Coaching Youth Sports - Crazy ### Parents (1 Viewer)

[belljr]

Heck we're in top level (for this area) 12U and on Saturdays we have kids playing their secondary positions.   

 

[mr. furley]

one of the kids is a top shelf sweeper. he wants to hang back near the goal, out run everyone to the ball and boot it as far as possible. and he's awesome at it. he never loses a footrace and kicks the ball a mile.

but struggles everywhere else for some reason.  lack of confidence, maybe? i dunno.

i play him all over and he just sort of drifts around and doesn't get in the mix. i think being alone and rushing up to clear the ball feels safer for him.  he got knocked down and kicked on the knee last night and was pretty distraught about it but i'm going to keep making him play all over the field.. hopefully he starts to understand that he's not going to get hurt and can really have fun playing anywhere.

 

[Witz]

Sorry by 6 years old you should already know what position you want to play..........

In fairness even at that age it’s a little late in the game. We had already locked our son into the right midfielder spot by age 4 1/2 - definitely made it easier when we started reaching out to club teams.

 

[mr. furley]

In fairness even at that age it’s a little late in the game. We had already locked our son into the right midfielder spot by age 4 1/2 - definitely made it easier when we started reaching out to club teams.

if he's not getting 2000 touches in a day he's already a lost cause, imo

 

[Witz]

At that age kids SHOULD be playing all positions. It’s ridiculous to start locking kids into positions at that point. No kid ever said - I’d love to be on defense! They want to run and score and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Kids just like playing and hanging with friends. It’s the parents who are more interested in the wins and losses to be honest. Playing at that level the kids should be having fun and learning the game.

 

[Witz]

if he's not getting 2000 touches in a day he's already a lost cause, imo

 This guy gets it.

 

[Hot Diggity Dog]

At that age kids SHOULD be playing all positions. It’s ridiculous to start locking kids into positions at that point. No kid ever said - I’d love to be on defense! They want to run and score and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Kids just like playing and hanging with friends. It’s the parents who are more interested in the wins and losses to be honest. Playing at that level the kids should be having fun and learning the game.

Actually my kids did say they wanted to be on defense.  One sprint up and down a 75 meter field was enough for both of them. 

 

[mr. furley]

Actually my kids did say they wanted to be on defense.  One sprint up and down a 75 meter field was enough for both of them. 

lol

that's one lament i hear from the kids. the field is definitely big. but they're 6/7 and most have boundless energy.

last week, after a game, i went for a run. jokingly asked one of the kids (who could run for days) if he wanted to tag along.... he took one look at his dad like "can i?!?". his dad said "sure, go ahead!"

i didn't want to get outrun by a 6 year old  @tri-man 47

 

[Todem]

I did my fair share of umpiring little league/travel games in my 20's. It can be hard. I simply ignored the parent comments and all the amateur umpires calling balls and strikes from 50-80 feet away on an angle in the stands LMFAO. I never really had any heated exchanges with any coaches or parents when I did umpire. Only one time. And I tossed the head coach and had him removed from the facility because he would not stop cursing in front of 11 year old kids. It was embarrassing. All over a no slide at home call I made.

It was very simple. There was a passed ball.....catcher flipped to the pitcher who was knocked over hard by a kid who simply refused to slide at home.

Automatic out per the league rules. Plays at home....you must slide. Period. It was going to be a very close play. Instead he just trucked the pitcher over.

It would have been the tying run. But instead it was the third out. The coach went ape ####. The parents were going ape ####. I would have none of it. Tossed him....the team melted down after that and gave up 6 runs and they ended up losing anyway. But that was an example of what is wrong with youth sports.

Anyway we are off to the AAU Grand Nationals early Saturday Morning at Disney's Wide World Of Sports. We are really excited!!! I will pop in when I can to update on how it is going. The really great thing about this tourney is the variety of the teams we will be playing. Rhode Island, Georgia, Puerto Rico, Ohio, Texas, Tennessee, California...it's great. We have 18 teams in the 13U division. Should be a blast. And everyone get's to play at least one game in Champions Stadium. That will be a lot of fun for the boys (and us coaches). 

 

[dino259]

At that age kids SHOULD be playing all positions. It’s ridiculous to start locking kids into positions at that point. No kid ever said - I’d love to be on defense! They want to run and score and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Kids just like playing and hanging with friends. It’s the parents who are more interested in the wins and losses to be honest. Playing at that level the kids should be having fun and learning the game.

Heck we're in top level (for this area) 12U and on Saturdays we have kids playing their secondary positions.   

I  did very similar in tee ball and coach pitch softball.  Never had one parent complain and only a few leave.  I think most people agree with it.

My oldest's 11U team travel baseball team is still rotating players to most positions.  I find this is the rare exception as my youngest's 9U team does less rotating.  I also rotate my Oldest son's flag football team as well.  None of these kids should be locked into positions.  Most times it just takes a couple of game reps for the kid to figure things out and take off finding a love for the game. 

In flag football we could probably give my kid the ball 85% of the time and win most games but I prefer to get all kids touches and a chance to score and lose by 1 TD.  They all love touching the ball.

 

[stbugs]

We're really getting into the woods here, and this is not the point.  But, I have two boys now in high school that went through travel ball.  I now go watch a buddy's 12 year old play ball a couple of times this summer.  I've also watched VFW ball the last two seasons.  The bolded is incorrect.  Particularly at the younger ages, some players are still fast enough to beat out a slow grounder to third (if the 3B doesn't charge properly).  Also, the 1B can receive a throw that does not pull him off the base, but bounces in the dirt, and he doesn't field it cleanly.  Or, as you pointed out, he could be pulled off the base (slightly, or clearly).  Your claim that these various scenarios happen on a hit to third happen 1% of the time or less is clearly wrong.

But, I'm not dying on the sword of this one.  If you want to retort with anything, that's fine.  This is my last post on the subject, and we aren't changing each other's mind absent more info from Peak.

No worries, I get the semantics and all the stuff that can happen. I understand baseball as much as you, played for many years and coached travel teams until this last year (kids good enough that I can’t fix little stuff that our coaches who played in minor leagues can). He didn’t say it was a slow roller or a close play or a bad throw. That’s what I’m basing my automatic out on not all the possible scenarios of an infield hit. If it’s a normal speed hit and a good throw, at 12, it’s an out.

