Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
Ex-wife marrying a dead beat this weekend (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter stlrams
- Start date
TheDirtyWord
Footballguy
It’s funny...I’d always been focused not only on saving money, but leaving something behind with regard to finances. The older I get, the more I realize I’m leaving it for my grandkids, not my kids (hopefully).
As it relates to your situation...part of the fallout of divorce is a fracture of shared financial goals and support. If it was mostly you making the sound financial decisions, your ex is now without that resource so to speak. Henceforth, she may have issues maintaining and even understanding a sound financial plan and strategy; short and long term.
Im assuming you’ve already formally split the proceeds from your marriage? Probably better to communicate with your kids as openly as possible then. I can’t think trying to engage your soon to be remarried ex in conversations with regard to finances - particularly if you’ve pegged her new beau as a dead beat will yield fruit.
As it relates to your situation...part of the fallout of divorce is a fracture of shared financial goals and support. If it was mostly you making the sound financial decisions, your ex is now without that resource so to speak. Henceforth, she may have issues maintaining and even understanding a sound financial plan and strategy; short and long term.
Im assuming you’ve already formally split the proceeds from your marriage? Probably better to communicate with your kids as openly as possible then. I can’t think trying to engage your soon to be remarried ex in conversations with regard to finances - particularly if you’ve pegged her new beau as a dead beat will yield fruit.
Brunell4MVP
Footballguy
It's her money. So I don't get the issue. Maybe she saves some for the kids. Maybe she doesn't. I can't imagine wanting to be involved with what she decides. Move on.
You should have taken care of that during the divorce. Horse, barn door, and all that.
GroveDiesel
Footballguy
I think it's great that you want to leave something for your kids and want the best for them.
But because you are divorced, you don't have a say in what your ex does with her money. You seem to have made suggestions, now you need to let it go. Yes, she may end up leaving nothing to your kids and everything to her new husband. That is her right. It may be a crappy thing to do and the guy may be a scumbag or whatever, but that is 100% not your business anymore.
I can't imagine how much it sucks for your spouse to cheat on you, divorce you, and then marry the guy she cheated on you with. My bet is that their marriage doesn't last either. But none of that is your business now, especially now that your sons are adults. Provide for your kids the best that you can and don't expect anything from your ex in any way.
But because you are divorced, you don't have a say in what your ex does with her money. You seem to have made suggestions, now you need to let it go. Yes, she may end up leaving nothing to your kids and everything to her new husband. That is her right. It may be a crappy thing to do and the guy may be a scumbag or whatever, but that is 100% not your business anymore.
I can't imagine how much it sucks for your spouse to cheat on you, divorce you, and then marry the guy she cheated on you with. My bet is that their marriage doesn't last either. But none of that is your business now, especially now that your sons are adults. Provide for your kids the best that you can and don't expect anything from your ex in any way.
ConnSKINS26
Footballguy
No offense, but it's her money now. I know you know that, but what I mean is...if this dude who you think is a loser (whether that's true or not) makes your ex-wife happy for the next 30+ years, maybe she does think he "deserves" some of her leftover wealth. Who knows. Now, she says she got a pre-nup, so it at least protects (I'd assume) her assets if they divorce. But if they live a happy life and she dies? It's not really your place to say it should all go to your kids.
Now I believe you when you say you have a good read on this guy. I'm just looking at it from her POV. Your kids are in their early 20's and it sounds like they've been setup to succeed. She may not believe she has a duty to leave them everything.
Last edited by a moderator:
bucksoh
Footballguy
I'm a divorce attorney. I help my clients make provisions for taking care of the children's financial futures just about every day.
Emotions are raw during the divorce and no one could predict she would re-marry. Let alone someone that brings zero assets to the table.
Last edited by a moderator:
ConnSKINS26
Footballguy
She's 50. No one could predict she might re-marry?
Not trying to give you a hard time, just don't see how that statement could be true.
maxwelledison
Footballguy
DallasDMac
Footballguy
Well there you have it. You don't plan to remarry, therefore it is unfathomable someone else might think differently.
ConnSKINS26
Footballguy
And you prioritize leaving a trust for your kids, while your ex-wife doesn't.
Not surprised that two people who got divorced don't have the same priorities and don't agree on the big picture stuff. That's usually part of the deal when it comes to divorce.
But you are only early 50's. You have no earthly idea if you'll meet someone you'd marry over the next few decades. Hell your ex-wife got a head start before she was even single.
Buttonhook
Footballguy
need2know
Footballguy
ConnSKINS26
Footballguy
Neither. Maybe I worded that a little cavalierly, for which I apologize. Just a fact that he's surprised his ex-wife remarried when she was with someone else already. Can't be shocking.
Last edited by a moderator:
ILUVBEER99
Footballguy
famous last words. Everyone says they won't get re-married after a divorce. Most of them do.
There is absolutely no financial reason to get marry again. What does a marriage certificate prove?
ILUVBEER99
Footballguy
Agree. But most guys who I’ve heard say the exact same thing end up re-married.
Look at divorced billionaires. They almost always end up remarried and they have a ton to lose.
Guys can’t resist good kitty and will sacrifice everything to keep it.
johnnycakes
Footballguy
When I got divorced I thought I would never remarry. Then I went to China to get some strange and wound up meeting the woman who would become my second wife. We had to get married to get her green card. Did the 90-day bride thing.
