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Could You Beat Up Steven Seagal In A Pure Stand Up 1 Vs 1 Hand To Hand Fight? (23/30) (1 Viewer)


Direct Headline: Steven Seagal Facts That Are Worthy Of A Black Belt

BY Looper Staff MARCH 7, 2023

... He's incredibly difficult to work with....Seagal also made life hard for the "Saturday Night Live" cast. While hosting the show in 1991, he was "very critical of the cast and writing staff." According to Tim Meadows, Seagal "didn't realize that you can't tell somebody they're stupid on Wednesday and expect them to continue writing for you on Saturday." David Spade said that in his six years on the show, Seagal was the absolute worst host, which probably had a lot to do with the aikido king's taste in comedy. According to Julia Sweeney, Seagal wanted to perform a sketch where he played a therapist who wants to sleep with a rape survivor. Evidently, he was banned from ever hosting again.....

....Reincarnation controversy....In 1997, Penor Rinpoche, the Supreme Head of the Nyingma School of Tibetan Buddhism, announced that Seagal was a tulku: a reincarnated Buddhist master who has "vowed to take rebirth to help all beings attain enlightenment." Rinpoche believed that in the 17th century, Seagal was Terton Chungdrag Dorie, a renowned translator who opened a monastery and found several powerful relics. Thanks to this spiritual "history," Seagal was declared a lama (a venerated teacher in Tibetan Buddhism). According to The Guardian, that means "he is just a notch down from the Dalai Lama himself." During his inauguration, Seagal pledged to help ease suffering across the globe. Since then, he's given seminars on compassion at New Age retreat centers.....However, several people are skeptical of Seagal's spiritual status.... Others allege that, before he was a tulku, Seagal donated quite a bit of cash to Rinpoche's school, which might explain his conveniently glorious past life.....

....In February 2011, UFC fans watched middleweight champion Anderson Silva face off against Vitor Belfort. At the time, Silva was considered the greatest mixed martial artist on the planet. In round one, he knocked Belfort out with a front kick to the face. It was one of the most iconic moments in UFC history. Days later, Seagal took all the credit....According to Seagal, he taught Silva that kick. He even claimed that he'd invented that kick. While many assumed Seagal was lying, the actor had escorted Silva to the ring that night. A few events later, Lyoto Machida knocked out the legendary Randy Couture with a "Karate Kid"-style crane kick. Once again, Seagal took credit for the movie while on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!...."

...But that doesn't mean he could fight in real life. Seagal is a seventh dan in aikido, a martial art that relies on joint locks and the redirection of momentum. Seagal was the first American to teach aikido in Japan. But aikido is worthless when it comes to self-defense. According to fight analyst Jack Slack, aikido only works if your "opponent is running straight at you" — something most smart fighters never do. As UFC commentator Joe Rogan explained, aikido "would never work against a trained fighter."...Nevertheless, Seagal claimed he could beat anyone, anywhere, anytime. .... Wall assembled the "Dirty Dozen," a group of kickboxing and karate champions like Benny Urquidez, Bill Wallace, and Howard Jackson. Some wanted to show Seagal was a fake. Others were upset at his comments and wanted to avenge some stuntmen Seagal allegedly injured....Wanting to get the actor's attention, the Dozen appeared in magazines like Prevue and Black Belt. Despite their efforts, there was never any showdown. When Seagal finally met Wall, the movie star supposedly apologized for what he'd said.....

.....some claim he squared off with "Judo" Gene LeBell. A martial arts pioneer, LeBell has studied almost every fighting style imaginable — from taekwondo to boxing. But LeBell was particularly fond of grappling, excelling at judo and jujitsu....LeBell also worked as an actor and a stuntman, appearing in over 1,000 films and TV shows. He was the fight choreographer on "Out for Justice," .... During filming, Seagal allegedly said no one could choke him out, claiming he had a special move that prevented anyone from putting him to sleep. Naturally, Gene accepted the challenge, and the two guys fought. Within seconds, LeBell had Seagal in a rear-naked choke. That's when the aikido master supposedly pulled out his super-secret move — a karate strike to LeBell's genitals....Despite the (literal) low blow, LeBell held on and Seagal passed out. On top of that, the actor reportedly had a bizarre reaction to the event. According to LeBell, Seagal must've had a big meal before the match, because the unconscious star soiled himself.....

....he met an alleged Gambino captain named Anthony "Sonny" Ciccone. ....ordered him to start working with Nasso again. He demanded that Seagal fork over $150,000 for every film he made. Evidently, Seagal was so shaken that he gave the gangsters $700,000....The scandal came to light in 2003, when the government indicted alleged crime boss Peter Gotti and 16 others...n addition to Seagal's testimony, the government had recordings of several individuals — including Siccone and Nasso — discussing how they would intimidate Seagal. They even laughed about how they scared the movie star.....

