was sent over with only the face sheet (I'm guessing that is with basic bio info only) and the number for the hospital didn't work. I got the director of a large local facility to call me back after leaving her a voicemail. She explained that they had turned her down because the initial diagnosis from the mental hospital was that she suffered a hallucinating psychosis event that was not substance related. After I told her she was absolutely coked out of her mind, off her meds and had blood work to show cocaine and Adderall in her system and explained that this was the first time in a decade that this woman has come this far she told us to bring her in tomorrow morning for an assessment.  Gave me her direct line and told me to call if we have any issues. Fingers crossed, it is a good step. 

On a side note I was able to sit outside with my SIL for a couple hours just me and her. We talked about how she got here. How I've watched her grow from a 6 year old to a 31 year old broken woman. She sure seems to be in the right place for a shot at this. She knows time is running out on having any shot at a relationship with her children. The trauma she has been through in the past decade will be a battle for the rest of her life. It was heart breaking. We also talked about how this is pretty much rock bottom. I'm willing to help her, but if she screws me over one time... This door is shut. I think she also understands that forgiveness and trust is something she has to earn from everyone and will come at the speeds others will dictate, not her. 

I hope she gets better. I pray she does. But I also know that odds are not in her favor and we may be burying her before we know it. Drugs and mental illness are horrible.  :(

 

belljr

Footballguy
We had something similar with my fil. He had no money, was on Medicaid, bipolar with other medical ailments. It took a long time to find a place. Same story we can't take you because of "mental". We only do mental here. We finally found a place through human services for our county.  It wasn't the best place but we knew he was safe

 

simey

Footballguy
After I told her she was absolutely coked out of her mind, off her meds and had blood work to show cocaine and Adderall in her system and explained that this was the first time in a decade that this woman has come this far she told us to bring her in tomorrow morning for an assessment.  Gave me her direct line and told me to call if we have any issues. Fingers crossed, it is a good step. 
It sounds like she has a foot in the door, and that is a lot better than a few hours ago. I hope things work out tomorrow that will get her in a treatment program.  Fingers crossed. 

 

Caveman33

Footballguy
also, as regards your SIL's behavioral health diagnoses, the good news is that bipolar disorder is often fairly well regulated if people take their meds. (obviously)   the Borderline Personality Disorder is a tough one.  no med for that , that i'm aware of.  however, i have at times seen some impressive progress through Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT), again if one is lucky enough to get a good therapist, and the client is willing to do a lot of honest hard work. i suggest your SIL look into finding a good DBT therapist.

god bless you all.
What do think about regulating bipolar disorder by taking no drugs at all?  Sleep, exercise, healthy eating, and ideally, having a purpose in life, are the best solutions in my opinion.  I've been diagnosed as bipolar 1 by many doctors.  In the psych ward, I asked one why he diagnosed me as bipolar 1 rather than bipolar 2.  Because you're here, he explained.  Psychiatry is a very inexact science.  The doctors are compelled to hand out diagnoses and will reach for the closest thing that matches whatever you are presenting.  

All drugs, prescribed or not, carry side effects.  I was in stage 3 CKD last year.  It was probably unrelated to my months of lithium but who knows?  It would be hard to determine how much damage drugs have caused.  Drugs alter our brain chemistry so it's no wonder that people struggle to quit them.  They are a costly way to try to treat symptoms when the root cause can be addressed without them.  I think recreational drug abuse makes it more difficult for doctors to dechiper between true mental illness and what I believe myself and others to have: mental weakness.

If I was OP, I would encourage his SIL to consider the holistic place.  There is really no such thing as rock bottom.  People who turn their life around will look back and say, "I reached rock bottom."  Sure, in retrospect, it's easy to determine the bottom.  Not so much when you are still descending.  You accumulate more baggage at every new stop.  If you were already a mentally weak person, how are going to cope well with all these new issues on top of whatever originally triggered you?  No easy answers.  Good luck.