I’m just saying it’s obvious from his post and the painting of the bad team and the bad behavior and the I wasn’t looking before that his team didn’t do the right thing and it was an out. He portrayed the first base coach as just keeping his mouth shut so as to help get a call because an ump didn’t see it. 

 

[Joe Summer]

Watching a game of U11 girls soccer last night. The coach is a yeller:

"Allie! Allie! BACK ON DEFENSE! ALLIE!!!!!! CUT HER OFF!! GET IN FRONT OF HER!!! [pause] JANEY, SWITCH WITH ALLIE! ALLIE GO TO MIDFIELD!!!!!"

(Allie spent the rest of the game staring at her shoes.)

The team was down 3-0 at that point. They lost 7-0.

Not sure what the coach thought he was accomplishing with his on-field orchestration.

 

[Blick]

Watching a game of U11 girls soccer last night. The coach is a yeller:

"Allie! Allie! BACK ON DEFENSE! ALLIE!!!!!! CUT HER OFF!! GET IN FRONT OF HER!!! [pause] JANEY, SWITCH WITH ALLIE! ALLIE GO TO MIDFIELD!!!!!"

(Allie spent the rest of the game staring at her shoes.)

The team was down 3-0 at that point. They lost 7-0.

Not sure what the coach thought he was accomplishing with his on-field orchestration.

It shows the parents how well he knows the game.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Watching a game of U11 girls soccer last night. The coach is a yeller:

"Allie! Allie! BACK ON DEFENSE! ALLIE!!!!!! CUT HER OFF!! GET IN FRONT OF HER!!! [pause] JANEY, SWITCH WITH ALLIE! ALLIE GO TO MIDFIELD!!!!!"

(Allie spent the rest of the game staring at her shoes.)

The team was down 3-0 at that point. They lost 7-0.

Not sure what the coach thought he was accomplishing with his on-field orchestration.

I call it verbal video games.  Coaches like this think they can control all of the action just by yelling every direction.

 

[Skipdog77]

At that age kids SHOULD be playing all positions. It’s ridiculous to start locking kids into positions at that point. 

Heck, in 7 innings alone last night, my 14U travel baseball player played 3B, LF, RF, and pitched two shutout innings. His team won the game 6-5, but even if they lost, that's the way it should be anyway. 

Had a guy tell me his philosophy in youth hockey once that all kids should be locked into a position by 10u. I told him that was crazy, that you never knew when a kid would more naturally take to a D or F position as they grew and matured, and why would you shut them off from that if they wanted to try it? He basically told me I didnt know what I was talking about. 

Halfway through the season we moved his son, who was hurting the team taking 3-4 penalties a game while playing forward, and moved him back to D. Kid absolutely loved the switch, and turned from a liability to an asset for the team, and became one of our better defensemen.

 

[Joe Summer]

Bull Dozier said:

I call it verbal video games. Coaches like this think they can control all of the action just by yelling every direction.

Yeah, that's another thing. The coach would yell things such as "Pass to Janey! Pass to Janey!" but by the time his command had been processed by the brain of the 10-year-old girl he was yelling at, the ball had already been passed to a different girl (or it had been intercepted by the other team). Then he would yell a different command, which would also become irrelevant moments later. It's like he his commands were continually one step behind the play on the field.

And then he wondered why all the players were running around in circles like they didn't know what to do.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Yeah, that's another thing. The coach would yell things such as "Pass to Janey! Pass to Janey!" but by the time his command had been processed by the brain of the 10-year-old girl he was yelling at, the ball had already been passed to a different girl (or it had been intercepted by the other team). Then he would yell a different command, which would also become irrelevant moments later. It's like he his commands were continually one step behind the play on the field.

And then he wondered why all the players were running around in circles like they didn't know what to do.

It's amazing the difference between these types of coaches and actually good coaches.  We just got a group of basketball coaches in our high school program who are all former D-I players, and at least some of them played professionally overseas.  Relatively speaking, they talk very little while the play is going on, but on defense, they will give slight instructions (Bob, step down into help!) and their instruction very frequently was in advance of what was actually coming.

Skilled coaches know how to anticipate what is going to happen, where less experienced coaches too often are being reactive.  You have to learn to let the kids play, and help when you see something coming.

 

[Gally]

Wow, 4 kids is a lot.  In our draft this spring it was only the 1 head coaches son that was protected.  Also, the league director assigned a "round" value of the managers kid.  For example, if I was a head coach and my son was assigned a 1st round grade my son would automatically be my 1st round pick, if 4th round he would be my 4th round pick.  

We used to be able to protect 2 kids, head coach and assistant coach son.  This changed 2 years ago when people complained and they looked up the National Little League rules which states 1.

If this is Little League it specifically outlines how the draft should go.  It gives two options....keep entire team together  and draft only players coming up from minors or new to area or draft new every year (with only manager's son protected - based strictly on age, not skill level).  At least these are the options in the LL rule book as of 3 yrs ago.  They may have changed but I would be surprised.  Each individual league can make league specific rules but I do not believe changing the draft format is eligible for these changes.  Now if the board members that run the league want to do it their way there really isn't anything stopping them but it would be against LL rules and they could be called out on them and removed accordingly.

Technically the league director assigning a round value is against LL rules as well.  The draft round is specifically based on the age of the kid only (as outlined in the LL rule book as of 3 yrs ago).

 

[mr. furley]

my oldest (9) plays soccer on a girls only team. this year, a week before the season started we got an email telling us that there would not be an 8/9 league. not enough kids. not enough coaches. :(  

then we got an email from a coach with a schedule & roster...  so off we go.

coach is a nice guy but he has three kids and a job. all of his kids play soccer on the same night but sometimes the start times are staggered and sometimes not. last night they were all playing at the same time so he couldn't coach my kids team.... he had to coach one of the other teams. the girls on the team are generally uninspired. 13 girls on the roster. they have yet to have more than 10 show up. it's a 9 v 9 league. most times they have 7 or 8 at kickoff and a couple trickle in later. last night there were 6 until about 2 minutes to kickoff... then 2 more showed. so they played 8 v 8.  two more girls wandered up early in the 2nd period. pretty typical. the parents and kids just don't care.

my wife volunteered me to fill in as coach last night. the kids have seen me talking with my daughter but that's about the extent of their knowledge of me. they were.......... not impressed with me last night. 

neat bunch. lots of eye rolling. if they had exerted even minimal effort it would have been 30 - 0. instead they mostly walked around, talked to each other, ignored any sort of direction (all 8 of you can't line up at forward) and complained about having to play.

what a difference from 6/7 to 8/9. 

