Caring for our elderly parents (1 Viewer)

[The Longtime Lurker]

I've mentioned this here and there, but my wife is an administrator for a long term health facility. If there's specific questions that can help anyone out let er rip and I'll see if i can get an answer.

Ask her how somebody can convince a stubborn old Texas boy that he needs more help than I'm able to provide.

Not to many cowboys up here, but we have lots of stubborn old men. I'll ask if there's a general resource or anything that might be helpful in these situations.

 

[The Longtime Lurker]

Please help - I need to get both my parents into assisted living. Like yesterday. They both have Alzheimer's disease and are getting worse by the day.

When researching living facilities, why do all these facilities seem like extremely overpriced scams? Won't Medicare pay some of these costs?

Please help me not get scammed and find a good place for my parents. How do you go about this?

Find Healthcare Providers: Compare Care Near You | Medicare

Find Medicare-approved providers near you & compare care quality for nursing homes, doctors, hospitals, hospice centers, more. Official Medicare site.

www.medicare.gov

 

[General Malaise]

I'm not okay. I'm struggling hard. I want to do right by him but I don't know how to go about that.

I feel for you all that have to go through this. As the youngest by a ton in my family, I've been blessed to avoid most of this with my family because my sister and middle brother took care of my mom. She was the same spot although she was never angry, just tired but wouldn't leave the family home. She just slept all the time. My oldest brother went through this on his own in CA a few years ago. We have no family out there but he had a solid friend base that found him after they hadn't heard from him for a week. Fallen and couldn't get up, house filled with nastiness. All in the middle of COVID making it even more difficult. He had some intestinal or stomach cancer, never really knew because he refused to go to the hospital because he knew they would keep him and would die alone. So he stayed and passed in his home that he loved. I walked in the door as he passed away so again was spared.

I can't provide support or even relevant advice but having seen most all of my family pass away I can say that no matter how bad they get, in their heart, they are that person you will remember them being. Show them love and muster up all the patience you can because this is only for a short time and having celebrated my mom's passing last week, after 15 years it's amazing how much you still miss them. I tell anyone that will listen, spend as much time with your family as you can, even during the bad times. You only have so much sand in the hourglass and then it's over.

Good luck on your journey GB, I know it sucks and life doesn't prepare you for this kind of stuff. There are just some things in life where a man needs to step up and get it done. Do what you can but at some point you will raise the white flag and he will be mad mad about it. He's not going to disown you, he's not going to not see you if he transitions to assisted living. He'll be mad but **** it, sometimes you gotta make the hard decisions. Do you have medical power of attorney?

Thanks GB, always appreciate your kindness towards me.

I do have power of attorney and have all his docs at the ready. We needed them in the hospital as he was close to death and the docs wanted a copy of his advance directive, which I had. Glad he was so well organized. I'm amazed he's back home after all he went through. They had to pour blood into him to keep him alive.

I lost my mom in 2018 and she died peacefully in the hospital. It was rough but we got to say our goodbyes and she was in very good hands.

But this is different. He's home alone right now while I'm at work and I can't really focus on anything. I'm just so worried he's fallen or had another bathroom accident or isn't eating or......I just can't get my head right.

And then I look all around me and others have it way worse, so I just feel awful complaining. People have lost their children and their homes in the last few days. I've just got a cranky old dad who lost a spleen. I'm all out of tears. Is there a version of crying that's like dry heaving?

 

[The Longtime Lurker]

I've mentioned this here and there, but my wife is an administrator for a long term health facility. If there's specific questions that can help anyone out let er rip and I'll see if i can get an answer.

Ask her how somebody can convince a stubborn old Texas boy that he needs more help than I'm able to provide.

Option 1 if you're the durable power of attorney you can make the decision yourself, option 2 his doctor can take away his decision making and you can move forward with long term care. Outside of that as long as they are there own person decision making likely remains up to them.

Nothing easy about any of it. Hard decisions that will seem wrong at the time no matter what you choose, been there done that. Getting him the help he needs and giving yourself a break you no doubt deserve is usually right.

 

[General Malaise]

I've mentioned this here and there, but my wife is an administrator for a long term health facility. If there's specific questions that can help anyone out let er rip and I'll see if i can get an answer.

Ask her how somebody can convince a stubborn old Texas boy that he needs more help than I'm able to provide.

Option 1 if you're the durable power of attorney you can make the decision yourself, option 2 his doctor can take away his decision making and you can move forward with long term care. Outside of that as long as they are there own person decision making likely remains up to them.

