Peak
Footballguy
I don't recall any of this happening when I was in Middle School...
My son is immature, naive, and dumb - as most 13 yr old boys are nowadays. He cares about baseball, video games, and food. That's about it. For the last two years, kids in his class have been "dating". Sure. Ok. Whatever. New combinations of bf/gf appear every week - so obviously nothing major. The walk to class together, maybe eat lunch or hold hands. Fine. I guess this dating also entails a ton of texting and emojis. I made a deal with my kids that they can have Instagram as long as I am able to check it when I want, and they know that once they are online their grandparents and family will also follow them. So essentially, nothing is hidden from us, so behave. We haven't had a problem with this rule, and my kids are good at following it. This is the only social media app they have on their phone.
I see my son frantically texting last night before bed, so I offer to charge his phone overnight. My kids have learned this is code for "I'm going to see who you've been talking to lately". This one says "Thanks Dad" and goes to sleep. As I'm flipping through his feed, I see a new message pop up from his latest "gf", then another from this girl's friend. Scrolling through the messages, I see the gf's friend has been telling my son that his "gf" is scared and has a history of self-abuse. She then tells my son that he needs to "cheer her up" and text her. My son doesn't reply as he's been at baseball practice, but this girl is relentless and follows up multiple times with "plz" and "she just cut herself - you need to respond if you care about her" and "you really need to talk to her, I'm worried". I'm smart enough to see through the crap, but my son isn't. So he frantically texted this "gf" after he got home to make sure she's alright and that he'd never break up with her, and asked "why'd you cut yourself? is it bc of me?" She goes on that she's "been going through alot" and so on. He has her promise to not do it again.
Question for the parents....Have any of you gone through this, and if so, how do you broach this subject with the son? These girls are messing with him and he's not too smart to realize it. This is only one sample, but there are other conversations where they make him pick his favorite or see if he's serious about his "gf". He is a sweet and caring kid, so he's trying to do the right thing by talking to her and worrying about her hurting herself. I don't want him falling into these stupid games. I do want him to start learning to identify these games and avoid them. I see a father-son chat coming up soon. Usually I ignore the bf/gf stuff, but using self-abuse to get someone's attention or "affection" is not cool.
Secondly...say this girl really did cut herself, or does have a history of these issues. Who do you inform? Do you call the school? I don't know this person at all, or the family - so I have no idea the validity of the topic. But even a threat of self-abuse has me (as a parent) concerned. If it were my kid threatening this, or even having done it, I would want to know. What do you do?
I swear I saw a thread on this topic before, but my searching skills have failed me this morning.
My son is immature, naive, and dumb - as most 13 yr old boys are nowadays. He cares about baseball, video games, and food. That's about it. For the last two years, kids in his class have been "dating". Sure. Ok. Whatever. New combinations of bf/gf appear every week - so obviously nothing major. The walk to class together, maybe eat lunch or hold hands. Fine. I guess this dating also entails a ton of texting and emojis. I made a deal with my kids that they can have Instagram as long as I am able to check it when I want, and they know that once they are online their grandparents and family will also follow them. So essentially, nothing is hidden from us, so behave. We haven't had a problem with this rule, and my kids are good at following it. This is the only social media app they have on their phone.
I see my son frantically texting last night before bed, so I offer to charge his phone overnight. My kids have learned this is code for "I'm going to see who you've been talking to lately". This one says "Thanks Dad" and goes to sleep. As I'm flipping through his feed, I see a new message pop up from his latest "gf", then another from this girl's friend. Scrolling through the messages, I see the gf's friend has been telling my son that his "gf" is scared and has a history of self-abuse. She then tells my son that he needs to "cheer her up" and text her. My son doesn't reply as he's been at baseball practice, but this girl is relentless and follows up multiple times with "plz" and "she just cut herself - you need to respond if you care about her" and "you really need to talk to her, I'm worried". I'm smart enough to see through the crap, but my son isn't. So he frantically texted this "gf" after he got home to make sure she's alright and that he'd never break up with her, and asked "why'd you cut yourself? is it bc of me?" She goes on that she's "been going through alot" and so on. He has her promise to not do it again.
Question for the parents....Have any of you gone through this, and if so, how do you broach this subject with the son? These girls are messing with him and he's not too smart to realize it. This is only one sample, but there are other conversations where they make him pick his favorite or see if he's serious about his "gf". He is a sweet and caring kid, so he's trying to do the right thing by talking to her and worrying about her hurting herself. I don't want him falling into these stupid games. I do want him to start learning to identify these games and avoid them. I see a father-son chat coming up soon. Usually I ignore the bf/gf stuff, but using self-abuse to get someone's attention or "affection" is not cool.
Secondly...say this girl really did cut herself, or does have a history of these issues. Who do you inform? Do you call the school? I don't know this person at all, or the family - so I have no idea the validity of the topic. But even a threat of self-abuse has me (as a parent) concerned. If it were my kid threatening this, or even having done it, I would want to know. What do you do?
I swear I saw a thread on this topic before, but my searching skills have failed me this morning.