.... Seagal actually served as a cop in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana, for about 20 years. In 2009, Seagal took things to the next level by starring in a reality show called "Steven Seagal: Lawman." In the third season, Seagal moved to Arizona ....In 2011, Arpaio orchestrated a raid against Jesus Llovera, a local suspected of cockfighting. When the cops arrived, they had more than just a warrant. There were up to 40 SWAT officers, a bomb squad, K-9 units, armored vehicles, and Seagal riding on top of a tank. During the raid, parts of the suspect's house were damaged. Seagal's tank tore down the gates to Llovera's property. After arresting Llovera.... owned over 100 roosters. Well, they did what any humane law enforcement officer would: they decided to euthanize them all.....Furious, Llovera started a lawsuit.... and demanded an apology letter from Seagal.....

....In 1999, Seagal worked to force South Africa to stop exporting baby elephants to Japan and received a PETA Humanitarian Award for it. Four years later, he wrote to the government of Thailand about getting them to stop torturing baby elephants. According to his website, he "singlehandedly" made change happen there. He's also attempted to shame India into being better to cows....During an interview with PETA, Seagal claimed when he was a young buck just learning Aikido in Japan, a white dog greeted him. After a few days, the dog started barking at the future master, telepathically warning Seagal that his dojo was on fire. And it was on fire! Seagal put the fire out, and the dog disappeared, never to bark again. PETA, upon hearing this "magical ESP dog" story, gave Seagal an award anyway.....

....The actor has been playing guitar since age 12 and heads the Steven Seagal Blues Band. However, it wasn't until 2005 that Seagal released his first album, "Songs From the Crystal Cave." ..... SputnikMusic called it "the 'Plan 9 From Outer Space' of records," ...... lyrics like: "You're like a ghost. The more you eat, the more you're hungry. A hungrier ghost...."...In 2018, Emmy-winning star Julianna Margulies ("The Good Wife") was a guest on "The Katie Couric Podcast," ....Margulies remembered a "horrific" hotel room meeting she'd had with Steven Seagal in the early '90s. ....Seagal claimed to be a "healer," and asked to read Margulies's palms. "He told me I had really weak kidneys," she continued. ....However, she demanded never to be alone with Seagal on set....

....Energy drinks boomed in the mid-2000s. With the success of Red Bull and Monster Energy, dozens of competitors flooded the market .... in 2005 with the release of Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt, a ginseng and goji berry-powered energy drink available in two flavors: Cherry Charge — and the more inscrutable and problematic — Asian Experience.....Seagal released a baffling two-minute commercial featuring himself and swimsuit models hanging out by a pool. The premise is Seagal is so enamored by his drink that he wants to swim in it. ...

....In 2018, he took his first dip into literary waters with the release of his debut book, "The Way of the Shadow Wolves: The Deep State and the Hijacking of America,".... The only thing standing in their way is Tribal officer (and shameless Seagal avatar) John Nan Tan Gode, a Mohawk....He's a member of the Shadow Wolves — a real-life Indigenous patrol unit ....In the first quarter of 2018, Seagal went to bat for Bitcoiin2gen, aka B2G, promoting it on his social media pages and allowing his likeness on official B2G branding. However, Seagal did not disclose that he had been promised $250,000 in cash and another $750,000 in B2G tokens for his endorsement, violating federal anti-touting law....In 2020, the Securities and Exchange Commission came down hard.... issuing fines of $157,000 in disgorgement and another $157,000 in penalties. Seagal paid $75,000 toward his $314,000 fine and then fled....

VIDEO: Actors Tell Steven Seagal Stories Mar 7, 2023

Steven Seagal is a polarizing figure in Hollywood and many movie stars have hysterical stories about him.

"I don’t fear the man who makes a 1000 bad movies, I fear the man who makes the same bad movie a 1000 times."


VIDEO: Actors Tell Steven Seagal Stories Part 2 Mar 13, 2023

Since our video about actors telling their Steven Seagal stories was so popular we decided to bring you a part two with all different stories being told! This time we have a new story by Michael Jai White and stories from Tom Arnold, Howard Stern and many more......

"Nobody Beats Me In The Kitchen!" ( Steven Seagal, Under Siege 2)



"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol."

"I have no fear of death. More important, I don't fear life."

"People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader."

"My CIA godfather told me he'd never heard any American speak Japanese so well."

"It doesn't work if the bad guys kill his mother's uncle's friend's neighbor's pet dog. You've got to make the stakes high."

"The secret is not to act, but to be."

"I don't consider myself a martial-arts star. I'd be offended and disappointed if I got a reputation as a martial-arts star."

"I would only ever be involved in a reality show that was about real life and had lots of action."

- Steven Seagal

Here is another topic that is designed to increase discussion and participation in the FFA.

