Family Contracts (1 Viewer)

[Mr. Ected]

We are in the process of starting a 'Family Contract' with our children. A family contract is basically a set of rules/tasks for each child, that the child receives points each day for the quality by which they accomplished the tasks and/or followed the rules. The points determine a 'level' that the child is on; the levels are varied 'rewards' which can be things like increased time on electronics or playtime with friends, changes in bedtimes, etc. The more points, the higher the level, the greater the rewards. Simple.

Our need for a system of this nature stems from some anger/attitude issues that one of our children is going through. We believe that the issues stem from wide variations in blood sugar levels due to poor eating habits. The idea was suggested to us by a therapist, once we determined that the issues my son was having were not physical, by taking him to several doctors.

Our hope is that by better coordinating his daily routines, his other issues will diminish.

We have two other children (one older and one younger) and will be 'contracting' with them as well, since they have some growing up to do as well, and it's just easier to do it for everyone.

We started to introduce the 'program' today, and are taking baby-steps with the program and our kids. Just implementing nightly rules and will enlarge the program over the next couple weeks.

Has anyone else ever heard of this or even done it themselves?

 

[Binky The Doormat]

Great idea and I think it can work for some families. We have tried with our son and it worked about as well as the "Just Say No" program.

Keep us up with it, seriously - best of luck. It would be good to hear what is working and what needs adjusting.

 

[Zegras11]

Great idea and I think it can work for some families. We have tried with our son and it worked about as well as the "Just Say No" program.

Keep us up with it, seriously - best of luck. It would be good to hear what is working and what needs adjusting.

When each of my three kids turned 7, I sat them down and said...

1) Someone is going to offer you drugs. If they do this, come straight to me and I'll report it to the school and/or authorities. All you need to do is say no thanks and walk away immediately and talk to me. Even during school hours.

2) If you turn 18 and you are not on drugs, I'll give you $1000.

It worked.

 

[Mr. Ected]

Great idea and I think it can work for some families. We have tried with our son and it worked about as well as the "Just Say No" program.

Keep us up with it, seriously - best of luck. It would be good to hear what is working and what needs adjusting.

When each of my three kids turned 7, I sat them down and said...

1) Someone is going to offer you drugs. If they do this, come straight to me and I'll report it to the school and/or authorities. All you need to do is say no thanks and walk away immediately and talk to me. Even during school hours.

2) If you turn 18 and you are not on drugs, I'll give you $1000.

It worked.

We are not at the "Drugs and Alcohol" stage yet, my kids are 11,10, and 7. What we are trying to 'train' them a little to help with the middle guy getting angry and the little girl walking around with the iPod strapped to her head; things like that. Some of the underlying issues may be related to a little bit of lax parenting, and we are trying to correct that too.

 

[Zegras11]

Great idea and I think it can work for some families. We have tried with our son and it worked about as well as the "Just Say No" program.

Keep us up with it, seriously - best of luck. It would be good to hear what is working and what needs adjusting.

When each of my three kids turned 7, I sat them down and said...

1) Someone is going to offer you drugs. If they do this, come straight to me and I'll report it to the school and/or authorities. All you need to do is say no thanks and walk away immediately and talk to me. Even during school hours.

2) If you turn 18 and you are not on drugs, I'll give you $1000.

It worked.

We are not at the "Drugs and Alcohol" stage yet, my kids are 11,10, and 7. What we are trying to 'train' them a little to help with the middle guy getting angry and the little girl walking around with the iPod strapped to her head; things like that. Some of the underlying issues may be related to a little bit of lax parenting, and we are trying to correct that too.

I've heard this does quite well if you stick to it. Good Luck.

Gets parents out of the lecturing mode and put the responsibility on the child for his own actions.

 

[jamny]

So glad I never had kids.

eta: why not fix the poor eating habits?

 

[Zegras11]

So glad I never had kids.

I recently found out I'm going to be a grandpa for the first time

 

[Foosball God]

It is only going to work as well as you and your wife make it work. If either of you let things slide, or don't take the point/level thing seriously the kids won't either.

 

[Mr. Ected]

So glad I never had kids.

eta: why not fix the poor eating habits?

I appreciate the thought, but there is more to it than just the eating. He still has fits of anger when he has had three good meals. We are working on bed times, wake-up times, limiting electronics, homework, outdoor playing, etc. Little pieces...

 

[Judge Smails]

ahhh.. Middle child syndrome. Good times.

 

[Mr. Ected]

ahhh.. Middle child syndrome. Good times.

Hmmm...I sense some experience with this issue.

The interesting thing is the oldest is the one that is freaking out about it the most. Angry-boy just said don't like it and left for the basement. (We didn't push, something else came up, so we will work more later) The oldest totally freaked out (his second event, he saw my wife working on it, and only saw the column describing the lowest of rewards and thought we were going to prevent him from playing with his friends forever) and curled up in a ball and cried for a half hour.

Once I let him calm down some and explained it too him a little he has taken it better. He also has some questions with the differences of the levels; I told him to write them down and his mother and I would look into them.

 

[Judge Smails]

Oldest boy wants to control. Angry boy happens to be middle child. No surprise. Classic birth order stuff. Middle one always feels they are getting short shrift even if they aren't. If middle one is close enough in age they fight with both oldest and youngest. Parents do seem to treat oldest and youngest different than middle child, whether they think they do or not. Comes with the territory.

 

[mr roboto]

Interesting

 

[joker]

Oldest boy wants to control. Angry boy happens to be middle child. No surprise. Classic birth order stuff. Middle one always feels they are getting short shrift even if they aren't. If middle one is close eresisted"annough in age they fight with both oldest and youngest. Parents do seem to treat oldest and youngest different than middle child, whether they think they do or not. Comes with the territory.

Ding ding ding, we have a winner! I have that exact position, everyone separated by two years. The middle one always feels like she's getting the shaft and had by far the most drama, and she has it wayyy better than the oldest, as the oldest broke a lot of ground for her and "readjusted" some of the views we had in our approach to parenting the first time around.

 

[ChiefD]

So glad I never had kids.

eta: why not fix the poor eating habits?

I appreciate the thought, but there is more to it than just the eating. He still has fits of anger when he has had three good meals. We are working on bed times, wake-up times, limiting electronics, homework, outdoor playing, etc. Little pieces...

You mentioned electronics several times. One thing I noticed with my 8 year old is that ever since we loaded Minecraft on the IPad, he would get angry, and mean, to his brother and sister. We would take away the game for a weekend, and he would be great. Back on the game, and he would be back to being a little turd.

Finally took away Minecraft completely, and he's been a ton better ever since.

Now, I'm not saying that particular game is the issue. It could be any game really that they are really into.

All I know is, for him at least, there is a direct correlation to that particular game. Ad my wife and I have always been strict about limited time on electronics.

Just a thought.