Family comes for a visit... (1 Viewer)

[McGarnicle]

Curious to read your thoughts on this.

You have family coming to visit from out of state. For sake of argument, forget if it's your family or your spouse's family. Forget if you like them or find them intensely annoying. The question is what length of time is acceptable and at what point is it a rude imposition?

Let's say it's one or two people. A sibling, maybe with a significant other, maybe flying solo. Assume space in your home isn't an issue (they sleep in a spare bedroom).

 

[fred_1_15301]

30 minutes

 

[McGarnicle]

Sorry, poll disappeared. It's back up now.

 

[fantasycurse42]

Im between a long weekend and a week... A week tops. I stayed at my brothers over the holidays with the wife and kid, spare room, extra bathroom, room wasn't an issue - We stayed for a long weekend, anything longer and I would've felt like we were intruding.

 

[SWC]

i do not know how you can answer this without saying if you like them or not i have some relatives they could stay for as long as they needed and some i would say nope do not have a room at the in so that is where i am at bromigo i do not think there is a hard rule take that to the bank

 

[McGarnicle]

i do not know how you can answer this without saying if you like them or not i have some relatives they could stay for as long as they needed and some i would say nope do not have a room at the in so that is where i am at bromigo i do not think there is a hard rule take that to the bank

Okay, let's assume it's your bat#### loony tunes nutbag SIL whose voice grates on your nerves worse than any sound you've ever heard. Let's say she has zero filter, and has loud phone conversations so you can hear all her stupid drama. Let's say her husband's name is Mark and she insists on referring to him as "Marky Poo" and gushes about what a "love muffin" he is, but you know he's a fat unemployed tub of #### who leeches off this woman and she lacks the self respect to divorce his worthless ###?It's day 16, with 8 ####### days to go. I want to puncture my eardrums with a cocktail fork. I should have added a poll question about murder-suicide.

 

[NutterButter]

Luckily for us, we only have 3 bedrooms with 2 kids. They want to visit, there's 2 hotels right down the street.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

-Abraham Lincoln

 

[gmbacm]

i do not know how you can answer this without saying if you like them or not i have some relatives they could stay for as long as they needed and some i would say nope do not have a room at the in so that is where i am at bromigo i do not think there is a hard rule take that to the bank

Okay, let's assume it's your bat#### loony tunes nutbag SIL whose voice grates on your nerves worse than any sound you've ever heard. Let's say she has zero filter, and has loud phone conversations so you can hear all her stupid drama. Let's say her husband's name is Mark and she insists on referring to him as "Marky Poo" and gushes about what a "love muffin" he is, but you know he's a fat unemployed tub of #### who leeches off this woman and she lacks the self respect to divorce his worthless ###?It's day 16, with 8 ####### days to go. I want to puncture my eardrums with a cocktail fork. I should have added a poll question about murder-suicide.

Leave this thread open on laptop where she will see it.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Also

 

[pollardsvision]

Also

Yep. Wrigley set the bar fairly high for going down this road.

 

[sho nuff]

A week is fine.

I think there is a way not to be rude and explain how a 2-3 week visit is a bit intrusive.

 

[dutch]

My wife's mother and brother stayed at our place for 4 months this past summer while she recovered from hip surgery. It sucked. Real bad. I wanted to kill someone. I wanted to shoot myself. I ran away any chance I could. My wife and MIL nearly killed each other.

When it came time to take them to the airport there were copious tears and lots of thank yous and gonna miss yous from both women. Me and BIL smiled and shook our head at the whole scene. What are ya gonna do? It's family.

eta: We live in a small, very small, two bedroom apt.

 

[McGarnicle]

Also

Yep. Wrigley set the bar fairly high for going down this road.

It's not good.

 

[ghostguy123]

All those things you said to forget are the main determining factors here.

If my dad flew into town with his wife and stayed, I would WANT then to stay as long as possible. They cook, clean, are fun, and generally always good to have around.

If it's my wife's mom, I will tell my wife I am staying someone else until she leaves.

 

[BobbyLayne]

I've lived in Manhattan in 16 years. Everyone wants to visit. No problem, but if you're staying, it's a three night limit. The only exception I've ever made is for mom (R.I.P.) Sisters, brother, nieces/nephews, best friend of 40+ years - the rule is three nights. Love ya, love seeing ya, get a ####### hotel room, AirBNB, whatever -that's not my problem. Don't try to make your problem my problem.