 

song

Footballguy
Expand  
What do think about regulating bipolar disorder by taking no drugs at all?  Sleep, exercise, healthy eating, and ideally, having a purpose in life, are the best solutions in my opinion
well i'm for whatever works.  i agree that psychiatry is a very inexact science generally, with less testing than many medical specialties, and usually uses the if it walks like a duck method to diagnose (frequently effectively), and that, like other medical treatment, can employ the best guess/trial and error process.  (and for insurance to pay for treatment, an immediate diagnosis is required, though it can be changed later)

if you have satisfactory or even excellent results without meds, that's great.  it would be silly to take them then.  maybe you had some acute symptoms that resulted in you being misdiagnosed with a chronic illness, and i'm sure you would not be alone in that circumstance.

but here's the thing.  i had nearly 40 years experience in the mental/behavioral health field (not a psychiatrist) in the hospital and more so the community.  and i have seen so many people, so many times, many repeatedly, have their lives and relationships disrupted and damaged,and sometimes ended, and so, so, much suffering, because they were not on their meds.  so, i'm sure that some, like yourself, may do without meds with no, or few ill effects at times, and so not come to the attention of "the system".

 i'm happy that you are a lucky one.  but by generalizing, based on your experience, that no meds is the "best solution" well, that makes me scared about the suffering of others.

 

top dog

Footballguy
Met with the facility today and had a multiple hours long interview/assessment. Young guy went through the questions and background. I'm so thankful it was me there and not my mother in law. It was hard enough for me to listen to what she has been through let alone had she been my daughter. :(  

At the end of it he said "Let me talk to the team and see what is our best course of action here. I'm leaning towards an in-patient  program but it may be an intense outpatient program. Expect a call by the end of the day." It was 15 minutes later when we got the call that she needed to be at the facility tomorrow morning at 10 to be admitted for an inpatient program. 

:clap: :clap: :clap:

My sister in law is so excited she has been on the phone the past 20 minutes about it. It is a dual treatment facility and they work with the institution that her original psychiatrist is at. They want to work on the substance addiction as well as the metal conditions. 

As a family we can breathe a sigh of relief. Even if it is only for 30 days. You can't find your way to a new destination without taking that first step forward and I'm super hopeful this is it for her.

 

simey

Footballguy
Met with the facility today and had a multiple hours long interview/assessment. Young guy went through the questions and background. I'm so thankful it was me there and not my mother in law. It was hard enough for me to listen to what she has been through let alone had she been my daughter. :(  

At the end of it he said "Let me talk to the team and see what is our best course of action here. I'm leaning towards an in-patient  program but it may be an intense outpatient program. Expect a call by the end of the day." It was 15 minutes later when we got the call that she needed to be at the facility tomorrow morning at 10 to be admitted for an inpatient program. 

:clap: :clap: :clap:

My sister in law is so excited she has been on the phone the past 20 minutes about it. It is a dual treatment facility and they work with the institution that her original psychiatrist is at. They want to work on the substance addiction as well as the metal conditions. 

As a family we can breathe a sigh of relief. Even if it is only for 30 days. You can't find your way to a new destination without taking that first step forward and I'm super hopeful this is it for her.
:towelwave:      That is fantastic news, top dog. You and your wife are top dogs in my book. I hope the best for your SIL. fingers crossed!

 

This_Guy

Footballguy
Met with the facility today and had a multiple hours long interview/assessment. Young guy went through the questions and background. I'm so thankful it was me there and not my mother in law. It was hard enough for me to listen to what she has been through let alone had she been my daughter. :(  

At the end of it he said "Let me talk to the team and see what is our best course of action here. I'm leaning towards an in-patient  program but it may be an intense outpatient program. Expect a call by the end of the day." It was 15 minutes later when we got the call that she needed to be at the facility tomorrow morning at 10 to be admitted for an inpatient program. 

:clap: :clap: :clap:

My sister in law is so excited she has been on the phone the past 20 minutes about it. It is a dual treatment facility and they work with the institution that her original psychiatrist is at. They want to work on the substance addiction as well as the metal conditions. 

As a family we can breathe a sigh of relief. Even if it is only for 30 days. You can't find your way to a new destination without taking that first step forward and I'm super hopeful this is it for her.


You are amazing. Way to be a super advocate for your sister in law. Your determination is such an asset to your family.

 

El Floppo

Footballguy
Met with the facility today and had a multiple hours long interview/assessment. Young guy went through the questions and background. I'm so thankful it was me there and not my mother in law. It was hard enough for me to listen to what she has been through let alone had she been my daughter. :(  

At the end of it he said "Let me talk to the team and see what is our best course of action here. I'm leaning towards an in-patient  program but it may be an intense outpatient program. Expect a call by the end of the day." It was 15 minutes later when we got the call that she needed to be at the facility tomorrow morning at 10 to be admitted for an inpatient program. 

:clap: :clap: :clap:

My sister in law is so excited she has been on the phone the past 20 minutes about it. It is a dual treatment facility and they work with the institution that her original psychiatrist is at. They want to work on the substance addiction as well as the metal conditions. 

