Family and Friends Question 2 - Siblings (1 Viewer)

[Atomic Punk]

For those of you that have parents that passed away and have siblings, are you just as close to them now as you were when your parents were alive?

Im fortunate that my parents are still alive but they are getting up there in age. I’ve heard from others that in many cases they grew further apart from brothers and sisters that they were previously closer to.

Are any of you in this situation? How have your sibling relationships changed (or not)?

 

[wikkidpissah]

few things teach one more about their siblings than the parents declining years and passing, especially if there's any kind of estate. one discovers very quickly who's a mensch, who's the bossypants or greedbot or who just doesnt care. as with most things in life, some siblings will turn out to be total POSs, while others will surprise with need to be close and do the right thing. and sometimes it's both - i remember with the now-himself-departed @Man of Constant Sorrow, after his mother died, his bossy absentee sister came barreling in to take over because the father was in & out of nursing homes and she could sniff revenue from the house as well as loss of estate value to eldercare. MoCS was not a dig-in type of guy, but i convinced him his dad would suffer this if he didnt so he did and sis surprised us both by backing off and she & MoCS developed a relationship they'd never had as adults.

my own sister became more involved once my mother (who'd been very hard on her) died,. but she's kind of a butterfly, a dissolute princess. she hasnt done anything productive or especially cooperative, but she's shown good heart and faith. we have absolutely nothing in common, neither fought nor mixed, but now i see her as someone who'll always be in the loop, possibly even my careless caretaker if i outlive me ol Da.

so stay open & hopeful and dont let bad knock you off-task. but be glad for little, because lot is more often negative. GL -

 

[General Malaise]

few things teach one more about their siblings than the parents declining years and passing, especially if there's any kind of estate. one discovers very quickly who's a mensch, who's the bossypants or greedbot or who just doesnt care. as with most things in life, some siblings will turn out to be total POSs, while others will surprise with need to be close and do the right thing. and sometimes it's both - i remember with the now-himself-departed @Man of Constant Sorrow, after his mother died, his bossy absentee sister came barreling in to take over because the father was in & out of nursing homes and she could sniff revenue from the house as well as loss of estate value to eldercare. MoCS was not a dig-in type of guy, but i convinced him his dad would suffer this if he didnt so he did and sis surprised us both by backing off and she & MoCS developed a relationship they'd never had as adults.

my own sister became more involved once my mother (who'd been very hard on her) died,. but she's kind of a butterfly, a dissolute princess. she hasnt done anything productive or especially cooperative, but she's shown good heart and faith. we have absolutely nothing in common, neither fought nor mixed, but now i see her as someone who'll always be in the loop, possibly even my careless caretaker if i outlive me ol Da.

so stay open & hopeful and dont let bad knock you off-task. but be glad for little, because lot is more often negative. GL -

I sure am glad you're on this board.

 

[Dr. Octopus]

My parents are still alive - but very old. I would anticipate less family get togethers with my two sisters and their families once my parents are gone (I live a 4 hour drive away from everyone else. It's not that I wouldn't want to see them, it just seems easier to say "I'll go next time" when there's no elderly parents to worry about.

 

[Hastur]

My Dad passed away 4 years ago, but my Mom is still going strong.  My sister and brother and I still talk on the phone about once every two weeks or so, and I don't anticipate that changing when my Mom passes away.  We live pretty far away from each other(sister in northwest, brother in northeast, and I'm in southeast), so our get togethers are limited to once every two years or so.  Again, I don't see that changing.  We're relatively close.

 

[Atomic Punk]

few things teach one more about their siblings than the parents declining years and passing, especially if there's any kind of estate. one discovers very quickly who's a mensch, who's the bossypants or greedbot or who just doesnt care. as with most things in life, some siblings will turn out to be total POSs, while others will surprise with need to be close and do the right thing. and sometimes it's both - i remember with the now-himself-departed @Man of Constant Sorrow, after his mother died, his bossy absentee sister came barreling in to take over because the father was in & out of nursing homes and she could sniff revenue from the house as well as loss of estate value to eldercare. MoCS was not a dig-in type of guy, but i convinced him his dad would suffer this if he didnt so he did and sis surprised us both by backing off and she & MoCS developed a relationship they'd never had as adults.

my own sister became more involved once my mother (who'd been very hard on her) died,. but she's kind of a butterfly, a dissolute princess. she hasnt done anything productive or especially cooperative, but she's shown good heart and faith. we have absolutely nothing in common, neither fought nor mixed, but now i see her as someone who'll always be in the loop, possibly even my careless caretaker if i outlive me ol Da.

so stay open & hopeful and dont let bad knock you off-task. but be glad for little, because lot is more often negative. GL -

Good story and great advice ... as always!