A lot of people (family) have gotten pissed off about that. Guess what - they get over it.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Last summer I rented a beach house (w/ a small 2nd cottage), and let my sisters and niece/kids stay for one week. That was different, it wasn't my place, we were all on vacation.

But there's no way I'm gonna ever let people I love be an imposition. It's better for EVERYONE.

 

[McGarnicle]

I begged my wife to talk to the sister about shortening the visit. She couldn't do it. Ironically after just the first weekend, she acknowledged that her sister is the most annoying person on the planet. Now we're into the third week and the fake niceness isn't working anymore and there's palpable tension. Just sucks, but it's only another week.

 

[BobbyLayne]

I begged my wife to talk to the sister about shortening the visit. She couldn't do it. Ironically after just the first weekend, she acknowledged that her sister is the most annoying person on the planet. Now we're into the third week and the fake niceness isn't working anymore and there's palpable tension. Just sucks, but it's only another week.

So this is just a PSA.

FBGs - do not do this. Ever.

 

[McGarnicle]

I'm surprised 9 people say it's rude to ask for a shorter visit. Your most annoying family member wants to visit for almost a month and you don't say anything?

 

[FreeBaGeL]

I begged my wife to talk to the sister about shortening the visit. She couldn't do it. Ironically after just the first weekend, she acknowledged that her sister is the most annoying person on the planet. Now we're into the third week and the fake niceness isn't working anymore and there's palpable tension. Just sucks, but it's only another week.

Two siblings should be able to tell each other that 3 weeks is an imposition without thinking they're implying that they hate them.

I dunno, maybe it's different for women.

Scratch that. I'm sure it's different for women.

Women.

 

[Rick James]

If the SIL is really that bad I would park myself at the local bar every night until she's gone. And tell the wife exactly what I'm doing so she doesn't pull this stunt again.

 

[saintfool]

my mom visits me and my son for weeks at a time. she's 70 and lives far away. it's hard to have her around - especially when i work from home usually - all the time but it's what she wants. i can suck up. it's rude to say 3 weeks is too long but you have a right to air your feelings.

 

[ghostguy123]

If the SIL is really that bad I would park myself at the local bar every night until she's gone. And tell the wife exactly what I'm doing so she doesn't pull this stunt again.

This is the correct thought process.

It's sort of like a freebie to do whatever the F you want for a little while, and make damn sure the wife knows exactly what is up.

 

[Frostillicus]

What I like about this thread is how it was tried to be presented in a neutral fashion with no feelings behind it, but by post #6 McG is already in meltdown mode.

 

[ghostguy123]

What I like about this thread is how it was tried to be presented in a neutral fashion with no feelings behind it, but by post #6 McG is already in meltdown mode.

I appreciated that also.

This is obviously a situation where the feelings aspect of it is 99.9999% relevant

 

[McGarnicle]

I needed to vent.

 

[SWC]

i do not know how you can answer this without saying if you like them or not i have some relatives they could stay for as long as they needed and some i would say nope do not have a room at the in so that is where i am at bromigo i do not think there is a hard rule take that to the bank

Okay, let's assume it's your bat#### loony tunes nutbag SIL whose voice grates on your nerves worse than any sound you've ever heard. Let's say she has zero filter, and has loud phone conversations so you can hear all her stupid drama. Let's say her husband's name is Mark and she insists on referring to him as "Marky Poo" and gushes about what a "love muffin" he is, but you know he's a fat unemployed tub of #### who leeches off this woman and she lacks the self respect to divorce his worthless ###?It's day 16, with 8 ####### days to go. I want to puncture my eardrums with a cocktail fork. I should have added a poll question about murder-suicide.

brohan i would give you a beer if i could take that to the bank and best of luck

 

[BigJohn]

That there is a recreational vehicle. Now don't go falling in love with her. We're taking her with us when we leave next month....

 

[dickey moe]

gross

 

[BobbyLayne]

my mom visits me and my son for weeks at a time. she's 70 and lives far away. it's hard to have her around - especially when i work from home usually - all the time but it's what she wants. i can suck up. it's rude to say 3 weeks is too long but you have a right to air your feelings.

No rules for mom. You can never do too much for your mom, that's just the right thing to do.

It's incredible how often sibling dynamics do not change over time. McGarnicle's wife is a doormat to her (probably older) sister. That bull#### didn't start a couple weeks ago.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Set up a small camera in the bathroom (working on not is up to you)

Hide it but badly...she'll probably get creeped out and leave...or maybe you get lucky and get a threesome

 

[Mr. Ected]

Grandparents can stay as long as they'd like. Especially if they aren't close and don't visit much. Siblings much shorter.

