Ear Pinning - for a kid (1 Viewer)

[Worm]

Our little girl (6) has ears that stick out, a lot, and she has asked my wife why they stick out so much and told her she doesn't like them. My wife has tried to subtly ask if someone has said something about them or if it was just something she noticed, and she said it's just something she noticed. It's not something I really think about... she is an extremely cute kid, and I think as a parent you don't even notice things like this.

So, my wife has brought up the subject of something called 'ear pinning'. Basically it is a cosmetic surgery in which they cut and re-attach the ears so that they sit closer to your head. There is no other reason to do this surgery other than for appearance. The literature does say that 6-7 years old is a good time to do it because of the growth stage they are in.

I am really on the fence about whether something like this is appropriate. On one hand, as a society we spend gobs of money on dentistry related corrections in kids, some of which are purely cosmetic. And a surgery like this could prevent some taunting, especially when she gets to the teenage years, where body image is a huge deal. On the other hand, I don't want to send the message to a 6 year old that looks are so important. I love her the way she is and she should love herself just as she is.

Thoughts?

 

[Worm]

Here is our little girl, btw.

 

[Abraham]

I'm not being judgmental of you or your wife, but outside of braces I'd be hard pressed to think of any cosmetic procedure I'd be in favor of for a child so young.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Our little girl (6) has ears that stick out, a lot, and she has asked my wife why they stick out so much and told her she doesn't like them. My wife has tried to subtly ask if someone has said something about them or if it was just something she noticed, and she said it's just something she noticed. It's not something I really think about... she is an extremely cute kid, and I think as a parent you don't even notice things like this.So, my wife has brought up the subject of something called 'ear pinning'. Basically it is a cosmetic surgery in which they cut and re-attach the ears so that they sit closer to your head. There is no other reason to do this surgery other than for appearance. The literature does say that 6-7 years old is a good time to do it because of the growth stage they are in.I am really on the fence about whether something like this is appropriate. On one hand, as a society we spend gobs of money on dentistry related corrections in kids, some of which are purely cosmetic. And a surgery like this could prevent some taunting, especially when she gets to the teenage years, where body image is a huge deal. On the other hand, I don't want to send the message to a 6 year old that looks are so important. I love her the way she is and she should love herself just as she is.Thoughts?

It's a tough call and I agree with all of the reasons that you are on the fence. My first thought is that a girl probably has an easier time with this because she can grow her hair a certain way to hide her ears if she felt really self conscious. However, I also will say that my brother had the surgery in his late teens after being tortured for many years.

 

[Abraham]

Here is our little girl, btw.

She's adorable, and clearly got her looks from her mother. Tell her she's perfect as she is.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

If the ears that stick out are very pronounced and it's bothering your kid, I would do it. I think there are other ways to combat giving the impression that looks are everything.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I'm not being judgmental of you or your wife, but outside of braces I'd be hard pressed to think of any cosmetic procedure I'd be in favor of for a child so young.

I can think of plenty.

 

[playin4beer]

First thing I thought of...

Sorry.. no advice..

 

[Abraham]

I'm not being judgmental of you or your wife, but outside of braces I'd be hard pressed to think of any cosmetic procedure I'd be in favor of for a child so young.

I can think of plenty.

Really? Do tell (serious).

 

[texasheat]

Here is our little girl, btw.

She's adorable, and clearly got her looks from her mother. Tell her she's perfect as she is.

I'm sure they do, that's not really the issue. She's already self conscious about it. If she starts to get teased at school, there isn't likely anything the parents can say to make it better.

 

[Worm]

I think a lot of time with braces there are physical reasons for them, relating to the person's bite and future alignment problems. But I'm sure sometimes it's purely cosmetic.

 

[eoMMan]

First thing I thought of...

Sorry.. no advice..

His after pic reminds me of Data from Star Trek. It's not really an improvement, imo.

 

[=Smackdown=]

Cute kid.

I'd get the surgery - it's a minor procedure.

 

[playin4beer]

Comparing it to braces isn't really accurate though... how often to you "grow into" your teeth?? If you don't get them fixed, they get worse.

My nickname when I was young was "Dumbo".. had some radar dishes for ears.. once I got older, I grew into them and they are perfectly normal now...

 

[Jobber]

Our little girl (6) has ears that stick out, a lot, and she has asked my wife why they stick out so much and told her she doesn't like them. My wife has tried to subtly ask if someone has said something about them or if it was just something she noticed, and she said it's just something she noticed. It's not something I really think about... she is an extremely cute kid, and I think as a parent you don't even notice things like this.