I believe this topic has absolutely no chance of delving into real world public policy issues, public administration conflict and generally anything politically related. Think about the glory you'd receive in winning a brutal physical battle against an author, a law enforcement officer, a reality TV star, a musician, a martial arts teacher, a fight choreographer, a script writer, the prodigy of a CIA agent, a self proclaimed sex symbol, a living god, a movie star, a businessman who has his own energy drink and is chased by the mob, someone who invents deadly martial arts signature moves and can't be choked out himself and has single handedly put an end to most of the harm to endangered animals across the globe, all rolled up into one person.

Do you believe that you could beat up Steven Seagal in a one versus one "fair fight" in strictly hand to hand combat?

What would your battle plan be to win?

How would you train to prepare for this?

If you won, what would you tell the awaiting news cameras later about the entire thing?

I'll leave this here for others to discuss. (23/30)
Probably not as I'm no longer in shape and have no formal MMA training.

I also have zero interest in fighting another man for just about any reason because I'm not 12 anymore.
Sure. I would start by concealing a fistful of salt somewhere on my person. If the fight started to go against me, I would throw the salt in his face, blinding him. While he is staggering around blind, I would proceed to land as many critical blows as possible.

Edit: Dammit, that was Van Damme, not Seagal. And it didn't work against him either. Okay, I'm screwed.
Also, am I the only one at this point in their life things about a "fight" and cringes at the idea of getting punched in the mouth and possibly needing dental work? I'm not worried about losing, dying, getting the crap kicked out of me.. no... Just really worried about the dentist and how much that crap costs and sucks.
Also, am I the only one at this point in their life things about a "fight" and cringes at the idea of getting punched in the mouth and possibly needing dental work? I'm not worried about losing, dying, getting the crap kicked out of me.. no... Just really worried about the dentist and how much that crap costs and sucks.
This is absolutely part of my "I'm not 12 anymore" analysis.
Pretty sure I could outrun him. Also pretty sure I could taunt him while running away from him real fast.
I like the way you think. "your movies all suck". "you look like a bloated idiot"
Just make sure you can outrun him.
My taunts would be purley based on his movies.... like "I'm gonna take you to the bank, Steven Seagal... (dramatic pause)... (another dramatic pause).... (one last dramatic pause)... (leading to the money line)... to the blood bank."
Also, am I the only one at this point in their life things about a "fight" and cringes at the idea of getting punched in the mouth and possibly needing dental work? I'm not worried about losing, dying, getting the crap kicked out of me.. no... Just really worried about the dentist and how much that crap costs and sucks.
This is exactly my thoughts as well. I got my two front teeth fixed a couple years ago. Now I wear a mouthguard to play old man rec soccer. If anyone asks why I wear a mouthguard, I just tell them that I don't want to spend another 4 grand on my teeth.
I probably could take the first punch, or chop, or whatever it is this guy is throwing. And then when I'm writhing on the ground like an exhausted toddler, and he comes over to mock me, I sever his Achilles tendon dropping him like the sack of lard he is. I think he would appreciate the tactics.
Is this for real?

Russia recruits Steven Seagal to teach martial arts to its soldiers
The actor, who has been a Russian citizen since 2016, has opened an aikido centre in Moscow

Steven Seagal, one of the icons of American action movies in the 1990s and early 2000s, has just opened an aikido centre in Moscow with the intention of preparing young Russians to join the Russian armed forces.

Seagal, who became a Russian citizen in 2016, is a seventh-dan black belt in aikido, as well as being the chief instructor within the Russian Federation of this martial art since 2018.

The young people I saw today have a very big potential. We need to open more such centres to develop that potential. It is important that the development of aikido progresses at a faster pace," Seagal told Russia's TASS news agency.

Seagal has never hidden his support for Russian President Vladimir Putin, whom he has called "one of the greatest world leaders, if not the greatest leader alive today". Putin recently awarded him the Order of Friendship.

The actor, who has previously spoken out in favour of Russia's annexation of Crimea, visited the Russian city of Olenivka and its prison camp for Ukrainian detainees last year.

In 2021, Seagal presented Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro with a samurai sword on behalf of the Russian Foreign Ministry.
I would do that thing where you point at their shirt and when they look down you flick their nose. Then after a hearty laugh, I'd follow it up with a Mike Tyson style uppercut.
Definitely not but do you guys know what the current version of Steven Seagal looks like? He’s more likely to take down 10 Big Macs than he is an actual human being.
Russia recruits Steven Seagal to teach martial arts to its soldiers
The actor, who has been a Russian citizen since 2016, has opened an aikido centre in Moscow
OK brothers, here’s where I teach you a martial art that is only helpful if someone is running straight at you.
Russia recruits Steven Seagal to teach martial arts to its soldiers
The actor, who has been a Russian citizen since 2016, has opened an aikido centre in Moscow
OK brothers, here’s where I teach you a martial art that is only helpful if someone is running straight at you.
There may be a reason Russia is struggling so badly.
“im sorry comrades, Seagal said this would work”

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