 

[roadkill1292]

Wait, they didn't want to play? Who was making them play then?

 

[Bull Dozier]

my oldest (9) plays soccer on a girls only team. this year, a week before the season started we got an email telling us that there would not be an 8/9 league. not enough kids. not enough coaches. :(  

then we got an email from a coach with a schedule & roster...  so off we go.

coach is a nice guy but he has three kids and a job. all of his kids play soccer on the same night but sometimes the start times are staggered and sometimes not. last night they were all playing at the same time so he couldn't coach my kids team.... he had to coach one of the other teams. the girls on the team are generally uninspired. 13 girls on the roster. they have yet to have more than 10 show up. it's a 9 v 9 league. most times they have 7 or 8 at kickoff and a couple trickle in later. last night there were 6 until about 2 minutes to kickoff... then 2 more showed. so they played 8 v 8.  two more girls wandered up early in the 2nd period. pretty typical. the parents and kids just don't care.

my wife volunteered me to fill in as coach last night. the kids have seen me talking with my daughter but that's about the extent of their knowledge of me. they were.......... not impressed with me last night. 

neat bunch. lots of eye rolling. if they had exerted even minimal effort it would have been 30 - 0. instead they mostly walked around, talked to each other, ignored any sort of direction (all 8 of you can't line up at forward) and complained about having to play.

what a difference from 6/7 to 8/9. 

I coached my step daughter in basketball from 5th through 8th grade.  I will never coach girls again.

Its not a sexist thing. I would definitely coach women in college (but I certainly don't know enough about anything to coach college), but the tween through teen years are too much for me to handle.

 

[(HULK)]

Watching a game of U11 girls soccer last night. The coach is a yeller:

"Allie! Allie! BACK ON DEFENSE! ALLIE!!!!!! CUT HER OFF!! GET IN FRONT OF HER!!! [pause] JANEY, SWITCH WITH ALLIE! ALLIE GO TO MIDFIELD!!!!!"

(Allie spent the rest of the game staring at her shoes.)

The team was down 3-0 at that point. They lost 7-0.

Not sure what the coach thought he was accomplishing with his on-field orchestration.

I do this sometimes.  Mostly telling them to spread out and pass to each other instead of forming that tight group of everyone trying to kick the ball at the same time.

My girls are 9 now, been coaching them since 6.  We also do equal playing time (it's just rec level, anything else is absurd).  We won zero games when they were 6.  Maybe 2 when they were 7.  Up to about .500 at 8 and this season we just had our first winning record, only lost 1 game.  Sure, sometimes they still chase butterflies or do cartwheels or get lost in conversation instead of paying attention, but they've improved a ton, which has been cool to be a part of.

 

[(HULK)]

Yeah, that's another thing. The coach would yell things such as "Pass to Janey! Pass to Janey!" but by the time his command had been processed by the brain of the 10-year-old girl he was yelling at, the ball had already been passed to a different girl (or it had been intercepted by the other team). Then he would yell a different command, which would also become irrelevant moments later. It's like he his commands were continually one step behind the play on the field.

And then he wondered why all the players were running around in circles like they didn't know what to do.

I'm pretty sure I've blown vocal cords trying to get someone to stand in front of the goal when like 5 of them are all in the corner together.  

 

[Gally]

I coached my step daughter in basketball from 5th through 8th grade.  I will never coach girls again.

Its not a sexist thing. I would definitely coach women in college (but I certainly don't know enough about anything to coach college), but the tween through teen years are too much for me to handle.

I tried to coach my daughter's softball team when she was in 8th grade.  It was miserable trying to get the girls to listen and work on anything to improve their play.  I actually had one girl (who was a decent player but could be so much better) tell me that she will not do anything I ask her to do so I might as well stop trying to correct her in any way. 

I was only assisting my wife as she asked for some help and I had to stop halfway through the season because I couldn't take it anymore.  I will stick with the boys as well. 

 

[mr. furley]

Wait, they didn't want to play? Who was making them play then?

nobody

i couldn't well yell at them. tried encouragement and praise.. that seemed to work a little. 

for the most part they, literally, moped around and chatted with each other instead of playing. i left one girl on defense the entire night because she is a tiger. she was totally dialed and giving 1000% effort. she swept away about a dozen potential scoring opportunities.

the girls just didn't give a #### last night

 

[mr. furley]

Mostly telling them to spread out and pass to each other instead of forming that tight group of everyone trying to kick the ball at the same time.

*kinds bunch up

*9 v 9, there are now 16 kids kicking at the same ball

*two kids fall

*now there are 14 kids kicking at one ball and two downed kids

 

[Kraft...]

Funny, I coached my daughters teams(Lacrosse and Softball) from ages 6-14 and the girls listened much better than when I coached boys(coached my son 6-8 in baseball and lacrosse). The girls would listen and actually do what you asked them more often than the boys. Especially lacrosse, sticks and helmets all they wanted to do was chase each other around and wack each other. 

 

[Gally]

Funny, I coached my daughters teams(Lacrosse and Softball) from ages 6-14 and the girls listened much better than when I coached boys(coached my son 6-8 in baseball and lacrosse). The girls would listen and actually do what you asked them more often than the boys. Especially lacrosse, sticks and helmets all they wanted to do was chase each other around and wack each other. 

Might be sport specific.  For softball it was terrible for me - granted it was at a rec-ball level so there were some players just not interested but the worst attitude I received were from a couple of the quality players that just didn't want to change anything or hear anything about what they weren't doing properly.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Funny, I coached my daughters teams(Lacrosse and Softball) from ages 6-14 and the girls listened much better than when I coached boys(coached my son 6-8 in baseball and lacrosse). The girls would listen and actually do what you asked them more often than the boys. Especially lacrosse, sticks and helmets all they wanted to do was chase each other around and wack each other. 

