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Elderly father in-law being scammed (1 Viewer)

The Duff Man

Will try to cut this long story to something brief. 

My father in-law is being scammed. He is 85 and has always been someone with dillusions of grandeur of fighting some meaningful cause.  He has been involved in politics his whole life.

Five years ago he connected with a woman online who was trying to help veterans who were exposed to Agent Orange and he sent her $2k. She is documented online as being a scammer but he doesn’t believe it. 

My mother in-law found out and he stopped...we thought. 

My mother in-law passed last summer and it has come to light that he kept up contact with this woman. 

In the last three months he has given her $10k to fight for information on Native American homes that have mould (what?). 

She showed up at his house yesterday and it looks like he will be providing her room and board. 

We are stuck on what to do. This is all his choice and it is his money. 

He is a crusty old bugger who is not going to listen to logic.  He does not have a strong emotional tie to any of his three children and no other family either.  

Unfortunately my wife does have a strong emotional tie to him.

Looking to the FFA for ideas.  

The Duff Man said:
He is a crusty old bugger who is not going to listen to logic.  He does not have a strong emotional tie to any of his three children and no other family either.  

I'm sorry this is happening.  It reminds me a bit of my Mom's family having to deal with my Grandpa sending money to Televangelists.

Based on your quote above, I don't think there's much that can be done other than trying to find something to leverage against her.

I wonder if she is reporting all of this "income" on her taxes... maybe a quick talk with her to let her know you'll be informing the IRS to take a look at her unless she ceases contact with your FIL.

Call adult protective services. I'd also call the police to at least get a report written up. If she is scamming a vulnerable individual it may be a crime in that area. Last, if you two (or other family member) have interest in becoming his guardian going forward now may be the time. It might need to happen without his consent which isn't easy if he is even fairly lucid.  If he has assets expect her to try and marry him or at least get the will & deed written/changed to benefit only her. If he has assets you should probably get on this yesterday. Assets include a house, life insurance, low FBG member number, & investments. Some assets may not be easily transparent. 

My guess is that your best bet isn't to convince your FIL that she isn't worth it, it's to do whatever you have to do to convince this woman that it's not worth it. Whether that's police involvement, legal involvement, elder services, etc.

We are stuck on what to do. This is all his choice and it is his money.
This is the key. Unless you can prove him mentally incompetent, it is his money to do with as he pleases. As it should be I guess. It may suck but, if he is of sound mind and this is what he chooses to do with his cash, I don't know there is much you can, or should, do.

  Believe this happens more often then anyone knows.  My grandfather had a girl friend starting around the age of 85 that was 30ish.  It was basically sex for money arrangement that lasted several years.  No idea how money was spent since I’m one generation removed then wasn’t much as she left...  crazy to think it took a life time to accumulate and only a couple of years to blow...

"Hey FIL, it's great that you're trying to help this woman get donations for veterans and for helping Native Americans. You should find out her 501c3 TIN so you can deduct these donations on your taxes. Can you ask her for the info?"

My brothers FiL went through this with a Nigerian scam.  I don't know all of the details but his elderly FiL (very wealthy guy)  had given away about $10k to his NIgerian "friend" when his 6 kids found out.      It took almost a year before they finally put a stop to it and by that time the Nigerian guy had taken him for almost $100k.    

Agree to report to police.

Face to face tell her you are on to her.

See if he'll ask for her evidence of good-doings. Receipts. Locations they've helped.  Contacts. In other words, follow up on the good she's done with his money.


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