As a family we can breathe a sigh of relief. Even if it is only for 30 days. You can't find your way to a new destination without taking that first step forward and I'm super hopeful this is it for her.
So happy for you guys...amazing of you to take care of this situation despite the adversity.

 

STEADYMOBBIN 22

Footballguy
Awesome news dude. I begged and begged and begged my brother to get help. Good for you for being a F'n Stallion and even bigger kudos to her for wanting help. Its still a long road but hey man, these are stories we can all root for. 

 
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top dog

Footballguy
Thanks for the support everyone. I'm taking her to the facility in the morning with my mother in law. She wants to be there and my SIL will get a huge boost by her mom being there. Mom just isn't strong enough to do it alone. Dad is the sole provider and works out of town during the week. He is also not there yet. She has really screwed over his support time and time again and he is not ready to drop that guard. We've talked about how this looks going forward. How we can't change the chapters of our life that have passed but we sure as hell are the author of what is coming. She said "Chapter 1 is I'm a ####ty mom. And I don't want that to be the final chapter". I shared with her some of the struggles her sister and I have faced. How every day is a choice for all of us. While our story isn't the same (Addiction vs. other demons) we all have a choice every day to make. I'm hoping the support we have give yet realness of the support will help. I took her by the homeless shelter today... Pointed out that her journey becomes exponentially harder if she has to try to right the ship from there. Literally the next stop for her as the family can't and won't ride the yo-yo forever. Talked about how I decided a few years ago that I was determined that her daughters were going to learn that they didn't NEED anyone to support them. That they were going to be strong enough to do things on their own unlike their mother. 

Who knows how the rest of this goes. But for today we have hope. She said I hope they will do some family counseling sessions while I'm there. I'd like you to be there. I told her "absolutely"... if she needs someone to take her to a meeting down the road, call me. Need a ride to a counselling session, call me. Need a shoulder for support, call me. As long as she is moving forward and not backward we will support her in any possible way we can. Just keep it moving forward. 

I can't take all the credit here either. My wife has been tenacious. She is one armed right now after having shoulder surgery but has done everything she could as well. A lot has fallen on me because of her physical condition, but she was the one starting the ball rolling day one and making phone calls with one arm while trying to do her job every day. A HUGE thank you to this board and @Hawks64 , @simey and @Moonlight for recommending SAMHSA. They did point me back in the right direction and said to try the major ones in the area, that the situation didn't sound right and it SHOULDN'T be as hard as it was for us. 

 

nirad3

Footballguy
That's great news.  Good to hear.  Hope things turn around for her.  Sounds like she has an amazing support system.

 

Grahamburn

Footballguy
So I know I’ll be the one that sounds like a jerk, but ultimately it only took a little over a week to find placement for her? Kudos to you and your wife for advocating and putting in the effort. These things do often take a little time. She’s not alone. A lot of people need help that can’t pay for it. 

Maybe it can be a lesson to all of us to take some responsibility and ownership of ourselves and what we can accomplish with action/initiative/tenacity versus throwing in the towel and blaming “the system” when we need help. 

There are a finite number of resources available to those that can’t help themselves. Both personally and financially. There isn’t an endless stream of money and people to bail you out. Especially in scenarios like these where the end game is not yet complete and there’s a much greater than zero chance she’ll need help again. 

My two Pennies. I’m glad you found a place for her and hope she gets what she needs. 

 

KarmaPolice

Footballguy
Really sorry, Top Dog.  I have experience with the frustration of trying to get a loved one the mental health help they need.  The system is broken in so many ways.   

Lean on the FFA for help, venting, whatever.  Good resources here.   

 

Punxsutawney Phil

Footballguy
Why isn't anyone talking about the Adderall epidemic?  Back in the late 90's everyone had a few friends taking Ritalin, and by the 2000's kids were being recruited into fraternities based on them having a script.  It's the gateway pharmaceutical that's an introduction into the world of uppers.

 
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top dog

Footballguy
So I know I’ll be the one that sounds like a jerk, but ultimately it only took a little over a week to find placement for her? Kudos to you and your wife for advocating and putting in the effort. These things do often take a little time. She’s not alone. A lot of people need help that can’t pay for it. 

Maybe it can be a lesson to all of us to take some responsibility and ownership of ourselves and what we can accomplish with action/initiative/tenacity versus throwing in the towel and blaming “the system” when we need help. 

