Did you ask your future father in law for permission to propose to his (1 Viewer)

[Jack White]

Absolutely not. Why would anyone do that?

 

[SWC]

i asked because i knew he would appreciate it and i knew that it would a big part of him being able to let go of his little girl and he appreciated it now i know all the whoa look how awesome i am and do not subscribe to rules dudes will say i am a sell out conformer and whatever but in my mind i am just a guy who cares about my gals family who are now my family and it makes feel good to follow the path of the brohan on that one so hey take that to the bank bromigos

 

[Zow]

i asked because i knew he would appreciate it and i knew that it would a big part of him being able to let go of his little girl and he appreciated

it now i know all the whoa look how awesome i

am and do not subscribe to rules dudes will say i am a sell out conformer and whatever but in my mind i am just a guy who cares about my gals family who are now my family and it makes

feel good to follow the path of the brohan on that one so hey take that to the bank bromigos

Did you ask him if you could take her to the bank?

 

[Zow]

Absolutely not. Why would anyone do that?

I get the argument against it. But seriously, you can't understand why somebody would?

 

[Frostillicus]

15 years ago and yes. Wouldn't have mattered if he said no, but he definitely liked the gesture.

Same here.

omg!

 

[tommyboy]

Yup. Asked both of her parents together.

No need to include women.

"Shhhhhhhh, men are talking here"

 

[Jayded]

Permission? No. Blessing? Yes. It's not as if he'd have said no if it really would have changed anything, but was a courtesy in my case.

 

[Jayrod]

Absolutely not. Why would anyone do that?

Man, I hope your persona is Schtick.

 

[FUBAR]

Permission? No. Blessing? Yes. It's not as if he'd have said no if it really would have changed anything, but was a courtesy in my case.

Really? If he had said no we still would have gotten married but my relationship with the in laws would be different.

 

[cheese]

Yep. Still a thing. I felt awkward even though we get along great. His reaction was great and gave me more confidence on the whole thing. Been tighter with her family since.

 

[Otis]

About 5 years ago. Yes. By phone since they live s pretty good distance away.

 

[comfortably numb]

I didn't meet my inlaws til a few years after we were married but I don't think it would have ever crossed my mind.

I'm actually kinda stunned at the number of yes's.

Not saying anything against it but just never would have thought this many people said asked.

 

[FUBAR]

I didn't meet my inlaws til a few years after we were married but I don't think it would have ever crossed my mind.

I'm actually kinda stunned at the number of yes's.

Not saying anything against it but just never would have thought this many people said asked.

It probably depends on when you got engaged. My wife hadn't graduated college yet and was tight with her parents. Still is.

If you hadn't actually met your in-laws until years after marriage, she obviously isn't close to them and it wouldn't make as much sense in your situation.

 

[captain_amazing]

No. But I'm much younger than many of you here and I think there's a generational difference with this sort of thing (I could be totally wrong, though). While she wasn't close to her father at the time, I wouldn't have asked even if she was.

 

[shadyridr]

No butbut I did tell him ahead of time.

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

I asked if it suited him that I should uncross his daughter's legs.

 

[(HULK)]

I did not. I consider it pretty damn sexist actually.

 

[johnnycakes]

Absolutely not. Why would anyone do that?

Man, I hope your persona is Schtick.

I'm just wondering if it's a Timmay alias and, if not, whose. In any event, he should change his name to Jack White Fan.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Nope. This is a really stupid tradition.

 

[Mr. Know-It-All]

Yes, I did. And my son in law asked my permission before he proposed to my daughter, which was not necessary but much appreciated. The one I found odd was my oldest son asked ME and his future father in law for permission before he proposed to his fiancé last summer. For me he was really just looking for advice - but it was very important to him to ask his future F-I-L for permission as well. What was odd is they have been friends since preschool and dating since freshman year of high school, so it was not a surprise. However, both my son and his future father in law are traditionalists.

 

[rick6668]

Yup. Asked both of her parents together.

This

 

[brownhelmets]

I did not. I consider it pretty damn sexist actually.

Did her father walk her down the aisle and give her away?

 

[the moops]

Nope. This is a really stupid tradition.

 

[The Ref]

My wife didn't even let him walk her down the isle the whole way and hand her off in the ceremony as it represents "a transfer of property". If I would have asked, she would have hated both of us.

I never really "asked", but they knew it was coming.