 

[Atomic Punk]

My two sisters are very close. I’m the only brother and the youngest, so always was the third wheel to them. We are pretty close (one more so than the other) and hope to maintain what we have, or even make it stronger. Being all local can be both a blessing and a curse when it comes to family.

 

[-OZ-]

I watch her pee all the time, only fair that she do the same. 

few things teach one more about their siblings than the parents declining years and passing, especially if there's any kind of estate. one discovers very quickly who's a mensch, who's the bossypants or greedbot or who just doesnt care. as with most things in life, some siblings will turn out to be total POSs, while others will surprise with need to be close and do the right thing. and sometimes it's both - i remember with the now-himself-departed @Man of Constant Sorrow, after his mother died, his bossy absentee sister came barreling in to take over because the father was in & out of nursing homes and she could sniff revenue from the house as well as loss of estate value to eldercare. MoCS was not a dig-in type of guy, but i convinced him his dad would suffer this if he didnt so he did and sis surprised us both by backing off and she & MoCS developed a relationship they'd never had as adults.

my own sister became more involved once my mother (who'd been very hard on her) died,. but she's kind of a butterfly, a dissolute princess. she hasnt done anything productive or especially cooperative, but she's shown good heart and faith. we have absolutely nothing in common, neither fought nor mixed, but now i see her as someone who'll always be in the loop, possibly even my careless caretaker if i outlive me ol Da.

so stay open & hopeful and dont let bad knock you off-task. but be glad for little, because lot is more often negative. GL -

agreed. I’m very lucky. Sister is awesome and our parents moved to be close to her. She found a good facility and takes care of them. Her sons even take their grandparents to doctors visits. you haven’t lived at 19 until you’ve been in the room when your 76yo grandpa gets his catheter checked by the urologist while you had no idea that was going to happen. 
i highly doubt she’s doing any of this for an inheritance. We expect nothing. I’m 4 states away and busy with our kids and work. 
frankly, I like my sister a lot more than my parents. I absolutely hope and expect to stay close after our parents are gone. 
when the in laws are gone I doubt we’ll stay as close to that side. SIL is great, her husband is decent enough but we’re not right. Wife’s brother is a lost cause. 

 

[Clown Car]

My sister and I are just as close as before our parents died, within three months of each other almost 4 years ago. However there was a strain when she said she was going to commit suicide then eventually sold her house and moved back in with her ex wife. It took me some time to accept her decision. I can promise you she would still be yelling at me if the situation was reversed. But she did just get knee replacement surgery and the ex wife is taking care of her so that’s good. 

 

[BobbyLayne]

For those of you that have parents that passed away and have siblings, are you just as close to them now as you were when your parents were alive?

Im fortunate that my parents are still alive but they are getting up there in age. I’ve heard from others that in many cases they grew further apart from brothers and sisters that they were previously closer to.

Are any of you in this situation? How have your sibling relationships changed (or not)?

Lost Mom in 2011 and Dad exactly 6 years ago today.

The other three kids (ha! all grandparents in their 60s) live in western Michigan. I’ve been in NYC for 23 years. We are not super close and phone calls are not a regular thing.

Keep in mind we have 10 adult children between us and 17 Grandchildren. We’ve become the patriarchs and matriarchs of our four families.

I’d describe us as friendly but not friends. Blood is blood, we are fiercely loyal.

Let me put it this way: I’ve bailed two of them out of financial jams, in 1989 and 1997. I would no longer do that. They’ve got kids with good careers.

When inevitably they get sick I’ll be there as often as I can. I’m lucky - we had a good childhood. Our parents divorced before we became adults but we were kind and supportive to one another.

When we were younger we championed and encouraged and cheered one another. Your win is my win. If you’re hurting, I’m hurting.

Different dynamic now,