Might be sport specific.  For softball it was terrible for me - granted it was at a rec-ball level so there were some players just not interested but the worst attitude I received were from a couple of the quality players that just didn't want to change anything or hear anything about what they weren't doing properly.

Might also be personality based.  I'm sure there are certain tempraments that work better for coaching girls, and boys.  I'm usually a laid back and "lets have fun working" kind of coach, but won't hesitate with a verbal kick in the butt when kids start screwing around.  My leash probably needs to be a little longer for girls to respond.  Whereas most boys will respond to a quick chewing out.

Quick story.  I coached some 5th and 6th grade boys in low level traveling this past season.  I didn't know any of the boys going in, and my kids were not on the team.  It was taking a while to get them to understand the level of effort it required to play travel basketball (eg, they walked up and down the court, didn't give high efffort on defense, etc).  Once game I called a timeout 2 minutes in to the game where it was particularly bad.  I chewed them out loud enough for the whole gym to hear, focusing on one kid who was talented, but didn't work hard ever.  The rest of the game he was gung ho.  In practice that week I talked about it and told them its not fun to do, and I can't use timeouts to get them going every game.  The kid I chewed out most laughed about it and undertood.  We made a connection.  I feel lik 99% of girls I've been around at that age would have shut down, stopped listening, and mom and dad would have talked to me about it.  This is an extreme example of my style, but certainly not one that would work with girls IMO, but is effective with many boys.

 

[Short Corner]

Funny, I coached my daughters teams(Lacrosse and Softball) from ages 6-14 and the girls listened much better than when I coached boys(coached my son 6-8 in baseball and lacrosse). The girls would listen and actually do what you asked them more often than the boys. Especially lacrosse, sticks and helmets all they wanted to do was chase each other around and wack each other. 

I had the opposite experience as well.  Coaching girls was much easier.

 

[Kraft...]

Just remembered the best gifts I received from kids for coaching. Would usually get 2-3 random gifts every year usually gift cards to Starbucks or Dunkin etc. My last year coaching Girls Lacrosse I received a $50 gift card to the local liquor store. It was great, I was able to try a few new beers, they had a great selection. Next best was one year coaching Softball the team chipped in and gave me $100 gift card to local butcher, bought a bunch of steaks for a party we had. Never expected anything but was always nice that some families showed that little bit of appreciation. 

 

[Gally]

Might also be personality based.  I'm sure there are certain tempraments that work better for coaching girls, and boys.  I'm usually a laid back and "lets have fun working" kind of coach, but won't hesitate with a verbal kick in the butt when kids start screwing around.  My leash probably needs to be a little longer for girls to respond.  Whereas most boys will respond to a quick chewing out.

Quick story.  I coached some 5th and 6th grade boys in low level traveling this past season.  I didn't know any of the boys going in, and my kids were not on the team.  It was taking a while to get them to understand the level of effort it required to play travel basketball (eg, they walked up and down the court, didn't give high efffort on defense, etc).  Once game I called a timeout 2 minutes in to the game where it was particularly bad.  I chewed them out loud enough for the whole gym to hear, focusing on one kid who was talented, but didn't work hard ever.  The rest of the game he was gung ho.  In practice that week I talked about it and told them its not fun to do, and I can't use timeouts to get them going every game.  The kid I chewed out most laughed about it and undertood.  We made a connection.  I feel lik 99% of girls I've been around at that age would have shut down, stopped listening, and mom and dad would have talked to me about it.  This is an extreme example of my style, but certainly not one that would work with girls IMO, but is effective with many boys.

Style is definitely a big part of it and the best coaches know what style works with what players.  You cannot treat every player the same and get the most out of them.  Some need a kick in the pants while others need you to show compassion and that they are letting down the team when they don't play hard.  Everyone is different.  Girls and boys are the same in that way but I think girls are a little more head strong at times and that was what I couldn't get through.  I have never had boys treat their coaches the way I have seen some of the girls on my daughters team treat their coaches....let alone other players on the team.  That was what threw me off and pushed me away from coaching girls. 

 

[Bull Dozier]

Style is definitely a big part of it and the best coaches know what style works with what players.  You cannot treat every player the same and get the most out of them.  Some need a kick in the pants while others need you to show compassion and that they are letting down the team when they don't play hard.  Everyone is different.  Girls and boys are the same in that way but I think girls are a little more head strong at times and that was what I couldn't get through.  I have never had boys treat their coaches the way I have seen some of the girls on my daughters team treat their coaches....let alone other players on the team.  That was what threw me off and pushed me away from coaching girls. 

Agree 100%, and that is one of the aspects I love most about coaching, getting to know the kids, building that relationship, and learning what works for them.  Sometimes (and my example was the only time that season) the whole team needs a good chewing.  Yes, some kids might respond differently, but sometimes discipline is a team wide effort, and sometimes it is an individual effort.

But yes, overall I agree with you.

 

[belljr]

One of the top college softball college coaches in the country told me this -

Boys feel good when they play well. Girls need to feel good to play well.    They don't necessarily get in a good mood if they played well.  Obviously there are exceptions.

I've been lucky coaching my daughters teams.  Yes they are a little moody and some are a little lazy but we have been on teams where the kids are "all in"  but we have been playing travel ball for the past 3 years, so that definitely has something to do with it.  I never had to coach rec softball  at older ages.

I did coach rec basketball last year and some kids definitely are super lazy.  But I figure if they are playing rec basketball at age 13-15 they aren't in it to get better.  Once I accepted that it was easier.   My daughter is super competitive and she has "trouble" playing rec bball. Shes not quite good enough to play travel but shes all in to win playing and when other kids are not it drives her nuts

 

[Short Corner]

One of the top college softball college coaches in the country told me this -

Boys feel good when they play well. Girls need to feel good to play well.    They don't necessarily get in a good mood if they played well.  Obviously there are exceptions.

I've been lucky coaching my daughters teams.  Yes they are a little moody and some are a little lazy but we have been on teams where the kids are "all in"  but we have been playing travel ball for the past 3 years, so that definitely has something to do with it.  I never had to coach rec softball  at older ages.