So, my wife has brought up the subject of something called 'ear pinning'. Basically it is a cosmetic surgery in which they cut and re-attach the ears so that they sit closer to your head. There is no other reason to do this surgery other than for appearance. The literature does say that 6-7 years old is a good time to do it because of the growth stage they are in.

I am really on the fence about whether something like this is appropriate. On one hand, as a society we spend gobs of money on dentistry related corrections in kids, some of which are purely cosmetic. And a surgery like this could prevent some taunting, especially when she gets to the teenage years, where body image is a huge deal. On the other hand, I don't want to send the message to a 6 year old that looks are so important. I love her the way she is and she should love herself just as she is.

Thoughts?

It's a tough call and I agree with all of the reasons that you are on the fence. My first thought is that a girl probably has an easier time with this because she can grow her hair a certain way to hide her ears if she felt really self conscious. However, I also will say that my brother had the surgery in his late teens after being tortured for many years.

You don't want the first thing that pops into her mind every morning for the next decade to be her ears and the teasing she's going to get. A girl I think would be especially hurt by that kind of teasing.

 

[DiStefano]

I'm not being judgmental of you or your wife, but outside of braces I'd be hard pressed to think of any cosmetic procedure I'd be in favor of for a child so young.

Interesting. Braces were the first parallel I thought of as well. But my first reaction was being against it until I thought of braces and then it's like, well, it's basically the same thing, just different in how common it is.It's a tough call but I'd lean towards letting her do it.

Being a teenager is tough enough as it is, without having to endure taunts about looks.

 

[=Smackdown=]

I'm not being judgmental of you or your wife, but outside of braces I'd be hard pressed to think of any cosmetic procedure I'd be in favor of for a child so young.

Interesting. Braces were the first parallel I thought of as well. But my first reaction was being against it until I thought of braces and then it's like, well, it's basically the same thing, just different in how common it is.It's a tough call but I'd lean towards letting her do it.

Being a teenager is tough enough as it is, without having to endure taunts about looks.

Kids are brutal - don't need to go through that.

 

[bonesman]

You gonna get her breast enhancements when kids start teasing her about how flat she is too?

Sets a bad precedent and could end up having the opposite effect you're going for.

 

[belljr]

Maybe until she gets a little older to see if she does grow into them?

And braces are a bit different, they can be painful if they grow wrong, affect your jaw but yes some of it is cosmetic

 

[texasheat]

You gonna get her breast enhancements when kids start teasing her about how flat she is too?

Sets a bad precedent and could end up having the opposite effect you're going for.

oh come on man

 

[Henry Ford]

Maybe until she gets a little older to see if she does grow into them?And braces are a bit different, they can be painful if they grow wrong, affect your jaw but yes some of it is cosmetic

If you're going to do it, you want to do it while they're young.I know some people who had the surgery when they were young, and are glad they did. I don't know anyone who thinks "boy, I wish my parents hadn't had my ears pinned." Not sure it's absolutely necessary, but I don't think it'll ruin her life to do it, and some people seem to think it helped them growing up.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I'm not being judgmental of you or your wife, but outside of braces I'd be hard pressed to think of any cosmetic procedure I'd be in favor of for a child so young.

I can think of plenty.

Really? Do tell (serious).

People are born with all sorts of birth defects that I would say warrant cosmetic surgery. From severe issues like a cleft palate to more modest issues like a birthmark on your face. Even removing a mole constitutes cosmetic surgery. I think any of those sorts of surgeries would be appropriate for a kid.

 

[goonsquad]

My advice: stop worrying about the fact that technically it is "cosmetic" surgery. You aren't considering giving your kid Botox and a boob job here so don't beat yourself up over whether its " appropriate". The real question is simply whether this would improve her quality-of-life, and if so, then is the risk of the surgery (however low it may be) worth it? And if you are worried about it sending the wrong message to her, you could consider positioning it as a "corrective" procedure. I think that could be easier for her to understand in relation to not putting too high a priority on looks.

Your daughter is beautiful. Whatever you decide, do what is best for your family. Good luck!

 

[Worm]

You gonna get her breast enhancements when kids start teasing her about how flat she is too?Sets a bad precedent and could end up having the opposite effect you're going for.