 

[chet]

How old are they? Who stays anywhere for 3-weeks? Last time I did that I was 11 and on summer vacation staying with my cousins in Canada because we were living overseas at the time.

 

[FUBAR]

Curious to read your thoughts on this.

You have family coming to visit from out of state. For sake of argument, forget if it's your family or your spouse's family. Forget if you like them or find them intensely annoying. The question is what length of time is acceptable and at what point is it a rude imposition?

Let's say it's one or two people. A sibling, maybe with a significant other, maybe flying solo. Assume space in your home isn't an issue (they sleep in a spare bedroom).

That's a huge part. If they're helping out and we enjoy being around each other, I'd say a month. If they're annoying or just take a lot of extra work, one week is enough.

 

[Kraft...]

i do not know how you can answer this without saying if you like them or not i have some relatives they could stay for as long as they needed and some i would say nope do not have a room at the in so that is where i am at bromigo i do not think there is a hard rule take that to the bank

Okay, let's assume it's your bat#### loony tunes nutbag SIL whose voice grates on your nerves worse than any sound you've ever heard. Let's say she has zero filter, and has loud phone conversations so you can hear all her stupid drama. Let's say her husband's name is Mark and she insists on referring to him as "Marky Poo" and gushes about what a "love muffin" he is, but you know he's a fat unemployed tub of #### who leeches off this woman and she lacks the self respect to divorce his worthless ###?It's day 16, with 8 ####### days to go. I want to puncture my eardrums with a cocktail fork. I should have added a poll question about murder-suicide.

Gaining some major points with the wife here I assume, keep quiet and start planning your trip to Vegas

 

[Ditka Butkus]

Only family that should be allowed to stay longer than a week is your kids.

 

[Bull Dozier]

I've lived in Manhattan in 16 years. Everyone wants to visit. No problem, but if you're staying, it's a three night limit. The only exception I've ever made is for mom (R.I.P.) Sisters, brother, nieces/nephews, best friend of 40+ years - the rule is three nights. Love ya, love seeing ya, get a ####### hotel room, AirBNB, whatever -that's not my problem. Don't try to make your problem my problem.

A lot of people (family) have gotten pissed off about that. Guess what - they get over it.

Now, granted, all of my family lives in town still, and I only visited family as a kid, but I can't imagine this. If I was going to visit family out of town, if I was going to stay more than a few nights, I would think it would be an imposition unless they had a mansion with several spare bedrooms. I'd just get a hotel. The longer the planned stay, the bigger the imposition. The shorter the stay, the easier it is to get a hotel. Both short and long stays lead me to think just getting a hotel is the right route.

Who has three weeks off where they can travel and want to spend it all with family?

 

[TheIronSheik]

I think it depends on your family. I can say that I'd welcome any of my family members for an unlimited time. But if someone said they couldn't stand having their family there for more than a weekend, I couldn't blame them because I don't know how tight their family is.

 

[fantasycurse42]

Maybe you could something accidentally to get them very uncomfortable and shorten the stay.

May I suggest getting caught masterbating or propositioning the fat waste husband for gay sechs?

That should speed up the departure.

 

[BobbyLayne]

I think it depends on your family. I can say that I'd welcome any of my family members for an unlimited time. But if someone said they couldn't stand having their family there for more than a weekend, I couldn't blame them because I don't know how tight their family is.

Theoretically?

I should add at an earlier time (late 80s / early 90s) I bailed my two oldest siblings out of a couple jams they got themselves into. I was single and they were irresponsible. Paid for my brother's UHaul and travel expenses to move back from Colorado after he bottomed out. Couple years earlier I helped my sister (divorced mom of 5) get out from under a mountain of debt. Never got paid back from either, and never will. They also knew not to ask me for any more favors. We get along just fine, but that was enough bull#### for one lifetime. To their credit they got their #### together after that.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

I needed to vent.

http://cache3.asset-cache.net/gc/130135209-two-vents-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=yPl5Qv4x4VUT6FLsmjK3agOMtpXVgbS5AJSqot%2BTPNReQIqNQuj%2FI0wQdSVN1V1J

 

[Buttonhook]

My wife cuts me off when we have family staying in the house. So 3 days max.