I did coach rec basketball last year and some kids definitely are super lazy.  But I figure if they are playing rec basketball at age 13-15 they aren't in it to get better.  Once I accepted that it was easier.   My daughter is super competitive and she has "trouble" playing rec bball. Shes not quite good enough to play travel but shes all in to win playing and when other kids are not it drives her nuts

Another difference I have found, when you speak in generalities so as not to single someone out, ie "We have been taking some really bad shots", boys will always think you are talking about someone else, while with girls everyone in the room will think you are talking about them.

 

[belljr]

Another difference I have found, when you speak in generalities so as not to single someone out, ie "We have been taking some really bad shots", boys will always think you are talking about someone else, while with girls everyone in the room will think you are talking about them.

Yeah there are times where I'll lock eyes with one of the girls as im saying something and get a "why are you talking to me or i didn't do that"

And I just explain you are in the center

 

[shadyridr]

Agree 100%, and that is one of the aspects I love most about coaching, getting to know the kids, building that relationship, and learning what works for them.  Sometimes (and my example was the only time that season) the whole team needs a good chewing.  Yes, some kids might respond differently, but sometimes discipline is a team wide effort, and sometimes it is an individual effort.

But yes, overall I agree with you.

Yeah, I love that aspect too. I have one kid on my team, by far the most talent, but also tends to be lazy. One game I told him he had a really bad inning defensively and he gave me an excuse and I just looked at him and said his name and repeated it like "Christian, you had a real bad inning" and he laughed and admitted he did. The rest of the game he played great. I love that dynamic. Some kids can handle the criticism and some cant and figuring out who can and who cannot is a ton of fun.

 

[shadyridr]

Just remembered the best gifts I received from kids for coaching. Would usually get 2-3 random gifts every year usually gift cards to Starbucks or Dunkin etc. My last year coaching Girls Lacrosse I received a $50 gift card to the local liquor store. It was great, I was able to try a few new beers, they had a great selection. Next best was one year coaching Softball the team chipped in and gave me $100 gift card to local butcher, bought a bunch of steaks for a party we had. Never expected anything but was always nice that some families showed that little bit of appreciation. 

My first year managing, the parents all chipped in for a gift card for me. That was nice as I wasn't expecting it. I also throw my kids a pizza party after our last game every year.

 

[Angry Beavers]

Agree 100%, and that is one of the aspects I love most about coaching, getting to know the kids, building that relationship, and learning what works for them.  Sometimes (and my example was the only time that season) the whole team needs a good chewing.  Yes, some kids might respond differently, but sometimes discipline is a team wide effort, and sometimes it is an individual effort.

But yes, overall I agree with you.

After years of coaching baseball and soccer when my kids were young, it seems obvious that different kids react differently and you have to learn how to push the right buttons for each kid to get the best out of them. This is a point that seems to me is lost on a lot of coaches and I don't get why it is tough to understand. 

 

[Bull Dozier]

After years of coaching baseball and soccer when my kids were young, it seems obvious that different kids react differently and you have to learn how to push the right buttons for each kid to get the best out of them. This is a point that seems to me is lost on a lot of coaches and I don't get why it is tough to understand. 

Coaching, I find, is a lot like parenting.  There are a lot of crappy parents that volunteer to coach and turn out to be crappy coaches.

Finding the kids individual buttons does take work and patience; things that are lacking by many volunteer coaches at the end of the day when practices or games happen.  I'm not making excuses for them, because bad coaches frustrate the heck out of me, but it isn't really surprising to me.

I have a family that I have had my kid play for the dad, and their kid has played for me at various times.  Really nice well intended people, but I find them to be not very good parents.  They are contsantly yelling at their kids, they kids are disrespectful to their face, the kids are generally lazy, and moderately athletic.  The parents think all three are god's gift to the court though.  The oldest was a senior, and wasn't getting any playing time on varsity.  They asked the coach why (of course, not having the kid do it himself first, which would have been the appropriate route).  The coach told the parents he wasn't showing enough effort.  The mom was complaing to my wife and said "They only had one game, where does he expect (my son) to show effort, in practice?"  I simply couldn't believe this was the attitude of parents who have spent time being volunteer coaches.

 

[bryhamm]

Coaching, I find, is a lot like parenting.  There are a lot of crappy parents that volunteer to coach and turn out to be crappy coaches.

Finding the kids individual buttons does take work and patience; things that are lacking by many volunteer coaches at the end of the day when practices or games happen.  I'm not making excuses for them, because bad coaches frustrate the heck out of me, but it isn't really surprising to me.

I have a family that I have had my kid play for the dad, and their kid has played for me at various times.  Really nice well intended people, but I find them to be not very good parents.  They are contsantly yelling at their kids, they kids are disrespectful to their face, the kids are generally lazy, and moderately athletic.  The parents think all three are god's gift to the court though.  The oldest was a senior, and wasn't getting any playing time on varsity.  They asked the coach why (of course, not having the kid do it himself first, which would have been the appropriate route).  The coach told the parents he wasn't showing enough effort.  The mom was complaing to my wife and said "They only had one game, where does he expect (my son) to show effort, in practice?"  I simply couldn't believe this was the attitude of parents who have spent time being volunteer coaches.

Reminds me of an exchange I had when I was playing soccer in high school.  One day a week the coach would have varsity scrimmage jv (putting the varsity goalie on the jv team so he could get some work in).  I lost the ball and was frustrated with myself.  So, I dogged the defender who had the ball until he lost it back.  He said "Jeez bry, it's only practice".  I said "now you know why you are on jv and I'm on varsity".

 

[Joe Summer]

Pretty wild game for my niece's U11 soccer team on Saturday.

To start with, only 8 girls showed up (they play 9 on 9). Our coach asked the other coach if he would agree to playing 8 on 8, but the other coach refused. ("It wouldn't be fair to our 9th girl," he explained.)

So, we played 8 on 9. Oh, and neither one of our goalies showed up, so our coach had our best defender play goalie (a position that she had never played before).

Five minutes into the game, our best forward gets kicked in the ankle and has to be carried off the field. Now we're playing 7 on 9.

A few minutes later, our 2nd best player takes a ball to the face and has to leave the game. Now we're playing 6 on 9. But then the referee points out that the rules require a minimum number of 7 players per team. So, in order to avoid a forfeit, our coach had one of the injured girls sit on the sideline (in the field of play).

