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Christmas Letters..Please stop! (1 Viewer)

Da Guru

Fair & Balanced
We get Christmas Letters from 3 couples every year. These are the only 3 couples I know that everything is perfect in their lives.

Just got one today and will paraphrase. It was actually much longer with more of the same. I missed 3-4 trips.

Merry Christmas,

Just want to drop a note to let everyone know how our last year was. Well we spent January and February in Naples Florida for the 4th year in a row. Jim golfed everyday, I golfed 2-3 times a week plus doing my yoga still 4-5 times a week. I also had a hole in one..my second!!! Loved going to the beach then out to eat after golf or just staying at the club for drinks and eats

From there we came home to our fully brand new remodeled kitchen with all new upscale appliances that are a dream to cook on. After being home a month Jim and I flew out and attended "The Masters" golf tournament. "Highly recommend" if you have never been to Augusta.

Came home and a month later flew to St Barts for our anniversary for a week. Then back home to start our golf leagues and take golf trips to Northern Michigan. We stayed and played at Bay Harbor for 4 days. Rated #1 course/resort in Michigan. Jim got in 7 rounds, I played 3 but of course ran around the bay and worked out a lot. Headed up to Harbor Springs from there and spent 2 nights on our friends boat and cruised Traverse Bay and hit some wineries.

Our son Bobby just got another promotion and is in the process of building a fabulous new home outside of Atlanta. It has take longer than they thought but will be worth it. His 2 boys are are pretty much all stars in every sport they play. (They are 8-10) Tommy led the BB league in scoring, and Bobby can already throw a football 40 yards and runs like the wind.

Our daughter just moved back to Michigan and they are also building a new home close to us. It will be nice as we will be able to take her 2 kids to "The Country Club" with us as they are already very good golfers. Our granddaughter is in the TAG program in school and is a highly skilled piano player at the age of 12, my grandson is playing travel hockey on the best team in Michigan and is scoring points like Wayne Gretzky. (Yes she actually said that)

On top of all of our travels and golfing events Jim again is doing his consulting work. Jim get so many calls for help and could be doing this 7 days a week but only wants part time so we can enjoy our retirement. I also tutor kids who are struggling in math a couple hours a week to try and give back.

So much more I could cover but that's about it for now..Hope Everyone else is doing well and has a nice Christmas.

Elaine,
 
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There's 2 ways you can go here with your return Christmas letter
1. One-up them on everything
2. A letter so full of doom and gloom it takes them a minute to realize you're mocking them

I have a friend that did a letter every year when his kids were growing (he and his wife are now empty nesters). It was my favorite thing to receive in the mail every Christmas. It was brutally honest and absolutely hilarious. He would talk about which of his kids were sucking in which subjects and how they got in trouble that year. He would cover his various ailments and failures during the past 12 months and close by going on some form of hyper aggressive political rant - but in an absolutely hilarious way. His letters were legendary among his friends and colleagues. Wish he was still doing them.
 
We get Christmas Letters from 3 couples every year. These are the only 3 couples I know that everything is perfect in their lives.

Just got one today and will paraphrase. It was actually much longer with more of the same. I missed 3-4 trips.

Merry Christmas,

Just want to drop a note to let everyone know how our last year was. Well we spent January and February in Naples Florida for the 4th year in a row. Jim golfed everyday, I golfed 2-3 times a week plus doing my yoga still 4-5 times a week. I also had a hole in one..my second!!! Loved going to the beach then out to eat after golf or just staying at the club for drinks and eats

From there we came home to our fully brand new remodeled kitchen with all new upscale appliances that are a dream to cook on. After being home a month Jim and I flew out and attended "The Masters" golf tournament. "Highly recommend" if you have never been to Augusta.

Came home and a month later flew to St Barts for our anniversary for a week. Then back home to start our golf leagues and take golf trips to Northern Michigan. We stayed and played at Bay Harbor for 4 days. Rated #1 course/resort in Michigan. Jim got in 7 rounds, I played 3 but of course ran around the bay and worked out a lot. Headed up to Harbor Springs from there and spent 2 nights on our friends boat and cruised Traverse Bay and hit some wineries.

Our son Bobby just got another promotion and is in the process of building a fabulous new home outside of Atlanta. It has take longer than they thought but will be worth it. His 2 boys are are pretty much all stars in every sport they play. (They are 8-10) Tommy led the BB league in scoring, and Bobby can already throw a football 40 yards and runs like the wind.