While I think the example is a bit over the top, I understand the point, and it's a concern. I also have 3 other kids, all girls, who are younger than she is, which complicates things a bit more in my eyes.

 

[Worm]

My advice: stop worrying about the fact that technically it is "cosmetic" surgery. You aren't considering giving your kid Botox and a boob job here so don't beat yourself up over whether its " appropriate". The real question is simply whether this would improve her quality-of-life, and if so, then is the risk of the surgery (however low it may be) worth it? And if you are worried about it sending the wrong message to her, you could consider positioning it as a "corrective" procedure. I think that could be easier for her to understand in relation to not putting too high a priority on looks.

Your daughter is beautiful. Whatever you decide, do what is best for your family. Good luck!

Thanks for the advice goon, especially the bolded comment.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

My advice: stop worrying about the fact that technically it is "cosmetic" surgery. You aren't considering giving your kid Botox and a boob job here so don't beat yourself up over whether its " appropriate". The real question is simply whether this would improve her quality-of-life, and if so, then is the risk of the surgery (however low it may be) worth it? And if you are worried about it sending the wrong message to her, you could consider positioning it as a "corrective" procedure. I think that could be easier for her to understand in relation to not putting too high a priority on looks.Your daughter is beautiful. Whatever you decide, do what is best for your family. Good luck!

 

[secondplaceisfirstloser]

My nephew had this procedure done a couple of weeks ago. He is 5 years old. His ears used to stick way out (more than the OP's daughter). He was oblivious to his ears, though. The surgery worked great. He seemed to experience very little discomfort or pain. My sister is very glad she had the procedure done. I suspect she spared him getting made fun of when he starts public school. He was young enough that there was no need to discuss any philosophical issues related to the surgery with him (i.e. accepting yourself as you are vs. changing yourself to "fit in"). In situations involving older kids, the philosophical issues will likely be more at the forefront of the decision.

 

[texasheat]

You gonna get her breast enhancements when kids start teasing her about how flat she is too?

Sets a bad precedent and could end up having the opposite effect you're going for.

While I think the example is a bit over the top, I understand the point, and it's a concern. I also have 3 other kids, all girls, who are younger than she is, which complicates things a bit more in my eyes.

They likely won't even remember it once they hit her age. imo

 

[Worm]

My nephew had this procedure done a couple of weeks ago. He is 5 years old. His ears used to stick way out (more than the OP's daughter). He was oblivious to his ears, though. The surgery worked great. He seemed to experience very little discomfort or pain. My sister is very glad she had the procedure done. I suspect she spared him getting made fun of when he starts public school. He was young enough that there was no need to discuss any philosophical issues related to the surgery with him (i.e. accepting yourself as you are vs. changing yourself to "fit in"). In situations involving older kids, the philosophical issues will likely be more at the forefront of the decision.

Thanks.If you don't mind, could you ask your sister about the cost? You can PM me if needed.

 

[boots11234]

I just asked my wife, VERY conservative, she looked at the picture said very cute kid and yup. If she has no problems with it I'd do it. .

 

[eoMMan]

I'm going to open up a little here...

When I was young, about 6 or 7, I was teased endlessly about how big my penis was. I was called "elephant" and told I had 3 legs. It was horrible. I felt so different.

As the years past, my penis stayed big but my body grew so it didn't look so awkward. It all worked out.

Good luck.

 

[shadyridr]

Your little girl is adorable. So stop

 

[GoFishTN]

I was a little kid with big ears who was "adorable" too, but that didn't stop the other kids from harassing me and calling me names. I grew into them eventually, but it took a long time.

If you can afford it, I would say do it.

 

[Village Idiot]

If the ears that stick out are very pronounced and it's bothering your kid, I would do it. I think there are other ways to combat giving the impression that looks are everything.

I agree with Fatguy.If it's something you can easily afford to do and it will help avert any possible self esteem issues, I would do it.Very adorable little girl.

 

[prosopis]

Here is our little girl, btw.

She's adorable, and clearly got her looks from her mother. Tell her she's perfect as she is.

I would not even consider cosmetic surgery.

 

[Judge Smails]

She is very cute, and adorable as is.

This isn't equivalent to braces (lots of reasons to have straight teeth that aren't cosmetic) or a boob job.

Would you let her get a nose job at this age if she said her nose was too big? Too me, that's the equivalent. Really a tough choice here. Don't want anybody, especially an impressionable girl, to think that everything can be fixed through surgery. But if you can afford it it's tough to have your kid get teased if it can be easily remedied. No easy answers. Good luck.