At this point, the smallest and quietest girl on the team yells at her teammates, "It's time to start playing with HEART!!!" I don't think I'd heard this girl say a single word all season (usually she just stares at the ground and avoids eye contact with everyone). But her older sister was the girl who got hit in the face, so I think it inspired her to speak up. It was a cute and kind of emotional moment.

Anyway, they DID play with heart for the rest of the game! In the 2nd half, both of the injured girls came back into the game -- the first girl was limping noticeably, and the second girl was playing without her glasses (which broke when she was hit in the face). And everyone was playing more assertively than I'd ever seen them play before. Even the parents of the other team was commenting on how "tough" our team was.

So, we were down 2-1 with a couple minutes left in the game. There's this one girl who is terrible at soccer and is only on the team because her dad is best friends with the coach (let's call her Vicky). Normally, Vicky doesn't get much playing time, but with only 8 players, she had to play the entire game. She's a liability on defense (she has a tendency to stick her hands up when she's in the penalty box); she can't dribble, she can't pass, and she can barely kick a ball. The ONLY thing that this girl has going for her is that she's a pretty fast runner. So, the coach told her to basically stand at midfield, and if she ever sees the ball in front of her, run up to it as fast as she can and kick it. She tried to do that several times in this game, but each time her attempt was stopped by a defender (or the kick went out of bounds).

Sure enough, we kick the ball into empty space right in front of Vicky with about 2 minutes left to play. Vicky once again tried her usual move of running straight at the ball and kicking it, but she was immediately cut off by a defender. Normally she would try to plow right through the defender (she can't move laterally). But for some reason this time she decided to do something that she had never done before: she stopped in her tracks, stopped the ball, turned around, and kicked a perfect pass backwards towards our best player (the one who got kicked in the ankle previously). And our best player -- from nearly midfield -- kicked the ball in stride and BLASTED it over everyone's heads (including the goalie) and it went into the goal just underneath the crossbar. It was an incredible play. Everyone on our team was jumping up and down and cheering; even the parents of the other team were applauding.

The game ended in a 2-2 tie, but it was probably the biggest "win" that these girls have ever had. You could see on their faces that they were all very proud of themselves, although it's funny to see how girls react differently to boys. Everyone was hugging each other and saying things like "I feel so happy", then they immediately started talking about whose mom brought snacks and which chant they were all going to sing at the end of the game.


P.S. if a player takes a horizontal shot to the head, you MUST stop the game and check on the player! Head injuries are no joke. The referee in this game was very young and inexperienced, and he did not stop the game after our player took a hard shot to the face. Both coaches were yelling to stop the game but the referee ignored it. Finally one of our girls kicked the ball out of bounds and a parent grabbed the ball and refused to give it to the ref until the injured girl was taken off the field.

 

[B Maverick]

You want crazy? 

As our adult Sunday league soccer game was coming to an end, we heard a commotion from the kids game on the field next to us.  Looked over and there was an epic brawl starting.  Must have been U15 or so boys.  It started with 2 kids punching each other and parents on both sides coming together to continue it.  My daughter said she saw the first kid throw a punch at another then they tackled each other.  A parent tried to pull the first kid off the other and slammed him on the ground.  I then saw one parent wind up and kick another who was on the ground in the head.  That guy got up and threw punches at 4 other parents. It went from one end of the field to another for a good 10 mins before settling down.  Cops were called, fire and paramedics showed up.  It was unbelievable what happened.

All I could think was kids are supposed to make bad decisions.  Parents are not supposed to make it worse.

 

[mr. furley]

You want crazy? 

As our adult Sunday league soccer game was coming to an end, we heard a commotion from the kids game on the field next to us.  Looked over and there was an epic brawl starting.  Must have been U15 or so boys.  It started with 2 kids punching each other and parents on both sides coming together to continue it.  My daughter said she saw the first kid throw a punch at another then they tackled each other.  A parent tried to pull the first kid off the other and slammed him on the ground.  I then saw one parent wind up and kick another who was on the ground in the head.  That guy got up and threw punches at 4 other parents. It went from one end of the field to another for a good 10 mins before settling down.  Cops were called, fire and paramedics showed up.  It was unbelievable what happened.

All I could think was kids are supposed to make bad decisions.  Parents are not supposed to make it worse.

i hear about these things and think "that's nuts. no way would i get involved in something like that."

and then i think... if my kid got mad and punched someone else, then a parent charged the field and went after my kid................... i'd lose my ever loving effing mind. all bets would be off until my brain re-activated.

 

[wlwiles]

Don't expect any replies, but just wanted to vent this and figured a long-winded story in here would work. 

My nephew is playing in 8U baseball state tournament this past weekend.  About two weeks ago, a neighboring team dissolved, and our coach was friends with another kid's dad on that team so he invited his son to play with us since we are always one short for one reason or another (vacations, camp, etc).  Our coach contacted the league commish to ensure the new kid was legal to play, he wouldn't be listed on two rosters at the same time, and got the all clear. 

So state tourney is going on, and our team is rolling.  Beat Team Red in the semis, and have a 2 hour break until the final game.  Halfway into the break, our coach gets informed by the commish that Team Red has protested our win against them for us having an illegal kid (listed on two rosters simultaneously).  Coach says "no, you gave me the all clear about him" and is told "no, I said IF he's not on two simultaneously then he's ok".  Apparently the dissolved team still has a "formal" roster that hasn't been removed from the league, even though the freaking team isn't together anymore.  Not our fault that the dissolved team's coach hasn't formally canceled the team on the league website. Never mind that league rules state any protest must be made BEFORE the teams and umpire leave the field, and this one was filed > 1 hour later, commish still allowed it to be filed and then ruled in favor of it.  Anyway...

Commish is not present at the tourney, and is ignoring subsequent phone calls from our coach.  He doesn't tell our coach that we're out and that Team Red has advanced to the finals, he just tells us the game is "under protest".  About 30 min later, the league website shows the tourney bracket updated with Red in the finals and us out.  That's how we're notified.  