Our daughter just moved back to Michigan and they are also building a new home close to us. It will be nice as we will be able to take her 2 kids to "The Country Club" with us as they are already very good golfers. Our granddaughter is in the TAG program in school and is a highly skilled piano player at the age of 12, my grandson is playing travel hockey on the best team in Michigan and is scoring points like Wayne Gretzky. (Yes she actually said that)

On top of all of our travels and golfing events Jim again is doing his consulting work. Jim get so many calls for help and could be doing this 7 days a week but only wants part time so we can enjoy our retirement. I also tutor kids who are struggling in math a couple hours a week to try and give back.

So much more I could cover but that's about it for now..Hope Everyone else is doing well and has a nice Christmas.

Elaine,

🤮

If you want to send me a message with their email address, I can send them a note telling them that their Christmas letters are ridiculous and everyone they know is making fun of them. Seriously, someone should tell them.
 
There's 2 ways you can go here with your return Christmas letter
1. One-up them on everything
2. A letter so full of doom and gloom it takes them a minute to realize you're mocking them

Well I have known them for over 25 years and and can count on one hand the times I have seen Jim sober. Plus he got a DUI last year that was never mentioned..rear ended a car stopped at a light and lost his license for 6 months. My daughter knows their son and said he is a skirt chaser and has hit on her friends a number of times while married.
 
There's 2 ways you can go here with your return Christmas letter
1. One-up them on everything
2. A letter so full of doom and gloom it takes them a minute to realize you're mocking them

I have a friend that did a letter every year when his kids were growing (he and his wife are now empty nesters). It was my favorite thing to receive in the mail every Christmas. It was brutally honest and absolutely hilarious. He would talk about which of his kids were sucking in which subjects and how they got in trouble that year. He would cover his various ailments and failures during the past 12 months and close by going on some form of hyper aggressive political rant - but in an absolutely hilarious way. His letters were legendary among his friends and colleagues. Wish he was still doing them.


My wife has a friend like that. We saw them a couple years ago and I asked how their kids were doing. First thing she said "Well Mike just got his second DUI and can`t drive for a year" so he is in danger of losing his job. Sarah is struggling with depression after calling off her engagement and has moved back home with us. Mark has arthritis so bad he limps all the time.


Other than that we are doing pretty good.
 
There's 2 ways you can go here with your return Christmas letter
1. One-up them on everything
2. A letter so full of doom and gloom it takes them a minute to realize you're mocking them
I really like option 2, both for entertainment value, and to show them how obnoxious/unbelievable all the bragging is:


A Christmas Letter from the Edge of the Storm

December 2024


Dearest Friends and Family,


As the year draws to a close and the winter winds howl outside, we find ourselves, strangely, filled with a sense of gratitude. For while this year has tested us in ways I never imagined possible, we have discovered an unexpected strength, one that I think deserves to be celebrated. So, let me share with you the story of 2024, our darkest year, and the unbreakable light that flickers within it.

It all began with the tsunami that swept through our home in the spring. A torrent of water, as if nature itself had declared war on us, washed away not just our possessions but the memories we had worked so hard to build. There were no words to describe the devastation—just the overwhelming roar of destruction. Yet, in the chaos, I found something I hadn't anticipated: a remarkable kindness from strangers, and from each other. Our little family, drenched and cold, found shelter in the hearts of others, reminding me that we always have more than we realize.

Then, just as we were beginning to rebuild, another blow. Our eldest, Nathan, was caught in a terrible mistake, harvesting organs as a side gig, that led to his incarceration. The courtroom, cold and unforgiving, echoed with the clatter of gavel and the weight of lost innocence. I still don’t fully understand how it all happened, but my heart aches for him every day. Still, I remain hopeful, for even behind those cold prison walls, Nathan shows a resilience that fills me with pride. He will rise again. He must.

As if that wasn’t enough to test our mettle, your favorite wandering parent, dear old Raymond, disappeared into the wilderness once more, chasing some distant dream or, perhaps, running from something far deeper. It's hard to keep track of his movements, but we carry on regardless, learning to live without him in the ways that matter most. A bit of mystery in the family, I suppose. Raymond's unpredictability does make for excellent stories, though, should you ever wish to hear them.

And then, just when I thought I couldn't possibly be struck by any more of life's cruel ironies, the sky itself seemed to take aim at me. Twice this year, I found myself the victim of lightning strikes. No, I’m not exaggerating—I’ve been hit twice. Miraculously, I lived through both, though I do believe a few of my brain cells are still attempting to recover. There’s nothing like being fried by nature’s fury to remind you how little control we truly have over this wild existence. But what doesn’t kill you... well, you know the rest.