 

[Buckychudd]

I asked for his blessing, not his permission. The distinction was important to me at the time, but he probably didn't notice or care. He appreciated it.

Same here. For me the distinction was important for two reasons, 1) really it was his daughter's decision, and 2) we had already eloped (her parent's didn't know), the formal wedding that he would know about would come a year later and I didn't want to feel like a hypocrite asking for permission for something I had already done.

 

[Guest]

Yup. Asked both of her parents together.

Same here. Really wish they would have said, "no".

 

[JNox3]

I did it about a decade ago and wonder how common it is

Really regret I didn't do this even though he was happy about us getting married. 15 years later it's still something I regret not doing.

 

[Annyong]

It's a foregone conclusion that I'll be marrying his daughter since we have been together for 10 years and have 2 small children. I still plan on taking him out for a few beers and asking for his blessing.

 

[Despyzer]

I did, and he said, "You can ask her if you want to, but I am pretty sure she's going to tell you no." I did, and we have now been married almost twenty-six years.

 

[irish eyes]

Never understood this concept, makes no sense. Unless you have two 15 year olds getting married.

 

[Annyong]

Never understood this concept, makes no sense. Unless you have two 15 year olds getting married.

i see it as a sign of respect. Can't be easy to give away a daughter.

 

[berndog]

I was moving my future wife move out of her parents house and her Dad called her a whore. That pretty much sums up there relationship so there was no way I was asking for his permission/blessing. We've been married almost 20 years and her Dad is still an ###.

 

[FUBAR]

I asked for his blessing, not his permission. The distinction was important to me at the time, but he probably didn't notice or care. He appreciated it.

Same here. For me the distinction was important for two reasons, 1) really it was his daughter's decision, and 2) we had already eloped (her parent's didn't know), the formal wedding that he would know about would come a year later and I didn't want to feel like a hypocrite asking for permission for something I had already done.

You wouldn't be asking her father to force her to marry you, it presumably would have been permission to ask. Big difference IMO but asking for his blessing makes more sense as you're not going to not ask if he says no.

Never understood this concept, makes no sense. Unless you have two 15 year olds getting married.

I viewed it as being received into his (and Mom's) family.

 

[Rick James]

I did not. I consider it pretty damn sexist actually.

I don't get this line of thinking. How is it sexist?

 

[Jack White]

Absolutely not. Why would anyone do that?

I get the argument against it. But seriously, you can't understand why somebody would?

I meant it as a rhetorical question. But, yes, I get why people do it.

I understand the value of quaint customs enduring.

 

[Rick James]

My wife didn't even let him walk her down the isle the whole way and hand her off in the ceremony as it represents "a transfer of property". If I would have asked, she would have hated both of us.

I never really "asked", but they knew it was coming.

did your FIL foot the bill for the wedding? just curious

 

[FUBAR]

I did not. I consider it pretty damn sexist actually.

I don't get this line of thinking. How is it sexist?

Let's see, you're asking her Dad (often not her Mom) for permission over his daughter's life. Presumably she isn't asking your parents for permission. Frankly, the whole social construct of proposing is sexist.

 

[Rick James]

I did not. I consider it pretty damn sexist actually.

I don't get this line of thinking. How is it sexist?

Let's see, you're asking her Dad (often not her Mom) for permission over his daughter's life. Presumably she isn't asking your parents for permission. Frankly, the whole social construct of proposing is sexist.

you guys are hung up on the word "permission". It's not like if the FIL said no I wouldn't ask her to marry me anyway, or if he said yes and the daughter didn't want to...we wouldn't get married. It's not about "permission", it's really just a formal way of letting her parents know that you're about to ask her to marry you. Permission, blessing, whatever you call it...it's really just a heads up.

 

[The Commish]

I made him aware that I intended to propose and asked for his blessing....is that what you mean by asking permission?

 

[Jack White]

Absolutely not. Why would anyone do that?

Man, I hope your persona is Schtick.

Sure, because if you disagree with someone -- or the way he states his opinions -- it must be schtick, right?

 

[Peak]

I did. He was never very talkative while I dated his daughter and I wasn't sure how it would go over. Once I asked for his blessing, he paused his TV show (M.A.S.H.), turned to me and said "That's between you two." He then went back to watching his show. His response took me by surprise then, but now I realize that's just how he is.

Her brother, sisters, and mother all asked "why would you want to do something like that?!?" once they heard about my plans.