Our coach is repeatedly calling commish to get him to explain - no answer.  Finally one of our parents realizes after some internet sleuthing that Team Red has a 9 year old, so they're illegal also.  Our coach finally gets through to commish and submits his own protest.  Meanwhile Team Red has taken the field for warmups against the other team that made the finals, Team Orange. 

Commish finally calls our coach back and says "you're right, Red is disqualified for having 9 yo, so you're back in the finals".  But commish doesn't inform Team Red of this, and remember commish isn't present at the field as he should have been. So our coach has to explain what commish said to Red coach.  Red coach says "B.S., we're not leaving the field/dugout unless commish makes us".  Commish goes back to not answering his phone.  Final game start time is now postponed, meanwhile Orange coach is like "I dunno what's going on, ya'll figure out your mess, we'll just wait".  

Finally our coach gets commish on the phone again (on speakerphone with Red coach and Orange coach) and our coach says "Red won't leave the field, you need to explain to them they're out and we're back in".  Commish then says "You know what, screw all this, incessant phone calls, bunch of babies, etc...no final game will be played, Team Orange is declared the champs, and nobody gets second place.  Everyone go home!" and then he hangs up and turns his phone off.  

Red coach finally gathers up his squad and they leave.  Orange is having a field celebration and ring ceremony crowning themselves the champs (no idea which league "official" was there with the rings/trophy).  Our coach tells Orange coach "now that Red is gone, let's play it out like it should have been, just the two teams of ours, winners get the rings, like it should have been".  Orange coach says "nah, we'll take the title, thanks anyway".  We've played Team Orange about 6 times before over the past year in various tournaments, we're 3-3 against them so it really would have been a toss-up for the state championship. Finally we all tuck tail and head for home, without our kids getting the chance to play for the title that they earned the right to play for, and without even getting State Runner-Ups at a minimum (had we lost) because the bratty commish decided "nobody gets second place". 

And to top it all off, about 2 hours after the game, our coach discovers that the commish has a kid who plays on Team Orange. 

Our boys just want to play ball.  They won their game and should have advanced to play for the championship, but stupid parents and league rules and bureaucracy robbed them of that chance, and at the same time they watched a team (Orange) that was in the same position as them (advanced to the championship) get awarded with a title they didn't earn.  

 

[shadyridr]

i hear about these things and think "that's nuts. no way would i get involved in something like that."

and then i think... if my kid got mad and punched someone else, then a parent charged the field and went after my kid................... i'd lose my ever loving effing mind. all bets would be off until my brain re-activated.

Of course if someone started attacking my kid wed all jump in. Lets be serious here.

 

[General Malaise]

Don't expect any replies, but just wanted to vent this and figured a long-winded story in here would work. 

My nephew is playing in 8U baseball state tournament this past weekend.  About two weeks ago, a neighboring team dissolved, and our coach was friends with another kid's dad on that team so he invited his son to play with us since we are always one short for one reason or another (vacations, camp, etc).  Our coach contacted the league commish to ensure the new kid was legal to play, he wouldn't be listed on two rosters at the same time, and got the all clear. 

So state tourney is going on, and our team is rolling.  Beat Team Red in the semis, and have a 2 hour break until the final game.  Halfway into the break, our coach gets informed by the commish that Team Red has protested our win against them for us having an illegal kid (listed on two rosters simultaneously).  Coach says "no, you gave me the all clear about him" and is told "no, I said IF he's not on two simultaneously then he's ok".  Apparently the dissolved team still has a "formal" roster that hasn't been removed from the league, even though the freaking team isn't together anymore.  Not our fault that the dissolved team's coach hasn't formally canceled the team on the league website. Never mind that league rules state any protest must be made BEFORE the teams and umpire leave the field, and this one was filed > 1 hour later, commish still allowed it to be filed and then ruled in favor of it.  Anyway...

Commish is not present at the tourney, and is ignoring subsequent phone calls from our coach.  He doesn't tell our coach that we're out and that Team Red has advanced to the finals, he just tells us the game is "under protest".  About 30 min later, the league website shows the tourney bracket updated with Red in the finals and us out.  That's how we're notified.  

Our coach is repeatedly calling commish to get him to explain - no answer.  Finally one of our parents realizes after some internet sleuthing that Team Red has a 9 year old, so they're illegal also.  Our coach finally gets through to commish and submits his own protest.  Meanwhile Team Red has taken the field for warmups against the other team that made the finals, Team Orange. 

Commish finally calls our coach back and says "you're right, Red is disqualified for having 9 yo, so you're back in the finals".  But commish doesn't inform Team Red of this, and remember commish isn't present at the field as he should have been. So our coach has to explain what commish said to Red coach.  Red coach says "B.S., we're not leaving the field/dugout unless commish makes us".  Commish goes back to not answering his phone.  Final game start time is now postponed, meanwhile Orange coach is like "I dunno what's going on, ya'll figure out your mess, we'll just wait".  

Finally our coach gets commish on the phone again (on speakerphone with Red coach and Orange coach) and our coach says "Red won't leave the field, you need to explain to them they're out and we're back in".  Commish then says "You know what, screw all this, incessant phone calls, bunch of babies, etc...no final game will be played, Team Orange is declared the champs, and nobody gets second place.  Everyone go home!" and then he hangs up and turns his phone off.  

Red coach finally gathers up his squad and they leave.  Orange is having a field celebration and ring ceremony crowning themselves the champs (no idea which league "official" was there with the rings/trophy).  Our coach tells Orange coach "now that Red is gone, let's play it out like it should have been, just the two teams of ours, winners get the rings, like it should have been".  Orange coach says "nah, we'll take the title, thanks anyway".  We've played Team Orange about 6 times before over the past year in various tournaments, we're 3-3 against them so it really would have been a toss-up for the state championship. Finally we all tuck tail and head for home, without our kids getting the chance to play for the title that they earned the right to play for, and without even getting State Runner-Ups at a minimum (had we lost) because the bratty commish decided "nobody gets second place". 

And to top it all off, about 2 hours after the game, our coach discovers that the commish has a kid who plays on Team Orange. 

Our boys just want to play ball.  They won their game and should have advanced to play for the championship, but stupid parents and league rules and bureaucracy robbed them of that chance, and at the same time they watched a team (Orange) that was in the same position as them (advanced to the championship) get awarded with a title they didn't earn.  