I was beginning to think I’d survived the worst, when I received a diagnosis that still sends chills through my bones: leprosy. Yes, leprosy. As if the universe decided I hadn’t suffered enough. Rather than succumb to despair, I’ve embraced it with the only attitude I know—one of defiance and humor. You see, I’ve decided to treat my leprosy as a strange new accessory, a metaphoric replacement for the missing limbs. Think of it as a gift, really. It’s certainly made me stand out at holiday parties, where I’ve regaled the grandkids with stories of Jack not just nipping at my nose, but earlobes, fingers and toes, too! In all seriousness, I am receiving treatment, and with luck, I’ll emerge from this chapter stronger, though perhaps a little more… textured.

So, as you can see, this year has been one of unrelenting hardship. Yet, somehow, in the middle of it all, we’ve found joy. A little laughter in the dark, a spark of warmth in the bitter cold. Christmas is upon us, and despite the odds, I feel we have much to celebrate. Family, love, resilience—these are the gifts that matter most. We may not have much else, but we have each other, and I’ve learned that’s enough.

As we sit by our flickering fire this Christmas Eve, on a vacant lot that was once our home, we send our warmest wishes to you all. May your homes be filled with light, your hearts with peace, and may you find laughter even in the storm.

Merry Christmas, from our fractured family to yours. Here’s to the triumph of the human spirit, no matter how many times it’s knocked down.


With love,
The Survivors of the Storm
 
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What I did not mention is that her husband is one of the quietest, soft spoken man I know. I golf with him a couple times a year and he never has said a word bragging about anything. Even after a few cocktails he is pretty subdued.

I will say the last few letters the boasting has been getting worse. Used to be the basic stuff. Now it is 2 pages of "Look at me" Must be missing something in her life.
 
What I did not mention is that her husband is one of the quietest, soft spoken man I know. I golf with him a couple times a year and he never has said a word bragging about anything. Even after a few cocktails he is pretty subdued.

I will say the last few letters the boasting has been getting worse. Used to be the basic stuff. Now it is 2 pages of "Look at me" Must be missing something in her life.
I hate to ask but is she as attractive as she thinks she is?
 
What I did not mention is that her husband is one of the quietest, soft spoken man I know. I golf with him a couple times a year and he never has said a word bragging about anything. Even after a few cocktails he is pretty subdued.

I will say the last few letters the boasting has been getting worse. Used to be the basic stuff. Now it is 2 pages of "Look at me" Must be missing something in her life.
Don't mind her. Her idea of wit is nothing more than an incisive observation...
humorously phrased and delivered with impeccable timing.
 
There's 2 ways you can go here with your return Christmas letter
1. One-up them on everything
2. A letter so full of doom and gloom it takes them a minute to realize you're mocking them
Send both. Maybe one from you and one from your spouse. That will really confuse them. But reading their letter, I don't know whether to hate them or want to be their best friend.
 
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Stopping letters and cards was one of the best things we did. We still get a handful but thankfully most are shorter than years ago.
If we’re getting a letter, you’re at least a Facebook friend. We know everything you’ve done and have seen all the pictures.

The paper does make good kindling for the fire.

Bah humbug.
 
Not a letter, but possibly in the same ballpark. I have a friend who was in a disastrous marriage. Everyone knew it but every year without fail, we would get their Christmas card just after Thanksgiving (always had to be the first ones). And every year it contained photos of happy family pictures with a message about how grateful and lucky they are. They are finally divorced and now all the ugly stuff comes out. Seems similar in that some people love to portray the perfect situation on the outside to compensate for the mess on the inside.
 
From there we came home to our fully brand new remodeled kitchen with all new upscale appliances that are a dream to cook on.
How to say you are a doosh without actually using the words.

And why is Country Club in quotes? Is it actually a dive bar?
 
What I did not mention is that her husband is one of the quietest, soft spoken man I know. I golf with him a couple times a year and he never has said a word bragging about anything. Even after a few cocktails he is pretty subdued.

I will say the last few letters the boasting has been getting worse. Used to be the basic stuff. Now it is 2 pages of "Look at me" Must be missing something in her life.
I hate to ask but is she as attractive as she thinks she is?

Well..I will admit she is in good shape.

As far as looks go she is a solid 6 on Off-Dees scale that thinks she is a 9+.
 
From there we came home to our fully brand new remodeled kitchen with all new upscale appliances that are a dream to cook on.
How to say you are a doosh without actually using the words.

And why is Country Club in quotes? Is it actually a dive bar?

Because of the way she said it..to make sure everyone knows they belong to a "Country Club" Why not just say we will take the grandkids golfing with us?
 
