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skol asylum
Footballguy
I barely made it to the sidewalk when suddenly a white panel van pulls up, the door slides open, and two guys grabbed me and threw me inside.
-smash cut-
Two months without sunlight. When they open the doors I go blind as I’m dragged out, screamed at and thrust in front of a camera.
They speak in a language I can’t understand but I get the meaning.
I read from the poorly written script they hand me. I speak out to my loved ones in a way that gives me no feeling. I only know my beheading is coming and I just don’t have the time to say what I really want to.
I do my best to make peace with myself and everything I can think about before the lights go off.
Thanks Obama
Disclaimer
The previous statements of this poster are not neccessarily the statements of himself. These statements were meant as political satire, not indicative of malicious intent or worthy of a banning, and purely for comedic purposes. Do not merge this in to the Political forum.
The previous statements of this poster are not neccessarily the statements of himself. These statements were meant as political satire, not indicative of malicious intent or worthy of a banning, and purely for comedic purposes. Do not merge this in to the Political forum.
Chemical X
Footballguy
they remove the ball gag, untie me and i ask The Rock, "what are you, like Hawaiian or something"? he says......
DaVinci
FairTaxguy
But because they are actors and not really the supermen they portray in the movies, my jihadi captors easily gun them down.
msudaisy26
Footballguy
Ilov80s
Footballguy
Of me? I certainly thought so. With my hands free but my would be celebrities dead, I grab a handgun and shoot my a path to the door. I’m running up a flight of stairs with daylight in view as gunfire screams behind me.
sports_fan
Footballguy
i put on my robe and wizard hat
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
...and reach down to cup my quidditches - my move before i go into full wizard mode - but my hand comes back with blood on it
Man of Constant Sorrow
Footballguy
...that a bird in my bush was better than two in my hands...otherwise, I would not have been able grab the handgun that got me to the door.
After readjusting my wizard hat...and my quidditches...I jump into the daylight beyond the top of the stairs...only to find...
After readjusting my wizard hat...and my quidditches...I jump into the daylight beyond the top of the stairs...only to find...
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
...myself launched into another world. Something was wrong, or maybe right. Who knows? There wasn't a car made since 1950 on the streets, leaden polluttion in the air, lots of fedoras and tight-buttoned cloth coats on the citizens, straight out of another time, except everyone was...
Phil Elliott
Footballguy
And remembered the dynasty rookie draft was tonight and I was going to miss it. How can it get any worse?!
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northern exposure
Footballguy
I reached into my pocket and found my phone. I checked my text messages and saw one from a league mate. At some point in the previous 24 hours, I had traded the 1.01 rookie pick to him for Dez Bryant. My rebuilding team had been dealt a serious blow, my only option now was.....
Keith R
The Don
...to sell half the interests in my team to Hyman Roth and hope he could fix the league the way Arnold Rothstein fixed the 1919 World Series. I booked a flight to Havana but then the phone rang. It was...
GregR
Footballguy
.. Rachel. From card-holder services. I don't mind her calls as much as other scam callers because she has such a sexy voice. But I hung up and, without looking, stepped into the street right in front of...
Joe Mammy
Footballguy
".. Rachel. From card-holder services. I don't mind her calls as much as other scam callers because she has such a sexy voice. But I hung up and, without looking, stepped into the street right in front of..."
A huge pile of dog ####. Just missed it. Rachel had raised my horns, I needed some female accompaniment and I needed it now. Down the street was the Filler Up, my favorite late nite ho-stop. Let's see what's hanging at the bar.
A huge pile of dog ####. Just missed it. Rachel had raised my horns, I needed some female accompaniment and I needed it now. Down the street was the Filler Up, my favorite late nite ho-stop. Let's see what's hanging at the bar.
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Joe Mammy
Footballguy
"But then I remembered the bumps on my little guy. Did that STD ever get cleared up?"
Some consider French Tickling a special bonus. Well guess what sistas? No charge for the bare back ride of a lifetime.
Is that Melissa over there in the dark corner? My acid flashbacks were slowing down and I had a clear vision of MOE-lissa, "hey there baby".
Some consider French Tickling a special bonus. Well guess what sistas? No charge for the bare back ride of a lifetime.
Is that Melissa over there in the dark corner? My acid flashbacks were slowing down and I had a clear vision of MOE-lissa, "hey there baby".
ProstheticRGK
Footballguy
Even on a good day, Melissa was hard to look at. Flowers that fester, and all that.
she sidled up to my table and said in her brassy, Bronx accent "whatchu doin', handsome?" Was it the acid or was it real? her face split itself in two and flopped gruesomely onto her shoulders and I'm staring into a shrieking skull. Muscle, tendon and subcutaneous fat in the place of that world-weary, once pretty face.
Angry Beavers
Footballguy
Along the walk to MOE-Lissas's place, as I was leaning in to give her a hug, I realized she was wearing a Drew Brees New Orleans Saints jersey.