 

[prosopis]

You gonna get her breast enhancements when kids start teasing her about how flat she is too?

Sets a bad precedent and could end up having the opposite effect you're going for.

I agree with the bolded.

 

[NCCommish]

I don't know. Lots of kids grow into their ears and it is a non-factor by the time they are teens. And yes self esteem is important but part of growing up is being able to rise above what other people say about you. I got to say after seeing the picture they don't seem to stick out that much really. I have seen much worse. And this focusing on minor body flaws is not a good thing to get started especially for girls. I think I'd have to say no for now.

 

[AcerFC]

I didn't even notice it and probably wouldn't have.

But like others, if it will make her more confident in herself, it's not a bad thing

Signed someone who had major self esteem issues as a kid and only moderate self esteem issues as an adult.

 

[Worm]

She is very cute, and adorable as is.This isn't equivalent to braces (lots of reasons to have straight teeth that aren't cosmetic) or a boob job. Would you let her get a nose job at this age if she said her nose was too big? Too me, that's the equivalent. Really a tough choice here. Don't want anybody, especially an impressionable girl, to think that everything can be fixed through surgery. But if you can afford it it's tough to have your kid get teased if it can be easily remedied. No easy answers. Good luck.

I don't really agree that it's equivalent to a nose job. I view a nose job as a major cosmetic alteration, with significant changes to the facial structure, and a significant recovery. Pinning just seems to be a small incision and re-attachment, with an easy recovery.But again, I understand the sentiment behind the majority of the post.

 

[Ned]

I don't know. Lots of kids grow into their ears and it is a non-factor by the time they are teens. And yes self esteem is important but part of growing up is being able to rise above what other people say about you. I got to say after seeing the picture they don't seem to stick out that much really. I have seen much worse. And this focusing on minor body flaws is not a good thing to get started especially for girls. I think I'd have to say no for now.

Agreed.

 

[Black Box]

Yeah, very tough call especially since she is the one bringing it up. Has she brought it up multiple times or was it just sort of an off-the-cuff thing that hasn't come back up again?

But GB you and your four daughter household (only two girls here). Saint Worm from here on out in my book!

 

[Worm]

Yeah, very tough call especially since she is the one bringing it up. Has she brought it up multiple times or was it just sort of an off-the-cuff thing that hasn't come back up again?But GB you and your four daughter household (only two girls here). Saint Worm from here on out in my book!

She has brought it up a few different times over the past year or so.

 

[Tuco]

I would do it. It may even be covered under insurance due to psychological repercussions.

Our daughter was born with a hemangioma on her cheek. It looked like a birthmark, but was really just blood vessels that were close to the surface. It would have gone away on its own, but could have taken 5-7 years. We opted to have laser surgery so it wouldn't affect her self-esteem, etc. We felt a little guilty at the time and were questioning whether we were really doing it for her or doing it for ourselves. I honestly haven't had a single regret about doing it.

Good luck.

 

[The Charlie Hustlers]

Rather than getting them pinned you should get them made pointy. She would make an adorable little elf.

 

[bakes]

Your daughter's ears stick out a bit, but not horribly so. My best bud's brother's kid had ears that stuck out so far that some of the kids in school called him the Ferengi. He ended up wearing his hair long and eventually people forgot and, once college arrived, they didn't appear to stick out as far.

Your daughter has great hair for wearing it long to minimize any perceived concerns; plus she's young enough that she may grow into her ears. I'd hold off.

 

[Guest]

Cute kid. I would give it a few years and then decide.

 

[Jewell]

First, she's a cute kid regardless of her ears sticking out a little.

Second, I'd ask myself what's potentially more damaging for my daughter -- her possibly learning to place too much value in her looks if she gets the surgery or her developing poor self esteem (which it seems she may be developing) if she doesn't get the surgery.  To me, the negatives associated with the latter are worse. 

Poor self esteem can, and often does, affect all facet of a person's life.  If she feels that negative about her looks, it could lead her to also have negative thoughts about her intelligence, her athletic ability, her art ability, and her overall value as a person.  If she (wrongly) believes she's destined to be subpar at something due to her poor self esteem, that could stunt her ability to excel.

I'd go ahead with the procedure.

 

[Neovivo]

What is the downside?

 

[Warrior]

What is the downside?

'you are not perfect so you need to be fixed surgically'