From there we came home to our fully brand new remodeled kitchen with all new upscale appliances that are a dream to cook on.
How to say you are a doosh without actually using the words.

And why is Country Club in quotes? Is it actually a dive bar?

Because of the way she said it..to make sure everyone knows they belong to a "Country Club" Why not just say we will take the grandkids golfing with us?
But why not just say the country club? Why the quotes? Maybe they wore their "jeans" and went on a "picnic".

(Sorry. I am the Grammar Queen.)
 
There's 2 ways you can go here with your return Christmas letter
1. One-up them on everything
2. A letter so full of doom and gloom it takes them a minute to realize you're mocking them

I have a friend that did a letter every year when his kids were growing (he and his wife are now empty nesters). It was my favorite thing to receive in the mail every Christmas. It was brutally honest and absolutely hilarious. He would talk about which of his kids were sucking in which subjects and how they got in trouble that year. He would cover his various ailments and failures during the past 12 months and close by going on some form of hyper aggressive political rant - but in an absolutely hilarious way. His letters were legendary among his friends and colleagues. Wish he was still doing them.
Okay, yeah now that's how you do it, hilarious.

The Ned Flanders approach should only be sent out to one family, and be self-addressed.
 
I despise the full 2 sided letters where basically they tell you everything up to how many BM’s they have in a day. Started getting a few cards where they have listed a few highlights of the year. Mostly about their kids. Weddings, graduations, etc. I don’t mind those. I don’t do Facebook so it’s a way for me to keep up with happenings
 
We were friends with a couple that did a Christmas letter. It started pretty short but the last letter was really long, derailed, and inane.
She went a little cuckoo, cheated with some unemployed loser, got knocked up, moved in with loser, got caught trying to hire a hitman, and was 6 months pregnant waiting for trial in jail o er Christmas.
He sent out a letter that year. Paraphrasing. “Things have been pretty quiet with us. How are things with you guys.”
 
Only one we’ve ever gotten Christmas letters from was my wife’s uncle. It could be a bit sad in his later years, when it turned partially into an In Memoriam about people close to him that passed away in the past year, but then offset by happiness with grandkids. But, if it brought him some happiness/consolation, felt then like he should just write as much as he wants.
 
Only one we’ve ever gotten Christmas letters from was my wife’s uncle. It could be a bit sad in his later years, when it turned partially into an In Memoriam about people close to him that passed away in the past year, but then offset by happiness with grandkids. But, if it brought him some happiness/consolation, felt then like he should just write as much as he wants.

Similar situation for me. I've never sent one but I get a couple of these each year and I always chalk it up to people being proud of their family and wanting to share. People love to talk about their family and themselves. It's human nature.

I always see them as sort of a real life version of the thread we have here about celebrating accomplishment stuff. https://forums.footballguys.com/thr...our-kids-non-athletic-accomplishments.811767/ and https://forums.footballguys.com/thr...ate-our-kids-athletic-accomplishments.782874/

I like them.

And if they feel like they get too braggy, I skip past those parts.
 
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We get one still where we have the O/U pegged at 2 1/2 pages. Over used to be a lock but the under has been trending of late, as the empty nest approaches.

Oddest thing. She refers to her three kids by first initials only. Never seen it before. For example, J is off to some college and hoping to play lacrosse or whatever. No clue if that's a Jen or John.

Throughout the entire letter, initials only. I mean, clearly it isn't to save space.
 
We get one still where we have the O/U pegged at 2 1/2 pages. Over used to be a lock but the under has been trending of late, as the empty nest approaches.

Oddest thing. She refers to her three kids by first initials only. Never seen it before. For example, J is off to some college and hoping to play lacrosse or whatever. No clue if that's a Jen or John.

Throughout the entire letter, initials only. I mean, clearly it isn't to save space.
This would seem okay except for the same first initial. Maybe you should write back and ask for clarification.
 
Sigh. I have to apologize to @Joe Bryant. I laugh emojied at Elaine. Sorry, Joe. It won't happen again.

Until next year's letter, at least.
No need to apologize to me. I said I understand why people do them and that they are like the popular threads we have here talking about kid accomplishments.
 
We get Christmas Letters from 3 couples every year. These are the only 3 couples I know that everything is perfect in their lives.

Just got one today and will paraphrase. It was actually much longer with more of the same. I missed 3-4 trips.