Nothing easy about any of it. Hard decisions that will seem wrong at the time no matter what you choose, been there done that. Getting him the help he needs and giving yourself a break you no doubt deserve is usually right.

Thank you, friend. That's nice to read.

Lot's of big decisions looming but we'll just take it one day at a time. If he falls again, it might be the last time and I've told him that. We got him an iWatch that's supposed to alert us if he falls but he hates it. He hates everything right now. It's hard to try and give attentive care to a person who resents it.

 

[beer 30]

But this is different. He's home alone right now while I'm at work and I can't really focus on anything. I'm just so worried he's fallen or had another bathroom accident or isn't eating or......I just can't get my head right.

And then I look all around me and others have it way worse, so I just feel awful complaining. People have lost their children and their homes in the last few days. I've just got a cranky old dad who lost a spleen. I'm all out of tears. Is there a version of crying that's like dry heaving?

It was the same with mom when she was at home. One of either my brother or sister would stop by to see her everyday but she was on her own for most all of the day. I was 3 hours away and every time I got a call from her house or the brother/sister my heart sank. You do the best you can with what you have. You also pretty much put your life on hold until the situation resolves itself one way or the other. I'm guessing you've talked about a Life Alert button with him. That's what we set up for mom so we had some peace of mind. The struggle with that is getting them to actually wear it.

You're not complaining GB, you're coping with a group of perfect strangers, most of whom you've never met, that care very deeply for you because of what you've provided all of us throughout the years. Don't be ashamed or feel like you're trying to take the spotlight away from someone else's struggles. This is life man, there are a lot of parts that are spectacular and there are some that just rip your heart out. We all have those moments at one time or another and have to deal with it. Your sharing is part of your process because you've always been super open about your life here. That's why we tolerate you

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Please help - I need to get both my parents into assisted living. Like yesterday. They both have Alzheimer's disease and are getting worse by the day.

When researching living facilities, why do all these facilities seem like extremely overpriced scams? Won't Medicare pay some of these costs?

Please help me not get scammed and find a good place for my parents. How do you go about this?

Where are you?

When I had to place my mom in memory care, I lucked out big time. The nearest place was called Silverado. Totally worth it. They allow couples to stay together. They also allow their pets if possible. I knew I had a good place when it smelled like a home, rather than a medical facility. I could see mom whenever I wanted, including 3AM. (Not that I did that, but there were no restrictions.) They do their own hospice care. They even carried the debt for several months until I was able to complete the guardianship process and get access to funds. They made it all better for me and her.

If you can, get PoA and Medical PoA now. Trust me, you need them.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

You're not complaining GB, you're coping with a group of perfect strangers, most of whom you've never met, that care very deeply for you because of what you've provided all of us throughout the years.

Not complaining at all. A bunch of us have been through this. We get it.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

@General Malaise We’re all there, have been there or are soon to be there. Vent away. It’s a safe space. My step dad is 79 and headed in the wrong direction physically. My mom is 80 and there seems to be a little cognitive decline. Step dad refuses all in home care so far. Won’t put up bars in t(e shower, etc. stubborn.

 

[SpurrierisisGod]

So a little different take....

My dad is 78. Still works. Has normal health issues you'd expect of a 78 yo dude, maybe a few more. No dementia or anything but mind isn't 100% obviously.

His job got "downsized". They cut his whole department. Yes, he should be retired but he freaks out about money (my sister lives with him - no financial help - different story/thread). He's not the best with computers. Sure, he can find his pron but out side of that and the limewire level viruses he probably has, he cant even figure out the unemployment website.

From what I remember from having to declare unemployment maybe 3 times since 2015, it was pretty cut and dry... fill out your info, answer 5-10 questions about willing to work, able to work etc and done.

My sister says he's been up to the office like 6 times, cant figure out the website, has to list 25 contacts a week he has made and on and on. I don't remember any issues like that. Best part is I live like 5 miles on the other side of town and he hasn't mentioned any of this. My sister isn't much help. I've asked how the job search is going (even though I told him a year after my mom passed in 2014) that he should sell and move to the beach, he's earned it. Nope. Worried about sis and her kid (who's in college).

He'll never find another job. Not in today's world of online applications. I'm surprised he hasn't asked me what happened to monster dot Com.

Long rant to basically just ask, have unemployment claims changed in the last few years that he things he has to list out a crap ton of contacts he's made? Am I misremebering that it was just click a few buttons and hit submit?