I’m not a billionaire nor am I that desperate for a new kitty. If someone really loves you then there’s no reason for marriage. Stop the insanity guys.
johnnycakes
Footballguy
ILUVBEER99
Footballguy
your logic is sound, but there is a good chance your #### will betray you in the future.
TLEF316
Footballguy
Some people make horrendous financial decisions. Not much you can do to stop them.
My parents got divorced 20+ years ago. My dad was the primary breadwinner and a majority of their divorce settlement was him giving my mom stock in the company in which he was a partner. A little over 10 years later, that company sold to a VC firm for about twice what they were counting on when they agreed to the divorce settlement. And then a couple of years later, it was flipped again, (to a global company) and everyone in senior management cleaned up.
My mom sold her stock right before all that happened (to support poor spending habits, unnecessary house upgrades, etc) and it has basically forced her into probably 10 extra years of working, constant worry about finances (her spending habits really are abysmal. She makes too much money to not be comfortable with only herself to support), etc.
My dad feels bad, (they've almost always been on good terms, and he advised her to hold the stock back before the sale) but what can ya do? She's an adult and she made adult choices. My dad grew up in a 2 parent working class household with a father that was VERY disciplined financially. My mom's dad died before she was 2 and her mom (obviously my grandma) basically became a lunatic spender (she had a MAJOR QVC/home shopping network problem that came to a head during the '08 financial crisis when everyone's credit card interest rates jumped) as soon as her kids were out of the house and she no longer had to take care of them. My mom has followed the same pattern since all of us left for college. We're all a product of our environment.
At this point, I'm just hoping that we aren't forced to support her 15 years down the road. But I'm not optimistic. The only good news is that there's 3 of us to split the bill.
My parents got divorced 20+ years ago. My dad was the primary breadwinner and a majority of their divorce settlement was him giving my mom stock in the company in which he was a partner. A little over 10 years later, that company sold to a VC firm for about twice what they were counting on when they agreed to the divorce settlement. And then a couple of years later, it was flipped again, (to a global company) and everyone in senior management cleaned up.
My mom sold her stock right before all that happened (to support poor spending habits, unnecessary house upgrades, etc) and it has basically forced her into probably 10 extra years of working, constant worry about finances (her spending habits really are abysmal. She makes too much money to not be comfortable with only herself to support), etc.
My dad feels bad, (they've almost always been on good terms, and he advised her to hold the stock back before the sale) but what can ya do? She's an adult and she made adult choices. My dad grew up in a 2 parent working class household with a father that was VERY disciplined financially. My mom's dad died before she was 2 and her mom (obviously my grandma) basically became a lunatic spender (she had a MAJOR QVC/home shopping network problem that came to a head during the '08 financial crisis when everyone's credit card interest rates jumped) as soon as her kids were out of the house and she no longer had to take care of them. My mom has followed the same pattern since all of us left for college. We're all a product of our environment.
At this point, I'm just hoping that we aren't forced to support her 15 years down the road. But I'm not optimistic. The only good news is that there's 3 of us to split the bill.
Last edited by a moderator:
KarmaPolice
Footballguy
What did it prove the first time you did it? People do get married for reasons that aren't financial.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
You find someone you love and trust, to whom you want to make a commitment?
As for your original question, agree with others who've said let it go, and give your kids as much as your can afford. It sounds like you have plenty to offer.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
Punxsutawney Phil
Footballguy
Did I miss the thread several years ago when the wife started dating the kids soccer coach?
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
While I partially agree with the bolded, it's pretty sad that you seem to have distilled marriage to a financial decision.
Last edited by a moderator:
glvsav37
Footballguy
weren't you married long enough to realize men and women's wants are usually polar opposites? You may not want to get married again, but you are also citing things like finance and 'just a piece of paper' etc. Most women want commitment, stability, the excitement of being the focus of attention (even if its just for a day). Dude, I know plenty of divorced women and men who got remarried.
No offense, but you seem really tied up in this money thing. I can only imagine its been a focus of most of your life and marriage. And while its admirable and kudos for looking to better your (now adult) kids lives, the vibe i'm getting (and I really don't know you, so take it with a message board grain of salt) is that you may have been a little too focused on this and maybe it damaged the relationship. Yes money is important, but you gotta live a little too. And (again, I don't know you or your relationship), many spouses cheat b/c they are missing something in their current relationship....maybe your ex wanted to have some fun and stop hearing about how every penny needs to be accounted for. Dude, its a ####ty thing she did, I don't for a second condone it. But when she jumps ship to a seemingly free-wheeling, no-direction, 'slacker'...maybe, just maybe she was looking for a guy who was more focused on her and life rather then accounting every dime.
Your kids are adults now, take some of your hard-earned and saved money, along with your new freedom and live a little, travel, do something you wouldn't have done in the past. Your kids will survive.
(sorry, if that came off douchie, just my observation from the posts in this tread. Sorry for your situation)
Godsbrother
Footballguy
It proves something to the Big Guy in the sky, Fella. Unless you plan on being celibate for the remainder of your life you better plan on a trip to the chapel or your soul is toast.
Foosball God
Foos
Apple Jack
Footballguy
Punxsutawney Phil
Footballguy
I consider the guy more of a dead beat for having an affair with a players mom than because he is a soccer coach without any assets.
Vanilla Guerrilla
Footballguy
My brother in law said if anything ever happened to my sister he'd have to re-marry just to be functional. Said he'd marry someone like Nell Carter from that 80's sitcom. No way he'd be able to keep up with the kids.