U.  8.  Wow.

 

[shadyridr]

Don't expect any replies, but just wanted to vent this and figured a long-winded story in here would work. 

My nephew is playing in 8U baseball state tournament this past weekend.  About two weeks ago, a neighboring team dissolved, and our coach was friends with another kid's dad on that team so he invited his son to play with us since we are always one short for one reason or another (vacations, camp, etc).  Our coach contacted the league commish to ensure the new kid was legal to play, he wouldn't be listed on two rosters at the same time, and got the all clear. 

So state tourney is going on, and our team is rolling.  Beat Team Red in the semis, and have a 2 hour break until the final game.  Halfway into the break, our coach gets informed by the commish that Team Red has protested our win against them for us having an illegal kid (listed on two rosters simultaneously).  Coach says "no, you gave me the all clear about him" and is told "no, I said IF he's not on two simultaneously then he's ok".  Apparently the dissolved team still has a "formal" roster that hasn't been removed from the league, even though the freaking team isn't together anymore.  Not our fault that the dissolved team's coach hasn't formally canceled the team on the league website. Never mind that league rules state any protest must be made BEFORE the teams and umpire leave the field, and this one was filed > 1 hour later, commish still allowed it to be filed and then ruled in favor of it.  Anyway...

Commish is not present at the tourney, and is ignoring subsequent phone calls from our coach.  He doesn't tell our coach that we're out and that Team Red has advanced to the finals, he just tells us the game is "under protest".  About 30 min later, the league website shows the tourney bracket updated with Red in the finals and us out.  That's how we're notified.  

Our coach is repeatedly calling commish to get him to explain - no answer.  Finally one of our parents realizes after some internet sleuthing that Team Red has a 9 year old, so they're illegal also.  Our coach finally gets through to commish and submits his own protest.  Meanwhile Team Red has taken the field for warmups against the other team that made the finals, Team Orange. 

Commish finally calls our coach back and says "you're right, Red is disqualified for having 9 yo, so you're back in the finals".  But commish doesn't inform Team Red of this, and remember commish isn't present at the field as he should have been. So our coach has to explain what commish said to Red coach.  Red coach says "B.S., we're not leaving the field/dugout unless commish makes us".  Commish goes back to not answering his phone.  Final game start time is now postponed, meanwhile Orange coach is like "I dunno what's going on, ya'll figure out your mess, we'll just wait".  

Finally our coach gets commish on the phone again (on speakerphone with Red coach and Orange coach) and our coach says "Red won't leave the field, you need to explain to them they're out and we're back in".  Commish then says "You know what, screw all this, incessant phone calls, bunch of babies, etc...no final game will be played, Team Orange is declared the champs, and nobody gets second place.  Everyone go home!" and then he hangs up and turns his phone off.  

Red coach finally gathers up his squad and they leave.  Orange is having a field celebration and ring ceremony crowning themselves the champs (no idea which league "official" was there with the rings/trophy).  Our coach tells Orange coach "now that Red is gone, let's play it out like it should have been, just the two teams of ours, winners get the rings, like it should have been".  Orange coach says "nah, we'll take the title, thanks anyway".  We've played Team Orange about 6 times before over the past year in various tournaments, we're 3-3 against them so it really would have been a toss-up for the state championship. Finally we all tuck tail and head for home, without our kids getting the chance to play for the title that they earned the right to play for, and without even getting State Runner-Ups at a minimum (had we lost) because the bratty commish decided "nobody gets second place". 

And to top it all off, about 2 hours after the game, our coach discovers that the commish has a kid who plays on Team Orange. 

Our boys just want to play ball.  They won their game and should have advanced to play for the championship, but stupid parents and league rules and bureaucracy robbed them of that chance, and at the same time they watched a team (Orange) that was in the same position as them (advanced to the championship) get awarded with a title they didn't earn.  

wow

 

[belljr]

first off - why wasn't the commish there?

team red seems to be more in the wrong.

your team shouldn't have added a player for the playoffs

That being said thats why we have a rule that a kid needs to play in > 50% regular season games to be allowed on a post season roster...

 

[wlwiles]

first off - why wasn't the commish there?

team red seems to be more in the wrong.

your team shouldn't have added a player for the playoffs

That being said thats why we have a rule that a kid needs to play in > 50% regular season games to be allowed on a post season roster...

Commish apparently had an older kid (~10U?) playing across town in a different tourney and he didn't want to leave that one to come, is what I heard. 

Red wasn't technically wrong (their protest against us was legitimate, as the kid was showing on 2 different rosters).  Turns out the "verbal ok" our coach had gotten wasn't as good as he thought it was.  BUT, Red had an illegal kid of their own (9 yo in 8U), so a bit of a pot:kettle situation there. 

This kid had played with us before during the season when we were short, so he wasn't a total "newbie" to our team.  Lots of players jump around to fill in on other teams if vacancies happen, and there's a deadline (about 1.5 months ago I think) where after that date, no jumping, kids are locked onto their "home" roster. 

10 kids play at a time (4 outfielders), and you're allowed 12 on your roster.  We've only carried 11 all season, and if anyone can't make a tournament due to summer vacation or whatever, then we're down to 9-10.  We have two sets of brothers on the team, so if they can't make it then that's a hit of 2 instead of 1.  Anyway...this kid who's team dissolved suddenly finds himself wanting to play ball, beyond the deadline for team moving, and he has no team to play on.  We had an opening, and he'd played with us twice before early in the season, and we thought we had the commish's approval in this situation where a team dissolved.  It all boiled down to the dissolved team didn't submit a team cancellation request to the league and have their roster taken off the website.  Had that happened, he'd have been listed on only our roster and all would be good.  

I don't know if we have a play in >50% rule like you mentioned. Maybe one exists and I don't know about it.  It's only my nephew on the team, so I just spectate, I'm not nearly as involved as the moms and dads are.  All these rules and stuff I just learned from my BIL in the past two days.  To me it seems like a kind of special circumstance where a team dissolved and there wasn't a logical way to handle it and it bit us.  At the end of the day, that kid didn't do anything wrong, he just found another team to play on because he wanted to play ball.  Making him sit out the rest of the year because his team dissolved after the deadline seems unfair to him.