 

[fatness]

Long rant to basically just ask, have unemployment claims changed in the last few years that he things he has to list out a crap ton of contacts he's made? Am I misremebering that it was just click a few buttons and hit submit?

Sorry to hear about your dad's difficulties.
Alabama has a website for getting unemployment information and making claims. Is this something he would allow you to navigate for him?
https://uiclaimantportal.labor.alabama.gov/

 

[MAC_32]

I've been actively struggling with this. I'm not comfortable getting into the weeds, but I think it's important we build a situation in which our kids don't feel responsible for taking care of us. While that approach appears consistent with my in-laws, it's not with my folks. The most demanding time in most humans lives are middle aged when work responsibilities peak in alignment with kids activities. How does one take care of themselves, not cut corners with the above, and care for their elders. And the lack of question mark is intentional.

 

[GenX fan]

Added note: I read the book Being Mortal a couple of years ago anticipating this day was coming. It's given me a good frame of reference for my mom's mental state. I feel like I'm doing the right thing asking her "what's important to you?" as often as I can. I might not like her answers or agree with them, but I'm trying to keep her wants in mind.

Thank you for this book recommendation, it is outstanding. Should be required reading for anyone dealing with ailing parents.

But it is more than that. It helps you examine what's important in your own life, and how you want the end of your life to look like. If you have that opportunity.

 

[The Longtime Lurker]

My dad is 75. Great shape, does everything right and was sailing into a very healthy old age. He has his Harley and loves to get out and ride though. About 6 weeks ago he had to swerve to miss a deer that ran out in front of him and had a really bad crash. Luckily he was smart enough to wear a helmet (which cracked in half), but he still ended up with a severe concussion, a broken collarbone, scapula, 4 broken ribs, countless cuts and bruises.

I was talking to him yesterday and I'm getting worried. He's just not healing up. He had surgery for the collarbone, but the ribs are keeping him from sleeping and after 6 weeks the toll it's taking is getting really noticeable. Heathcare is so lacking it's shameful, even after 6 weeks it feels like they have no idea about anything. No humanity and lots of indifference (that's another topic all together).

There wasn't much he couldn't do physically and was sharp as a tack. Full recovery is looking iffy and it's awful to see. It's hard to reel in aging parents, but i sure wish there was a way to have gotten through that the motorcycle was becoming far too risky. He always said if you can't live what's the point of being alive and it shut us up, but there comes a point you have to tone it down. I hope it isn't too late, this isn't the kind of person to take sitting the rest of his life well. Take whatever steps you have to with these old timers. They were the voice of reason for us growing up and they may need that repayed even if they don't want to hear it.

 

[rockaction]

My dad is 75. Great shape, does everything right and was sailing into a very healthy old age. He has his Harley and loves to get out and ride though. About 6 weeks ago he had to swerve to miss a deer that ran out in front of him and had a really bad crash. Luckily he was smart enough to wear a helmet (which cracked in half), but he still ended up with a severe concussion, a broken collarbone, scapula, 4 broken ribs, countless cuts and bruises.

I was talking to him yesterday and I'm getting worried. He's just not healing up. He had surgery for the collarbone, but the ribs are keeping him from sleeping and after 6 weeks the toll it's taking is getting really noticeable. Heathcare is so lacking it's shameful, even after 6 weeks it feels like they have no idea about anything. No humanity and lots of indifference (that's another topic all together).

There wasn't much he couldn't do physically and was sharp as a tack. Full recovery is looking iffy and it's awful to see. It's hard to reel in aging parents, but i sure wish there was a way to have gotten through that the motorcycle was becoming far too risky. He always said if you can't live what's the point of being alive and it shut us up, but there comes a point you have to tone it down. I hope it isn't too late, this isn't the kind of person to take sitting the rest of his life well. Take whatever steps you have to with these old timers. They were the voice of reason for us growing up and they may need that repayed even if they don't want to hear it.

Dude, I’m really sorry to hear this. Whatever you do, you can’t feel guilty.

I basically have taken to pleading with my mother not to get on ladders to put up Christmas decorations or trim trees, and she will not listen and I just know it’s coming and it makes me sick.

Other than physically restraining her I’ve got no prayer, and I know I’m going to be the one who hears the accident and finds her. I try and spot her whenever I know and can, but she won’t go out of her way to get me. Stubborn.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

My close friend is 83 and just asked me if I wanted to go snowmobiling with him and his son in West Yellowstone again this winter.

He said it'll probably be his last time going. He said the same thing three years ago.

Some people you just can't stop.

