Daughter's Friend Attempts Suicide (1 Viewer)

[chet]

Sometimes I am frustrated with the world we live in. My daughter has a friend who has had numerous behaviorial issues. Non existent self esteem. The boys in her grade 7 class decided to rate the girls, and she didn't fare well. She sent out some very dark texts and then cut herself. I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

If there's any silver lining, I don't think this was a real attempt--I think it was a plea for help. Next time, she might not be so lucky if she doesn't get the help she needs.

 

[Cjw_55106]

Sorry to hear that Chet. On your end, I'd certainly use this opportunity to talk to you own child. Some kids from about 12-16 get crazy thoughts...sometimes they even seem happy.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

That's terrible.

 

[chet]

Sorry to hear that Chet. On your end, I'd certainly use this opportunity to talk to you own child. Some kids from about 12-16 get crazy thoughts...sometimes they even seem happy.

Yes, definitely. It's spurred a lot of conversation with my daughter. There's no better parenting than being involved with your children's lives and arming them to make good decisions.

They're trying to keep it secret but my daughter is one of five girls who know which is a lot of pressure for a 12 yo, not to mention the severity of the action. They've been exchanging notes and having short conversations. I hope the girl finally gets the help she needs.

 

[FlapJacks]

Thoughts and prayers

I wish I had some good advice to offer for this situation, but I'm not sure that I do

 

[fantasycurse42]

Sorry to hear that Chet. On your end, I'd certainly use this opportunity to talk to you own child. Some kids from about 12-16 get crazy thoughts...sometimes they even seem happy.

Yes, definitely. It's spurred a lot of conversation with my daughter. There's no better parenting than being involved with your children's lives and arming them to make good decisions.

They're trying to keep it secret but my daughter is one of five girls who know which is a lot of pressure for a 12 yo, not to mention the severity of the action. They've been exchanging notes and having short conversations. I hope the girl finally gets the help she needs.

This one silver lining... Great opportunity to have serious conversation with your own daughter.

Sorry to hear.

 

[Cyclones]

Middle School kids are the WORST. At that age they truly realize that they can have major effects on others through their treatment of them, but are too young to realize that such actions have life altering repercussions.

Hope she rebounds - thats terrible.

 

[NCCommish]

Always sorry to hear something like that. Hopefully she will get some help.

 

[Johnny Rock]

Sorry to hear that Chet. On your end, I'd certainly use this opportunity to talk to you own child. Some kids from about 12-16 get crazy thoughts...sometimes they even seem happy.

Yes, definitely. It's spurred a lot of conversation with my daughter. There's no better parenting than being involved with your children's lives and arming them to make good decisions.

They're trying to keep it secret but my daughter is one of five girls who know which is a lot of pressure for a 12 yo, not to mention the severity of the action. They've been exchanging notes and having short conversations. I hope the girl finally gets the help she needs.

Best of luck here. That sucks. Perhaps an opportunity will arise where your daughter can be a leader to help change the culture.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

Father of 2 girls rapidly approaching their teenage years. Thoughts go out to you and this family. Very sad.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Middle School kids are the WORST.

Thanks for the new sig material.

 

[Parmcat]

I work on an adolescent psych ward with kids between 13-18. Having done this for over 20 years I have learned a lots of things, and feel it keeps me in touch with my own kids (12 and 10 boys)

Generally these things are considered "parasuicidal" as they are more a vent or cry for help. That being said, it does only take one bad cut to have devastating results.

I hope the school gets on top of this asap. Around here, there is zero tolerance for bullying. It is a buzzword right now, but some kids just that safety net.

I also hope she is able to go talk to someone. The family doc should assess, and be able to make a referral to someone to see what is really going on. Meds could play a part later on.

Just keep talking to your kids.

GLGB Chet

 

[McGarnicle]

A thread title change may be in order here. Cutting is very serious obviously but there is a distinction between that and a bona fide suicide attempt. I hope the girl gets the help she needs.

 

[chet]

I work on an adolescent psych ward with kids between 13-18. Having done this for over 20 years I have learned a lots of things, and feel it keeps me in touch with my own kids (12 and 10 boys)

Generally these things are considered "parasuicidal" as they are more a vent or cry for help. That being said, it does only take one bad cut to have devastating results.

I hope the school gets on top of this asap. Around here, there is zero tolerance for bullying. It is a buzzword right now, but some kids just that safety net.

I also hope she is able to go talk to someone. The family doc should assess, and be able to make a referral to someone to see what is really going on. Meds could play a part later on.

Just keep talking to your kids.

GLGB Chet

Thx

She's in the hospital for until the weekend which will total about 10 days and she won't be back to school until June. I really hope her parents help her figure this out.