In fact, they still ask me today why I did it.

 

[Keerock]

Yes. I thought at the time it was the right/respectful thing to do. My future wife and I were only 23.

I knew he didn't like me much. I "stole" his daughter from her long term BF who worked for him. He loved that guy.

I don't recall him ever saying "yes", but luckily her mom did. The doosh whispered to my wife on our wedding day "just say the word and I'll get you out of this".

27 years later we are still very happily married. He's divorced from my MIL and in dire straights. Has no contact with either of his daughters. Good riddance.

 

[Cjw_55106]

I had planned to....as I was riding up north with her family, we got a flat tire and never made it to the location. A couple weeks later, I came home and my jacket was gone. My mom said my girlfriend wore it to the store. The ring was in the inside pocket. She didnt find the ring, but I asked her two days later without talking to her dad. That was in December of 1997 (got married in '99).

 

[comfortably numb]

Yes. I thought at the time it was the right/respectful thing to do. My future wife and I were only 23.

I knew he didn't like me much. I "stole" his daughter from her long term BF who worked for him. He loved that guy.

I don't recall him ever saying "yes", but luckily her mom did. The doosh whispered to my wife on our wedding day "just say the word and I'll get you out of this".

27 years later we are still very happily married. He's divorced from my MIL and in dire straights. Has no contact with either of his daughters. Good riddance.

ETA: sorry if that is insensitive.

 

[Brony]

Yes, I asked permission/blessing whatever.

Surprised at the number of people that never met their in-laws before they got married.

 

[Keerock]

Yes. I thought at the time it was the right/respectful thing to do. My future wife and I were only 23.

I knew he didn't like me much. I "stole" his daughter from her long term BF who worked for him. He loved that guy.

I don't recall him ever saying "yes", but luckily her mom did. The doosh whispered to my wife on our wedding day "just say the word and I'll get you out of this".

27 years later we are still very happily married. He's divorced from my MIL and in dire straights. Has no contact with either of his daughters. Good riddance.

ETA: sorry if that is insensitive.

No worries... My wife didn't tell me he said this until years later. I wasn't surprised though... like I said, I know he didn't like me for a variety of reasons... the biggest of which was that I'm way smarter than him. At the time, I of course wanted his approval, but I didn't care much for him either.

He could have at least been nice to me... the guy who treated his daughter like a princess and was preparing to marry her, but he was a total doosh.

I chalk the whole situation up to karma. The ######## got what he deserved in the end.

 

[FUBAR]

I did not. I consider it pretty damn sexist actually.

I don't get this line of thinking. How is it sexist?

Let's see, you're asking her Dad (often not her Mom) for permission over his daughter's life. Presumably she isn't asking your parents for permission. Frankly, the whole social construct of proposing is sexist.

you guys are hung up on the word "permission". It's not like if the FIL said no I wouldn't ask her to marry me anyway, or if he said yes and the daughter didn't want to...we wouldn't get married. It's not about "permission", it's really just a formal way of letting her parents know that you're about to ask her to marry you. Permission, blessing, whatever you call it...it's really just a heads up.

Maybe, but approaching her Dad and leaving Mom out of it would be sexist. I did that too, but he immediately brought her in so we could talk just the 3 of us. Talking to Dad first, guy to guy, makes sense IMO. But Mom's a part of it too.

Probably didn't hurt that her then 10 year old sister had been talking about us getting married for months.

I knew he didn't like me much. I "stole" his daughter from her long term BF who worked for him. He loved that guy.

that might be a key. Not to brag but I knew they liked me and I was better for her than anyone she had previously dated. to be frank, if she had said no (was never a risk) her mom would have been pissed.

 

[comfortably numb]

I would like to take your daughters hand in marriage...and need your hand to take the receipt for the wedding reception

 

[Don Quixote]

Asked both of my wife's parents. Had to do it over the phone though.

 

[Keerock]

I knew he didn't like me much. I "stole" his daughter from her long term BF who worked for him. He loved that guy.

that might be a key. Not to brag but I knew they liked me and I was better for her than anyone she had previously dated. to be frank, if she had said no (was never a risk) her mom would have been pissed.

Yeah... I thought that was it at first. But it turns out that in addition to his love for her ex, he was intimidated by me to a certain extent (my MIL later confirmed this) because I wasn't a "laborer" like he and everyone he knew was. And, quite frankly, he wasn't that bright.