Merry Christmas,

Just want to drop a note to let everyone know how our last year was. Well we spent January and February in Naples Florida for the 4th year in a row. Jim golfed everyday, I golfed 2-3 times a week plus doing my yoga still 4-5 times a week. I also had a hole in one..my second!!! Loved going to the beach then out to eat after golf or just staying at the club for drinks and eats

From there we came home to our fully brand new remodeled kitchen with all new upscale appliances that are a dream to cook on. After being home a month Jim and I flew out and attended "The Masters" golf tournament. "Highly recommend" if you have never been to Augusta.

Came home and a month later flew to St Barts for our anniversary for a week. Then back home to start our golf leagues and take golf trips to Northern Michigan. We stayed and played at Bay Harbor for 4 days. Rated #1 course/resort in Michigan. Jim got in 7 rounds, I played 3 but of course ran around the bay and worked out a lot. Headed up to Harbor Springs from there and spent 2 nights on our friends boat and cruised Traverse Bay and hit some wineries.

Our son Bobby just got another promotion and is in the process of building a fabulous new home outside of Atlanta. It has take longer than they thought but will be worth it. His 2 boys are are pretty much all stars in every sport they play. (They are 8-10) Tommy led the BB league in scoring, and Bobby can already throw a football 40 yards and runs like the wind.

Our daughter just moved back to Michigan and they are also building a new home close to us. It will be nice as we will be able to take her 2 kids to "The Country Club" with us as they are already very good golfers. Our granddaughter is in the TAG program in school and is a highly skilled piano player at the age of 12, my grandson is playing travel hockey on the best team in Michigan and is scoring points like Wayne Gretzky. (Yes she actually said that)

On top of all of our travels and golfing events Jim again is doing his consulting work. Jim get so many calls for help and could be doing this 7 days a week but only wants part time so we can enjoy our retirement. I also tutor kids who are struggling in math a couple hours a week to try and give back.

So much more I could cover but that's about it for now..Hope Everyone else is doing well and has a nice Christmas.

Elaine,


How can you even hang out with people like this as they sound insufferable and completely self absorbed.
 
We get Christmas Letters from 3 couples every year. These are the only 3 couples I know that everything is perfect in their lives.

Just got one today and will paraphrase. It was actually much longer with more of the same. I missed 3-4 trips.

Merry Christmas,

Just want to drop a note to let everyone know how our last year was. Well we spent January and February in Naples Florida for the 4th year in a row. Jim golfed everyday, I golfed 2-3 times a week plus doing my yoga still 4-5 times a week. I also had a hole in one..my second!!! Loved going to the beach then out to eat after golf or just staying at the club for drinks and eats

From there we came home to our fully brand new remodeled kitchen with all new upscale appliances that are a dream to cook on. After being home a month Jim and I flew out and attended "The Masters" golf tournament. "Highly recommend" if you have never been to Augusta.

Came home and a month later flew to St Barts for our anniversary for a week. Then back home to start our golf leagues and take golf trips to Northern Michigan. We stayed and played at Bay Harbor for 4 days. Rated #1 course/resort in Michigan. Jim got in 7 rounds, I played 3 but of course ran around the bay and worked out a lot. Headed up to Harbor Springs from there and spent 2 nights on our friends boat and cruised Traverse Bay and hit some wineries.

Our son Bobby just got another promotion and is in the process of building a fabulous new home outside of Atlanta. It has take longer than they thought but will be worth it. His 2 boys are are pretty much all stars in every sport they play. (They are 8-10) Tommy led the BB league in scoring, and Bobby can already throw a football 40 yards and runs like the wind.

Our daughter just moved back to Michigan and they are also building a new home close to us. It will be nice as we will be able to take her 2 kids to "The Country Club" with us as they are already very good golfers. Our granddaughter is in the TAG program in school and is a highly skilled piano player at the age of 12, my grandson is playing travel hockey on the best team in Michigan and is scoring points like Wayne Gretzky. (Yes she actually said that)

On top of all of our travels and golfing events Jim again is doing his consulting work. Jim get so many calls for help and could be doing this 7 days a week but only wants part time so we can enjoy our retirement. I also tutor kids who are struggling in math a couple hours a week to try and give back.

So much more I could cover but that's about it for now..Hope Everyone else is doing well and has a nice Christmas.

Elaine,


How can you even hang out with people like this as they sound insufferable and completely self absorbed.
Sometimes, they are leftovers of a previous time.
 
My BIL sends one like this every year. Two-sided, micro-spaced, with pictures describing their life. They don't even mail the family ones, they hand them out at our Christmas gathering.
 
2. A letter so full of doom and gloom it takes them a minute to realize you're mocking them
My aunt sends unironic Christmas letters filled with tragedy and depressive happenings in her life. Nothing like learning of cancer diagnoses of people you don't know to be filled with Christmas spirit.
 

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