 

[playin4beer]

Sometimes I am frustrated with the world we live in. My daughter has a friend who has had numerous behaviorial issues. Non existent self esteem. The boys in her grade 7 class decided to rate the girls, and she didn't fare well. She sent out some very dark texts and then cut herself. I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

If there's any silver lining, I don't think this was a real attempt--I think it was a plea for help. Next time, she might not be so lucky if she doesn't get the help she needs.

Some things don't change with age...

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

Unfortunately, I would imagine the whole school will know what happened by the time she returns to school.

 

[Dentist]

I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

Can you unpack this part about her parents? I just want to know what they did or didn't do

 

[chet]

Sometimes I am frustrated with the world we live in. My daughter has a friend who has had numerous behaviorial issues. Non existent self esteem. The boys in her grade 7 class decided to rate the girls, and she didn't fare well. She sent out some very dark texts and then cut herself. I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

If there's any silver lining, I don't think this was a real attempt--I think it was a plea for help. Next time, she might not be so lucky if she doesn't get the help she needs.

Some things don't change with age...

Do you think rating the girls qualifies as bullying? Personally, I am on the fence with this one.

 

[bosoxs45]

Sorry to hear that, Chet.

Best thing she can do is ignore those boys, and value the time she's having with her true friends.

 

[chet]

I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

Can you unpack this part about her parents? I just want to know what they did or didn't do

Something went on in the house that ####ed up this girl and her older brother. The brother (14-15) put the mother in the hospital with a broken arm a year ago.

Details that I am aware of are that the parents were away alot when the kids were young and there was a lot of nanny involvement. 3 years ago, the mother decided to spend the year in France with her kids (over compensation perhaps) and the father almost immediately hooked up with the mother's best friend. Divorce and the father now lives with the new woman and the son is banned from the house for safety reasons.

The mother doesn't have a filter. We had them over during the Christmas vacation and she decided it was a good idea to start describing child porn at the dinner table with the two girls (12) and my son and his friend (8) in attendance. Obviously, I quickly stopped her but it speaks to her judgement.

The daughter harbors a lot of anger and resentment toward her father (and her mother). After an away bball game earlier this year, she ran across a highway and into the woods (2 feet of snow on the ground) in her bball uniform when her dad asked her to get in the car to drive her home. She made unfounded accuasations and the police were called. A complete cluster#### ensued from what I was told.

 

[playin4beer]

Sometimes I am frustrated with the world we live in. My daughter has a friend who has had numerous behaviorial issues. Non existent self esteem. The boys in her grade 7 class decided to rate the girls, and she didn't fare well. She sent out some very dark texts and then cut herself. I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

If there's any silver lining, I don't think this was a real attempt--I think it was a plea for help. Next time, she might not be so lucky if she doesn't get the help she needs.

Some things don't change with age...

Do you think rating the girls qualifies as bullying? Personally, I am on the fence with this one.

Depends on how it was done.. a simple scale of 1-10 (like every other Friday here) I don't think "bullying" comes to mind.. Not very smart because middle school girls are by their very nature

completely insecure..

Now if there were comments like "She's got a horse face and needs to lose 50 lbs!" ... that would be closer to bullying to me.

Rating girls it seems never stops at any age...

 

[KCitons]

Sometimes I am frustrated with the world we live in. My daughter has a friend who has had numerous behaviorial issues. Non existent self esteem. The boys in her grade 7 class decided to rate the girls, and she didn't fare well. She sent out some very dark texts and then cut herself. I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

If there's any silver lining, I don't think this was a real attempt--I think it was a plea for help. Next time, she might not be so lucky if she doesn't get the help she needs.

Some things don't change with age...

Do you think rating the girls qualifies as bullying? Personally, I am on the fence with this one.

Wouldn't classify it as bullying, it falls under the category of "how will this make the other person feel"

I wouldn't classify ranking the dumbest posters in the FFA as bullying either. But, it has an effect on some people

 

[17seconds]

Sorry to hear that.

One of my best friends has a niece going through the same thing who just went into care. They actually brought her down from Fresno because the place here is supposedly better.

It can be a tough call to figure out when normal adolescent teenage angst turns into something dangerous, but when cutting starts something needs to be done.

 

[GroveDiesel]

That sucks. Sounds like she has a pretty awful family situation. Like Parmcat said, cutting is often a pseudo suicide attempt that is as much a cry for help as it is attempt to kill oneself. I hope someone has it together enough to answer that cry.

 

[Dentist]

I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

Can you unpack this part about her parents? I just want to know what they did or didn't do

Something went on in the house that ####ed up this girl and her older brother. The brother (14-15) put the mother in the hospital with a broken arm a year ago.