 

[TheIronSheik]

I think it depends on your family. I can say that I'd welcome any of my family members for an unlimited time. But if someone said they couldn't stand having their family there for more than a weekend, I couldn't blame them because I don't know how tight their family is.

Theoretically?

I should add at an earlier time (late 80s / early 90s) I bailed my two oldest siblings out of a couple jams they got themselves into. I was single and they were irresponsible. Paid for my brother's UHaul and travel expenses to move back from Colorado after he bottomed out. Couple years earlier I helped my sister (divorced mom of 5) get out from under a mountain of debt. Never got paid back from either, and never will. They also knew not to ask me for any more favors. We get along just fine, but that was enough bull#### for one lifetime. To their credit they got their #### together after that.

This is why I say it depends on your family.

 

[BobbyLayne]

I think it depends on your family. I can say that I'd welcome any of my family members for an unlimited time. But if someone said they couldn't stand having their family there for more than a weekend, I couldn't blame them because I don't know how tight their family is.

Theoretically?

I should add at an earlier time (late 80s / early 90s) I bailed my two oldest siblings out of a couple jams they got themselves into. I was single and they were irresponsible. Paid for my brother's UHaul and travel expenses to move back from Colorado after he bottomed out. Couple years earlier I helped my sister (divorced mom of 5) get out from under a mountain of debt. Never got paid back from either, and never will. They also knew not to ask me for any more favors. We get along just fine, but that was enough bull#### for one lifetime. To their credit they got their #### together after that.

This is why I say it depends on your family.

So your statement about unlimited time is still a theory and you've never had to test it?

 

[Tackling Dummies]

5 days max.

 

[Zow]

Im between a long weekend and a week... A week tops. I stayed at my brothers over the holidays with the wife and kid, spare room, extra bathroom, room wasn't an issue - We stayed for a long weekend, anything longer and I would've felt like we were intruding.

Exactly. Long weekends to me are ideal, but anything up to a week is fine and totally acceptable. That's with a spare bedroom. Heck my wife and I have our own room at my in-laws because we stay there probably once a month. It's incredibly nice of them to essentially keep that room for us but in the three years we've lived 4 hours from them I don't think we stayed longer than four nights and I think both sides are perfectly content with that. When I go home and visit my family I'm usually jumping around enough to see different people that I never really spend more than a couple nights in a row in one place.

If my mom called and said she wanted to come stay for three weeks I'd laugh at her.

 

[TheIronSheik]

I think it depends on your family. I can say that I'd welcome any of my family members for an unlimited time. But if someone said they couldn't stand having their family there for more than a weekend, I couldn't blame them because I don't know how tight their family is.

Theoretically?

I should add at an earlier time (late 80s / early 90s) I bailed my two oldest siblings out of a couple jams they got themselves into. I was single and they were irresponsible. Paid for my brother's UHaul and travel expenses to move back from Colorado after he bottomed out. Couple years earlier I helped my sister (divorced mom of 5) get out from under a mountain of debt. Never got paid back from either, and never will. They also knew not to ask me for any more favors. We get along just fine, but that was enough bull#### for one lifetime. To their credit they got their #### together after that.

This is why I say it depends on your family.

So your statement about unlimited time is still a theory and you've never had to test it?

This past summer, my parents stayed with us for 3 weeks. My brother and his wife have stayed with us for 2 weeks plenty of times. My fiances brother and wife stayed with us for 6 weeks when they were waiting on their house to be finished. At no point did I wish any of them would leave. I've said in the past, family is very important to me. I would do anything for them. But they are good people.

 

[BroadwayG]

24 hours

 

[Zow]

I've lived in Manhattan in 16 years. Everyone wants to visit. No problem, but if you're staying, it's a three night limit. The only exception I've ever made is for mom (R.I.P.) Sisters, brother, nieces/nephews, best friend of 40+ years - the rule is three nights. Love ya, love seeing ya, get a ####### hotel room, AirBNB, whatever -that's not my problem. Don't try to make your problem my problem.

A lot of people (family) have gotten pissed off about that. Guess what - they get over it.

Now, granted, all of my family lives in town still, and I only visited family as a kid, but I can't imagine this. If I was going to visit family out of town, if I was going to stay more than a few nights, I would think it would be an imposition unless they had a mansion with several spare bedrooms. I'd just get a hotel. The longer the planned stay, the bigger the imposition. The shorter the stay, the easier it is to get a hotel. Both short and long stays lead me to think just getting a hotel is the right route.

Who has three weeks off where they can travel and want to spend it all with family?

Teachers?