 

[The Longtime Lurker]

And if this isn't bad enough my wife's dad, recent cancer survivor just had major back surgery last Wednesday and he wasn't in great shape going into that.

I'm seeing some real hard days ahead with all this and living in a place that gets over 200 inches of snow in an average winter is going to make things even harder. It all kind of hit last night as I'm laying in bed. Gonna be some tough decisions and conversations on the horizon.

 

[Max Power]

Posted a while back about some concerns with my FIL's finances as he gets older. He's mid-60s and in decent health. It's looking more and more like he under planned for retirement. He left his job in 2020 during the covid lockdowns because his job was offering early retirement benefits and he was concerned about interacting with the public at that time due to his own health issues. He has a shrinking nest egg, a small pension from work, social security and money in stocks. Luckily housing and vehicles are all paid in full.

He has a knee replacement surgery scheduled for early next year and will probably stay with us for a couple months while he recovers. The surgery will set him back a little and we're gently nudging him to take on some part time work. He doesn't seem overly interested in that, but is willing to volunteer. Its a tough one for us because in his mind he is retired and doesn't want to work again. He is either going to have to learn how to stretch a dollar or he has to go back to work. So far there has been no luck with either of these conversations.

 

[Senor Schmutzig]

Since my father passed about a year ago, I have been helping my mom with her finances and keeping things straight. My dad had a small pension, and she took on his SS benefits, so she is doing okay. Thankfully, she is fanatical about sticking to the budget I have created for her, along with paying down some debt my dad incurred without her being aware of it. I pay for their mortgage but if that wasn't the case, things would be much more dire. Basically, she is about to break even each month with a few hundred dollars to spare, which I am encouraging her to save.

She is trying to make some extra money by selling some hand-knit items on Etsy (is anyone interested in hand-knit slippers, Christmas/Hanukkah knit hats or cute little bears with hand-knit hats?) as she wants to contribute what she can. They make great gifts or stocking stuffers!

Donna's Whimsicals - Hand-knit and homemade!

 

[BigJohn]

But this is different. He's home alone right now while I'm at work and I can't really focus on anything. I'm just so worried he's fallen or had another bathroom accident or isn't eating or......I just can't get my head right.

And then I look all around me and others have it way worse, so I just feel awful complaining. People have lost their children and their homes in the last few days. I've just got a cranky old dad who lost a spleen. I'm all out of tears. Is there a version of crying that's like dry heaving?

It was the same with mom when she was at home. One of either my brother or sister would stop by to see her everyday but she was on her own for most all of the day. I was 3 hours away and every time I got a call from her house or the brother/sister my heart sank. You do the best you can with what you have. You also pretty much put your life on hold until the situation resolves itself one way or the other. I'm guessing you've talked about a Life Alert button with him. That's what we set up for mom so we had some peace of mind. The struggle with that is getting them to actually wear it.

You're not complaining GB, you're coping with a group of perfect strangers, most of whom you've never met, that care very deeply for you because of what you've provided all of us throughout the years. Don't be ashamed or feel like you're trying to take the spotlight away from someone else's struggles. This is life man, there are a lot of parts that are spectacular and there are some that just rip your heart out. We all have those moments at one time or another and have to deal with it. Your sharing is part of your process because you've always been super open about your life here. That's why we tolerate you

Just skimming through, so this may have been suggested already. My mom is by herself, though not far away. She went and bought blink cameras and put them in all non-bathroom areas of her house. I think 6 in total. My brother, my sister and I all have access to these cameras and can check on her at any time. My sister is the paranoid one, so she is checking in and talking to her through the cameras usually 2-3 times a day. My Mom and sister love it and she has me watch her go from her car into the house all the time. It has given us all some peace of mind.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Since my father passed about a year ago, I have been helping my mom with her finances and keeping things straight. My dad had a small pension, and she took on his SS benefits, so she is doing okay. Thankfully, she is fanatical about sticking to the budget I have created for her, along with paying down some debt my dad incurred without her being aware of it. I pay for their mortgage but if that wasn't the case, things would be much more dire. Basically, she is about to break even each month with a few hundred dollars to spare, which I am encouraging her to save.

She is trying to make some extra money by selling some hand-knit items on Etsy (is anyone interested in hand-knit slippers, Christmas/Hanukkah knit hats or cute little bears with hand-knit hats?) as she wants to contribute what she can. They make great gifts or stocking stuffers!

Donna's Whimsicals - Hand-knit and homemade!

Those are totally cute. I can't buy one because we are snowed under with handicrafts. Mr R's mom made SO much stuff. We gave away a bunch of quilts and afghans when she died. Hardly made a dent.