Details that I am aware of are that the parents were away alot when the kids were young and there was a lot of nanny involvement. 3 years ago, the mother decided to spend the year in France with her kids (over compensation perhaps) and the father almost immediately hooked up with the mother's best friend. Divorce and the father now lives with the new woman and the son is banned from the house for safety reasons.

The mother doesn't have a filter. We had them over during the Christmas vacation and she decided it was a good idea to start describing child porn at the dinner table with the two girls (12) and my son and his friend (8) in attendance. Obviously, I quickly stopped her but it speaks to her judgement.

The daughter harbors a lot of anger and resentment toward her father (and her mother). After an away bball game earlier this year, she ran across a highway and into the woods (2 feet of snow on the ground) in her bball uniform when her dad asked her to get in the car to drive her home. She made unfounded accuasations and the police were called. A complete cluster#### ensued from what I was told.

this explains almost everything

 

[Freelove]

Sometimes I am frustrated with the world we live in. My daughter has a friend who has had numerous behaviorial issues. Non existent self esteem. The boys in her grade 7 class decided to rate the girls, and she didn't fare well. She sent out some very dark texts and then cut herself. I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

If there's any silver lining, I don't think this was a real attempt--I think it was a plea for help. Next time, she might not be so lucky if she doesn't get the help she needs.

Some things don't change with age...

Do you think rating the girls qualifies as bullying? Personally, I am on the fence with this one.

Everybody rates everything. Releasing the ratings is the #### move.

 

[Judge Smails]

Sorry to hear. I am all for zero tolerance of any bullying, including online, with big penalties and potential expulsion attached. Any parent who has raised kids in middle school knows just how critical this period is. It can be brutal on kids. Their bodies are changing, cliques are formed, and they are either deemed in or out. No BS, the damage can be life long.

Rating girls? Don't know if that qualifies. "Drink bleach and die, everyone hates you, we're going to kill you if you don't do it yourself" - yeah, I think stuff like that qualifies. Amazing how much that happens today.

On a separate note - my daughter lives at UCSB. Last week they found the body of her 20 year old friend lying on the beach. Dead. She's devastated. Trying to work through that..

 

[SIDA!]

Middle School kids are the WORST. At that age they truly realize that they can have major effects on others through their treatment of them, but are too young to realize that such actions have life altering repercussions.

Hope she rebounds - thats terrible.

One of the reasons why I loathe the entire idea of feeding 6th graders into middle schools. I much prefer the K-6, 7-8, 9-12 age breakdowns.

 

[Otis]

Really crappy and insensitive for a bunch of males to sit around ranking the relative hotness of females.

 

[omally]

Sometimes I am frustrated with the world we live in. My daughter has a friend who has had numerous behaviorial issues. Non existent self esteem. The boys in her grade 7 class decided to rate the girls, and she didn't fare well. She sent out some very dark texts and then cut herself. I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

If there's any silver lining, I don't think this was a real attempt--I think it was a plea for help. Next time, she might not be so lucky if she doesn't get the help she needs.

Some things don't change with age...

Do you think rating the girls qualifies as bullying? Personally, I am on the fence with this one.

It certainly qualifies as mean, especially since this young lady was aware of it, and where she rated. Young people are so impressionable at that age too. Just think about how a young girl would feel knowing she was rated on the fugly side of a beauty scale. Some eating disorders stem from things like that. It is mean, hurtful, and can be damaging.

 

[johnnycakes]

One thing for sure: you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Some of the most abusive people I have met put up a great facade. My first reaction isn't what's wrong with the girl herself, but what's wrong with the family as a whole.

 

[Apple Jack]

Sometimes I am frustrated with the world we live in. My daughter has a friend who has had numerous behaviorial issues. Non existent self esteem. The boys in her grade 7 class decided to rate the girls, and she didn't fare well. She sent out some very dark texts and then cut herself. I don't blame the boys entirely but I do think her parents ####ed up by ignoring their kids and by being exceptionally selfish through the years.

If there's any silver lining, I don't think this was a real attempt--I think it was a plea for help. Next time, she might not be so lucky if she doesn't get the help she needs.

Some things don't change with age...

Do you think rating the girls qualifies as bullying? Personally, I am on the fence with this one.

Bullying tends to be to your face, but it's definitely cruel and lands the kid in a very similar place emotionally.

These sound like lovely parents.

 

[chet]

One thing for sure: you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Some of the most abusive people I have met put up a great facade. My first reaction isn't what's wrong with the girl herself, but what's wrong with the family as a whole.

Because of the girl's declaration after she ran into the woods, the police were called, and they did ask questions. I wasn't there but there is a record and there was an investigation.

I agree with your sentiment regarding the family.

 

[chet]

The girl returned home yesterday and my daughter visited her with another friend. They brought 3 bracelets and each chose one. My daughter said she's doing better.