There are a finite number of resources available to those that can’t help themselves. Both personally and financially. There isn’t an endless stream of money and people to bail you out. Especially in scenarios like these where the end game is not yet complete and there’s a much greater than zero chance she’ll need help again. 

My two Pennies. I’m glad you found a place for her and hope she gets what she needs. 


I agree in personal responsibility and ownership. And in my opinion the SIL is doing those steps right now. There was no court ordered anything happening in this situation. She pink slipped herself. She tried for 4 days at the state hospital to find some type of placement. She has done everything but stand up with a sign saying "I'M AN ADDICT! PLEASE HELP ME!" For the first time ever she has taken some ownership.  

My frustration with the system is that there are countless agencies and centralized places to go for assistance in so many things but substance abuse and mental health was not so clear. And when each facility is saying "sorry. try somewhere else" it is a systematic failure. How much perseverance and tenacity is the addict/mental patient going to have to get through that? Had the SIL not had us (who are NOT addicts or fighting mental health) calling, knocking on doors and even posting on the internet saying "Hey, anyone out there have an idea to help here?" where would she be? I did vent my frustration with the system and although we did find her help, I still believe it is severely flawed.

And lets not put the cart in front of the horse here. In no way shape or form do we expect this to be the end game for her. Quite the opposite. The family IS guarded and understands she may fall yet again. She's been doing it for over a decade. But at least for the next month these is hope instead of fear that today will be the day we bury someone who didn't need to go so early. 

 

top dog

Footballguy
Why isn't anyone talking about the Adderall epidemic?  Back in the late 90's everyone had a few friends taking Ritalin, and by the 2000's kids were being recruited into fraternities based on them having a script.  It's the gateway pharmaceutical that's an introduction into the world of uppers.


I don't think you are wrong. My SIL told the intake person that she started doing Adderall at 15. So many of her friends had scripts and they sold/shared them. She said it was easier to get Adderall than alcohol in high school. She also started cocaine in high school after using the Adderall. 

 

Punxsutawney Phil

Footballguy
I don't think you are wrong. My SIL told the intake person that she started doing Adderall at 15. So many of her friends had scripts and they sold/shared them. She said it was easier to get Adderall than alcohol in high school. She also started cocaine in high school after using the Adderall. 
Drug manufacturers should really have more responsibility here. 

 

Major

Footballguy
That's great news.  Lots of work ahead for your SIL but please take some time and remember your family has to heal as well.    Al-Anon meetings can be very helpful for families of alcoholics/addicts.  Wishing you guys all the best!

 

Moonlight

Footballguy
I agree in personal responsibility and ownership. And in my opinion the SIL is doing those steps right now. There was no court ordered anything happening in this situation. She pink slipped herself. She tried for 4 days at the state hospital to find some type of placement. She has done everything but stand up with a sign saying "I'M AN ADDICT! PLEASE HELP ME!" For the first time ever she has taken some ownership.  

My frustration with the system is that there are countless agencies and centralized places to go for assistance in so many things but substance abuse and mental health was not so clear. And when each facility is saying "sorry. try somewhere else" it is a systematic failure. How much perseverance and tenacity is the addict/mental patient going to have to get through that? Had the SIL not had us (who are NOT addicts or fighting mental health) calling, knocking on doors and even posting on the internet saying "Hey, anyone out there have an idea to help here?" where would she be? I did vent my frustration with the system and although we did find her help, I still believe it is severely flawed.

And lets not put the cart in front of the horse here. In no way shape or form do we expect this to be the end game for her. Quite the opposite. The family IS guarded and understands she may fall yet again. She's been doing it for over a decade. But at least for the next month these is hope instead of fear that today will be the day we bury someone who didn't need to go so early. 
Its a difficult situation. Abusive/addictive use of substances can result in people exhibiting symptoms of mental illness. On the other hand persons with pre-existing mental illness can turn to substances as a form of coping medication. The mental health system very often excluded persons who were seen as addicts/alcoholics which resulted in the formation of AA and then later a separate system for the treatment of substance abuse disorders. Having two systems resulted in competency, jurisdiction and funding problems when their was an overlap with a person exhibiting symptoms of mental illness and substance disorders. 

Fortunately, there has been considerable recent influence/funding from the federal government to merge the systems and treatment. Its a work in progress.

Your SIL is fortunate to have you and the the family supporting her. Family support, education and involvement greatly increase her chances for positive outcomes.

I would also advise that in aftercare after discharge from the program she needs to have a therapist/counselor that she is comfortable and has rapport with. It is a key component. Keep an eye on this and do not be afraid to request a change if its not happening.

 

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