Baby blankets do well, I believe, and Mr R swears by knit socks. He has about forty pairs.

 

[Senor Schmutzig]

Since my father passed about a year ago, I have been helping my mom with her finances and keeping things straight. My dad had a small pension, and she took on his SS benefits, so she is doing okay. Thankfully, she is fanatical about sticking to the budget I have created for her, along with paying down some debt my dad incurred without her being aware of it. I pay for their mortgage but if that wasn't the case, things would be much more dire. Basically, she is about to break even each month with a few hundred dollars to spare, which I am encouraging her to save.

She is trying to make some extra money by selling some hand-knit items on Etsy (is anyone interested in hand-knit slippers, Christmas/Hanukkah knit hats or cute little bears with hand-knit hats?) as she wants to contribute what she can. They make great gifts or stocking stuffers!

Donna's Whimsicals - Hand-knit and homemade!

Those are totally cute. I can't buy one because we are snowed under with handicrafts. Mr R's mom made SO much stuff. We gave away a bunch of quilts and afghans when she died. Hardly made a dent.

Baby blankets do well, I believe, and Mr R swears by knit socks. He has about forty pairs.

LOL, I know what you mean. My mom keeps pushing the slippers on me despite living in Florida. I rarely even wear socks in the house, much less slippers!

 

[General Malaise]

I've mentioned this here and there, but my wife is an administrator for a long term health facility. If there's specific questions that can help anyone out let er rip and I'll see if i can get an answer.

Ask her how somebody can convince a stubborn old Texas boy that he needs more help than I'm able to provide.

Option 1 if you're the durable power of attorney you can make the decision yourself, option 2 his doctor can take away his decision making and you can move forward with long term care. Outside of that as long as they are there own person decision making likely remains up to them.

Nothing easy about any of it. Hard decisions that will seem wrong at the time no matter what you choose, been there done that. Getting him the help he needs and giving yourself a break you no doubt deserve is usually right.

Thank you, friend. That's nice to read.

Lot's of big decisions looming but we'll just take it one day at a time. If he falls again, it might be the last time and I've told him that. We got him an iWatch that's supposed to alert us if he falls but he hates it. He hates everything right now. It's hard to try and give attentive care to a person who resents it.

Well, turns out this was precisely what happened. He fell again in October, cracked 4 ribs, fractured one of his lower vertebrae and began bleeding internally from his bladder and maybe two weeks later, he succumbed to his injuries after a long hospital stay and a failed attempt at rehabbing in a skilled nursing facility. He was more than ready to go by the end. There was no stopping the bleeding absent some very intense and invasive procedures and those might have killed him too.

He called me from the hospital after we had a very frank conversation in person about living alone and he agreed if he got out of this one, he would move into assisted living. He apologized for being stubborn and not listening to us in the summer when we pleaded with him to get help, but I told him no apologies needed, we loved him and just hated seeing him in pain, suffering due to falls and wanted to prevent any further injuries but his body was shutting it down rapidly. Kidney failure, weakness, blood loss and just a tremendous amount of pain. Everything hurt.

The old man went into hospice on Friday, Oct. 31, got his first dose of liquid morphine at 10am on Sat. Nov 1, watched his beloved Texas Longhorns beat Vanderbilt, shut his eyes and by 4:15pm I peered over at him and he was gone. I was in the room with him alone and feel fortunate that I was there for both my parents when they drifted off to their end.

I think most of my emotions were wrung out of me like a wash cloth back in July/August. Pleading with a person to get help who refuses to believe they need help is exhausting and draining emotionally. In addition, having never closed out an estate/trust before, there's a lot of loose ends that need sewing up. It's been over two weeks and I still haven't cancelled his cable but have taken care of a dozen other things, so day by day, little by little.

Hang in there to all of you dealing with your elderly parents. I don't know what more my sister and I could have done to care for my dad near the end as he just refused to believe living alone was a major risk. But we tried. On the positive side, he did get to squeeze in one more train trip with his brother in September, caught a couple more of his grandkids' sporting events and enjoyed a few more family dinners at our house before he departed, so I feel fortunate that he lived his life to the very end.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Since my father passed about a year ago, I have been helping my mom with her finances and keeping things straight. My dad had a small pension, and she took on his SS benefits, so she is doing okay. Thankfully, she is fanatical about sticking to the budget I have created for her, along with paying down some debt my dad incurred without her being aware of it. I pay for their mortgage but if that wasn't the case, things would be much more dire. Basically, she is about to break even each month with a few hundred dollars to spare, which I am encouraging her to save.

She is trying to make some extra money by selling some hand-knit items on Etsy (is anyone interested in hand-knit slippers, Christmas/Hanukkah knit hats or cute little bears with hand-knit hats?) as she wants to contribute what she can. They make great gifts or stocking stuffers!

Donna's Whimsicals - Hand-knit and homemade!

Those are totally cute. I can't buy one because we are snowed under with handicrafts. Mr R's mom made SO much stuff. We gave away a bunch of quilts and afghans when she died. Hardly made a dent.

Baby blankets do well, I believe, and Mr R swears by knit socks. He has about forty pairs.

LOL, I know what you mean. My mom keeps pushing the slippers on me despite living in Florida. I rarely even wear socks in the house, much less slippers!

I have a Doctor Who scarf. One of my three favorite Christmas presents is a quilt she made me. It's so lovely.

I can't wear the socks. I get knit feet. Mr R loves them.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

In addition, having never closed out an estate/trust before, there's a lot of loose ends that need sewing up. It's been over two weeks and I still haven't cancelled his cable but have taken care of a dozen other things, so day by day, little by little.

This part just takes time. One or two tasks a day should see you through.

I'm so sorry for your loss and glad he knew how much you cared.

 

[The Longtime Lurker]

I've mentioned this here and there, but my wife is an administrator for a long term health facility. If there's specific questions that can help anyone out let er rip and I'll see if i can get an answer.

Ask her how somebody can convince a stubborn old Texas boy that he needs more help than I'm able to provide.

Option 1 if you're the durable power of attorney you can make the decision yourself, option 2 his doctor can take away his decision making and you can move forward with long term care. Outside of that as long as they are there own person decision making likely remains up to them.

Nothing easy about any of it. Hard decisions that will seem wrong at the time no matter what you choose, been there done that. Getting him the help he needs and giving yourself a break you no doubt deserve is usually right.

Thank you, friend. That's nice to read.

Lot's of big decisions looming but we'll just take it one day at a time. If he falls again, it might be the last time and I've told him that. We got him an iWatch that's supposed to alert us if he falls but he hates it. He hates everything right now. It's hard to try and give attentive care to a person who resents it.

Well, turns out this was precisely what happened. He fell again in October, cracked 4 ribs, fractured one of his lower vertebrae and began bleeding internally from his bladder and maybe two weeks later, he succumbed to his injuries after a long hospital stay and a failed attempt at rehabbing in a skilled nursing facility. He was more than ready to go by the end. There was no stopping the bleeding absent some very intense and invasive procedures and those might have killed him too.

He called me from the hospital after we had a very frank conversation in person about living alone and he agreed if he got out of this one, he would move into assisted living. He apologized for being stubborn and not listening to us in the summer when we pleaded with him to get help, but I told him no apologies needed, we loved him and just hated seeing him in pain, suffering due to falls and wanted to prevent any further injuries but his body was shutting it down rapidly. Kidney failure, weakness, blood loss and just a tremendous amount of pain. Everything hurt.

The old man went into hospice on Friday, Oct. 31, got his first dose of liquid morphine at 10am on Sat. Nov 1, watched his beloved Texas Longhorns beat Vanderbilt, shut his eyes and by 4:15pm I peered over at him and he was gone. I was in the room with him alone and feel fortunate that I was there for both my parents when they drifted off to their end.

I think most of my emotions were wrung out of me like a wash cloth back in July/August. Pleading with a person to get help who refuses to believe they need help is exhausting and draining emotionally. In addition, having never closed out an estate/trust before, there's a lot of loose ends that need sewing up. It's been over two weeks and I still haven't cancelled his cable but have taken care of a dozen other things, so day by day, little by little.

Hang in there to all of you dealing with your elderly parents. I don't know what more my sister and I could have done to care for my dad near the end as he just refused to believe living alone was a major risk. But we tried. On the positive side, he did get to squeeze in one more train trip with his brother in September, caught a couple more of his grandkids' sporting events and enjoyed a few more family dinners at our house before he departed, so I feel fortunate that he lived his life to the very end.

Sorry for your loss, it's pretty hard and there aren't really words to express that.

You seem to be handling it so right though. He sounded ready and you were there. That had to be very comforting for him. From the sounds of it you both got closure and that's a gift even if it doesn't feel like it today.

Take it slow with the estate. No reason to rush and stress. There's plenty of time for paperwork and phone calls. Catch your breath and celebrate the life you shared.